I do not own any of the characters involved in the story or the song my the Veronica's.
song lyrics are in italics
Flashbacks are in bold
"So guys has anyone prepared a song for today?" Shue bounces in as he always does. Him and his gel infested hair. Eugh he makes me sick. The only reason I'm here is because Britt gave me those puppy dog eyes and like Santana I can't say no to her, even with our 'careless' personalities
So I'm sitting here, head down bouncing my dr martens off the chair. Trying so hard not to let my mind drift to the last time I was here. I try so hard not to look at her but my eyes travel straight to her. I've always been drawn to her ever since I first laid eyes on her. She's different though, withdrawn, quiet and it's all my fault. I broke a star, her light has gone out, dulled from a raging fire to a meek Amber. I broke her heart like I do to anyone I get close to.
"Come on guys! Someone has to have something for me. I gave you the assignment last week and only kurt, Blaine, Santana and Brit have performed. Someone? Anyone?" I don't even bother to look at him, I mean I quit this merry band of misfits. I'm not the same person I was. Neither is she; I broke her.
"Ru Paul, you must have something. Just sing so Brit and I can get our Mack on" Santana hisses at Rachel's back. I have to hold back my anger at her words. No one knows about us. Ha us? There is no us anymore. I made sure of that.
"Rachel? Do you have something prepared?" Shue asks exasperated. She just sighs. All eyes are on her. I can see how her back rises taking in a deep breath, I can imagine her plastering on her smile that should light up the room. It would have if it were real.
"Yes, I guess I do. Erm... Brad if I could please use the piano" she asks rising from her chair. As she sits on the piano stool, her eyes bounce around the room, they find me. She smiles the smallest of smiles. The smile reserved for when she's trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall and my heart shatters. I recognise the song straight away. I want to run but I'm glued to my chair. The guilt of ruining her holding me down like an anchor.
Job well done Standing ovation Yeah you got what you wanted I guess you won And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do Even I could've told you But now we're done
I don't know how we got to this point. Well I do. I fucked up. I ruined the only good thing in my life; her. My mind can't help but flash back to all the times I ordered slushys to be thrown at her. All the times I called her horrible names. All the times she smiled at me through her tear stained eyes because of how horrible I was to her. That was all before. Before Beth. Before getting kicked out by my parents. Before she helped me. Before I realised how much I cared for her.
'Cause you play me like a symphony Play me till your fingers bleed I'm your greatest masterpiece You ruin me
She found me one evening in the choir room strumming on one of the guitars kept here. I wasn't meaning to play any song. I just didn't want to go home. Home, it wasn't my home. Home went from being with my mother and father to staying in pucks basement on a pull out bed. I didn't even hear the door open. The choir room became everyone's sanctuary at one time or another; kurt when karofsky and azimio Was bullying him. Santana and Britt when they were trying to work out what exactly their sleeping with each other meant. Finn when he thought he was going to be a dad to my baby. Puck when
he realised he was going to be dad. Mercedes when she joined the Cheerios and she was called fat. Rachel through every part of hell we put her through. And now me. I didn't mean to start playing any particular song but She started singing, God her voice is just so relaxing. I often wondered how such a big voice could come from such a little person. Once the song was ended I looked up at her with tear stained eyes and she just smiled at me. I didn't mean to break down, especially in front of her. "Quinn... I know we've certainly had our differences but I want you to know that I, well I care for you. I'm here for you.." She trailed off. It wasn't the first time she offered but it was the first time I took heed. When she realised I wasn't going to tell her to go away she took a tentative step closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. As hard as I tried to stop the tears from falling, it didn't work. I was so tired of, well everything.
Later when the curtains drawn And no one's there for you back home
Don't cry to me you played me wrong You ruin me
She was there for me for everything, when Mrs Puckerman decided it was best for me to leave she offered me the spare bedroom in her house. I had been spending more and more time over at her house, the first meeting her dads had been awkward but they quickly took to me. Starting to treat me as one of their own. As much as we had grown closer over the last month I couldn't take her up on the offer. Not after everything I put her through over her high school years. She had on so many occasions told me she forgave me but I couldn't help the guilt I held for everything. So with the savings I had left, she helped me find somewhere to live by myself. On the first night as I lay in bed I couldn't help but miss her company. I just lay in bed wide awake, my mind sifting through all the nights we fell asleep on her bed watching old movies, all the nights she held me as I cried over what I was going to do with Beth, all the nights we would laugh till tears ran down our faces. I never had a proper friend before I mean sure I was popular but I never had someone I could confide in; Santana was more a frenenemie and Britt bless her soul could not keep a secret to save her life.
