I just had to write this. I just did okay! Takes place and is during parts they never showed us where I filled in Season 10 episode 11- Smut.

"No, you can't. You should know that better than anyone."

I was angry at myself for saying that to Olivia. I shouldn't have. At the time, I didn't know the details or really anything about what happened in Sealview besides the obvious things I picked up which was Harris attacked her. But I found out today.

Laurel walked right past me as I was sitting at my desk. She was walking with fury in her steps but I thought nothing of it considering she wasn't coming to me for whatever she needed.

"Detective Benson," she said to Olivia. Olivia turned around normally after she finished pouring her coffee. And suddenly I heard a loud, echoing slap ripple across Olivia's cheek and before I knew it I was running up to her as she held her face.

"You're going to make me go through this again?"

I heard the pain in Laurel's voice.

"It was my duty to turn those photos over," Olivia said quietly.

"I thought your duty was to protect victims like me!" Laurel cried.

"Believe me Laurel, the last thing I want to do, is to hurt your case," Olivia answered.

"You made me remember!" she said. From behind it looked as though she was crying, judging by her body movement, "Relive that awful night and now for the rest of my life I will never get those horrible images out of my head!"

Laurel leave Olivia alone.

"W-" Olivia began to speak but the blonde interrupted.

"And I won't testify again," Laurel choked through tears. I watched her storm out of the precinct. Then I looked at Olivia. She looked as though she was using every bone in her body not to cry. She doesn't like to cry in front of people. Especially me.

"You okay?" I asked her.

She took a moment to breathe and sigh.

"No."

It was one of the most defeated and weak words I've ever heard from Olivia Benson and I've been her partner for eleven years. She walked away with this agonizing look on her face and headed towards interrogation room three. Someone was interrogating someone in the first room, and I guess she just didn't want to go to the second. I watched her walked inside and close the door and sink down onto the ground.

I'm not really an emotional person. I don't like to really, open up to people. I like to be unreadable.

But Olivia is different. Everything is different with her. She is the exception to every rule I have.

So I walked towards the room and walked right in. Classy, I know.

"El!" she snapped, startled. She quickly wiped her hands across her face. Her mascara was messy and dripping.

"I want to be alone please," she demanded.

"No way," I answered calmly, "Liv."

She looked up at me, her eyes watering.

"I just, this case! It has me in a rut because everything about Laurel's feelings right now are just so-"

She stopped when she realized what she was giving away.

"Liv," I said, "What happened in the basement of Sealview?" I asked. Olivia bit her lip, hard.

"El, nothing happened okay! I'm fine! Why do you think something so important happened that you need to know everything? Why?" she screeched. I didn't flinch.

"I'm your partner. Whatever happened to you has affected your performance throughout this whole case!" I yelled back.

She closed her eyes and led herself into a fit of quiet, sad sobs.

"It's just- you'll never look at me the same way, I mean, I just thought it wouldn't happen," she murmured.

"What? What wouldn't happen?" I questioned.

"Being sexually assaulted," she mumbled. My eyed widened.

"Liv. Did that son of a bitch rape you?" I asked straight up. She looked up at me and bit her lip once again while tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Almost," she sputtered, before breathing in heavily and shivering. I opened my arms for an awkward embrace. I really only hug Liv under some sort of condition, but now seemed like an appropriate time, I think. Well, yeah. It's totally platonic...

"I was sort of the cause of an outbreak within the inmates, and he said he was taking me somewhere for I guess, a punishment. But by the time I realized we were going the wrong way...it was too late," she said.

"I was handcuffed and we were down in the basement where no one could hear us or help me. When I saw the mattress my heart picked up and I knew something bad was going to happen. He grabbed my face and told me he wanted what every guy wants, and he threw me onto the mattress," she whispered. I held her and stroked her soft brown locks in some action that I could not complete because I stopped stroking.

"He pushed me up against the wall and started violating me all over my body through my clothes. The second he unlocked the handcuffs I punched him twice and sprinted, anywhere pretty much. But the whole basement was locked, I had no way out, I just had to try and hide it out."

I wanted to march right into Harris' cell and beat the crap out of this little piece of shit. The thought of anyone doing that to my Olivia is absolutely sickening. Not my Olivia I mean, but you know, I just- mm.

"He searched around the basement with his flashlight, threatening to kill me or let it be his way. I hid pretty sufficiently but he did find me, and I surrendered." Olivia sighed in defeat and teardrops dripped from her eyelids.

"I'm weak El. I'm not fit to be here with people like you," she said with a crack in her precious voice.

"Liv, you cannot blame yourself for this. You are fit to be here. I'd be dead without you," I admitted.

"I stood up with my hands in the air, and before I knew it he used his stick weapon to hit me in the backs of knees and in my stomach. I screamed out in pain and elbowed the dick in his dick," she said. I smiled slightly at her wording.

"I dashed up and went to the nearest light, by a locked door. I shook on it and yelled and yelled but it was no use. He came over and slapped me hard across the face and fell in absolute terror," she trembled. I was fuming. I can't believe I wasn't there to save her! Dumbass Fin! I needed to me there, me!

"Harris pulled that...thing out of his boxers and said, 'bite me and your dead'. I knew I should close my mouth because it would be the only defense but I just cried and cried with this vile, defeated grunt coming out of my mouth," she continued.

"It was less than a millimeter away from me but suddenly I heard Fin's voice and I saw him too. He rescued me, and the look on Harris' face when he found out I was a cop was priceless, but still," she concluded, "I really thought that's where my luck was going to run out."

I inhaled deeply as I took in what Olivia had just told me. I tightened our hug as she cried softly on my shoulder. She seemed so broken by all of this. My poor, poor Olivia.

"Liv, we'll get through this together," I whispered.

"Together," she replied.

I love her. But that is something for another time.