This was written as a spur of the moment thing that I though i needed to add to my collection of stories. It's a very long one-shot, that spans a few months. It is to depict Draco's life had he not helped kill Dumbledore, been spirited way by Severus that night at the tower, and also if a traumatic event happened right after. This is rather dark stuff, with a happy ending, because, let's face it, we all like our happy endings. This story is something that took me awhile to do because of the short length, i wanted to do it all perfectly. I wanted to convey the emotion in just a few sentences instead of the drawn out story. I love Draco and his character because of the complexities that he offers, he is like a fallen angel and I wanted to show that more than anything in this story, and that all that fall can find their redemption, (Corny I know but true).
Draco stood in front of his mirror, his pale body naked, the moon streaming through the large window, his wand on the counter of his bathroom, as he looked at his reflection. Gently touching his reflection on the surface watching as it stayed solid under his finger tips. He looked into his eyes, tears forming as he saw his mother's face, the pain of loosing her ripping through his heart as he continued to looked at his own reflection.
The pain still fresh after having witnessed her death, his heart hurting all the more as he thought of the way she had been thrown away, into the forest so that animals could eat her flesh. He remembered screaming her name, trying to follow her lifeless body as it was tossed out of the moving carriage, only to be held down and raped repeatedly. He looked at his arms, the dark mark no longer marring his pale skin, his faith in his once master failing at the death of his mother and the imprisonment of his father.
Taking the knife gingerly in his hand, he felt the weight of the blade, balancing it on his fingers, watching in mild fascination as the knife tipped, the sharp blade cutting into his fingers. Lifting the knife once again, he pulled it along his skin, thin lines of red spilling onto the porcelain. Seeming to wake up from his little depression fest, he looked at the clock, quickly wiping the blood from his arms, the counter, the knife, before wrapping his arms in white gauze.
Walking through his dinky little hotel room, he lifted clothes off the floor, putting them on as he walked around, tight leather pants slashed in obscene places like his pelvic bone, under his right buttocks, and all over his legs, flashing his pale skin from he depths of midnight leather, a leather jacket studded with pyramids, tailored to his small frame, combat boots that went passed his calf. He stepped into the bathroom, looking at his reflection once again, grimacing as he looked at the hollows under his eyes, adding to the emptiness, his cheeks seeming hollow from lack of food, his pale skin a sickly pallor from the over use of drugs. Running his hand through his lank blonde hair he sneered at himself, before smashing the mirror, walking out of the bathroom, leaving the small room and heading out to the clubs that surrounded his 'neighborhood'.
He walked around for a little while, listening to the whispers of the night walkers as they looked after his body, licking their lips as they headed toward him, asking him if he was interested in a quick shag for a few bucks. The blonde smirked leaning against the cool brick wall, his eyes seductive as he ran his hand up on of their chests, fluttering his eye lashes before shaking his head in a negatory manner, watching as their faces fell in disappointment.
"Sorry boys, but need to get a fix before I work tonight." said the blonde, before walking passed them and back into the night.
He walked into a club, girating back into the bodies, as he stauntered further in to the darkness, into the back room, where the drug dealers did their work, where you could barter for your fix. He seated himself next to a dealer, draping his legs over the larger man's legs, stretching out getting the man's attention.
"Well, well, if it isn't Noir Lumière, nice of you to show your pretty face around here." he said, his smile creeping along his faces like spiders, slowly infected his eyes.
Draco smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. They pronounced it wrong, while they said Nor it was the more elegant nwar ; he hated that name, not only because he hadn't allowed himself to choose, just let them call him whatever they wanted to, no matter what, be it whore, slut, submissive, dominate, lover, or any other name they happened to think of. He became what they wanted him to be, so in a way the name that stuck was one of the things he had tried to get away from. He was the epitome of what they called him, the darkness that had invaded his soul at the age of 15 belied the pale delicacy he had on the outside.
"What do you want, baby?" asked the dealer, most of them nameless faces, known only by the room they sat in.
"You know what I want." he answered, his voice whisper-y, seductive, as he traced the outline of the man through his pants.
He shifted, his face taking on a whole new shape as he leant closer, capturing the blonde's lips in a kiss, bruising. Draco allowed it, his eyes dying just a little more. He knew that most in his 'profession' never allowed kisses on the lips, saying they were reserving their lips for loved ones, he didn't have anyone like that, at least not anymore. He leant back, allowing the dealer to cop a feel before pulling away from the hasty lips, a wicked smirk on his lips.
