Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 37th cycle. Now cycle 38!
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"Step Ten: Accept the Change"
Kurt & Brittany & Santana, Brittana
Paper Heart #11 (following Step Nine...)
Kurt had been in the bathroom, washing off the aftermath of his most recent encounter with a Slushie, when the swing of the door let in a gust of gossip, and he heard a word that drew his ear… a name… Brittany. He sighed, looking to his vest. That stain was going to set if he didn't take care of it. But Brittany mattered more than the vest, her and the baby both… "Well just look at me now…" he mumbled to himself, giving it one more pointless scrub before looking at it, shaking his head and tossing it in the trash before running off into the hall. As predicted, it didn't take long before he found out what had people talking.
That morning, Brittany had walked into McKinley High in a way that could only turn heads. Gone was the Cheerio uniform, or it would be. She carried it, folded lazily, shoes clicking rather than squeaking… no sneakers today. Her long blonde hair had been freed of its ponytail to be swept over her shoulder. The pants were definitely a departure from what they usually saw of her, but then most eyes would land somewhere around the shirt. It wasn't too form-fitting, but still whenever she moved and it touched to her, it would draw a line over the beginnings of her belly.
The decision had not been the easiest, even if she knew it probably wouldn't have been a decision for very long… If she wasn't the one to do it, then her coach would do it for her. So on that morning she marched right down that hall and to her office. The coach hadn't said a word, but the word had been out through the school for a time now, so she had to know. Brittany got to her office, and waited. This had all began a few days ago.
Something had happened, after the ultrasound, after Brittany had decided this baby was a boy… She had started to think about him more and more, him as a person, a real live person that was growing inside her. If he was in there, being carried by her, then it was her duty to look out for him, right? She was already watching what she ate, per her mother's guidance, and she was doing everything they were telling her to do, but there was more to it. If anything were ever to happen to her, then it would affect him too, wouldn't it? If she got hurt, he got hurt…
Then Mike had twisted his ankle in Glee Club. In the end it hadn't been anything serious, but still when he had gone down, her heart had leapt. She hadn't even considered the dancing. She'd gotten hurt before, it wasn't anything foreign to her, but that was before she had to be concerned for someone much smaller and much more easy to break… She could be so clumsy sometimes, trip and fall, or bump into something… bump him…
The day after that, she'd come into school and she made motions so small, took steps so short, that they wondered if she was either being weighed down or if she was just really, really tired, but it wasn't that. She was being careful. If she stayed on top of things then she wouldn't get hurt, wouldn't get him hurt. If anyone approached her too fast, she'd snap at them in a tone they were so unused to with her that it took them by surprise.
In Glee Club she refused to dance, to do much beyond sitting there – which already took what seemed like an eternity – and just sat there with a sort of fearful look on her face. The others weren't sure what was happening to her yet, figured she was just being 'Brittany plus hormones.' It took Quinn figuring it out 'in her infinite expertise' to get Kurt and Santana to clue in and go to her.
"Britt, you're going to be okay," Santana insisted.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she shrugged.
"What she means is it's okay for you to move around," Kurt went on, and Santana nodded. "You're not going to break him by living." Brittany looked down at herself, in what they'd refer to as her conferring with the baby.
"Yeah, look at Quinn, she's doing fine and she's still with us," Santana pointed out.
"What if I fall?" she asked.
"We don't want that either, but that doesn't mean you have to shut down like this. You're just living in fear of what may or may not happen, all you'll do is give yourself stress you don't need. You'll do him a bigger favor if you stay you," Kurt told her. "I'm not saying you shouldn't take it easy a little, but you don't have to stop altogether."
After that she had started to unwind, even if just a little at first. There was still something on her mind, and it took a couple more days for her to say anything about it. Already she'd missed Cheerios practice a few times. Surprisingly Coach Sylvester had not complained in any shape or form, which suggested two reasons: either she knew what was happening and she was being easy on her, or more likely to them she was biding her time until she could pounce. On that day though she had followed with Santana as they headed to the gym for practice…
The closer they got to the doors, the more Brittany could feel her heart beat in her ears, and then she just stopped. Santana looked back at her, found her there, terrified. "Brittany?"
"I can't do it," she shook her head, backing away.
"Hey, hey…" Santana hushed, moving up to her. "It's okay," she promised.
"No, I can't go in there," she continued backing away until she could sit down. Santana came up to her, lowered herself to sit at her side.
"Coach Sylvester won't yell… Well no more than usual," she tried for a smile and got one. "I won't leave your side, so you'll be okay," she promised.
"I have to quit the Cheerios," Brittany went right on with it. Santana sighed like she'd seen this coming but had been trying to ignore the possibility. "She'll kick me out anyway, so I want to do it myself." She looked down at herself, put a hand to her midsection. "I can do that for him," she nodded.
"He's lucky to have you," Santana smiled. "Not that I'm looking forward to Cheerios practice without both you and Quinn… I'll just cheer extra hard, once for myself and twice for the Moms," she joked.
"Okay," Brittany laughed.
So now there she was, the next morning, her decision made and needing to be carried out. But then she was so used to putting on her Cheerios uniform that this was what she'd started off doing. She was nearly done, too, reaching for the elastic to do her ponytail. But then her arms lifted and with them up went the uniform top, revealing a bit of her stomach. She stopped, looking at herself in the mirror. She let go and her hair fell back down. In all this the thing she hadn't actually considered was the fact she'd have to put on her own clothes instead.
She'd taken off the uniform again, moved to her closet. Her own clothes hadn't been so kind to her growing form, unlike her Cheerios uniform, which did give her some space. So the previous weekend Santana had shown up with a couple things she'd borrowed off Quinn, until she could go and get her own things. She hadn't tried them yet, but now she went to the bag which rested on the door handle to her closet. She pulled out the pants, put them on and was pleasantly surprised to find they fit. The shirt was her own, and when she'd finished redoing herself up, Brittany had stood with some amount of amazement. It wasn't like she didn't know what to expect completely. She'd been seeing herself change, day by day, week by week, but something about knowing what putting these clothes on meant just reset the way the sight of herself could be surprising. She was becoming a mother, even before her baby was born. It wasn't just about feeding and entertaining, there were choices to make, sacrifices… that was okay though. Today was the start.
A few hours later, Kurt left the boys' bathroom, vest free, and found Brittany at her locker. "Brittany?" he called to her and she looked up.
"Hey," she smiled.
"I heard what happened, about you quitting Cheerios?" She nodded slowly. "How did it go?"
"She didn't even know."
"She… didn't?"
"No, she said 'you're kidding, I had no idea.'" Kurt put on a smile to mask the envy to shake his head. "But it wasn't so bad," she shrugged.
"Are you sure? Are you okay? You're going to miss it, aren't you?"
"Sure," she nodded. "But that's alright. There are more important things." They walked off down the hall, silent at first.
"Like the outfit," he commented.
"Thanks," she smiled. "Feels weird not being in my uniform."
"I almost didn't recognize you."
"Yeah, me neither."
THE END
COUNTDOWN TO 801: 4 DAYS!
A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.
In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are
always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!
