iSaved Your Life

*~A Before Thought of the iCarly Premiere~*

~ ~ Carly X Freddie ~ ~

Okay so I started this about a month ago (before the previews were really even out), but for some reason lost the motivation to finish it. Until now. So this is a mix of a before thought of iSaved Your Life, and what I wish it could be/hope it turns out to be. I got the motivation to finish this because of my Best Friend, so Carissa, this is for you! ^-^

He had saved me. And for that I was grateful. I knew he loved me. Yet…I knew he didn't save me for that reason. He saved me because he cared about me. Like any other person. But more special…

Even though that day drastically altered everyone's lives…it was really like any other. Me and Sam joking around like usual, Sam torturing Freddie (another like usual), and Freddie loving me.

Love…it's such a beautiful word, isn't it? A gift, but a curse as well. Because you love others, they don't love you…the same old, same old.

To tell you the truth…honestly…I knew Freddie loved me, but I could never find myself with enough courage to tell him that I didn't feel the same. I felt bad. Truly I did. But at this time in my life, love was the most confusing thing to me.

And I was still confused about my feelings even on that fateful day…the day when everything changed…

"So Carly, what should be the last part of iCarly tonight?" Sam asked as we walked through the school hallway.

"How about you guys do a segment with a band you like. Like the Plain White T's," Freddie suggested.

"Fredward, this convo is for the stars only. The producer has to stay out of it." As usual Sam was ticking off Freddie and the grin that had been on his face before now had a scowl in its place.

"You know, iCarly wouldn't be so good if you didn't have me as your tech producer," Freddie retorted.

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Sam he's right. Without him, we wouldn't have all those cool special effects and no offense to our own show, but iCarly would probably suck then," I said.

"Whatever," Sam said, taking a bite out of her beef jerky.

We walked out of the school and started towards my house. And of course, Sam and Freddie would be there so that all of us could work on tonight's iCarly.

We waited for the light to change to red so we could walk across the busy street, and when it did I started to walk across. And that's when I heard Freddie and Sam scream my name.

I looked in front of me to see a truck coming towards me, nowhere even close to stopping.

And before I had any time to react, I was on the ground, lying on my back.

I didn't try to lean up, afraid of the pain that would shoot through my body, but I forced myself to at least tilt my head up.

And then I saw a sight that made me wish I hadn't looked up.

I hadn't been hit. Freddie had. And instead of my body being bloody like I had originally thought would be the case, his was.

I started to lean my whole body up and saw Sam beside me, torn between on who to keep her gaze on; me or Freddie.

"Help me up," I said, my voice cracking.

Sam held out her hand and put her other arm around my waist to help support me.

Even after I was completely up, she kept her arm around my waist, as if afraid that I might fall.

She kept looking between me and Freddie and I started walking towards Freddie's body, not caring if Sam supported my weight or not.

But Sam stayed with me the whole time.

And after what seemed like an eternity…I was next to him.

I pulled out of Sam's grasp and slowly leaned down next to him.

I heard a siren and saw flashing lights which meant the ambulance had arrived, but even that didn't pull my gaze away from Freddie's ashen, lifeless face.

I held out a quivering hand, towards his cheek, but was stopped by the paramedics.

They each gave me small, sad smiles, guessing that I was a friend, and that, right there made me almost break down.

As they loaded Freddie carefully onto a stretcher, I stayed at his side and continued to stare at his unmoving face.

'One little movement, Freddie. A little twitch of the nose or lips…anything…' My mind pleaded.

But my plea was useless…I was useless.

I got into the ambulance beside Freddie, and Sam said she and Spencer would be at the hospital as soon as possible.

The ride to the hospital was silent, except for the beeping of the monitor recording his heartbeats. But even they were quiet.

Everything was too quiet…

"Freddie…" I murmured, laying my hand on his cheek.

Just then, I saw Freddie's eyes twitch.

My breath caught in my throat and I squinted my eyes shut.

And when I opened them, I saw Freddie's eyes open and staring at me.

