I Hate Myself For Losing You
Hey guys, i know i know i should be updating JWBWY but i'm having isssues with that story (writers block) and i've been super busy with finals coming up. but i was taking a break today and this just came out of me. let me know what you think ok?
What if things had gone a bit differently at the end of Camp Rock?
"If it wasn't obvious- you are so out of the group," Tess sneered and Caitlyn smirked.
"Then we'll make our own group," she said and Mitchie smiled.
"Oh please like you'll win anyways. Shane's judging and he can't stand you because all you are is a liar. Unlike you I'm going to win final jam and Shane and there's nothing you can do about it cause why would he wanna be with a liar?" Tess snapped before walking out the door. Mitchie sat back down at the table.
"She's right you know. Shane does hate me and he has every right to," Mitchie said miserably.
"Did you mean to hurt Shane?" Caitlyn asked sitting next to her.
"Well no but I did anyways," Mitchie replied shaking her head. Hurting Shane had been the last thing she wanted to do.
"Well then we'll prove to him that you didn't mean to hurt him," Caitlyn stated and Mitchie looked at her in confusion.
"And how do we do that?" she asked and Caitlyn smirked.
"We write him a song that says exactly that," she responded. Mitchie's eyes widened.
"In time for Final Jam are you crazy?" Mitchie exclaimed and Caitlyn laughed.
"You are not the first person to ask me that and why not? Between the two of us I think we can do it," Caitlyn said and Mitchie jumped up.
"Well if we're gonna do this we need to get started now," Mitchie said and dragged Caitlyn from the mess hall and the two ran back to Mitchie's cabin. The two didn't see Shane standing at the tree line watching them run. Wonder what they're up to? He thought before shaking the thought off knowing he shouldn't care what Mitchie was doing and going into the mess to grab lunch.
It was the day of Final Jam and the girls had finished their song. Caitlyn kept insisting that if this didn't tell Shane that Mitchie was sorry she'd hurt him and that it'd never been her intention that he was an idiot and didn't deserve Mitchie. Mitchie silently disagreed, it was her that didn't deserve Shane, not after all she'd put him through but she didn't say that to Caitlyn knowing she'd just get upset. The two sat in the mess hall waiting for Brown to post the Final Jam line-up. Brown finally walked in with the final Jam list in his hand. "Camper mates! And mate-ets. I am holding the line-up for Final Jam. I am going to pin it up on the wall. Let me get out of the room before you all come," Brown was cut off when the screaming people start running towards him anyway. " Goodness me!"
Mitchie and Caitlyn stood back and let everyone look before going up to the list. The two read the list and only three stood out for them:
Hasta La Vista Crew – Hasta La Vista
The IT Girls – Two Stars
Caitlyn Gellar and Mitchie Torres – I Hate Myself For Losing You
"We're last, that's good we get the final word in," Caitlyn said and Mitchie smiled nervously.
"Yeah but we also have to follow Tess," Mitchie reminded her and Caitlyn scoffed.
"Please we're going to blow her out of the water," Caitlyn said and Mitchie smiled.
"You always know how to make me more confident," she stated and Caitlyn smiled back at her.
"What are friends for?"
"Want me to answer that?" Mitchie countered and Caitlyn smacked her on the arm.
"Jerk."
Mitchie and Caitlyn watched Brown start Final Jam. "Okay campers, friends, family, camp rock fans- This is it, tonight… Music history will be made, as Camp Rock finds a new Final Jam winner!" The crowd cheered. "This year, the Final Jam winner will not only get a Camp Rock trophy. And a big one, I might add, He or she is going to get a sweet prize- A chance, to record with my nephew- pop star Shane Gray!" Mitchie's heart clenched as Shane got up to wave at the crowd with a smile on his face. She wondered what he would think about her song. Would he forgive her for being so stupid and hurting him? "To make sure, the right camper is chosen- We've invited the other members of Connect 3 to be judges!" The other two stood and waved. Mitchie tuned out as the Brown introduced the Hasta La Vista crew and bobbed her head as they sang. She was mildly surprised to see Ella joining them but shook it off. She saw Brown talking to Dee and then he headed over to them. "Do you two mind moving back one?" he asked and the two girls looked at each other before shaking their heads. "Good I was hoping you wouldn't. I did put you last for a reason, poppet," Brown said with a smile before heading back onstage leaving two mildly confused girls behind him. Soon it was Tess' turn and even Mitchie gasped when she almost fell off stage. She didn't like Tess but she didn't want her to get hurt. The mysterious addition happened to be Peggy who rocked it.
"Ok now I'm nervous. We have to follow that," Mitchie said and Caitlyn grinned over at her.
"You're going to rock it, don't worry," she promised and Mitchie nodded as she felt her palms get sweaty. I can do this. I need to do this. Shane needs to hear how sorry I am, she thought as she heard Brown announce her.
"Ok we have one last act for you, a first year camper teaming up with a veteran of Camp Rock with a song showing that it's never too late to own up to your mistakes. Give it up for Mitchie Torres and Caitlyn Gellar!" Brown said and everyone cheered. Caitlyn hurried over to get the music going and Mitchie stepped on the stage as she heard the music start. At first she couldn't look at the audience and stared at the ground as she sang.