"I want my drugs, I need them before I do anything, baby." Draco whispered, straddling the man's thighs his long hair falling in a curtain around them. "Give it me."
The dealer hastily pulled out a vial of clear liquid, handing it to the boy on his lap, watching as it disappeared in a pocket, before talented,pale, long pianist fingers touched him, making him moan. Draco rolled his eyes, before standing pulling the man with him into the bathroom, allowing him to take him as he wanted, unprepared or anything. He shut his grey eyes tight feeling the pain of being ripped apart fading briefly in the haze of withdrawal.
He waited for the man to finish, wincing as he came into his abused channel, before he yanked up his pants and walked out of the stall, and out of the club and back on to the street, shoving his hands back into his pockets, hunching his shoulders as though he was in the cold. He stumbled some, tripped, but never fell, he was too proud to fall, to tired to realize what he was doing. He stumbled into his hotel room, feeling his stomach churn with whatever he had in there, something he couldn't remember. Hurriedly making his way to his bathroom, he emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl his hair getting in the way. He leant against the linoleum wall, reaching into his pocket he dragged out his drugs, digging around his cabients for the syriang, tying off a major blood vessel, inserting the small needle into the small vial, he injected it into his arm, banging his head against the wall in relief as the heroin hit his and slumping further down the wall, Draco sighed, laying on the floor of his bathroom, his eyes growing heavy as his world blurred and he knew it might be the end.
Voices. They tickled his senses, light burning his nerves with each ray on his overly sensitive skin. He knew these voices, could practically smell the magic rolling off them after having lived a magicless life for so long. He groaned, rolling over, opening his eyes against the light, feeling shadows cast over his vision, he couldn't bring himself to care, couldn't even manage to stir up any type of emotion.
"Fuck off." he said simply, rolling onto his stomach, immediately feeling a wave a nausea rolling in his stomach, making him stumble hurriedly to the bathroom. He heard steps but didn't care, as he hurled stomach acid into the bowl, tears collecting at the corners of his eyes as he dry heaved, coughing. He felt someone rubbing his back, holding his hair to the nape of his neck to keep it out of his face as he coughed, spitting into the bowl. His watery grey eyes looked back, meeting black, his face crumbling as he gazed into the face of his godfather. "Sev." he sobbed out, shutting his eyes against the image of those kind dark eyes shuttered against his.
"Shh, " the older man soothed, kneeling to wipe the blonde's face with a damp wash cloth, "I'm here now, I'm here."
Draco just sobbed, shame flooding his heart as he realized what he must look like, his hair, his clothes, his soul dirty under those all seeing eyes. Severus tried to pull him into his arms, but Draco beat him back, curling into to himself as his sobs shook his body, his head downcast, unable to meet those pain darkened eyes.
"Don't touch me." whispered the blonde, his voice drenched in fear and revulsion at himself.
"I'm getting you out of here." Severus said, his voice hard as stone. He walked from the bathroom and into the main room.
"I'm not worth it Sev." Draco whispered, wrapping his arms around his legs.
Severus looked around the room, his lip curling in revulsion as he saw everything, his heart filling with hurt as he realized exactly what Draco was doing here. He looked under his godson's pillow his frown deepening as he found more of the blonde's stash of alcohol, knowing the drugs were actually in the bathroom with the small blonde. He looked up, his eyes meeting those of Arthur Weasley, his dark eyes seeming to darken all the more as the redhead stood awkwardly in the room, careful not to touch anything.
"What do you want to do?" asked the redhead, looking up from hs shoes as he looked the dark haired man in the eye.
"I need to get him out of here, and back to Hogwarts."
"Do you plan to enroll him in classes?"
"I don't know, but he needs to get out of here."
"I understand."
Severus retreated back to the bathroom, shaking his head as he saw Draco passed out against the wall, his hands clutched in his lap. He gently knelt, his strong arms reaching around the small blonde, lifting him up, shaking his head when he felt how light the blonde was.
Arthur stepped aside, before taking the blonde in his arms, the blonde head tucked under his chin as though for one of his own children."We'll take him to the Burrow, and call Madame Pomphrey, she'll come to take care of him."
Severus nodded, gripping the taller man's shoulder, apparating them to the Burrow.
