It's odd, but I can't remember the first time I thought I might have sort of fancied Lily Evans. It's odd, but it's who I am. Like I couldn't tell you the first time I thought of Sirius as a brother. I just sort of morphed from that one friend I could always count on-girls be damned-to that one brother that could always be counted on-world be damned.

Not that how I feel about Lily is anything like how I feel about Sirius. I'd stand by Sirius come hell or high water, sure, but I'd willingly kill myself for Lily is she asked me to. Sometimes I just wish she'd notice.

But returning to the actual topic, I can't actually pinpoint the first moment I thought that Lily Evans was 'Fanciable'. And Fanciable is an actual word; the world just isn't awesome enough to admit it. I suppose it's because it didn't really have a profound effect on me at the moment. It was a passing thought really. Contrary to popular belief, I didn't just look at Lily and think that she was The One; it just sort of crept up on me. Like I'd be talking to Sirius about some of the girls in our classes and I'd bring up Lily without even thinking about it-or realising for that matter.

It was only after a couple of months or so when Sirius oh so kindly commented that I was "so bloody obsessed with the girl getting a decent conversation out of the bloke is fucking impossible", to Remus that it actually hit me. I was In Love. I hadn't left the dorm room for the rest of that night.

It was scary alright? Because Lily hated my guts, the air I breathed and me in general, and suddenly declaring my love was only going to creep her out.

Didn't stop me from doing just that the next morning though. And for the rest of the school year. And whenever I saw her in the halls, or in the library, or on the grounds, or-I wasn't stalking her. I was simply In Love and a tad bit Desperate to get her to do something other than scowl when I came into view.

I wasn't that bad... Was I? Oh Merlin, I was horrible. Utterly horrible. How could I stand living as I did? How could my friend's? They were my friend's right? It wasn't some plan by my parent's to make me feel loved, right? No wonder Lily hated me, I was a git and a prat and an absolute idiot for thinking she would ever like me; let alone love me back.

Stop.

Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

Alright.

The guy's love me. That's a given. I'm awesome and protect them and we can be prats together. Well, me, Pad's and Wormy can be prats while Remus shakes his head and tries to figure out why he socializes with us. There, I'm good again. 'Sides, Mum and Dad wouldn't have gone to the Blacks to make me feel loved. But Sirius is barely a Black to them now anyway. Pretty sure Mum would adopt him given half the chance. Then we'd actually be brothers. Sweet.

But anyway, I'm a prat. I'm accepting that fact. But I'm a prat who's In Love with Lily Evans and hey, maybe one day I'll get her to realise. Can't blame a prat for hoping, right?

Oh Merlin. I doon't even know. All I know is that James is ridiculously easy to write as.

But for a five minute brain vomit this is pretty damn good. At least in my opinion. Because I think James knew he was a prat and might have been the type of guy who'd get insecure when it came to people being his friends. 'Cause y'know, as aqn only child he probably got what he wanted a lot of the time. And when you feel emotionally insecure, you feel insecure about everything.

But this is how I imagined James fell for Lily. More fun this way.

Give me your opinions if you feel up to it.