Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or any of the other characters though I do wish that I owned Fang.
Warning: OOC on Fang's part.
He thinks I don't know. He thinks I don't know how in middle of the night during his watch he walks away. He thinks I don't see the scars he tries so hard to hide. He thinks I don't see the way he looks at me. He thinks I don't know about the knife he hides on his body. He thinks I don't know how he's distancing himself from us. He thinks I don't know about the tears that once graced his cheeks. What I don't know is why.
I lay there in my make shift spot listening to my sleeping flock. I was supposed to be asleep too but lately the only time I sleep is when Iggy was on watch. He isn't right now. Fang is on watch now.
I could feel his eyes on me watching. I wasn't sure if he was aware I was awake or not. But he just kept staring at me. I don't know what he is thinking.
I heard him give a long exasperated sigh. I heard him get up, go over to his backpack and pull it out. I don't see what it is because my back was to him but I knew what it was.
I heard him stop shortly. I felt him look at me one more time before he continues to walk away. Deep into the forest. I knew what he was going to do. And it hurt more than anything to know he was doing this to himself.
I sat up and looked around at my flock. Angel and Nudge were wrapped around total in a heart shape. The Gasman was sprawled out on the side of the fire that was burning brightly. Iggy had his back up against a tree and was on his side. Unconsciously listening to the sounds of the forest.
I thought on the reasons why Fang would be doing what he was doing. It made no sense why he was inflicting pain on himself. He's been dong this for weeks now. The voice had suggested that I should try talking to him. I tried during the day when he wasn't doing "it" but he only avoided me and tried to change the subject as if nothing was wrong.
Having enough of this insanity I walked over to Iggy and nudged him with my foot. He sat up awkwardly clearly trying to get out of his sleep daze. "It's mwy turn?" He asked slurry.
"No. It's Fang's." Iggy immediately knew what I was talking about. Iggy also knew what Fang was doing. Iggy nodded knowing where I was going with this.
I walked over to my backpack and grabbed my first aid kit. I then walked into the dense part of the woods. Again my senses were a blazed and I knew which way he had went. It was like when my clone had taken my place and I knew where the flock was.
I stopped shortly seeing Fang kneeling on the ground; bend over with his back to me. He seemed to be in pain but I couldn't tell if it was physical pain or emotional pain. Fang lately seemed to be in a lot more pain emotionally and I don't know why.
As quietly as I could muster I walked over to Fang. Just as I was right behind him did he notice my presence. He looked at me with pained, feared eyes. He looked lost. This was totally rocking my world. I had never seen Fang show so much emotion before. I couldn't understand why.
I knelt down beside him as if I didn't notice his tear stained face. I pulled the knife out of his right hand easily and placed it far behind me. I took his left arm and poured the water from the bottle on it. After washing the wound I began to clean it with the alcohol in the brown bottle. Then I wrapped it in the little amount of bandages we had left. I made a mental note to remember to buy more at the next town we passed.
After I was done I sat back on a tree; I closed my eyes trying to get my emotions under control. With out meaning to I let a single tear out. "Why?" was all I was able to get out. I felt Fang sit down next to me. Even though my eyes were closed I could tell he was shaking. He kept trying to reach out to me but kept pulling back in hesitation. I knew he was scared about confronting me on his dangerous habit.
What I didn't know was why.
I sat there for a little bit waiting for him to respond to my question. After waiting I swallowed the lump in my throat but I kept my eyes closed. "Why would you do this? Why wouldn't you tell me?" I asked in the best voice I could summon.
"I…I didn't…" was all Fang could get out.
I opened my eyes to look at him with the toughest look I could manage. I had absolutely had enough of this non-sense.
With out thinking I grabbed Fang by the collar of his shirt, roughly pulled him down, and crashed his lips with my own. I held on for a few moments letting a few more tears escape. Needless to say Fang was in a state of shock.
After I finally let go I punched Fang in the face and sent him falling backwards onto his ass. I stood up so that I was towering over him. "I don't get it." I screeched at the top of my lungs. I was sure the others could hear me but at this moment I didn't care. "I knew for weeks that you were hiding this from me! I knew for weeks what you didn't want me to know! For weeks Iggy and I have been trying to keep it a secret from the others! For weeks I've been trying to figure out why!" I took a deep breath still standing over Fang. "I don't get it. Did something happen while we were apart that led you to do this? Or when we were in Antarctica? Did I do something wrong that led you to do this? Did the flock?" I said in a quieter voice. Fang at this point was shaking his head. He had a pleading look in his eyes. Fang was breaking a lot of Fang rules tonight. "Then why? Why won't you tell me?" I said in a pleading voice.
I collapse on the ground exhausted. I just had no more energy in me after my rant. Fang slowly wrapped his arms around me. I found myself leaning into his touch. He was hard and soft at the same time. But he was most certain warm.