Molly stood bustling around the kitchen, her large frame moving swiftly around her domain, humming to herself as she worked, the smell of food cooking wafting through her empty nest. She smiled, hearing the kitchen door open not bothering to look up.
"Hello Arthur, Severus, what can I do for you?" asked the Weasley matriarch, looking up from her work, her smile dropping from her face as her eyes fell upon the dirty blonde creature that her husband carried in his arms.
She stepped swiftly toward him, smoothing back jaggedly cut blonde hair a gasp coming from her lips as she looked upon the Malfoy heir. She took her husband's arm, tugging him into the main sitting room, having him set the boy onto the couch, draping a blanket on his still form. "What happened to him?" she questioned, fleeing back to the kitchen, looking through her cabinets in search of something.
"We're not sure. We found him this morning on his bathroom floor." answered Severus watching as the woman scurried about her house. "He's on something, Muggle drugs most likely."
Molly nodded, her brow furrowing as she quickly peeled and cut an apple, her hands going through the familiar motions, her brain working as she thought of the pale boy on her couch, sadness flooding her as she thought about what drove a child to retreat from those that loved them.
A shout of pain shook her from her reverie, causing her to set the apple down on to a waiting plate, before walking out of the kitchen, to stare in horror as a child lay convulsing on the floor, the painful contractions of his muscles evident by his whimpers.
Draco stirred, shifting in his sleep, trying to open his eyes but failing miserably. He sighed, putting his arm over his eyes, blocking out the light. He stood slowly opening his eyes, furrowing his brow at the unfamiliar setting, a shiver running up his spine followed by others, wrecking his body with shakes. He fell, shouting in pain as his body convulsed, pain and cold stinging his senses with each electrical shock to his body.
Arms came around him, pulling him close and into warmth, stilling his shaking convulsing body against the large form. He looked up, his eyes clamped tight in pain, forcing them open he saw the eyes of Severus, his godfather's voice coming in an echo through his senses, as he lost consciousness, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as the pain over took his body so completely, making him slump out of Severus's arms and on to the floor.
Severus wrapped his body in a blanket, holding his shaking form firmly in its fabric confines, tearing his dark eyes away from him to look at the Golden Trio and Ginny standing in the door way, their eyes wide in horror as they watched the scene before them.
Molly acted quickly, ushering the children out of the room and into the kitchen, locking the door behind her as she went to help Severus, Arthur left to deal with the children's questions as she and Severus worked on Draco.
Arthur smiled invitingly, seating himself at the kitchen table, munching on a plate of sliced, peeled, and cored apples. He tilted his head towards the seats across from him.
"Well," said the patriarch of the Weasley family, offering the gathering children some of the apple slices, "What is it you need?"
"What is Malfoy doing here?" Ron asked, his freckled face tinting purple in his rage.
"He's very ill at the moment, so we are reluctant to move him, at least until Madame Pomphrey comes to look over him." explained the older red head, his face very serious.
"Where has he been for nearly a year? Frolicking and rutting with some Deather Eaters in some chateau in France?" Ginny nearly spat, her brown eyes staring at the table cloth.
"None of that." Arthur reprimanded gently, but firmly, "Now, it's time you all know that Malfoy is not a death eater, but a spy. We found Mrs. Malfoy dead on the doorstep of the school, we take it as a warning to those that go to Hogwarts and who are death eaters, that this will happen to them. That is all we know about his disappearance."
The small group sat silently in the kitchen, the air tense around as the eldest Weasley took a bite of apple, watching their faces as they sat in thought. Hermione sighed, standing to her feet so she could stand against the counter, feeling stifled by the group, her brain failing to function under the weight of information that had just been given to her. Ron and Ginny continued to sit by their father, their faces downcast, looking at the tablecloth as they thought. Harry sat back silently, running his large hands through his shoulder length black hair, his bottle green eyes shuttered from the emotions that tied themselves to the youngest Malfoy, his brain arguing against his heart.
Molly bustled back into the kitchen, her portly frame managing to move quickly through the space, gathering ice as she clucked as though trying to remember exactly what she needed for the boy in the other room. She hummed a song under her breath, the old lullaby seeming to comfort the children that sat nervously in the room. Molly gently shoved Hermione out of her way, opening the cabinet that bushy haired witch had been blocking.