"Freddie," I breathed.

"C-carl….Carly," he said, his voice nothing but a soft whisper.

"Freddie, I'm here," I murmured.

For the rest of the ride to the hospital we both just sat there, not talking but staring into each other's eyes.

And then, Freddie was whisked away from me. Probably to x-rays.

My eyes widened in horror as I thought of another thought.

'What if he needs surgery?'

My heart started pounding and my hands nervously curled into fists.

"Carly!"

I whirled around to see my older brother, Spencer and Sam running towards me.

"What happened?" Spencer asked, breathless.

I looked down, afraid that if I looked at them while I answered, the tears might spill over.

I took a shaky breath in. "A truck almost hit me, but…Freddie pushed me out of the way…and took the hit…"

I let a shaky breath out, and that's when I felt the tears finally cascade down my cheeks.

Spencer pulled me into a hug and I sobbed into his chest.

'Freddie did it for me. He did it for me even when he didn't have to. He could've let me take the hit but he didn't. I should've been the one hurt. Freddie doesn't deserve this…'

The sound of brisk and urgent footsteps pulled me from my thoughts, and I looked up.

A doctor stopped in front of us.

"Are you Carly Shay?" he asked me.

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Freddie is pretty beat up, but will live. He also didn't need surgery. It is a God given miracle that this boy didn't die."

I gulped at his last words.

"His mother is in his hospital room with him, but you can go see him. Just don't cling to him or anything like that."

I nodded again and we all started to follow him.

He soon stopped and opened the door in front of us.

I looked in and saw Freddie, awake and alert lying in a hospital bed.

Sam, Spencer, and I walked into the room, and I could feel my eyes widening at what I saw.

He had a cast on his right arm, a cast on his left leg, and bandages around his head.

But what shocked me the most, were all the bruises and cuts on his face.

I hadn't noticed them before. Then again, I had been busy staring at his eyes, begging for him to wake up.

I sat on his bedside and carefully put my hand, once again on his cheek.

Then someone cleared their throat.

I looked to my right and saw Mrs. Benson. She wasn't looking at me, but I could see a glare deepening her features.

She probably blamed me for this whole thing. And I didn't blame her.

'It should've been me…'

I quickly removed my hand from Freddie's cheek and placed it in my lap.

"Freddie, I…"

I wracked my brain, trying to think of what to say, but I knew a simple thank you wouldn't even come close to being enough for what he did for me.

"Thank you," I said, wanting with all my heart to say more. But I had no idea what else I could say. Words wouldn't even come close to what I thought of what he did for me.

"No thanks are needed, Carly. I would've done the exact same thing even if it had been a bomb dropping from the sky instead of a truck."

I bit my lip as more tears threatened to spill over. I didn't deserve any of this…

Not his kind words, his kind deeds, nothing…

A touch to my cheek made me look up. Freddie's good hand was cupping my cheek.

"Carly, don't be sad."

"But_"

He shook his head. "Don't."

I could only swallow and nod.

A small smile then graced his face.

I felt my heart skip a couple of beats as I looked at his smiling face.

Even with cuts and bruises all over… he looked…beautiful…

It had been a week since the accident, and Freddie had been released from the hospital.

I was now next door with him, making sure he rested and didn't push himself too hard with anything.

"Carly it's okay. I can walk, move around, pick things up, etcetera," he said, with a wave of his hand to demonstrate.

"Yeah, but you really shouldn't be doing those things," I cried.

He sighed, exasperatedly.

"Carly, the doctor even said I should be doing things like this. He said bed rest will help but not if I do it the whole time I'm healing."

I looked away from his gaze.

"Carly, I'm fine. And because I'm doing all of this stuff now, it's only make the physical therapy afterwards that much easier."

I looked back up, and a goofy grin was plastered on his face.

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Okay, you win."

Just then Sam walked in the room.

"Hey Carly. Hey Fredweird."

I rolled my eyes, grimacing.

