(What happens after you realize that a smoldering attraction exists between you and your best friend? Do you fan it or let it die out? FemSlash. Denise/Claudia Joy. Sequel to my story "The Moment" where an attempt by Denise to comfort Claudia Joy after the attack on her in "Payback" became something else. BY the way, AER stands for Army Emergency Relief, a semi-official agency charged with helping soldiers and their families in financial difficulties.)
It's obviously my imagination. It has to be. After three weeks I can't possibly still smell her perfume when I breathe deeply. And yet I can. I close my eyes and it seems to fill whatever room I'm in, whether she is or not. It makes me dizzy.
It's much more than just her scent. When I'm recalling how she smelled I recall other things. I recall the touch of her lips against mine; I recall the taste of her mouth. I recall the press of her body against mine. I recall the softness of her breast against my hand and the hardness of her nipple. More than making me dizzy those memories make me tremble.
Since that afternoon we haven't avoided each other but we haven't sought each other out either. I have no idea what to say, other than the pleasant banalities that acquaintances in the same social circles chat about. When we're together we talk about the weather, the War, the happenings on post. I want to talk about so much more and I think she does too but we can't seem to find the time or the words.
When we're in the same room we tend to stay apart. But I'm always looking at her and I often catch her looking at me. Our eyes meet and hold just for a moment and then we both turn away.
The closest we've been to being alone since that day was when we both tried to sneak out of a really dull AER meeting to go to the Ladies' Room and found ourselves together in the little nook by the outer door. We were within inches of each other, no more than that. I could feel the warmth of her body. And we just stood there. She opened her mouth; I opened mine and neither of us said a word. But there was one single instant that we leaned towards each other. We were all alone in the world again. But once more voices interrupted each other and we fled in opposite directions.
It was after that same meeting I saw Claudia Joy head out the door of the Officers' Club. She was wearing a white blouse and skirt. The sun coming through the glass door outlined her and just for a moment it appeared she was nude. My heart nearly stopped. How many times have I imagined that?
And did I imagine more than was there the day I was pulling into the Commissary parking lot just as she was putting her groceries in her car? She saw me I'm sure. I'm pretty obvious on my bike and I pulled in only a couple of spaces away from her. She opened the car door and got in. Instead of swinging both legs in together she stepped in with her right one first. Her skirt rode up her thighs. Way up her thighs. She wasn't looking at me but I could have sworn I saw a little grin cross her face. She made no move to finish getting in but rather played with the rear view mirror with one hand while she let the fingers of her other hand drift along the hem of her skirt and raise it just a tiny bit more.
For a moment I thought I would lose control. An overwhelming impulse swept over me to walk to the car, push Claudia Joy over and get behind the wheel and drive away with her until I could find a secluded spot where I could fall on her like some wild animal. I actually got off the bike and took two steps before I came to my senses. After all, I could be reading things that simply aren't there. It could have all been simple happenstance. But oh my God I hope that's not the case.
What is going on? I'm NOT a lesbian. I don't think about Pamela or Roxy or any other woman in the same way I do Claudia Joy. I did a little experimenting long ago when I was young and single but it never went much beyond kissing and a little touching. And it certainly didn't do much for me. I wasn't interested enough to see what else could come of pursuing something with another girl. But when I climb into bed at night now and my hand slides between my legs the only images I see are those of my best friend.
What took place that afternoon wasn't supposed to happen. I have always felt so close to Claudia Joy but the idea of being attracted sexually to her was ridiculous. And I certainly never would have taken advantage of any one, male or female, friend or someone I had barely met when they were in such a state as she was that day. I had no intention of kissing her on the lips. It was a sheer accident but when I did I found I couldn't stop. And she kissed me back. I know it. I felt it. Her body responded to mine as intensely as mine did to her.
God what am I, what are WE going to do? I can't exist with things as they are now. There's a distance there now that makes me miserable. If I could I would go back to what we had before. Wouldn't I? I say that. I miss our friendship so much. But I close my eyes and once more I feel her against me, the urgency of our kiss, our bodies straining against each other and I don't know if I could ever settle for just friendship again.
What now?
(The End)
(Yes I plan to continue this in a future story or stories but this seemed so nicely self-contained as it stands that I decided to stop here.)