Smile for the camera
Click.
"Jervis, will you quit that?!" hissed Jonathan, turning to his side just in time to find the umpteenth instant photograph of him working sliding out the polaroid camera which Jervis was hiding behind.
The perpetrator lowered the device and fanned his disappointed face with the picture, till the image of a zestfully concentrated Master of Fear appeared. Not quite as one would have expected. When Jonathan was so focused he usually paid little attention to his involuntarily body movements, and sometimes he found himself making the most ridiculous faces without even noticing. Not that it was all that important; after all, nobody was there to see him.
Of course, that was long ago.
Now he gave shelter to a manic-sometimes-depressive, delusional, manipulative and over excitable man-child whose newest obsession was apparently cover their hideout from floor to ceiling with as many pictures of them as possible.
Jonathan hated it. He never liked being photographed, he was of the opinion that most of the time people in pictures looked like complete idiots, and when he was absorbed in his work and his face relaxed into those stupid expressions he made no exception. If it were for him, he would lock all the blasted photos in a drawer and throw away the key. Better yet, set the whole package to flames, as long as he was at it.
But Jervis adored them, and since Jonathan had forbade him from attaching them to every wall, he just suited himself with decorating the sleeping quarters. Which was a bad thing anyway: someone –the Bat, for instance- could walk in anytime and find them and their compromising content.
So, appearance started to acquire a total new meaning.
The present picture was the example of what Jonathan was just thinking. It portrayed his scrawny figure hunched over his working table in an awkward curve, hair in disarray because he had just woken up with an idea in his mind and hadn't had time to comb them, glasses slipped almost to the tip of his nose and tongue partially sticking out from his half-opened mouth.
Jervis looked at the picture and giggled.
Crane felt provoked, and in a fury tried to snatch the photo from his partner's hand.
"Gimme that!"
The little blond jumped back, hiding it behind his back because there was no way that raising his arm he could have saved it from Jonathan's clutch.
"No way! This is going up!"
"Among all the other stupid pictures you took, you mean?"
"It's not my fault you never smile. When someone gets his picture taken he usually has a happy face to display" he said, putting the picture into his trousers pocket. Then, he raised the camera again, grinning mischievously. "It's not hard. You open your mouth and show your teeth. Come on, be a dear and smile."
Jervis had to take another step back before Jonathan could bang his open palm into the camera.
"Hey, no need to be rude!"
"I-don't-want-pictures!" Crane articulated angrily. Jervis just huffed.
"I always liked pictures. When I was a kid my family used to take a lot of them."
The psychiatrist snarled. "Well, mine didn't. So, keep your diversion to yourself, if you don't mind. I don't need people walking in and see a picture of me looking like a fool."
Jervis started nursing the camera, a pensive look on his face.
"It's sad that you don't like it, Jonathan."
"And why's that?"
"Because sometimes it's nice to have a fine picture of your loved one to look at when you're alone. It's a memory, something to remind us how lucky we are…"
"Very lucky. In and out of psych wards and beaten senseless by the Bat."
"… To have each other. Something we'll show to our children, one day…"
"We don't have any children. And I highly doubt we'll ever have any."
"Anyway, pictures are precious, Jonathan, it would make me so happy to have yours."
Since the Master of Fear looked inflexible, the Mad Hatter suggested: "How about a deal? I'll throw away all the other pictures –which weren't so good anyway, but you know that to me you're always beautiful…"
"Jervis, cut it off!"
"…If you agree to let me take one of you. A beautiful one, mind you, where you smile sincerely. Not that psychotic sneer you have when you go around scaring people, and not those silly expressions you make when you're distracted."
Jonathan's face turned contemplative for a moment, as if seriously considering the deal.
"That would be great" Jervis added, "But you know what I would really really love?"
Jonathan sighed. "No. What would you really really love?"
Jervis's smile stretched so wide that the white of his teeth was almost blinding.
"A picture together. Just you and me."
The taller man stared into those crystal blue orbs in search of an escape route that would both save his honor and leave the hopes of the blond intact. He didn't find any.
"Look Jervis, I don't feel very comfortable with this. The things you want to do are fundamentally too…"
Too romantic, too homey, too loving.
Jonathan never had so much love in his life, he wasn't used to having someone showing this kind of affection to him. He might as well say he wasn't used to receiving it at all, of any kind. Plus, he wasn't like Jervis, who had been loveless too, but never stopped hoping and fantasizing about romance. Jonathan had given up long ago, and from that moment on he never thought about it again.
"It's just something I would rather avoid" Crane finished.
Jervis bit his lip, and for a long moment he said nothing. He seemed hurt, but didn't show it in any boisterous way.
"Is there a special word for the phobia of cameras?" he asked eventually.
"I'm not afraid of being photographed!" Jonathan snapped. "I'm simply not at ease, that's all."
"It's ok, love" the Hatter said, maybe a little too quickly. "I understand that you need your time when it comes to certain issues. I'm a patient man, I can wait until you're ready."