Sam had been upset after Freddie's accident, but now seemed to be back to her old self.

But then I was proved wrong when Sam carefully hugged Freddie.

"Glad to have you back, Freddie," she said.

"It's good to be back."

It was now nighttime. Now two weeks after the accident. And each day was spent helping heal Freddie, while each sleepless night was spent thinking.

Thinking about Freddie, what he had done for me….his feelings for me…

I sighed. I knew he loved me, but…did I love him?

After the accident, my way of looking at things, including life, changed.

Life was fragile and could be lost in an instant. And love was amazing…incredible…

Freddie had done what he had done not just because I was a friend, but because I was the one he loved as well. He had saved me for that very reason. And he didn't even expect my love in return.

A smile played upon my lips. "Freddie, how could I not love someone who loved me so much they were willing to risk their own life?"

And then, for the first time in a week, I fell asleep.

And at that point I was no longer at all confused about my feelings…

I clenched and unclenched my hands nervously. It was now or never. Proclaim my love to Freddie, or die trying…

I had called him and asked him to meet me in the park. I loved the park. So quiet and serene. And who wouldn't love the swings?

But…it was quite close to where the accident had been.

'I don't know if I can do this!'

"No, don't think that way, Carly! You can do this. Just believe you can and you will!"

"Hey, Carly."

I looked up and saw Freddie walking towards me.

I took a deep breath.

"Hey, Freddie. Thank you so much for meeting me out here, especially when you're still on crutches because of your leg."

"No problem. So what's up?"

I looked at him, then down at my clenched fists, and then back up at him again.

'This is it.'

I closed my eyes, remembering the day he had saved me. And though painful to remember, it gave me courage.

I opened my eyes and saw Freddie looking at me questioningly.

"Freddie, you've loved me for a long time now…haven't you?"

"Yeah," he replied, his gaze on me still questioning.

"I wished I could've realized this sooner, but…after the…accident…well, it made me think a lot about you and me."

He looked at me curiously, and I took another deep breath.

"Freddie, what you did for me made me realize that you're more important to me than you could ever know."

'That was a dumb line, Carly! Though it's true, you need to do better!' I silently scolded myself.

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. "What I mean is that, what you did for me made me realize something important. Something very important."

His expression was still curious.

'Carly, just say it. Out loud. You love Freddie!'

"Freddie, I…I love you."

His eyes widened and I think that if it weren't for the fact that he relied on his crutches so much, he would've dropped them.

"Carly…" His voice was only but a murmur.

He moved towards me and that's when I through myself into his arms, carefully as to not unsteady him.

He tensed, surprised.

I looked up at him and smiled.

But then I saw his surprised expression and my face fell.

And then he suddenly smiled.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that."

And then…we kissed.

It was loving, passionate, and…well, perfect.

I draped my arms around his neck and his hands instantly went for my waist.

And when we pulled away for air, we were both smiling.

Our foreheads touched and I could see his breath because of the now crisp, fall Seattle air.

"We should go back," I murmured.

"Yeah…Oh, and Carly?"

"Hm?" I asked as we started walking.

He stopped for a moment and then kissed me again.

"I love you too," he said, the smile still lighting up his face.

We put our arms around each other's waists and continued to walk home.

And when we got in the tiny hallway that separated me and Freddie's houses, we decided to go into his.

With our arms still around each other, we walked into his house but were quickly stopped short by a scream.

It was Freddie's mom, who was staring at us with a horror struck eyes.

"Fredward Benson! What are you doing with her?!"

"Umm, Carly and I are hanging out. As a couple now."

"No! I will not allow you to be with her!"

"Mom, you like Carly, remember?"

"Oh I did Freddie, I did. But then your accident happened."

I shut my eyes and took in a shallow breath, realizing she was absolutely right.

'How could I do this to him? He saved my life and I'm the reason he got hurt!'

"Mom, I saved Carly because it was my choice to. I wanted to because I love her and didn't want to see her hurt!"

"But you got hurt instead! The girl you loved hurt you, Freddie!"