"Madame Pomphrey is on her way, loves, you might want to stay in here." she said, almost absent mindedly, as she found what she had been looking for, an exclaimation of surprise catching the small group off guard. They grabbed their wands instinctively, the wooden shafts pointed toward the surprised matriarch.
They sighed, wands disappearing hastily back into pockets and robes before the red headed woman turned a bright smile on her worn face. She tutted at them, her brown eyes seeming to know everything about them, yet nothing at all, her smile at once secretive and bold.
"I must be getting back out to the common room," she said, gathering a towel under her arm in case she felt the need to use it." Now, Ginny love, watch the dinner for mum, and don't let it burn."
Ginny nodded, grumbling under her breath about mothers, work, and a vaguely inspired insult about how some people were made for the kitchen, earning her a sound smack with the towel for her trouble, which indeed sent her into more grumbling. The older woman smiled indulgently, placing a quick kiss on each child's cheek as well as her husband's, she left the room, humming to herself as she made her back to the couch.
Madame Pomphrey came gracefully through the floo system, her matronly dress flaring out slightly as she stepped through, sweeping around her as she walked further into the house. She spotted Severus, quickly, and purposefully walking up to the dark haired man, her mouth setting in a hard line at the sight of the small blonde on the couch.
Draco was curled in the fetal position on the couch, his small body curling into itself as he shivered, his shoulders wreaked with shakes, his teeth chattering as the cold about his bones settled into his muscles, making him achy, his body already sore from the sex he had had the night before. His grey eyes narrowed into slits, as he tried to slink away from her, trying to make himself as small as possible as to avoid her notice.
Poppy sighed, setting her bag of supplies onto the coffee table, hurriedly taking out vials of potions, her hands moving quickly and efficiently. She pulled out her wand, holding the long, slender piece of wood in her hand as she took a step toward the small teen. "Now, Mr. Malfoy, I need you to uncurl yourself and sit up if you can." she said, raising an eyebrow as her patient huddled into a tighter ball, his shivers seeming to become worse as the minutes passed. Rolling her eyes she sighed, seating herself on the edge of the couch, setting down her wand folding her hands in her lap as she waited for him to look at her.
"Draco, come now, you know I won't hurt you, dear." she coaxed gently as though to a wounded animal, her voice low, her eyes steady as her hand moved where he could see it. "I need to look you over, pet."
"Hurts." he gasped out, his grey eyes dull with pain.
"I know, precious, I know. I can make you better, sweet, I can help the pain go away."
Draco looked away from her, his grey eyes turning to look at the old blanket he had wrapped around his shaking body. "I'm not worth your help." he whispered, ducking his head as though fearing an affirmation.
Poppy lowered her hand, her face paling as she looked to Severus, her eyes shocked. Severus shut his eyes, until the pain in his gaze banked, his dark eyes turning to the closest thing he had to a child of his own, his hand remaining at his side. Poppy nodded, understanding the unspoken message asking her to hold her questions until later.
"No, love, your not worthless." she soothed gently, reaching out her hand to touch him, laying her hand lightly on his shoulder, watching as he flinched away from her contact, scuttling into the corner of the couch. "Let me help you Draco, let us help you get better."
"Nothing can help me, I'm dirty, you don't even know how dirty I am." he sobbed, placing his hand over his mouth to smother his sobs."You have no idea how dirty I am."
Poppy moved closer, humming gently under her breath a comforting lullaby that she would hum to all her hurting patients, her heart clenching at the boy's words. She remembered the old Draco Malfoy, the boy who complained, who wanted the attention, who just wanted to be noticed for what he was instead of the amount of money his parents were worth. She felt tears pulling at the corners of her eyes as she gently placed her hand on his shaking shoulder, shushing him as he whimpered as though the contact with another human being hurt him. "That's my good boy, there, there." she hushed, wrapping her arm around his too thin shoulders, feeling him shake against her.
She lifted a vial, holding him against her as she gently coaxed his head to tilt back, rubbing his arm as he slolwy drank the potion. He winced, trying to pull away, but she held him firm, forcing him to drink the rest of the bitter potion. He relaxed against her, reveling in her warmth.
"Poppy," Draco murmured sleepily, his head lolling to the side.
"Yes, dear." she said, brushing the lank dirty blonde hair way from his face.
"You drugged me." he said, his voice barely above a whisper, as he fought to stay awake.
"It's all right, you're with friends." she said, helping him lay back against the couch, her hand touching his cheek."Dear, I need you to tell me what you're on. You are going into withdrawal, I need to know, Draco."
