For Platon.

This is a Steven x Peridot story. If Steven x Peridot stories are not your thing, I suggest you turn back now, because I will not be all that happy if every single comment I get is a complaint that it's a Steven x Peridot story. You have been warned.

BETTER TOGETHER

"What do we do now?" Peridot asked in a small, broken voice.

Steven couldn't think of anything to say to that. How was he supposed to help her deal with losing her best friend when he couldn't even help himself? And so for the next few minutes, he sat there in silence, staring at his unresponsive phone until Pumpkin nudged his hand and whined. He absently reached out and patted her, and then climbed to his feet. "I should go," he began.

Peridot opened her mouth to ask him stay and then closed it again. "OK," she said instead.

If Steven hadn't been so preoccupied with his own pain, he might have noticed her hesitation, but instead, he simply walked away and left her there. Peridot tried very hard not to mind, but it was difficult and in the end, she gave up. What was the point in pretending to be happy all the time if people still left you anyway? She was just so tired of hiding her real feelings. Suddenly, almost mutinously, she reached out for her tablet, the only thing she had left, and put on the most depressing music she could find and then slumped over the edge of the bathtub and just let her real feelings take over, for the first time in months.

xxx

Peridot hadn't wanted to be cheered up, but after a couple of days, Amethyst had insisted she come out of the bathroom. So instead of sulking in the bathroom, she'd sulked on the train instead and even attempted some sulking in the Kindergarten. But it was impossible for her to keep up her relentlessly miserable mood once she'd discovered the flower there and they'd decided to try planting more. She was cautiously hopeful; if she could help plants grow in the Kindergarten after 5000 years, then maybe she really could help Lapis Lazuli too, maybe all her efforts hadn't been a waste of time after all. And despite everything, it had been fun, and for a few hours, she managed to forgot that her home and her possessions and her friend were all in outer space. She hadn't been able to fix Lapis, but they'd been able to fix the Kindergarten. Or so she thought. Finding out that everything had withered and died overnight had been like a punch in the stomach. But after talking to Steven and Amethyst, she found that she really did feel a little better and after she'd showered to wash away the feeling of literally being eaten alive, she sat down on the sofa with her tablet and began making meticulous notes for their next garden.

In the kitchen, Steven finished washing up and picked up his phone. There were no new messages, and he sighed and slipped it into his pocket and made for the stairs to his room. Peridot saw the flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye and looked up. "Steven?"

Steven turned to face her, pasting a smile on his face as he did so. "Yeah?"

"Would you like to assist me in planning our next garden?"

Steven hesitated and briefly touched the phone in his pocket. What he really wanted to do was go to his room and text Connie about what had happened that day in the hope of getting some sort of response. But he was tired of hoping and being let down. It was exhausting. And so he nodded instead. "Sure." He sat down next to her and looked at the tablet screen, which was showing pictures of cacti. "What are you looking at?"

"Plants that can grow in sandy soil," Peridot explained. "I thought perhaps this time, we should try planting a garden a little closer to home."

"That's a good-" His phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket, and he yanked it out at once and gazed hopefully at the screen.

One new message

You've used 80% of your monthly data allowance. It'll renew on...

Steven's shoulders slumped and he dropped the phone on the seat next to him. "Sorry. You were saying?"

Peridot narrowed her eyes and put her tablet aside. "What's wrong?"

"Well..." Steven shifted uncomfortably. "Connie's a little mad at me. But it's fine, I'm fine!"

"LIAR!" she yelled, making him jump violently. "I saw you! You're doing the exact same thing I've been doing, smiling and laughing and pretending everything's just wonderful, because you don't want to upset anyone or let anyone down. And I'm telling you now, it doesn't work, so you might as well let yourself have feelings!"

"OK, fine!" he snapped. "I'm not fine! I'm unhappy! It's been more than a week now and Connie still won't talk to me! And I get why she's upset now, but how can I tell her that when she won't speak to me? I sent her a ton of messages, and then I thought 'no, I gotta give her space' and stopped, but that didn't work either and I don't know what to do!" His eyes filled up with tears and he buried his face in his hands. "And... and if I can't fix this, how am I supposed to fix everything else?"

"Tell me about it."

Steven let out a small, sniffly giggle and she smiled. "No, really," she persisted. "It actually helps!"

"...OK." He sighed, wiped his eyes and sat up again. "I'm using this argument with Connie as a way to avoid thinking about all the other things I've messed up, but the longer she keeps avoiding me, the scarier everything else looks. So I'm obsessing over this more so I don't have to think about all the other people I've let down and hurt."

Peridot nodded in understanding. "Like me with the gardening."

"Like you with the gardening," Steven repeated. He stared blankly across the room for a minute, recalling the events of the day. "Is there really nothing we can do for the Kindergarten? At all?"

"No." Peridot shook her head. "There's nothing left in the soil to sustain life. The compost we put down was supposed to compensate for that, but as you saw, it didn't work."

"The next one will be better," Steven promised. "Better than the one at the barn, even." He hesitated for a moment and then blurted out the question that had been bothering him for the last few days. "Why didn't you tell anyone you were so unhappy in the barn?"