Freddie was about to say something back to his mom, but I held my arm out in front of him to stop him.

"Freddie…I…your mom is right. You got hurt because of me and I don't know what I was thinking. I hurt you and for that very reason…I can't love you."

I started to run away but Freddie grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

"Freddie, I'm sorry. I never should have…"

I took a deep breath.

"Freddie, Mrs. Benson…I'm sorry."

And with that, I released myself from Freddie's grip and ran.

Ran out of his apartment and down the stairs of the building.

To where was I running? Even I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I had to get far away… far away from Freddie so that he wouldn't be able to find me. And then he could realize that I hurt him and that he didn't want to be with me.

Sure I loved him now and wanted to be with him, but I was the reason he got hurt.

And that's what made me keep running. Even though all I wanted to really do was go back and let Freddie hold me. And have him tell me that everything would be alright. But everything wasn't alright.

I ran to the park where I had, not that long ago had confessed my love to him and sank down onto the ground, against a tree.

Not even a second after, the tears came. And with the tears came sobs that wracked my whole body. I hadn't wanted to run away. I wanted to stay with Freddie, but…but his mom was right. I was the reason he had gotten hurt.

My sobs were noisy, so I never heard the sound of footsteps coming towards me. But I did feel a pair of arms wrap around me. One being harder than the other because of a cast. I swallowed and squinted my eyes shut as hard as I could. If I opened my eyes and saw him, it would only make the goodbye that much harder.

"Carly." His voice was soft and gentle, and hearing it was like when you lie on your back while in the water…soothing. But I couldn't open my eyes. I wouldn't. "Carly Shay," he murmured quietly.

My will to keep my eyes shut disappeared as I heard his quiet, melodic voice whisper my name. I opened one eye and saw him kneeling in front of me, which must have been very hard with his cast, and saw that he was staring at me deeply.

"Carly, why did you run?" he asked, his voice even more quiet than before. A sob escaped my throat as I took a deep breath to answer him. "Because," I managed to choke out. "Because why?" "Just because, okay!" And then the sobs that had been put on hold a few minutes ago, started up again. He put his arm around my shoulder, and instantly I pushed my head onto his chest and continued to let the sobs shake my body. And Freddie just held me close to him, murmuring words so fast that I couldn't make out what he was saying. But all the same, hearing his voice was soothing.

When my sobs quieted and my body was no longer shaking, I slowly pulled away from Freddie. And I instantly felt cold. I looked down at my hands, which were now in my lap curled into fists. "I'm sorry, Freddie. I really am. But your mother's right. You're hurt because of me," I said miserably. "Carly…" His voice sounded pained. He took a breath in, but paused as to choose his words carefully. "Do you honestly think I care that I got hurt?" My eyes widened. "What?" I asked, my voice so quiet that I wasn't even sure if I had actually said it out loud or if I had just thought it. "I honestly don't care that I got hurt. I don't care that I'm hurt because it was to save you. And that's all I wanted when I first saw that truck…for you to be safe…"

As those words left his mouth a sob caught in my throat. Hearing those words had been like a knife, but at the same time like bandages to heal my wounded heart. That said, I knew he cared for me. But it was my fault he had gotten hurt. Mine! The girl who had never even though about Freddie as more then a friend before and paid that fact no mind whatsoever. And now I'm the reason he gets hurt and it's not until then that I realized I loved him? How could he actually want me? How could I ever have been so naïve as to think that those factors wouldn't have hurt him in the slightest? "How could I…?"

"How could you what, Carly?" I blinked, a few more tears coming to my eyes in the process, realizing that I had said the last part out loud. "How could I do this…to you…?" was all I could manage. "Do what?" "How could I never pay your feelings any mind before and then let you get hurt and then tell you I love you after finally realizing my feelings?" Freddie shut his eyes, and I cringed thinking it was because he didn't want to look at me, realizing I was right.