I felt Fang shake even more. "I… I'm sorry…Max." I felt something wet on my head. "I-I… didn't know you knew… I thought you wouldn't n-notice."
I pushed Fang away just enough so I was looking up into his eyes but his arms were still around me. "Wouldn't notice?" I asked in a disbelief voice. "Of course I noticed. How couldn't I notice Fang? I may be dense and slow at times but I would most definitely would noticed if one of my flocks was hurting." I looked down for a few minutes. Before I knew it Fang was moving backwards so his back was up against a tree and pulling me with him, moving me so that my back was up against his chest.
With Fang's arms around me protectively I began to look at all the scars he had inflicted onto himself. They were done in a way so that he wouldn't cut into any major veins. I allowed myself to relax and get comfortable before I continued. "You still haven't answered why."
Fang was silent for a few more moments before he spoke. "Was ashamed." Great. Now he's going back to incomplete sentences.
"What are you ashamed about?"
"Ashamed that I abandoned you. Ashamed that I wasn't there to protect you. Ashamed that I caused you so many problems. Ashamed that I didn't listen to you. Ashamed that I confused you so much. Ashamed that I gave the wrong impressions. Ashamed that I didn't try harder when I got your e-mail. It nearly cost your life." Now I could really feel the tears on my back. And the sobs.
I waited for a few minutes for his tears to get out. How could he think that? None of that was his fault. Where did he get that idea? Is he on some sort of drugs?
"Fang?" I asked in a tiny voice after he quieted down. "Are you on some type of drug?" I questioned my thoughts.
That seemed to snap him out of his melodramatic episode. He snapped his forehead off of my shoulder where it had been while he was crying and pushed me around so that I was looking at him.
"Or are you just PMSing?" Now I really couldn't hold back my laughter 'cause his entire face turned red. He looked at me as if I'm crazy.
"What is wrong with you?' He asked. I was clutching my sides laughing. I couldn't help it. All this crying and stuff made my snap and when I saw his face after the first question I felt like laughing and now I couldn't stop. Fang looked at me before he too broke down laughing. I guess this is just what we needed after weeks of tension.
After a while we both finally began to calm down. I allowed a gentle smile grace my lips. I stood upon my knees so once again I was towering over him. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I pulled him over so that his head was resting on my chest. Fang slowly wrapped his arms around my torso. I lowered my head so that when I talked my lips would graze the top of his head. "I don't know where you got that but stop it. It was understandable that you didn't want to be anywhere near Ari sense he almost killed you. And you were all the way across the world. There was no way you could have gotten over there in time. Plus you sort of did help me. All those kids came at the time we needed help. And they couldn't have come if you hadn't told them what was happening. So in a way you did help me. And the whole Bridget thing was me over reacting. So stop blaming yourself." I paused to allow him to sink this information in. "And if you still feel like you owe me something to me then just keep your promise to me."
"What promise?" Fang interrupted me.
"The promise that you wouldn't leave me again. And cutting isn't going to help you keep your promise. So please, stop." I begged.
Fang just sat there tightening his grip around my waist for the longest time. I could begin to see the sun rising above the trees. The flock will be up soon. I'm sure Iggy could handle them a bit longer.
When Fang finally gave a short nod, he pulled away a bit allowing me to sit down for my knees were beginning to get numb. We sat in front of each other just staring into each other's eyes trying to find any answers to our unspoken questions. Except Fang had put up his barriers again, stopping me from reading any emotions. I was glad that he was beginning to be himself again.
Without warning Fang put his other arm under my knees and with the one around my waist Fang lifted me up onto his lap. I was sitting sideways in his crossed legs.
Again without warning Fang hooked a finger under my chin to force me to look up at him. He bent down and captured my lips with his own. I instantly kissed him back. What amazed me was that during this turn of events I was completely cool and collected. I wasn't nervous, shy or embarrassed. I knew I wasn't going to run away this time. I was going with the flow.
Fang ran his tongue over my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I allowed him in. Our tongues were fighting for dominance. Fang won. And God. Kissing Fang was doing things to me that I thought wasn't possible.
When Fang and I finally pulled away we were both trying to catch our breath. That's when I noticed my arms were wrapped around Fang's neck with my hands tangled in his hair. Fang was still panting hard when he leaned his head down to rub his nose against my cheek lovingly. I couldn't suppress the giggle that formed in me. I could tell him that he was smiling.
I looked up to see the sun had gotten pretty far up. Reliantly I pulled Fang and myself up. "Come on. The Flock should all be awake by now and wondering where we're at." Fang nodded to me in understanding. We walked in the direction we knew where the Flock was. When we started to get closer I could hear Nudge asking Iggy where we went with her mouth full of food. Just before we past the lat of the trees into the clearing where the Flock was waiting I heard Fang whispered something so quietly that I wasn't very sure I heard him at all.
"I love you, Max."
I now know why he did what he did.