A/N: Luke confronts Jess about hiding Shane in his closet BEFORE Lorelai and Luke go to the high school for career day. Wildly unrealistic non-canon Javajunkie smutty fun. Oneshot.
A New Leash
Jess got up in Luke's face and shouted, "Hey, the girls that I like don't give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke was shocked at Jess' words, even though he'd said similar things before. Jess never held back with biting sarcasm.
"You fixed any neighbor's porches lately? Or you go on a picnic or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?"
"Shut up."
"At least I've got a little self-esteem."
"You ran off to a perfect stranger hoping she'll get jealous. That's childish, not self-esteem."
Jess snarled, "I'm not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn't wanna be with me, then fine."
"You haven't given the girl you like a chance, because YOU haven't told her, you hypocrite. You haven't even tried."
"Whatever. I gotta go, Shane's waiting."
"Oh, you mean what's-her-name?"
"Yeah, I'll bring you a new leash when I get back."
"Get outa here."
Luke paced the floor, burning with adrenaline from the argument with Jess. The cruelty of teenagers was unparalleled, combining a complete lack of self-control with the bitter wit of sanctimonious naïve youth.
Jess' taunts were more painful than Luke wanted to admit, primarily due to the truth at the root of the gibes. Jess didn't understand the conundrum Luke faced. Lorelai and Rory, and now Jess, were Luke's family. He'd lost his family once, first his mother, then Liz running off, then his father. He wasn't prepared to take crazy risks with what he had going for him now. Even Jess, the biggest pain in Luke's ass at the moment, was worth the work, just because he was family.
Or was it time for Luke Danes to take a risk? Luke stomped back and forth in his living room, trying to escape his thoughts and ponder the new idea that had just planted itself in his brain.
He stomped to the sink and poured a fresh glass of water, looking out the window as he drank. Jess and Shane were backed up against the gazebo, necking for all they were worth. Luke knew what Jess was doing. It was the same thing he'd tried when Rachel returned the last time. He threw himself into that relationship at Lorelai's urging, and it felt good for a moment; the afterglow he pretended he felt dissipated faster than the morning mist when he realized he'd woken up again next to a woman he didn't love.
Denial got him through a day or two more as he threw himself into a sexual frenzy, the adult version of Jess' constant makeout sessions with Shane. Rachel was thrilled, turned on, responsive. Luke used all his best moves, everything he could imagine, figuring as long as he satisfied her, it would satisfy him.
Nothing was more unsatisfying for Luke Danes than unbridled sex with the wrong partner. The first time Luke realized he couldn't get aroused without closing his eyes and fantasizing about Lorelai, he pretended it wasn't true, but eventually even that lie collapsed. It became easier to go to Lorelai's house and fix anything he could find to fix than it was to wish Rachel a good morning. In fact it was easier to go to Lorelai's house and break something so he had something to fix the next day than it was to face Rachel's growing awareness of the problem.
Yeah, it didn't matter how much carnal knowledge Jess and Shane had of each other, Jess was still screwed.
So am I, now that Jess got his teeth into my feelings for Lorelai. He'll hang on like a pit bull unless I do something.
A sharp rat-a-tat-tat at the door and her voice calling his name threw Luke into a confused frenzy. Shit! That damn career day!
"What?" he practically shouted as he opened the door.
Lorelai ignored his rudeness, asking only, "Why aren't you dressed yet? We needed to leave like five minutes ago." She walked blithely into his apartment, then turned on one heel, unconsciously giving Luke a fashion show.
Not that flippy skirt again. It might as well have a button on it that flipped his little Lukey switch. He felt pressure building in his groin already.
"You're not gonna wear that, are you, Luke? You have to show a professional image to get the kids' interest. Let's take a look in that closet of yours. Take that flannel off."
Rummaging through the closet, she pulled out a Hawaiian shirt and began mocking him for his Jimmy Buffet fandom, waving the shirt at him and begging him to sing Margaritaville.
"You have NO room to talk," he ranted, stalking over to her and snatching the shirt out of her hands. "Bono wears fruity sunglasses at night and Sting dresses like a pirate." He put his hands on her hips and moved her out of the way so he could choose his own shirt.
