This time, Merlin remembers too late.
He watches, powerless, as the car doesn't stop, as it hits Arthur, and as Arthur goes flying.
And in that second, that moment during flight right before Arthur hits the ground, Merlin remembers the truth.
Later, Merlin can't tell Gwen why he's so inconsolable about a stranger's death.
*** ***
This time, Arthur remembers first. This is odd, as usually Arthur is able to ignore his new memories, repressing his thoughts until he meets someone else who knows the truth.
It only takes Arthur about five minutes to find Merlin. They've grown up together, he and Merlin, Gwen and Morgana. Hunith was Igraine's indentured servant, and she stayed at the castle after Igraine's death. Merlin and Gwen (whose mother is the cook) were the first playmates of Morgana and Arthur, and later their first servants.
Merlin remembers too, once Arthur tells him. They adopt their past selves, making new inside jokes and games that everyone says they are too old for, but not fully processing their pasts. Soon they both notice the way Morgana and Gwen are acting toward each other, all soft and hesitant and new, and they share knowing grins.
But then that cycle has passed with a tumult of images of people unable to escape the confines of society, and the world moves on.
*** ***
Sometimes it requires a series of happenings, or a correct alignment of different pieces, to make them remember. Once they are all in the same room, their ages varying from 18 to 21, two different sets of strangers meeting for the first time, when it happens. They all remember at once, and suddenly the introductions they were about to make seem inconsequential.
*** ***
Sometimes Lancelot will remember too. There are times when Gwen and Lancelot will be a couple; times when Merlin will watch his Arthur go with Gwen, but for real, this time. Once, Lancelot, Gwen and Morgana all fall in love with each other.
One thing always remains the Merlin dies before anyone else remembers, they never will. Merlin will always remember, eventually, even if the others are dead. There are many times when Merlin is the only one left.
*** ***
This time, Morgana is the one who remembers first. She's been able to see the future since childhood.
This time, no one but Merlin remembers. Ever. No matter how hard he tries.
This time, Arthur has been born into a girl's body.
This time, Gwen and Arthur are already married when Merlin finds them. Morgana tries three times to date someone normal. Every single one of her dates end up dying. They all get the picture.
This time, Merlin spends twenty years searching before discovering that Arthur died at seven from Leukemia.
*** ***
This time, Merlin is Arthur's dork of a partner for an English project. Merlin remembers first and drives Arthur crazy with his puzzled but hopeful glances and his endless querying of why exactly Arthur named his car Excalibur until Arthur remembers too.
This time, Merlin is burnt to death for witchcraft, and Arthur remembers too late to stop it.
This time, everything goes perfectly, Arthur with Merlin, Gwen with Morgana, Lancelot undoubtedly off being a martyr somewhere, with no memories of a past life. But then, just as they are getting close to their true role, World War Two breaks out, and they are torn apart by concentration camps, assumed roles, and the army.
This time, Arthur and Merlin come face to face in a cold, deserted park, both of them older than seventy, both of them with lives they've led for so long, and one of them soon to be affected by dementia.
*** *** ***
This time, they are already friends. Merlin is a historian, Arthur a successful business man. Merlin has known since childhood, and Arthur remembers one night while studying Merlin's rather gaunt cheekbones. This time, though, is one of the cycles during which Merlin doesn't have magic. Instead of simplifying their relationship, it ends it. Merlin is unable to function in his traditional role of protector.
*** *** ***
Cycles, quickly.
Life, death.
Past, present.
Future.
*
Trials, errors.
Hope, new.
Hope, gone.
Again.
*
Twisting, swirling.
Murky, gray.
Changing, moving.
Time.
*
Minutes, hours.
Days, weeks.
Years, decades.
Seconds.
*
Together, again.
Two, three.
Four, five.
One.
*
Adjusting, growing.
Destiny, fate.
Coins, always.
Forever.
*
Past, future.
Present.
*
Through all times, the man named Merlin watches the future from the cave that is his prison, forced to witness as the reincarnations of those closest to him live. He watches them, watches himself and those close to him, watches, and lives again through the other Merlins. That is why, throughout it all, if his host body is alive, Merlin remains the same. He does not change, does not form other connections. For he is Merlin, and to him it does not always seem as though hundreds of years have gone by since the first time he met Arthur. Through all the times he waits, watching for the Arthur to emerge, the one who can overcome the difficulties and take his rightful place. The Merlin watches for the once and future king.
Fin.
Author's Note: I suppose in a way, this is sort of a tribute to all the kinds of Reincarnation fics you can find. But when I was writing it I didn't think about that at all, just knew that to get to what ended up being the last scene (I've had some of the words stuck in my head for ages) I needed to write something about reincarnated Merlins. I believe, though I'm not sure, that in traditional Arthurian stories Nimueh traps Merlin in a cave, and that's what inspired the last scene... despite the fact that Nimueh is dead in the tv series. Excuse my poetry please, but it demanded to be kept in. Also excuse the * between stanzas of the 'poem'. It was the only way I could get the breaks where I wanted them.