All That Glitters is Not Gold

By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife

I got the idea for this story from a cover for a Russian Ducktales comic.
On the cover, HDL (1)had painted some freshly laid hen's eggs like Easter eggs to play a joke on their Unca Donald: http://72.14.203.104/translatec?hlen&uhttp://ducktales. Seeing this, I automatically thought: "Why didn't they paint them gold and REALLY get him going?"

Hence, this story. With "Unca Scrooge" instead of "Unca Donald".

One day, Huey, Dewey and Louie were on a school field trip visiting a farm. The farmer acted awfully rude to them. When they asked him why he admitted it wasn't their fault: "Your Uncle Scrooge holds the mortgage on this farm. If I can't pay, he will foreclose and I will lose the farm my family's held for generations. And I can't pay. He'll turn my land into a shopping mall for sure!" the farmer (2) said.

"Gee, that's too bad. Maybe we can help!" Huey said.
"Ah, come on, Huey! You know how Uncle Scrooge is about making money- if this place isn't turning a profit, it doesn't interest him!" Dewey said.
"Yeah- about the only way he'd leave this place intact were if jewels grew on the trees and not apples!" Louie said.

"No jewels here. But my geese lay eggs as white as ivory!" the farmer said.
"Too bad they're not golden eggs- like in the old story!' Huey said.
'Maybe they can be! Mr. Farmer- has our Uncle Scrooge come to inspect the place, like he always does before he takes over someplace?" Louie asked.

"No, he's going to do that tomorrow afternoon!" Mr. Farmer said.
"Well, we're going to be here first and prepare a little surprise for him!" Louie said.

Later at the Mansion:

"OK, Louie, just what do you have in mind?" Huey asked.

"Do you two still have that little bit of gold dust we once found while camping?' Louie asked.

"Sure. None of us found too much and it isn't worth much, so Unca Scrooge let us keep it." Dewey said.

Well, we're taking to the farm tomorrow as early as possible." Louie said.

So the next day the boys nudged Launchpad (it was Duckworth's day off) into driving them to the farm.

"You have to drive there anyway to prepare for our Unca Scrooge's visit later that day. So could you please take us? Please?" HDL asked as one.

"You three are up to something, ain't you? Listen, if this has something to do with saving that farm from being torn down to make way for a shopping mall, will you let me in on it? Maybe I can help!" Launchpad asked.

"We don't know what you're taking about, Launchpad. We just want to see the farm one last time before it's gone." HDL said in harmony.

"Uh-huh. You don't know what I'm taking about. Not much you don't." Launchpad said.

So first thing bright and early that Saturday, Launchpad drove them to the farm. Later, he went back and drove Mr. McDuck to the farm.

But Huey, Dewey and Louie had not been idle. They found three geese eggs and poked one tiny hole in each one and emptied them out of the liquid inside. Then they got some gold dust into each egg. Then they used a bit of glue to hide the hole.

"Think this will work? Our Unca Scrooge is a smart cookie." Huey asked.
"I know! But you know Unca Scrooge; if he sees an opportunity to make money...well... he sorta doesn't ask inconvenient questions." Louie replied.
"You mean he temporarily loses his common sense!" Dewey put in.

Then they awaited their Uncle's (actually their great-uncle) visit. Just as Mr. McDuck was about to enter the hen-house, they sicced the farm dog on the farm cat.

Normally, somebody would keep the dog from bugging the cat- now he was free to chase her. Right into the hen-house. The chickens and geese panicked and flapped and swacked and feathers flew. Eggs broke- including the three the Triplets had tampered with. Mr. McDuck saw the broken goose eggs- and the gold dust inside them. He stared, not believing what he saw.

Meanwhile, I arrived at the farm, for Launchpad had called me. "Yes, best-beloved Launchpad?" I asked my husband.

"I think the Trins (3) are up to something. But with good cause. I think they are trying to keep this farm from being torn down to build a shopping mall. I think we should help them." Launchpad said.

Elsewhere, Mr. McDuck had cornered the Triplets and was questioning them.
"What is going on here? Did you think I wouldn't see this tiny hole in the goose egg shell? Did you think I wouldn't see the gold dust you spilled trying to cram it into the emptied egg? Did you really think you could fool me thus?" he demanded of them.

"We didn't know what else to do! We don't want you tearing down this farm to build another shopping mall! You already can't spit without hitting one!" the boys replied.

"True. there is an awful lot of competition. But this farm isn't turning a profit anymore. "Mr. McDuck responded.

"Then find a way to make it turn a profit! You're great at that!" HDL answered.

"Let's go home and discuss it there. It's getting late and it's getting dark." Mr. McDuck said.

It was getting dark, quite quickly, as there were no streetlights here. And spooky, as it was so quiet.

Then two strange figures, ghosts, appeared out of nowhere. They were dressed in snowy white, glowed in the dark and had horrible faces.

For a moment Mr. McDuck and the Triplets gasped in fear and drew back. Then they took a closer, calmer look at the apparitions, and fell over, laughing.

"Ah, come on, Launchpad and Sharan! We know it's you two in those fright masks and bed sheets! You fooled us for a second maybe, but we've seen that sort of thing at Halloween too often to be fooled for long!" they chorused.

We shamefacedly took off the masks and costumes. The Triplets and Mr. McDuck pretended to gasp in fear of our real faces.

"Very funny. How come this always works on TV?" Launchpad asked.
"Because it's convenient to the plot!' I answered him.

"Let me guess. You two don't want be tearing down this farm to build a shopping mall, either. Well, guess what. You've just given me an idea for making this place profitable. So I won't tear it down. Just...do an update." Mr. McDuck said.

Soon, the "haunted farm" opened for business. With fake ghosts and ghost stories and barn dances at night. With hay rides and goat carts to ride in. With a petting zoo and candy and caramel apples for sale. With apple picking in season and make-a-scarecrow-you-can-keep classes. With already made scarecrows in various sizes from tiny toy to real McCoy for sale. With one corn field turned into a Maize Maze for tourists to get lost in and have fun finding their way out of. Best of all, the maze was totally different every year.

It did a fairly respectable business- better than yet-another-mall would have done. But it did not really catch on until the farmer's daughter(4) got married in the old barn now usually used for barn dances. Word of this got round and the farmer found himself inundated with requests to rent out the barn for weddings and birthday parties.

Mr. McDuck began to seriously consider turning other farms- at least ones that might otherwise be torn down- into fun farms.

The End

(1) Huey, Dewey and Louie.

(2) I am resisting the tempation to make his last name McDonald. EIEIO

(3) That's another word for Triplets.

(4) To an agriculture supplies salesman who travels from farm area to farm area. The farmer made bad jokes about his daughter marrying a traveling salesman. "And I don't have to use my shotgun."