Note: I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language.
"I'm falling to pieces
But I need this
Yeah, I need this
You're my fault
My weakness
When did you turn so cold?"
Felicity woke up in a hospital bed for the second time in a year. The first time was after a six hours surgery that failed to repair the nerve damage in her back.
So much had happened after that.
Laurel was dead.
The thought of her friend brought tears in her eyes.
They didn't have the time to grieve her, because they wanted revenge.
They spent every moment they had in the lair, searching and planning the next move. And finally, a month ago they did it.
Malcom, HIVE and Darhk were gone. And they were not fine.
After that, the team agreed on take a bit of time for themselves.
Quentin went to Central City to be with Laurel's mother and Sara for a while, with Donna visiting him time to time.
Thea decided to travel again for a couple of months, alone.
John simply spent most of his time with his family, and with his brother, who finally had the courage to reach out for Carly and his child.
Oliver became mayor of Star City.
After she found out about William and she called off the wedding, he kept his distance from her, respecting her need for space.
He tried to talk to her about them, more then a few times, and he made very clear that he loved her and that he would have waited for her, as long as she need it.
She moved out from the loft into her old apartment, and she buried herself into work at Palmer Tech. She worked non-stop with Curtis and finally decided that she would be the first human tester for his Bio-stimulator.
And if it would work, they could change the life of millions of people.
So, she was in a hospital bed again, this time, by her own will.
She didn't tell anyone about the surgery, except Curtis, so when she opened her eyes for the first time and saw John sitting by her side, she was beyond surprised.
He was smiling down at her.
"Hi."
She was still sleepy but she smiled back.
"Hi. How…Who…"
"You really think I wouldn't find out? I called you for an entire day, then I went to Palmer Tech and I spoke to Curtis. He was here before, by the way…"
She smiled again.
"I was going to tell you…"
"By walking to my front door?" He teased back, reaching for her hand.
"Maybe." She winked and he chuckled.
"How do you feel?"
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to sense her entire body.
She tensed.
"I don't feel anything right now. Maybe it didn't work-"
"Hey, I spoke with the doctor, he told me that the surgery went well, and that it would take a while for the technology to start working."
She relaxed a little, searching John's eyes.
"Thank you for being here." She whispered, squeezing his hand.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
He kissed her hand in his, his face serious again.
"He would want to know too, Felicity. You know that. He would want to be here…"
She closed her eyes for a moment, before looking back at him.
"How's he?"
John squeezed her hand.
"He keeps up. He works during the day, and he patrols the streets by night. I think he's still…processing everything."
She nodded.
"But he's not fine, Felicity. He asks about you…all the time. He misses you."
She lowered her head.
"John, I…"
"Hey, look. You know how I feel about the whole thing; I'm not trying to justify what he did. In fact, I gave him a piece of my mind back then. But Felicity…he loves you. Oliver Queen, the man who brought us into his crazy life four years ago, the man who killed people, the man incapable to feel anything…who was too damage, too far gone…he loves you like I've never seen anyone love. And he's not himself without you."
She had tears in her eyes as she shifted on the bed.
"He loves you. And he made a mistake."
"John-"
"You love him..." It wasn't a question.
A few tears escaped her eyes. "You know I do…"
"I know. He made a mistake…my point is, do you love him enough to forgive him?"
She broke John's gaze as more tears run down her face.
"This isn't about love. I want to forgive him...But, I don't know if I can. I…I don't know if I'm strong enough this time."
John squeezed her hand, leaning to brush away her tears with his thumb. He smiled.
"I think that you lying in this bed is a pretty good proof that you are strong enough to do anything, Felicity Smoak."
She chuckled through the tears, taking a few deep breaths.
"I know that you're scared, and I know that he hurt you Felicity. But I can't help but think that, after all we've been through…after Laurel…You two are worth fighting for each other. You just…have to believe it."
He kissed her forehead.
"I'll let you rest, I'll be back in the morning."
She was lost in his words, but his voice from the door broke her thoughts.
"He will find out about this…you know that, right?"
She smiled at him.
"I know." She whispered back.
He nodded.
"Rest."
The next few days, she was still recovering from the surgery. She started to have a little more sensibility in her legs, but still zero movements.
Curtis and John were often with her, and after three days and many checks, Curtis and the doctor agreed that the tech was working fine, and it would simply take just a little while and a lot of patience for actually working.
Two days later in the middle of the night, she opened her eyes from an intense feeling in her legs. She woke up completely, moving upright on the bed.
A sharp pain made her cringe for a moment, and then she could feel her toes.
And then her feet…
It was like she could see the life running through her legs again, passing by her toes and then up, in her knees and tights.
Forgetting about sleep, she was overwhelmed by the sensations and the need to be out in the open.
She put her black cardigan over the hospital gown and she maneuvered herself in the wheelchair.
Gripping the IV, she wheeled herself in the empty corridor towards the elevator.
"Miss? What are you doing out of bed?"
Felicity turned towards the voice of the nurse. The lady was watching her curiously.
"I'm sorry, I just need a bit of fresh air."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm perfectly fine. Just…I can't sleep."
The nurse smiled at her for a moment, moving to check her IV.
"Take the elevator to the roof…it's quiet and the view is amazing."
Felicity couldn't help but smile back at her kindness. She wheeled towards the open doors of the elevator before the nurse spoke again.
"You're not going to kill yourself by jumping out of the roof…right?"
The seriousness in her tone made Felicity laugh a little.
"Nope. Not doing that…ever."
The nurse relaxed.
"Okay good. You can go then."
When she was finally on the roof, she couldn't believe her eyes. The nurse was right, the view was breathtaking.
The building was one of the highest in the city and she could see everything, even the sea. The few lights creating a glow on the entire roof.
The sky was dark but clean, and she could see at the horizon a hint of red and yellow, signal that the sun was about to rise.
She moved to the end of the roof and sit there, closing her eyes for a moment.
She could feel her legs.
That thought made her head spin.
She could move her toes.
All ten of them, like she used to do while humming a song in her head, taking a bath.
A few tears rolled down her cheeks.
Suddenly the need to know if she could stand became overwhelming. She removed the safety on her bare feet and slowly…lowered them on the ground.
At the flash of cold on her skin, a shiver run through her spine and she giggled at the feeling.
She gripped the railing with one hand and the pole of the IV with the other, testing the aching, sleepy muscles of her legs and feet.
Once they were planting firmly on the ground, she pushed herself up.
Come on, come on.
She wobbled on the spot for a few second, her head spinning and she gripped the railing more strongly, keeping most of her weight on it.
She was standing!
On her own two feet.
Again.
A sob escaped her mouth and she clamped a hand on it, leaning on the railing.
She was crying and laughing at the same time, and when she looked down at the toes, digging them into the ground, another sob wrecked her body.
And suddenly, the hair at the nape of her neck were up, and she felt a familiar tingling in her belly.
He was right there, on that roof with her.
Of course he was.
"You cut me down to the bone
Now you're dancing
All over my soul
I'm falling to pieces
To pieces, to pieces"