Then he turned and walked away, and Jonathan spent the rest of the evening feeling guilty because he realized he had made the other man sad, even if he didn't openly demonstrated it. And he felt stupid too, because he'd had the chance of destroying forever all of those moronic photos and didn't get it.
Maybe he really suffered from a phobia of sort, but he wasn't all that sure that it was the fear of his picture being taken.
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Jonathan and Jervis, both battered and bruised, both still in their costumes, were dragged forcefully into the police station by an annoyed Batman and an equally annoyed Harvey Bullock, followed by Commissioner Gordon. Crane had been grumbling and bitching all the way from the bank to the headquarters, his handcuffed hands into the solid clutches of Bullock.
"How the fuck did you manage to catch us? We didn't even set the alarm off, this time!"
Batman just said, voice low and deep: "I have my ways, Crane."
Jervis, who made more resistance, was carried underarm by the masked vigilante like a sack of potatoes. It could have been humiliating, hadn't he been mad and preoccupied with more important things.
"Unhand us now, you brutes, you… you Jabberwocks!" he shouted, thrashing about in the grasp of Batman. The caped crusader shook him a little. "Be quite Tetch."
"Hey, where are we going? Shouldn't you take us back to Arkham? Why are we still in the police station?" asked Crane.
Bullock gave a tug at the cuffs. "One last thing, freak, and then you'll be off to the nuthouse just like you want."
"We have to take your mugshots first" Commissioner Gordon explained.
"Don't you already have those?" asked the Scarecrow.
"Our archives and computers had been destroyed in an arson, courtesy of the Joker. Maybe he wanted to try to extinguish all the files we had on him. The fact however is, we have to take all the snapshots and fill the papers again."
Oh joy, pictures! Jonathan thought. That reminded him of the conversation he and Jervis had had over that particular issue not so long ago. He was still thinking about it when they placed him and the Mad Hatter between a white wallpaper and a policeman with a large camera.
"You first, Crane" ordered Commissioner Gordon. "Remove the mask and look in front of you".
As he looked the officer getting ready to take the picture, Jonathan sighed, and took off his burlap mask. Then he turned his head and said to Jervis: "And to think I never wanted you to take my photograph. If I could have chosen, I would have preferred it be you. Now I feel like a dumbass."
The blond took off his top hat with still cuffed hands, passed them through his hair and put the hat back on.
"You know, I was thinking… The Bat did us the favor of not beating us on the face, right?"
"How thoughtful of him" Jonathan commented, massaging his ribcage.
"And you have to take this picture anyway, whether you want it or not, so… How about you try and overcome your fear while making me happy in the process?"
For once in his life, Jonathan Crane was smiling, honestly and genuinely smiling. They had been caught, everything was lost, and yet, looking at his partner in that moment he felt amused. Must have been madness. Or love. Or a combination of the two.
"Don't tell me you still want that picture together?"
Jervis's eyes beamed with hope.
"Really, here? With all of them watching?"
"You could kill two birds with one stone, Jonathan, don't mind those Bandersnatches over there" the blond stated. "Just get ready for me and give me a beautiful smile."
The Master of Fear rolled his eyes, but that amused smirk persisted on his lips. "This is going to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done."
"Oh Jon, you would be surprised which levels of shame one can reach in his life. It isn't worth caring."
"Hey, Crane!" called the officer. "Back straight and look in front of you."
Jonathan did as he was told. When the policeman was about to take the photo, Jervis launched himself as high as he could beside Jonathan, who lowered his body slightly to reach the shorter man and put their faces in contact. Under the disbelieving wide stares of Bullock, Gordon and the Batman, they both smiled happily like that was the best day of their life.
Click.
The officer was confused. "Commissioner… what do I…?"
"I want it! I want it!" Jervis yelled joyfully, jumping back and forth. "I must have that picture, I've been waited months to have it!"
Bullock felt his cheeks flushing red in anger. "You freaks! This is a police station, not a fucking amusement park, and this isn't a photo-booth! We're working here, and you're still under arrest!"
Once he managed to overcome the initial incredulity, Batman shook his head and put a hand on Bullock's shoulder.
"Let him have it, Harvey. Maybe it'll keep him calm for a while."
"A proper picture of us, at last!" chirped Jervis, head over the heels. "What a frabjous day!"
"What a freak…" murmured Bullock, hands in his pockets, chewing on his toothpick.
Jonathan scowled at him, but for once he didn't care much about the insults being thrown at them. Seeing Jervis laughing like that made him felt pleased with himself, and filled his heart with the strong desire to have a picture of the blond all to himself, to keep close wherever he went. He would never admit it, but he was beginning to understand why Jervis so desperately desired a photograph.
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Not even a kiss here, I'm so, so disappointed seeing that they're learning self-control. Just kiddin :)
This was a silly little something I wrote yesterday, when I was taking a picture and I thought: "It would be nice for Jonathan and Jervis to have a photograph of each other, too. I wonder how would they react to the issue."
The fact is, I always imagined Jervis as the most romantic and domestic of the two. Jonathan looks like a very disenchanted person, doesn't he? But his emotions are still there, he just needs to be pushed in the right direction.
Hope you liked it folks, see you next time!