Surprised by his forcefulness with her and the electricity that coursed from her hips directly into her center at the touch of his hands, Lorelai stared dumbly at him, unable to find the words to tell him that Sting dressed up as a spaceman, not a pirate.
Just as her thoughts and voice returned, he bent lower in the closet looking for something specific. His flannel had hitched up and that famous ass of his was right there in front of her. She needed only to stretch her fingers and she could lay claim to the whole thing if she wanted to. Correct that, she knew she wanted to, she didn't know if she dared.
Finally Luke raised up, a shirt box in hand. He pulled a new Hawaiian shirt out, threw off his flannel and put the new shirt on. This shirt had a midnight blue, nearly black background that emphasized the blue of his eyes. He brushed his hands down the sleeves, smoothing the folds out and turned his gaze on Lorelai.
"What do you think? I thought I'd be a little daring today," he asked, an unusual glint in his eye.
Her heart raced, but Lorelai recovered enough to quip, "Daring looks good on you. I'd even take you to a U2 concert in that outfit." Starting at the top buttonhole she slowly buttoned the shirt, pressing the fabric against his chest as she made her way down his torso.
"It's only for the sake of the children that I'm doing this," she said huskily, "You'd cause a riot walking in there with an open shirt. You've been hiding some mighty attractive pecs from me, mister."
"Gotta keep up with that flippy skirt," he countered, running his hands down her arms and clasping his fingers behind her back. Daring feels good on me, too.
"You like the flippy skirt?" she wondered aloud, leaving his chest and buttoning the button just below his ribs, her fingers pressing into the softness of his belly. Her touch was like gas poured on an open flame. Luke inhaled sharply, pulling her closer to him.
"Love the flippy skirt," he murmured. "Lorelai, …" he began but didn't continue, not knowing what he wanted to say.
"Save your speeches for the kids," she said, caressing his freshly-shaved cheek with the back of her hand. "I just want to touch you, feel you. I want to know what I'm getting myself into here."
He took her hand in his, opening her palm and placing his lips against her life line, touching the very tip of his tongue to her sensitive skin.
She used her fingertips to explore his face, feeling every feature, delighting in the softness of his long eyelashes, his aquiline nose, his soft hair, curling at the ends. His lips, warm and soft, captured her finger and his teeth held it captive for a moment, scraping gently over the tip.
Lorelai leaned into him, finally feeling the full length of his body against her own. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she slid her fingers into his hair, letting the baby-fine strands slip between her fingers. Unable to wait any longer, he brought his lips in the barest contact with hers, mere fairy touches tickling and arousing her at the same time.
She kissed him first, but his response was so passionate that they soon lost count of whose kiss was first, second or fourteenth. Their hands were everywhere, exploring, seeking the most sensitive places.
"Career Day," Lorelai gasped, "We're late." Not quite as concerned as she should be, she gratefully took advantage of the fact that the Hawaiian shirt wasn't tucked into his pants as she ran her hands over his muscular back.
"I'm quitting," whispered Luke. "Gonna do this all day."
"I'll be your first customer."
He growled his response, "You'll be my only customer. Personal service only."
"You'll go broke with me as your only customer."
"It'll be a hell of a way to go, though. More fun than the arm and leg you're costing me with all the free coffee I give you."
Lorelai stepped out of Luke's arms, her lips pink and throbbing from the fervor of his kisses.
"Seriously, Luke, we need to go."
"Give me one good reason to not blow them off?"
"I worked too hard on my notes to just skip it now." Lorelai pulled her notecards out of her purse, flipping through the first couple. "You're not going to deny me my moment, are you?"
"You won't miss it. I've got a few 'moments' planned for you later. But seriously, you put actual thought into this?"
"Yeah, don't you have notes?"
"Nope. Like I told you, I'm changing careers as of right now. C'mon, let's do some employee training." He tugged at her jacket, trying fruitlessly to pull her closer.
"How about if we do your career development after we've talked to the kids?" wheedled Lorelai.
He finally gave into her pout and followed her out the door. "It better be one on one career counseling," he insisted, "in a private office. And you need to be wearing a sexy boss outfit."
On the way downstairs she turned and flashed her bra at him. "Sexy enough for an hour?" she flirted.