Peridot frowned and hugged her knees. "I wasn't exactly... unhappy," she said slowly. "It wasn't all bad, we did have some good times. But it wasn't what I was expecting." She glanced over at Steven, who gave her a slightly watery encouraging smile, and so she continued. "When I first asked to stay there, it was after weeks of being your prisoner, and I was looking forward to a little privacy. Then Lapis wanted to stay there as well and although I will admit I was disappointed, I knew it was my fault she was trapped here, and so I accepted the situation and tried to help her feel better. But..." She bit her lip. "I thought I'd have help. I thought the Crystal Gems – or Garnet and Pearl, at least - would come by and talk to her as well. I mean," she said with a harsh laugh, "what do I know of war or fusion? And a couple of months as your prisoner hardly compares to thousands of years of solitary confinement in an object! I'm thir-far too new," she quickly corrected. "I lacked the necessary knowledge and experience to help her overcome her trauma."

Her slip hadn't gone unnoticed, and Steven narrowed his eyes, suddenly curious. "Peridot, how old are you?"

"I... I'm a fully grown gem," she said cautiously, but Steven was already shaking his head.

"That's not what I asked. I already know gems are fully grown when they emerge, that doesn't mean anything. Connie said Lapis said you were both thousands of years old, but that's not true, is it?"

"No," Peridot admitted. "Lapis assumed that I was older and I didn't think she'd take me seriously if she knew the truth. She had already made it clear that my experience of being held prisoner was nothing compared to hers, and I didn't want to give her any further reason to dismiss me."

"So how old are you really?" Steven persisted.

She groaned and hugged her knees tighter. "You'll laugh at me."

He shook his head at once. "I won't, I promise."

"I'm... thirteen," she said to her knees.

And even though Steven had half-expected it, it was still a shock to hear it aloud. "Thirteen!? Seriously!?"

"Seriously," she muttered.

"But... that's even younger than me!" But looking back now, it was painfully obvious. She was too smart and too curious to know so little about Pink Diamond and the war on the planet she'd been sent to check up on. She hadn't even known how to properly use the blaster in her limb enhancers, and she'd been so reliant on them that she hadn't even been able to run properly when she first lost them.

"That's why I didn't tell anyone. It didn't matter back on Homeworld," she explained. "But I knew nobody here would take me seriously, so I just let you all think what you wanted."

Steven shook his head slowly in disbelief. "And we just left you two there."

"I thought I could handle it." She smiled bitterly. "I was wrong. I tried..."

She stared moodily into the distance, remembering her clumsy attempts to talk to Lapis about being fused with Jasper. "After that boat trip, I really tried, but I guess... Jasper was supposed to be my escort, she wasn't supposed to get trapped here," she struggled to explain. "And I asked about her and I suppose it must have come across as me caring more about Jasper than her, and she freaked out." She opened her mouth to continue and then stopped herself. Steven didn't need to know exactly how the truck had ended up lodged in the barn. "It was a little scary," she said instead. "After that... I decided it would be safer to wait until she decided she wanted to talk, and in the meantime, I concentrated on behaving the exact opposite of how I'd been on the ship. Peppy and amusing and non-threatening." She grimaced slightly. "I couldn't ever be sad or angry or worried, not even when you were taken to Homeworld. And I hated that!" She hugged her knees closer and hid her face. "I know what Homeworld's like and I was so worried about you, but I had to pretend I wasn't worried at all and keep coming up with all these stupid excuses to calm Lapis down instead, like 'oh, Steven will be fine, he's probably made friends with Aquamarine and Topaz and he's on his way home right now!'"

Steven shifted uncomfortably because of course, that had almost happened, and he mentally kicked himself for not doing more to convince Topaz. "You should've told us you were struggling," he said instead and reached over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."

Peridot uncurled slightly and let herself lean on him. Deep down, she knew he was right, she should've asked for help, but she'd felt responsible for Lapis's situation and wanted to be the one to make things better. And when the Crystal Gems hadn't asked her to help with anything else, she'd figured that they wanted her to be the one to deal with Lapis. She didn't want to let them know that she was seriously out of her depth. "I'll remember that next time," she said vaguely, and then quickly changed the subject. "So, now you know all about my feelings," she said, pulling a face as she spoke. "What about you? Why do you think you've let people down? What even happened on Homeworld?" She turned to face him as she asked the last question. "You never really got much of a chance to explain."

Steven groaned. He didn't really want to think about how badly he'd messed everything up, but he suspected that now Peridot had talked about all her problems, she wasn't going to let him avoid doing the same. "Well," he began reluctantly. "I don't know how much the gems told you-"

"Not much," Peridot said dryly. "They just called and said Aquamarine and Topaz had come and taken you to Homeworld but not to worry, they were going to get you back. Then they called back a little later and said you were home, but you needed rest and not to disturb you. And that was all we knew until I called you and you told us the Diamonds put you on trial."

"Huh. OK... there's a few gaps there I should probably fill in." Steven paused for a moment, wondering where to begin. "Well... it started when random humans started going missing. Lars, Onion, Sadie... then I ran into Aquamarine and she asked if I'd seen 'my dad'. And for a little while, I thought she was a gem hybrid too, until I mentioned Connie..."