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, and I could see his nostrils flaring slightly. His eyes opened to reveal a hard expression, but after one look at my horribly tearstained face, his expression softened. "Carly, I would still care about you even if you hadn't fallen in love with me. Don't you see? I saved you because I loved you. I fell in love with you because you're you. You may have not loved me at first, and sure it bugged me and whenever you were with another guy I got jealous, but those were your feelings. And you love me now, don't you?" I nodded. "Then see, what's there to be upset about?" I looked away, ashamed, from his beautiful face. "I hurt you…."

I then felt something on my cheeks. He was now strongly holding my face in his hands, which forced me to look back up at him. He smiled gently. "No, you didn't. Carly, you made me stronger. And I love you even more for that. Now please, tell me you won't run away from me like that ever again."

And as I looked into his brown eyes as deep as I possibly could, I saw that he had never been mad at me, and that he really didn't blame me for his accident, but thanked me for it. And though the guilt was still eating away at my heart, I could now see that the words he spoke were true. And that he had saved me because he loved me.

He had showed his love for me by saving me and now I realized that showing him my love would, in a way be saving him.

I smiled a small smile, wiped my tearstained cheeks, and kissed him. He seemed surprised for only a moment before he kissed back. It was a short kiss, but it had all the feelings we had for each other in it and, therefore made it strong.

We pulled away, and instead of being upset, I was nervous in front of him. I looked down and could feel a blush making its way up my cheeks. "Umm…I…um…" His hand caressed my cheek. "No need to be nervous, Carly," he murmured. I could feel my cheeks getting even more red at the feel of his touch, and I mumbled a quick, "Yeah, but I'm embarrassed."

He laughed softly and then stood up. I shot up and helped him keep his balance as he readied his crutches. "Let's go home." I nodded and smiled, taking his hand and intertwining it with mine.

When we walked into my apartment I saw Sam looking like she was about ready to gag at the sight of me and Freddie holding hands, but out of the corner of my eye I saw hr give me a smile. I also saw Spencer in the kitchen, with a strainer full of noodles. "Hey, Carly, I'm making my spaghetti tacos as a treat for the special occasion of you and Freddie getting together." I smiled warmly at my brother. "Aww, thanks, Spence."

Everyone's heads turned towards the door as a knock was heard. Sam, surprising got up to answer the door and when it revealed Mrs. Benson I felt Freddie tense beside me. But I stayed right by his side and my warm smile lingered towards her as well. "Mrs. Benson, come in, please." She walked in and anxiously kept wringing her hands together. "Carly, listen, I'm sorry for what I said. It's not your fault that Freddie got hurt and I knew that even right after it happened. But deep down, it was because I just…if I had lost Freddie, I don't know what I would've done. And I_" "It's okay, Mrs. Benson. You were just scared for Freddie. If he had…" I shuddered. "..died, I don't know what I would've done either. But I love him and he made me realize that it wasn't my fault, and though I still feel a bit guilty, I believe him. So please…can I be with him?" Her face broke into a rare smile and she nodded. Since I was so close to Freddie, I not only heard, but felt a sigh of relief leave him. I smiled brightly at him. "I love you, Freddie." "I love you, too, Carly," he murmured before pulling me into a passionate kiss.

And that is how I fell in love with Freddie. He saved me and though it was hard for me, I finally let go of my guilt. It was not my fault, but merely one of those things that just happens. But happens for a reason. So is that to say that I wished that Freddie had never been hurt? Not exactly. I mean, yes I don't like the fact he had gotten hurt, but if it hadn't happened…I might not have realized my true feelings. And if the truck had hit me, I might not be here, which again means that I would've left this Earth, not realizing my true feelings.

So like I said before, love is a beautiful word, thing, feeling…and without it people's happiness would not grow. It would be like time stopping. You'd be stuck…trapped in a beautiful word, but with no beautiful feelings.

And that's why I'm glad that Freddie saved my life. I am forever grateful to him and now I get to be with forever. And ever. Until the end of time…

Oh, and I do NOT own iCarly! Thanks for reading everybody!~