"I don't know anymore." he murmured, his eyes shutting, sleep taking over his body, relaxing his face making him look like a child.
Madame Pomphrey sighed, running her fingers through his hair, as she watched him shake even in his sleep, her dark eyes sad. She looked at Severus, his dark eyes looking at the young boy that slept on the couch, his head bowed as he reached his hand to touch the limp hand, sliding it back under the covers tenderly, pulling the covers up around his chin, placing a kiss on his head.
"I will need to run diagnostic spells on him, in order to see exactly what he has been doing to his body." she said, gently stroking his pale cheek, as he whimpered in his sleep. "Severus, where did you find him?"
"London." he said.
"Why did it take you so long to find him?"
"He was in the red light district."
Poppy looked sharply at him, her eyes looking into his face, in case a lie lay within those dark eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, her heart feeling as though it may tear itself in two.
"We found him in a seedy hotel laying on the bed, the syriange was on the floor in the bathroom." Severus said,"He never withdrew any money from his Gringgrots account."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
An hour after Molly had shoved the children into the kitchen, Harry slowly entered the sitting room, his dark green eyes immediately falling on the sleeping blonde, memorizing the image the small blonde made, feeling his skin, breath, heart beat, with his eyes, his body seeming to freeze in the center of the room, his own breathing pounding in his ears as he looked at the boy, his too skinny body shaking. The dark haired boy stepped forward, catching the attention of the adults in the room, his eyes staring into each other theirs.
"I would like to know what's going on." said the Boy-Who-Lived, his eyes serious, his standing as though he was ready for a fight.
Poppy sighed, standing from her seat, gently pulling Harry into a corner, her eyes telling the boy she would have none of his hero act, not with something this serious. ", this is very different from dealing with dark lords and little teenage crushes. This is a very serious situation that can't be solved with just a flick of the wrist and a few muttered phrases in Latin. Mr. Malfoy is very sick, and may not want to be saved from his problems."
"What does he have?"
"A serious drug problem."
Harry looked at her, his brow furrowing, his mind reeling with the information she had just given him. Draco, his lover, his boyfriend, his best friend, was an addict. He walked passed her, his face becoming rigid, his eyes staring at the sleeping blonde. He sat silently next to the blonde, his eyes seeing something that had yet to really be present in their relationship. He felt the need to help Draco, to make him better, to love him again even if Draco didn't want him to, even if Draco tried to push him away he wouldn't let him, because he loved him.
Madame Pomphrey sighed, backing away from the boy, a small smile tracing her lips as she saw the determination in his face ran his hands through the limp blonde hair, kneeling beside the sleeping boy. Harry felt the warm skin with his lips, his cheek, he came up wanting. Wanting the warm skin beneath him, feeling the safe embrace as the shorter boy held him as though he was fragile, wanting the love that had left him in an empty bed only months before, no letter, note, or anything to communicate the reason behind his disappearance. After three months of sleeping on the couch, staying up in the common room, waiting for him to come back, his heart aching every time someone else opened that door, he had packed up his lover's clothes to place in his trunk to give to the potionsmaster, folding them neatly, searching the pockets, the crevasses, searching for a note to him, just for him. He never found one.
"What do I need to do to make him better? To make him the way he was?"
"I don't know if he can ever really be healed, Harry. He's been missing for so long, we can't even begin to understand what he's be through, out there on his own." said the medi-witch. "Harry," she continued on hesitantly.
"Yeah?" asked the taller boy, his green eyes looking up from his blonde lover's face to star at the medi-witch.
"There is evidence that Mr. Malfoy had sexual intercourse, before Severus found him. I thought you should know that."
Harry shut his eyes, nodding his head, breathing in deeply to calm himself. "Thanks for the head's up, Poppy." he said.
Draco's grey eyes popped open, frantic and restlessly darting around the room as he shoved himself into the furthest corner of the couch, fear tracing his gaunt features as he looked at the room filled with familiar faces, his thin chest heaving with each breath, his pale pianist hands clutching the ragged fabric of the sofa, his nails ripping holes into the old cloth. Severus stood slowly, his hands out in front of him, his dark eyes shuttered of emotion as he moved toward the scared boy. The blonde backed away from him as though he didn't know him, those grey eyes tortured and frantic as he stood from the couch, stepping clumsily from the surface as he headed for the door.
