Another Short, another skit for a giggle.
The Ozmone plain was usually cold at night, but tonight it was particularly cold. The tents were one a piece, Balthier thought it would prevent any uncomfortable situations…he was wrong.
"Balthier? Can I come in?" Basch asked, he sounded strained.
"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Captain Ronsenburg?" the pirate smugly replied, welcoming the knight into his tent.
"I need…paper," he replied, his voice stressed.
"Paper?" Balthier queried, amused to what was unfolding.
"Toilet paper," Basch raised his eyebrows, "you know."
"What happened to yours?"
"Vaan decided to mummify Penelo last night."
Balthier laughed, "So that's what that noise was about." Balthier retrieved his pack and rummaged through his belongings, "Funny, I could have sworn I had another roll."
Basch groaned, "It's quite a pressing issue."
"Penelo's cooking?"
"How'd you guess?"
Balthier blindly grabbed a magazine from his pack, throwing it to the knight, "Best of luck."
Basch disappeared and silence once again descended on the camp site. Balthier decided to read his favourite article in his favourite magazine…Viera Vixens. Relaxing back on his cot, he reached into his bag to retrieve said magazine. With anticipation, he awaited the nude, Viera lesbians on the cover, but what he found was something quite different; Popular Weapons magazine. A cold dread came down on him; he'd given Basch the wrong magazine. Maybe if he's quick, he could get to Basch in time to swap the booklets.
With all the speed he could muster, Balthier ran over to the bushes where he suspected Basch to be.
"What the F…" Basch fell over, his shorts around his ankles.
"Sorry, I gave you the wrong magazine."
"Balthier!" Basch's face was extremely red.
"Are you alright?"
"What do you think?"
"Right, I'll just take that…"
Basch pulled the magazine out of Balthier's reach, "I need it now!"
"Please, it's a special issue!"
Basch looked down at the cover, his eyes nearly popped out of his head, "You read this?"
"At times."
"Why are the pages stuck together?"
"Um…" Balthier shied away.
"Balthier! That's disgusting!" he recoiled, throwing the magazine at him.
"Yes, yes but how do they…" he showed Basch one of the X-rated pictures.
"Oh gods, I didn't know that was physically possible!" Basch gasped half horrified, half impressed.
"You should see page 18." He handed the knight the booklet again.
"I can't, it's stuck together."
"Pity; that was some impressive erotic acrobatics."
"What the fu…I need paper right now!" Basch reached for the closest thing he could and dashed out of sight. "Oh no."
"What's wrong?" the pirate asked.
"I just wiped my arse with two pages that were stuck together."
I don't know why I like putting these two in awkward situations, but it's fun