Seated on wooden benches outside the classroom, Luke kept smiling goofily at Lorelai as she earnestly reviewed her notes. He fiddled with the ruffles on the bottom of her skirt, distracting her as his fingers searched for treasures above her knee.
Smacking his hand away, she stood up and moved a short distance away, near the trophy cases.
"Oh my God," she said as she gaped into the trophy case.
"What?" Luke asked, coming up behind her and running his finger along the back of her neck.
She wriggled sexily, again brushing his hand away. "Nothing, nothing at all, Butch."
"For the love of. . .what's that doing there?"
"What's it doing? It's yelling, 'Mock me, mock me!' Oh Butch, just think! I get to kiss that pretty, pretty face. Can I wear your letterman jacket?"
"It shouldn't be there. Don't they need my permission for this? This should be illegal."
"No, those shorts with that tank top should be illegal, or at least kept in the privacy of your bedroom."
"Come back home with me and I'll see if I can find that outfit for you." He pulled her as close as he could, given that they stood outside a classroom of teenagers. "I'll dig out my class ring, and we can put it on a chain around your neck," he growled, running a long slender finger down her front to the spot between her breasts where his heavy class ring would hang, swinging back and forth as she moved, bumping first one, then the other breast.
"We're ready for you guys," said Deb, as she came back into the hallway. "Lorelai, do you want to go first?"
Lorelai went first, middle and last as the kids skewered her over her unrepentant single motherhood. Luke sat in the back of the room and unobtrusively used his pocketknife to scratch the letters "LG+LD" on the back of the seat in front of his, inwardly laughing at Lorelai's discomfiture.
Safely outside the school again, Lorelai ranted, "What was with those kids? So curious, so full of questions. Shouldn't their brains be completely fried on TV and video games by now?"
Luke couldn't repress his laughter any longer.
"It wasn't funny."
"Not from your angle. From mine, it was an evening at the Improv." He put his hand on her waist to pull her closer, then rubbed her back in support.
"I'm not gonna be allowed within a mile of the school ever again."
"On the positive side, you did me a favor. Now I have a pleasant memory from that school – you being nailed like a two by four by a group of sixteen-year-olds."
Debbie and a group of women approached them. They couldn't have been more prepared for a showdown if they'd been wearing holsters and ten-gallon hats.
"Oh no, what's this?" Lorelai lamented.
"Looks like high noon in Stars Hollow. Are you locked and loaded?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. They're not carrying tar and feathers, are they?"
"I gotta get going," he said. "You're coming by later?"
"Absolutely. Let me just take care of these varmints first."
Luke almost felt sorry for the blonde pack of mothers as he returned to the diner. Lorelai was all riled up and he had no doubt that the women would never know what hit them. No one ever crossed Lorelai when it came to Rory and survived.
The diner was full and the crew was backed up, so Luke jumped in to serve and run the cash register without changing first into his safe, comfortable flannel. The Hawaiian shirt attracted the usual rude remarks from Babette and Patty, although thanks to sleeves down to his elbow, they missed the opportunity to rag him about his tattoo.
One new customer, a beautiful bottle blonde, went for broke in the flirting department. After failing to catch his interest with words, she began an unmistakable round of flirty touches: she flipped her hair, patted his shoulder, even dared to make skin on skin contact with a lingering touch on his naked lower arm. Luke smiled politely, if awkwardly in response as he searched for a way to escape.
Lorelai, fresh and energized from her battle with the helmet-headed mothers of Stars Hollow, observed the interaction from outside the diner with narrowed eyes. She jumped over the steps in her hurry to enter the diner and defend her territory. "Poachers everywhere today," she mumbled under her breath.
"Nice hair, honey," she purred to the blonde as she tucked her hand into the crook of Luke's arm. "I'm just going to borrow him for a few minutes, OK?" Her steely expression sent the other woman on her way.
Luke had barely enough time to call out, "Caesar, I'm out!" before Lorelai dragged him behind the curtain.
"Go! Go! Go!" she shooed him up the stairs ahead of her. At the top of the stairs she claimed the prize that she almost took this morning by cupping his ass in her hands and squeezing. Luke grinned even as he squeaked out a weak protest.