"Draco."
"Stop it!" the blonde shouted, sinking to the floor, his hands over his shell like ears. "I can't take it. Please, Sev, please! I need it!"
"No you don't, Draco." the older man said, his dark eyes hard as he moved toward the frightened blonde.
"You have no idea what it feels like Sev!" the boy sobbed, his body wrecked with shakes and chills. "I need it Sev, please, I'll do anything."
Severus knelt on the floor, sighing as he looked at the boy. "Come Draco, let's get some food into you, get you a bath, clean you up."
"No, no, no. I...I need it Sev, please." the boy begged, latching on to the dark robes of the older man.
Harry watched the scene from a distance, his heart constricting as he looked at the expression the on small blonde's face, the tired need that seemed to radiate from those eyes, that could be so cold, so distant.
"I'm sorry, Draco" the potionsmaster murmured, running his fingers though the blonde hair. "I wish I could, I would if I knew it wasn't killing you, but I can't, Draco. I love you too much."
Draco shoved the older man away, his grey eyes blazing with dull fire as he stood shakily to his feet, a tired, sick, deranged laugh falling from his lips. "You love me? You fucking love me? Then why weren't you there, Sev? Where were you when I screamed for you, for all of you!" the teenager screamed, looking at the familiar faces that dotted the room. "I kept screaming for you until they took my voice. I screamed, fought, and cried until they tied me down and used me! You abandoned me! You left me there! You let me become a I'm a failure!"
"You're not a failure, Dray." said Harry, his eyes earnest as he stepped toward the blonde, his arms ready to hold the fragile looking boy.
Those tortured grey eyes turned to him, a sharp knife edge seeming to flash at the green eyed boy. "You're right, Potter," the blonde said, a wicked smile curving his bow lips,"I'm the same as you. I can't kill anybody, I couldn't save my mother, I couldn't save myself! Merlin, if it wasn't for my pureblood principles, we would have gone all the way, and it probably would have been special to loose my virginity."
Harry's face crumpled, feeling his body moving toward the damaged blonde, his heart hurting as he realized exactly what the blonde was saying to him. "Oh Merlin, Dray. Baby, I'm so sorry - "
"Don't you dare 'Baby' me! They raped me! Theyraped me! They killed her and then they raped me! They made me watch as they cruio'd her to death, then raped me after they threw her body out, like garage, like rubbish, like filth! They killed her, and you couldn't do anything! They killed her! She was nothing to them, she was nothing to you, and I'm nothing to you!"
"That's not true and you know it Draco." said Harry, feeling his eyes fill with tears. "I love you. I love you for your mind, your weird little comments about people, your fascination with potions, for your shyness about kissing in public or showing affection."
"Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! I have nothing to offer anyone, my body is useless, my mind is warped, who would want me? I don't even want me, who would want me?"
"I want you Dray, we want you. We love you."
"We?" the blonde asked hesitantly.
"Severus, Lucius, and me; we love you Dray."
"No you don't! I'm just some stupid, little whore off the street whose no good to any body except for a fuck, not even good enough to...love." Draco choked out, covering his mouth with his hands as though to drown out his sobs.
Harry grabbed the blonde, falling to the floor with him as he thrashed to get away, his emaciated body struggling weakly against Harry's, his sobs breaking through his voice as he was pinned to the floor, as the large boy held him to intimately, shushing him sobs, kissing the tears from those wide silver eyes that the boy wonder had fallen in love with. "I love you, I love you, I love you..." Harry repeated, holding the boy close to his chest, his own tears falling from his eyes as he held the slytherin fiercely, cradling to his body against his, feeling the blonde trembling in his arms, those simple words becoming a mantra for the dark haired boy.
Draco struggled against the taller boy, thrashing wildly in his arms as he fought to get away, to hide from the words that were seeming to spill out of the gryffindor's mouth, staining his soul with the pure naivety that it exhibited. It burned into him, branding him with a mark that overpowered the dark lord's mark. He gave up, his body too weak to continue struggling, his hope dying, mouth moving to voice his hurt as he lay limply against the taller, stronger boy, tears staining the Gryffindor's shirt.
Gently, Severus pulled the blonde from the Gryffindor's arms, holding the frail blonde close as he continued to mumble, smoothing his dirty hair from his face as he moved behind Molly, up into the upstairs portion of The Burrow, the boy sobbing against his chest as all the thoughts and fears from the last few months were spilt on to the walls of their hearts, the pain and hope that edged each word hurting and healing as the boy allowed them out of his mind and into the air.
