Coming home

Sara left eight years ago and a lot has changed for the graveyard shift… it starts with mysterious letters arriving telling them just how they are meant to be happy and move on with their lives… then it happens when someone finally returns home.

Eight years pervious

Grissom tried his hardest to understand the letter she had left him… he wanted to believe that no matter what their love was strong enough to keep her here. But he knew and so did she after what happened nothing was that strong enough, when her body laid broken under that car something had broken inside of her… it had hit too close to home and while everyone else moved on she was stuck still sinking still clawing to get out.

And she did in the end but she couldn't claw her way still holding on to her old life, Natalie had stolen that from her and Grissom was left to pick up the pieces… alone.

"Grissom" Catherine's voice broke through his thoughts, he couldn't cry and why he didn't know why maybe because he was looking at the truth he understood the truth or maybe because he was broken too now and he couldn't feel the same way anymore.

"Heading home" he questioned as Catherine studied him before nodding her head slowly, the sadness still ebbing from her. Though Catherine and Sara never had that easy friendship everyone expected of the only females of the team they had found their own bound but that too had been broken ripped away.

"Grissom… I'm sure it's for the best… she just needs time to clear everything in her head, she was made a victim… we're used to being the good guys who come into save the day" Catherine's words only break more inside of Grissom. It was true they were so used to playing the good guys coming in to save the day put the bad guys away. But it takes a lot to stop feeling like a victim… and for Sara she had been the victim too many times.

"She was a survivor Cath… not a victim" Grissom's voice held the pain he felt and the breaking he was still going through. Letting a deep breath Catherine made her way to her friend and sat before him. Comfort had come to be a part of their routine, something they wished would never happen but it did.

"Natalie stole something from Sara… she stole her confidence in the bad guys going away once we close a case, so Sara was a victim because she is never going to get that back again… at least not here, not when the memories are still so fresh" Catherine offered it was the only thing she could.

She knew how much Grissom was hurting how much they were hurting… it was like Sara had been stolen that night like she had been killed and the past couple of months were some horrible dream giving them all false hope.

Catherine was among those who truly thought Sara would be ok… that Sara was that strong to not let even that phase her but the truth was Sara was human just the rest of them.

"Gil me and Lindsey are doing our weekly breakfast together… she's missed seeing her uncle Grissom why don't you join us" Catherine offered as Grissom shook his head. He wasn't a pity case if Sara thought she could get through this alone then so would he.

"It's not a question Gil… not this time, you need time away from here and away from being alone. Lindsey really does miss you and I've missed you too… it's been too long since we've been able to talk about something that isn't case related so come on" Catherine ordered standing from her chair not letting Grissom get away from her 'I'm a mom… do as your told' stare. Laughing Grissom stood and gathered his current files and jacket. Sometimes Grissom really forgot how deep Catherine's and his own bound truly was.

"ok… but I get to eat what I want" Grissom ordered as Catherine nodded smiling "fine… but you do not get to tell my daughter anything that might give her ideas" Catherine declared causing Grissom to nod and follow the blonde from his office.

Three months later

Catherine hadn't known what to think when the letters arrived, she was puzzled just like everyone else when they walked into the break to find five envelopes laying on the table addressed to the remaining graveyard team.

They each slowly retrieved their letters, never being one to wait Catherine was the first one to rip the envelope open and pull out a piece of paper.

'Catherine,

I wished I could tell you so many things like how you were my best friend or that things were always smooth between us but the truth is and always was that we never made it to that level.

I do wish it could have been different because I know now that I would have gotten through a lot more of my problems sooner if I could have confined in you.

Not because it was expected of us to bound because we were the only women on the team but because I respect you and I know that you would try your best. We did have some sort of bound but I doubt it was something either one of us truly wanted.

I do call you my friend and even now I miss you more then I ever would have told you… I miss hearing your sass, your knowledge but most of all I miss you. I never got on well with other females… I couldn't trust them.

The main female presence in my life was someone who was weak, I don't hate her for what happened to her but I see how you are with Lindsey and I wonder why my own mother couldn't find that courage for me or my brother.

I did have a brother, but I lost him years ago.

The night my mother did fight back was the night I lost her… and any opinion on how strong a mother could be.

My father never came after me… never… and though my mother tried to convince everyone that she only did what she did to protect us was a lie.

It has taken me three months to understand why I left… I left because I had to, I had plenty of time to go over everything while I laid dying… and in a way I did die, the person you all knew did die and I was just this shell left to wonder around trying to do the things that didn't feel easy or natural for me anymore.

Over these past three months I've come to a few conclusions and among those is the idea that I want you all to be happy. I may never be there to see it happen but I want you and the guys to take my words to heart and act on them because I will find out and I will be watching in my own way.

Me and Grissom… we were in love I truly believe that but it wasn't the love that either one of us needed or still need. It broke my heart but the truth always makes it better I've come to believe in that.

I do love Grissom in my own way… he was my first true love… but if you can accept that then you can be happy.

I want you to look at Grissom… to really look and to think about why your friendship is so easy even when he pushes everyone away why you still stick around.

You've had plenty of reasons to walk away to keep him at arms length but you never had and I figured it out… you love him, your in love with him and before it's too late make sure he knows that.

Grissom deserves happiness… happiness that he never would have really had with me. I couldn't live with the lurking thought that the only reason we were together was because he owed me something… had to try and make everything better for me.

He doesn't owe you anything Catherine and you don't owe him anything either that's why I know you two would be a lot happier then me and Grissom ever would have been.

Please… be happy and please act I think we all know that life is too short and far too precious to let happiness to slip away from us.

All my love

S. Sidle'

Catherine let her mouth drop before she glanced to the others who were watching her carefully gauging her reaction. She kept her eyes away from Grissom… trying hard to prove that Sara must have really gone through something to think that something was there between her and Grissom.

Catherine couldn't ignore the fact that even Eddie attempted to prove something more was there between her and Grissom but it was so much easier to push it all away.

"Cath" Greg's innocent voice broke through first and Catherine shook her head and the tears away, for the lose of a friendship she never had or the happiness she knew she could never have.

"It's from Sara" Catherine told him before she felt a hand on her shoulder, she didn't want to look up to see Grissom but she couldn't help herself. His cloudy eyes studied her, as though trying to read her mind to discover what Sara had told her.

Catherine shook her head and folded the letter back up holding it to her trying to fight back the tears. She quickly hurried from the room and left the man members of the team to stare after her before they each eyed up their own letters fearing the worse.

Ok this is just a story I'm thinking of carrying on... I will if anyone thinks it has potential, as you can tell it's going to be a Grillows/Snickers story. So tell me whatya think about this.