"The conquering heroine has returned, I see," Luke observed as Lorelai dropped her things on the sofa and kicked her shoes off. "Have any trouble?"
"There's nothing left of them except greasy spots on the sidewalk and that indestructible hair," she crowed. "Is Jess here?"
"Nope. He won't be back until later. Much later," he added suggestively.
Lorelai needed no suggestions. Still pumping adrenaline from her slice-and-dice of Deb and her friends, she grabbed Luke's Hawaiian shirt and pulled hard at the front. The few buttons that didn't quickly pop out of their buttonholes were ripped off by a second, harder jerk of her hands.
"You didn't like the shirt?" he simpered, unbuttoning her suit jacket with a couple of flicks of his fingers.
"I like it better on the floor," she replied. "Bed," she commanded as she steered him towards his room.
He let himself be led to his bedroom, more from the opportunity to watch her move in the flippy skirt than from any reticence about what was coming next. His little Lukey, already awakened by Lorelai's aggressiveness on the stairs, stood at attention as those ruffles flicked up and down, drawing attention to her shapely legs.
Lorelai shrugged her jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. She splayed her fingers across his gray T-shirt, feeling his heart racing as he let her do what she wanted, even as he ached to grab her and kiss her senseless.
"You made a fool out of me today, Luke Danes," she admonished.
"Me?! I did nothing. That was all you. I just watched and enjoyed the moment."
"When have I ever been at a loss for words? When have kids ever intimidated me?"
"Well, never. You love kids, and if you're awake, your mouth is moving. I bet you even talk in your sleep."
"Exactly my point! It's all your fault. You kissed me until I couldn't think anymore, and when they started asking questions, I couldn't do anything but babble."
"No, no no. You babble all the time, and the making sense part is more like a lucky coincidence, kinda like ten thousand monkeys on typewriters. Sooner or later one of them will produce a Shakespeare play."
"Wrong, so wrong, and we'll talk about that some other time. Today, however, I was too completely distracted to deal with their questions." She tugged at his belt, sliding the end out and pulling the leather away from the prong, then unbuttoning his pants.
She leaned in close to his ear as she pulled his zipper down, whispering, "All I could think about was how wet I was." Luke moaned and involuntarily jerked his hips towards hers.
He grabbed her hips and pulled her even closer, trapping her hands over his groin. He crashed his lips over hers, unable to be passive any longer. She felt his arousal grow, and moved her hips backwards a fraction of an inch as his hands moved up to grasp handfuls of her thick hair.
She slid her hand inside his boxers, grasping his cock firmly, eliciting another groan from Luke as his tongue gained entry to her mouth. She worked him until his tip peeped out over the top of his boxers, at which point she pushed both his jeans and his boxers down around his knees.
"Sit," she breathed, pushing him onto his bed. Kneeling, Lorelai focused first on untying and removing his shoes, then sliding his pants, boxers and socks off in a few swift movements. She placed her hands on the inside of his thighs, just above his knees, feeling the softness of his skin as she slowly made her way north, caressing and kissing each leg in turn.
Pressing him back to lie on the bed, he leaned up on his elbows, watching one of his countless Lorelai dreams come true. She teased his balls with her fingers, squeezing first one, then the other, finally taking them one at a time in her mouth, swirling her tongue around them as Luke closed his eyes and groaned in exquisite agony.
His cock had grown harder than he ever imagined it could without spontaneously ejaculating. When she was finished with his balls, she licked his cock as if it were a giant popsicle about to melt. She circled his tip with her tongue, closing her lips around him just beyond the ridge at the top. Keeping her lips in a tight circle, she popped the ridge in and out of her mouth, occasionally letting her teeth graze his tender skin. Luke writhed on the bed, barely controlling his urge to flip her over and take her his way.
He fell back flat on the bed, feeling his climax building, amazed that he'd been able to hold off this long. "Lorelai," he choked out, "I'm not going to be …"
Removing her mouth from his hardness, she interrupted him, saying, "This one's mine. Next one's yours," then going immediately back to work on him, sucking and stroking him more fiercely than ever.
He needed no more encouragement than that to let go. Watching her move her mouth up and down on his cock was perhaps the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. She went down as far as she could, then sucked as hard as she could while moving upward, and repeated this several times, occasionally looking up at him to see the ecstasy on his face.
