Title: Lady Porn
Summary: "I think I am addicted to lady porn..." Cloud owes Cid fifteen gil. A shot one-shot/drabble.
Warnings: Heh, mentions of porn, for one... Swearing, smoking, all around oddness, yaoi, and OOCness.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; summary belongs to the wonderful creators of "The New Adventures of Old Christine."
Side Note: I haven't forgotten about the updates I need to work on; I just get sidetracked...a lot.
It was usual to see the normally morose and silent ex-Turk flat out reject one of Tifa's offer to hang around with the rest of the group, usually offering just a shake of his head before walking out of the room. Today, however, proved to be far different. "He's catching up to modern technology," Cid told the blonde swordsman with a large grin plastered on his face. It made sense; a few weeks ago, the Captain had taken the brunette man out phone shopping to stop Marlene's questions about why he did not feel the need to get a phone and be in contact with everyone else. Ever since the device had been slipped into the gunner's hands, he was constantly caught fiddling around with it before dragging the pilot out of the room.
Cloud thought it was because he was having difficulty with some of the features and who would be a better choice that the rocket scientist who picked the phone out for him?
"I bet he watches porn on it," Cid continued with a lecherous grin.
"...Why would he do that?" Cloud countered, blinking his large, blue eyes at the other blonde.
"Man's been locked in a damn coffin fer thirty fuckin' years an' he's now discoverin' the fuckin' internet. If ya were in his pointy-ass shoes, wouldn't ya yank it 'til chafed while lookin' at some nice tits?"
"...I think Vincent has a bit more...class than that..."
"Want to bet on that, Spike?"
"...Fifteen gil?"
"Deal!" the smoking blonde said as he shook his former leader's hand before stubbing out his cigarette directly onto the wood of the table. The blonde leaned over and whistled when Vincent came walking back into the bar. "What's up, Spooky? Lock the damn thin' again?"
"...I need help..." the tall brunette said as he fixed his red eyes on the pilot.
"Told ya ta hit the damn tab key an' then the asterisk!"
"...Not that," the ex-Turk said before leaning down and murmuring softly in the blonde's ear. "I think I am addicted to lady porn..." Cloud blinked slowly as he continued to watch the two men talk.
"...Mind repeating that?" Cid asked curiously, raising an eyebrow at the lack of shame from the gunner, watching as the man pulled out his phone before handing it over to the pilot. The swordsman raised an eyebrow when the pilot's face and ears turned bright red as he coughed. "Correction: cock an' ass instead of tits," the blonde said before standing up. "Ya still owe me fifteen gil!" he said before clapping the other blonde and the back and grabbing the brunette by the front of his cloak, leading him up the stairs of the Seventh Heaven.
"...What was that about, yo?" Reno asked as he took Cid's seat and promptly finished off the pilot's scotch.
"...Vincent's addicted to lady porn and Cid's going to help him with it?" Cloud offered as a suggestion with shrugging his shoulders.
Immediately, the Turk laughed, "C'mon, yo! You got the funniest goddamn stories to even the simplest questions!"
...Why did no one ever believe him when he mentioned what Cid and Vincent were talking about?
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