"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"MAKE ME!"

CRASH

"Dear Jashin, they're at it again." Hidan rubbed his temples as he sipped his coffee.

"Danna, how long do you think this one'll last, un?" Deidara asked Sasori.

"No clue."

Kisame sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Wonder what it's about this time."

"Who cares?" Kakuzu bluntly stated. "Time wasted arguing is always a waste of money, never mind what the argument is about." Another crashed resonated throughout the base, and all the members sighed.

Out of all the couples in the Akatsuki, Pein and Konan definitely had the worst fights.

"But what can we do about it, un?" Itachi looked around. "It seems like they fight whenever they're stressed. A night out may be good for them." The group stared at the nearly perpetually silent Uchiha, who merely continued to sip his coffee. "You know, the bastard's got a point," Hidan finally said.

"Indeed. What say we let those guys have a night on the town?" Sasori asked.

"It's not in the budget," Kakuzu began, but a loud crash cut him off. "However, considering how much their fighting is costing us, I'll make an exception."

"You're what?" Konan and Pein asked, staring at the group.

"We're letting you guys have a night out!" Tobi cried enthusiastically, pouncing up and down.

"Kakuzu, is this true?" Pein asked suspiciously.

"As much as it pains me to say so, yes." Konan looked at the eight ninja in front of her. "Give us one good reason to go through with this."

"We believe that for the sake of the Akatsuki, you two need to just take a chance to go out and relax," Sasori explained.

"And in case you refuse, we changed all the locks and aren't letting you back inside until you're relaxed, un!"

SLAM

Konan and Pein stared at the door to the Akatsuki base. "Konan…."

"Yes?"

"Did I just get thrown out of my own lair to go on a date with you?"

"Yes."

"Just checking."

"Ok, when the bosses are away, the kids can play, un!" Deidara called out happily.

"Hell yeah!" Hidan called out, punching a fist in the air. "What do we do first, dumbasses?"

"I'm gonna be a good boy and get a horror movie!" Tobi called out, running out of the building.

"I'll start dinner," Itachi said in a bored tone, walking into the kitchen. Kisame followed him, intent on helping. "Hey, has anyone seen Kuzu?" Hidan asked.

"I believe he's in his room, mourning the loss of his money." Hidan gave Sasori a flat look before heading up the stairs. "I'll get him."

"This is pretty nice," Konan said, looking around at the restaurant. Pein had opted to go to a sit-down restaurant, and their table was next to a window. Soft music could be heard in the background, playing quietly over the whispered conversations throughout the room. She turned to look at her boyfriend. "Good choice."

Pein smirked. "Glad you like. Now what sounds good to eat?"

"Not sure," she answered, glancing over the menu. "I wonder how the others are holding up, since I'm usually the one that cooks for them."

"RAAAAAAAAWR!" a large grey/green mess lunged at Sasori, barely missing the puppet. Kisame ran at it with his Samehada, only to have the weapon absorbed by the ever-growing mass. "Danna, help!" Sasori turned and saw that his partner was being swallowed by the great blob. He quickly grabbed his lover's ankles and pulled him out, dragging the dazed blonde to safety.

"Jashin damn you!" Hidan yelled as the thing absorbed his scythe. "GRRRRRRRR!" It turned its attention to eating the Jashinist, failing to notice Deidara's return.

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

Globs of monster covered the room, only to be burnt off by several fireballs, courtesy of Itachi. As soon as they had retrieved their various weapons and calmed down, everyone turned to the weasel. "What the hell did you cook?!" Hidan demanded.

"I just grabbed the stuff in the back of the fridge."

"Wait, the very back?" Kakuzu asked. Itachi nodded. "Itachi, the fridge hasn't been cleaned out in over ten years."

"Well that explains why it attacked us, un." Zetsu shook his head and walked over to the phone. "That's it, I'm getting take-out."

"You enjoying yourself?" Pein asked as the couple walked down the street, hand in hand.

"Actually, yes." Pein smirked. "You say that like you weren't expecting to have a good time." Konan sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I've just been so stressed lately, I didn't expect to unwind so easily." She looked up and gave the leader a peck on the cheek. "What do you suppose the others are doing right now?"

"As long as it doesn't destroy the base, I don't care."

KNOCK KNOCK

"Pizza delivery!"

"He's here!" Sasori called out, Deidara laughing beside him. Itachi sighed as he walked up to the door. "Must I do this?"

"Yes," Kakuzu answered, "Because our budget can't afford to pay for this."

"Alright." Itachi opened the door, and before the pizza guy could even read off the bill-"MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!"-he was on the floor. "Too easy," Itachi muttered, throwing the limp body to Zetsu, who was currently busy munching on the sushi takeout boy. "Ok, everyone hide!" Hidan ordered. "The Chinese takeout guy's due any minute!"

Konan and Pein were stretched out on a hillside, gazing at the stars. "You know something? I can't remember the last time we did something like this." Pein smiled and grabbed Konan, pulling her closer to him. The blue haired ninja responded by curling up against his chest, eyes still glued to the sky. "We should take a break more often."

"Agreed," Pein muttered, kissing the top of his love's head. "Shall we stay out for a while longer?"

"Let's shall."

Tobi had returned with a movie that he believed was a horror film. It turned out to be the most twisted comedy the group had ever seen. "You idiot!" Hidan yelled, hitting Tobi over the head again and again.

"WAAAAH! Tobi's a good boy! It had horror in its name, so I thought it would be scary!" Meanwhile, Itachi and Deidara were trying to figure out how to do a dance they had seen in the movie. "So it's a jump to the left?"

"And a step to the right, un."

"Put your hands on your…hips?"

"And pull your knees in tight, un."

"If you two start the pelvic thrust, I really will go insane," Kisame remarked.

"Let's do the time warp again!" Every turned to Kakuzu, staring incredulously. "What? It's a catchy tune."

"……………………….Ok, who's for watching several hours of Monty Python?" Shouts in favor were heard from everyone.

Konan and Pein knocked on the door several hours later, having finally returned from their date. When no one answered, Pein grabbed the knob and opened the door. "They left the base unlocked," he said, shaking his head.

When the two walked inside, they were met with a sight. Kisame, Sasori, Itachi, and Deidara were all passed out on the couch. Kakuzu was asleep in the armchair with Hidan in his lap, and Zetsu and Tobi were both on the floor. Konan pressed a finger to her lips and Pein nodded, heading for their room. "Those eight are the most psychotic idiots I'll ever know."

"Yes," Konan continued, smiling, "but they're our idiots."