A cold chill ran through Peridot. She recognized those names. "Were- were they simply kidnapping random humans?"

"No." Steven shook his head. "It was my fault, they had a list..." He trailed off, suddenly realizing exactly who he was talking to. "Uh-"

"It was the list you gave me, wasn't it?" Peridot said miserably. "None of this was your fault at all, it was mine!"

"No!" Steven leapt to his feet and grabbed her shoulders. "Don't you dare think that! The gems told me to stay hidden and I ignored them! It's my fault, you never would've had the list if I'd done what they said!"

"But I reported it," Peridot protested. "I gave them the names, I even reported the Crystal Gems! It's my fault you were taken!"

"No it's not!" Steven said again, racking his brains for a more convincing argument. "You were just doing your job. I mean, what would've happened if you hadn't made that report?" he blustered.

Peridot hesitated. "I... I would have been punished worse, I suppose."

"Right!" He nodded vehemently. The he paused and reran her words through his head. "Wait, what do you mean, punished worse? They punished you for that?"

"Of course." She looked mildly surprised that he'd ever thought any different. "It was a special mission for Yellow Diamond and I'd failed."

"Well..." He shook his head, trying not to think about Peridot being punished by some horrible supervisor like Holly Blue Agate. "There you go. You had to tell them. So it's not your fault."

"It's still not your fault either," Peridot said obstinately. "What would have happened if you hadn't told me the names?"

Steven hesitated. He knew it was a trick question somehow, but he couldn't see how. "Uh... nobody would've been kidnapped and everything would be fine?"

"WRONG!" she shouted, making him jump. "Blue Diamond had already kidnapped somebody without using the list, remember? And when you all went to rescue him, she was already planning to kidnap more humans! The list just gave her an idea of which ones to take! Don't you see?" she said urgently, staring into his wide, startled eyes. "Without the list leading them to your friends in Beach City, she would've just had humans randomly stolen from around the globe and they might never have been recovered! Because of your list, the only person who was taken was you!"

"And Lars," Steven interjected.

"I don't know who that is," Peridot admitted. "But I assume he has returned safely as well?"

Steven's face fell and he turned away. "No," he said bluntly. "He died."

"Oh." Peridot's face fell as well. "Steven, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I saved him though." Steven smiled wryly. "It turns out I have healing tears after all." He sighed and sat back down next to her again. "But he's come back... different."

"Is... is that bad?" Peridot asked cautiously.

"I don't know," Steven admitted. "I've been really busy not thinking about it." He drummed his fingers on the seat next to him, trying to figure out where to begin. "He's like Lion now. He's pink and there's a portal in his hair like the one in Lion's mane. That's how I got home, actually, they're linked. But obviously he couldn't get into his own head, so he's stuck there with the Off Colors."

"Off Colors?" Peridot asked, momentarily distracted.

"Yeah!" He nodded enthusiastically. "They're really nice gems, they helped us escape and hide out in the Kindergarten." Then he sighed heavily. "But we were followed by these robonoids, and they were gonna shatter the Off Colors, so Lars fought them and won. But that's when he got hurt."

"You know, I heard rumours of the existence of surviving off color gems," Peridot mused. "But I never saw any of them myself." She smiled brightly. "That's good though, they're obviously very good at hiding! That means your friend should be safe with them now."

"I hope so." He glanced at his phone and slumped back a little more against the back of the sofa. "I can't check up on him without Lion though, and I don't know where he is."

"That's definitely not your fault," Peridot said firmly.

"Mmm," Steven mumbled unconvincingly. "But-"

"No buts. If it's not my fault, even though I'm literally the gem who reported the list to Homeworld in the first place, then it's not your fault either. In fact," she continued, suddenly inspired, "I'll tell who who's fault it is. The Diamonds!" she declared, waving her hands for emphasis. "They're the ones who created the Cluster and kidnapped people and sent the robonoids after you!"

Steven's breath caught in his throat. It was something he simply hadn't even thought to take into account, and she was right. He could've done absolutely nothing at all and the Diamonds still would've taken people and sent robonoids after the Off Colors. "It's not my fault," he whispered in awe. "It's really not."

"Right!" Peridot exclaimed in delight.

A heavy weight seem to vanish from his chest, and he impulsively leaned over and hugged Peridot tight. "Thank you. I feel much better now."

"Aheh." She blushed and smiled shyly. "You're welcome."

The flood of relief that had washed over him swept away a lot of the nervous, jittery tension that had plagued him for the past weeks, and all of a sudden, he found he was exhausted. "I'm gonna go and get some rest now," he said, and stood up and stretched, hopeful that tonight he might actually get a good night's sleep. "I'll see you in the morning."

"OK. Good night, Steven."

"Good night, Peridot."

He climbed the steps to his room, changed, and fell into bed. He wasn't even aware of the fact that he hadn't checked his phone again before doing so.

xxx

So, thanks to the very inspiring events in canon, Living Arrangements is currently on hold and will return after Christmas.