He ran his hands through her hair repeatedly, grabbing and gently pulling whole handfuls as the sucking became more intense, caressing and petting each time she released the pressure somewhat.
Repositioning herself between his legs, close to his apex, she continued sucking and relaxing, but additionally ran her palms over his hipbones, up to his chest and back in long, slow strokes, increasing the pressure as she neared his groin. Her own excitement grew as she felt him swell even more and the first drops of moisture appeared on the tip of his cock.
As she slowly and deliberately tasted these drops, their eyes connected. Seeing the desire in her eyes, Luke could hold back no longer, uttering a harsh "Lorelai!" as he began spurting in her mouth, struggling to keep from fucking her face uncontrollably. She sucked hard, lapping up every drop, swallowing, taking everything he had to give.
Emotionally as well as physically spent, Luke pulled her up on the bed beside him. "I think you killed me. God, Lorelai, that was not how I planned this," he said, his voice shaking.
"I wanted to taste you, to make you happy. To show you how I feel," she said. "I fantasized doing this with you for so long that I couldn't pass up the chance when it came."
He stared at her in amazement. "How could you believe that I wouldn't want you? The whole damn town believes it, why couldn't you?"
She looked away from him, tears welling up in her eyes. "Our fight. I thought you still hadn't forgiven me, that we'd have to stay at this 'almost friends' level. We joke, we banter, but we never talk anymore. All summer, after I treated you so badly, I kept dreaming of you. The dreams just kept becoming more and more erotic. I'd wake up panting and so wet I thought I must have climaxed in my sleep."
He tightened his muscular arm around her shoulders. "God, Lorelai, now you really are killing me. I've wanted you so long I can't remember when it started."
"You forgave me after Mimi came to the diner, didn't you? Things got better then, even if they still weren't as they used to be." She rested her head on his shoulder, still shy to face him as she talked about this. She couldn't face another icy 'I'm right here' response from him, not when her feelings had moved from friendship to this deeper passion.
"Lorelai, I forgave you long before Mimi. I couldn't forgive myself until I could bring Jess back to town. I needed to prove to myself that we could coexist, all four of us."
"Now here we are, coexisting. Friends again," she noted, "Maybe more than friends."
"We'll never be just friends again, Lorelai, not after today."
"No," she agreed. "I want more. More than even Luke, my best friend."
He turned onto his side, his gloriously nude body pressed up against Lorelai's clothed one. "Now is a good time for more," he smiled, unbuttoning her blouse. "I want to see what you flashed me on the stairs earlier."
This time Luke insisted on, and Lorelai allowed, playing out some of his fantasies and dreams. They wrestled and played and teased and laughed as they made love, exploring the nooks and crannies of their bodies and their emotions. Each time she peaked, she could see the delight on his face as he conquered her as thoroughly as she conquered the rude helmet-haired moms. When they connected most intimately, they ascended the summit together, eyes locked, reading both their past and the promise of their future.
"Pie," she stated simply as she came out of the bathroom dressed in nothing but the brown and white flannel he'd worn a few days before.
"3.14159," Luke automatically responded from his prone position on the sofa.
"What?" Lorelai asked.
"It's math. Ask your daughter. She knows stuff like that."
"What do you use it for?"
"Circles, I use it sometimes when I'm woodworking," he said.
"Whatever," she said, "I want pie. The other kind."
"I just brought some up. It's here on the coffee table."
Lorelai came to the sofa, picked up the pie and sat on Luke's legs.
"Uff! Hey! Watch out. You're heavy," he complained.
"That's not what you said half an hour ago," she remonstrated. "Half an hour ago, it was all 'Yeah baby, give it to me, give it to me,' and stuff like that."
"I said nothing of the kind, and you know it." Luke turned his thighs so Lorelai's butt fell onto the sofa, her knees flexed over his jeans-clad legs.
"Want some pie? It's delicious." She offered him a bite. "Not too much crust, just a big juicy boysenberry."
He took the bite, adding, "Fresh boysenberries are better. This is too sweet. I'll take you out to the patch sometime where I collect the berries for my pies. You won't believe the taste."