I looked over at the bedside sighing when I realised it was gone 2am. These thoughts were just infiltrating my every being but I needed sleep, not just for me but for Beth. Just as I went to get resettled my phone started ringing Rachel's personalised ring tone. "Hey rach, is everything okay?" I asked after clearing my throat. "Forgive me Quinn, I know just how important sleep is for the body especially when you are carrying a baby but even though I went to bed at an adequate time, factoring in my night regime of skin products as well as considering the time that... " I honestly didn't mean to laugh but I didn't realise just how much I missed her in the few hours that we were apart "I'm sorry rach I didn't mean to laugh honestly. I wasn't asleep so don't worry about it what's up?" "Well I um, I just realised that it's the first night we haven't talked or been together at night and I guess well iguessijustmissedyou" those butterfly's were reeking havoc in my stomach at her confession. "I er I missed you too rach" I could hear the smile in her voice as she asked "oh good. Do you think we could stay on the phone then? Just until we fall asleep" "yeah sure" as I start to drift off I could hear her breath even out. My brain too exhausted to worry about what all this meant.
I know you thought
That I wouldn't notice
You were acting so strange
I'm no that dumb
And in the end I hope she was worth it
It all changed one day. We went from being best friends to something more. At first it was just quick glances, I would catch myself looking at her lips as she spoke. Then it evolved into dreams, dreams that would make me wake up blushing and unable to look her in the eye for hours. How did this happen? How did I fall for my once enemy? it all got too much for me to hide and I broke down to her. I spilt my feeling for her to see and she smiled at me. She took my hand and told me that she felt the same. And God when she kissed me, my legs almost gave way. Nothing ever felt so good, kissing puck or Finn didn't even come close. For those two months everything was perfect. We had decided it best not tell anyone at school including the gleeks because of the splash back that might happen to us both, being pregnant I was not in a place that I could protect us from our class mates. We were taking our time with each other and it was amazing. She was so patient and understanding with me and my pregnancy hormones. She loved me, baby bump and all. She would drive over to my apartment at two in the morning just to deliver my bacon icecream that my body craved, she would console me as I cried about how fat I had gotten she was my rock and I loved her with all my being.
When Beth came into this world my life changed, I closed myself off. This life I brought into the world had to go away. I cried for days, Rachel tried her best to console me but nothing worked. Days turned into months and I just pushed her further and further away. She would call text email im everything and I just ignored her. My little apartment that had been home was trashed, my hair got cut off in a fit of anger, alcohol filled nights led to countless piercings and countless 'conquests'. I did everything I could to distract me from the pain of my baby being gone.
The door of my flat banged early one morning waking my from my drunken sex filled slumber. Knowing the I had lapsed on this months payment of rent I just ignored it figuring it was my landlord. All of a sudden I see her standing at the end of my head holding back the tears at the sight of me naked in bed with someone else. She didn't scream or shout and I couldn't move. I could see her chest heaving, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to fall from her mouth. She didn't move, I was paralysed. She looked me in the eyes and I could see her heart break, "I... " I didn't know what to say I pulled my tip on from the floor and went to walk towards her. I think that's what broke her out of shock, and she darted out of the room slamming to door shut behind her. What had I done?!
I don't care if you loved me, you make me numb
'Cause you play me like a symphony Play me till your fingers bleed I'm your greatest masterpiece You ruin me
Play me when the card's drawn And no one's there for you back home Don't cry to me you played me wrong You ruin me
We're that song you wouldn't sing Just a broken melody You're killing me
You play me like a symphony Play me till your fingers bleed I'm your greatest masterpiece You ruin me And later when the curtains drawn And no one's there for you back home Don't cry to me you played me wrong
You ruin me
Her voice drifts off, I can see the tears falling and I can't stop myself from getting up, following her as she quickly excuses herself. Totally ignoring all the inquisitive glances we were getting from our team mates. As I walk out the door I hear Santana's voice "what the fuck was that?!"