Days passed, months, and seasons following in the wake of the arrival. A routine sprang from within the depths of the house, creating something that the inhabitants could live with, so long as everything ran smoothly. The seemed to shrink back, encasing himself in his pain, peering out of his cocoon that he had made around himself in the months that he had been away, trying to regain something of himself that had been left in the woods that night.
The mornings were the worst. He would sit up in bed, his white blonde hair plastered to his sweat slicked forehead tremors shaking his frail shoulders as nightmares and the lack of drugs plagued his system, causing him pain, a mental and physical anguish that he could not escape himself. On mornings like that, Harry would curl around him in bed, pulling him back into the comfort of his arms, shushing the pain and hurt in the blanket of his arms. The Gryffindor would hold him close, his bare chest a welcoming respite from the night terrors that woke him from the nothingness of Morpheus's grasp.
They weren't dreams or nightmares, they were events that came back to the teen, as though reminding him of what he had vowed never to become, having seen those so close to him fall into the traps of the drugs, the sex, the abortions. He could still feel Blaise in his arms, his body dry heaving as he tried to regain any type of control even if is was just for a moment. The Italian had began his addiction as a way to drown out the pain of loosing his love, his only to the dark side of the war, if only for a moment, the damage was done. The blonde could still see the pain in his eyes as he was held down as a seizure scared them, scarring them.
Pansy hadn't been as lucky as the boys had been. Pregnant and tired, she had taken her own life, deathly pale body curled around her rounded stomach as she pushed the baby from her body, the squalling of the infant seeming to urge her to live on, only to realize too late, tears streaming down her face as she breathed her last in the pale boy's arms, a sad smile curving her face as she felt the life leave her womb, and as the Malfoy heir held her, feeling the girl he had known as a sister, disappear into the darkness of death.
In the cooler months they moved to the roof of the house, sitting in the cold, wrapped in a blanket from their shared bed, the blonde tucked under the taller boy's chin, his grey eyes staring off into the whiteness that was so pure, pure as the first day of a newborn. Harry had made a mistake, sitting wrapped under that blanket in the cold, their bodies wrapped and folded, and halved on, in and around each other. Whispered sentiments of love and devotion, of promises to protect and cherish, even in death.
The blonde untangled himself, sitting in the cold alone, trying, his voice almost pleading to make the Gryffindor understand.
"No one loves me, don't even try that one. No one came for me, Potter. Not you, or your stupid Order, not the aurors who knew I was missing, no one came for me, do you know why? Because I'm worthless, because no one loves me, because I have nothing to offer them. My body isn't even good enough anymore, they always want more, and more and more, and then there is nothing left to give because you've given all you have and...and...and your heart is torn, and your eyes are red from the tears and the drugs, and your body is hurting from the fucking, and you've got bruises everywhere, and all you want to do is lay down and die, because then the world wouldn't hurt anymore, and your eyes could see again, and you didn't hurt from it, but..." Draco stammered.
"...but..but then you realize Sev is gonna miss you, because he has no one else, and that dad may somehow get out of Azkaban, and that you could all move to Paris, and that you could have a family again, and...and.. and then you realize your a murderer that kills infants before they have a chance and you steal the ingredients you need for those abortion potions because you become addicted to those as well because nothing else matters, because the man you look up to is in Azkaban, and Sev has nightmares because he's immune to dreamless sleeppotions, and you...you...you can't sleep. Every time you close your eyes you see all the dead babies, and your dead mum, and you see yourself getting raped, and you need a fix because it all hurts and that just takes the edge off... and you know its not a cure, you still feel them, you still...still know that it will all come back and that you'll die in the snow, and Sev is going to have to bury you if he finds your body which you hope he never finds cause after all Sev's been through he needs to have a little hope left and you know that you were that hope."
Harry would hold him close in those moments, his tears dripping down his cheeks as he held the boy he loved, close and hard, and pressing kisses to his lips, just to take the edge off. Draco would cuddle close, his eyes hurting, his throat raw as though he had cried, and screamed, his body sore as he was held until there were bruises on is body from where Harry had held him so tightly.
Will we ever be okay?
Came the unspoken question, weighing heavily on their minds, as they held each other.
Not now...But we will be.