"Can we have sex out there among the boysenberries? Sounds like fun."
"Uh, no, it doesn't. Especially since the patch is right next to a popular hiking path and a park. So no, no sex in the boysenberries."
"Well, when can we have sex again?"
"Seeing as how we both have teenagers living with us and tiny homes, I'm guessing probably the day they graduate and move away." Half-asleep, Luke reached out his hand to rub Lorelai's thigh affectionately.
"That boysenberry patch is looking pretty good after all, I think," Lorelai said, setting the empty plate on the coffee table and licking the fork clean. She looked over at Luke, who had fallen asleep and was snoring softly.
Steps on the stairs alerted them to Jess' impeding arrival. He stopped, said something unintelligible to Shane or Caesar, then continued up the stairs.
Panicked, Lorelai jumped up and looked around. "No time for clothes," she thought wildly. The closest hiding place was a closet a few steps away, so she dashed into it and closed the door just as Jess entered.
"Hey," Jess said, but got no answer. Luke's feet stuck out over the arm of the sofa, so Jess checked to make sure he wasn't dead, then left him alone while he went to the kitchen for a drink and a snack.
It was getting time to leave for his evening shift at Wal-Mart, so he tried to wake Luke to tell him where he was going. Luke's only response was cryptic. "Not in the boysenberry patch, I told you, dammit."
He gave his uncle another stronger shove this time, finally bringing him to consciousness.
"Jess?" he said, bleary-eyed.
"Uh yeah, who were you expecting?"
Luke sat up with a start. He looked around in a panic, but didn't see Lorelai anywhere. On the floor, under the coffee table, her shoes and purse were still there.
"What did you say?" he asked.
"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving for Wal-Mart. My shift starts in half an hour. What about the boysenberry patch, by the way?"
Luke turned red as he stood up, still trying to figure out where Lorelai had gone. "Nothing. I don't know. Must have been a dream."
Luke started walking around the apartment, looking for a sign, trying to look casual and unconcerned.
"Checking for monsters?" asked Jess.
"No." He strolled to the bathroom, looking behind the door and in the shower. She also wasn't on the far side of his bed. Kicking her clothes under his bed, he looked in his closet. Empty.
"It looks crazy. Have you seen my vest?"
"Um, yeah, I hung it in the closet so it wouldn't get wrinkled. Don't want to put that Employee of the Month thing at risk, you know," he jibed.
Jess took the few steps to his closet as Luke realized he hadn't looked there yet.
"Jess, uh, wait, um …" he stumbled over the right words to use while Jess opened the door, still looking at Luke.
"Luke, maybe you need to get some more sleep. You're really losing it. Maybe you should make it an early night."
Luke stood frozen, seeing Lorelai standing there in his flannel, Jess' vest suspended from her finger and a gigantic smile on her face.
Luke finally gave up, crossed his arms and smirked, then waved his hand at Jess. "Ah, go ahead, I'll be alright," he said.
Jess stared at him a moment longer, then turned to the closet.
"Looking for this?" she asked.
Startled, he shrieked like eight-year-old Rory did the first time she encountered a spider in her room. He ran across the room to Luke.
"God, my ears!" cried Luke, as he burst into laughter. "That was almost dog-whistle frequency!"
"I know you don't like me, Jess, but you really don't have to run to Luke for protection. I promise I won't hurt you," she offered between giggles.
Luke thumped Jess on the back, adding, "Frankly, I'm scared of her too, so I don't know how much help I'd be."
"What the HELL were you doing in there? Trying to pull a prank or something?" His ultra-cool exterior cracked wide open, he blushed intensely.
Before either of the adults could answer, Jess noticed Lorelai's outfit. Turning to Luke, he received no comment except a pointed look and a raised eyebrow.
"Don't think I'm going to need that leash anytime soon, Jess," he said, tears falling from his eyes as he continued to mock his nephew.
Jess glared at them both, unconvinced that they hadn't planned the whole thing. He stalked over to Lorelai, grabbed the vest and stormed out of the apartment.
They wiped the tears of laughter from each other's eyes and hugged.
Lorelai looked impishly at Luke. "Looks like you've got an empty apartment for a couple of hours. Got any plans?"