I woke up today
Woke up wide awake
In an empty bed
Staring at an empty room
I have myself to blame
For the state I'm in today
And now dying
Doesn't seem so cruel
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know any way
Anymore
As she sang her voice gained volume and firmness. When she hit the chorus she felt more comfortable on the stage and started to sing with more passion and started to get more into it.
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
Mitchie started to work the stage singing to the crowd but avoiding the judges table. She hadn't met Shane's eyes and was worried about what she would see when she finally did.
You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause every time I think of her with you
It's killing me
Inside, and
Now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness
Of living without you
And, oh
I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
Mitchie finally looked over and locked eyes with Shane. She saw shock, worry, and a small measure of respect and dare she say it pride? She sang the bridge to him.
I hate myself for losing you
and oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew, I wish you knew
and oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know any way
Anymore
No, no
Mitchie tore her eyes from Shane and sang to the audience again. She pushed all her hurt and self-hatred into the last chorus.
I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so,
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
What do you say when everything you said
is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every tear you shed
Won't ever bring him back again?
Mitchie met Shane's eyes again and sang the last line to him.
I hate myself for loving you
The song ended and Mitchie was knocked back into reality when the crowd went crazy. They were all standing and cheering her name. She blushed and felt amazed that they liked her that much. She idly wondered if this was how Shane felt the first time that'd ever happened to Connect 3. Caitlyn came up to her and the two bowed before Caitlyn dragged Mitchie backstage. "You did it! I mean, I did it! We did it!" the two squealed.
"You two were really good," they heard and turned to see Tess.
"Thanks Tess," Mitchie said and Tess smiled shyly.
"I'm really sorry about everything that happened this summer. Especially ruining your chance with Shane Mitchie," Tess said and Mitchie shook her head.
"I ruined that all on my own," Mitchie replied and Caitlyn rolled her eyes.
"Either way I'm still sorry, see you next summer," Tess said before walking away. The two other girls shared a glance.
"This summer has been so weird," Caitlyn stated and Mitchie nodded. "You know I blame you right? Everything made sense till you came here." Caitlyn bumped her shoulder with a smile.
"Thanks Cait that makes me feel real great," Mitchie said sarcastically as Brown came back onstage. The two girls joined hands in nervousness.
"Okay gang, this is it… The winner, of Final Jam this year is, drum roll please… Mitchie Torres and Caitlyn Gellar!" The two stood there in shock until Peggy and Ella pushed them onstage. "Congratulation girls you just won yourselves a chance to record with Shane Gray!" Mitchie smiled and took the trophy from Brown as Shane spoke.
"You two were amazing," he said and Mitchie blushed and Caitlyn grinned.
"Now you know what I want? I want to hear another song from our Final Jam winners Mitchie Torres and Caitlyn Gellar!" Brown exclaimed and Mitchie's eyes shot to him in shock and fear as the crowd cheered.
"But Brown I have nothing else prepared!" she said and he smirked.
"Caitlyn?" Caitlyn grinned.
"Already on it Brown," she replied and ran over to where her computer was.
"I'll just take this poppet," he said taking her trophy and handing her the microphone. "Steal his heart, love," he said softly so only she could hear, leaving Mitchie confused and the two men went to the back where the other two members of Connect 3 were. Mitchie turned shyly back to the crowd and was shocked to hear the beginning of "This is Me" start. This was the song she was originally going to sing before they wrote "I Hate Myself for Losing You".
I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I have this dream
Bright inside of me
I'm gonna let it show, it's time
To let you know
To let you know
This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
Do you know what it's like
"That's the song!" Shane said in awe. He'd known when Mitchie was singing that she sounded familiar. She was the girl with the voice!
"So, that must be the girl," Nate commented and Jason couldn't help but capitalize on a moment when he knew what was going on and Nate didn't.
"Ya think?" Shane ignored them and turned his mic back on.
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way
This is real, This is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
Shane stepped forward and began to sing the song he wrote for her. He'd been so mad at her but her song from before and this one showed him that she hadn't meant to hurt him. He'd figure out later why she really lied but for now he just wanted to sing with the girl who'd stolen his heart.
You're the voice I hear inside my head
the reason that I'm singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
you're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
Mitchie shook off her shock and sang harmony to Shane's last line.
I need to find you, I gotta find you
This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
Shane took her hand and Mitchie couldn't help the blush that crossed her face but she kept singing.
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me (this is me)
You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me
Shane entangled their fingers and Mitchie smiled up at him. He couldn't help but smile back. The two were broken from their trance when Brown exclaimed "And we'll be back in just a few with Final Jam Jam Session!" Mitchie smiled up at Shane one more time before pulling away and walking over to Brown and taking her trophy back. She headed back stage.
"Mitchie you were fabulous," Steve said and Mitchie smiled.
"Thanks Dad," she said giving him a hug.
"I'm so glad you won. Remember what I said?" Connie stated with a smile and Mitchie rolled her eyes but hugged her mom.
"Yes Mom you were right, thank you for this summer. If it hadn't been for you I would be at home flipping burgers," Mitchie replied. Connie saw Shane coming down the stairs and took that as their cue to leave.
"We'll see you after," she said pulling her husband away.
"Hey," Shane said and Mitchie spun around. She gave him a shy smile. They'd been ok onstage but who knows how he was really feeling about her.
"Hey," she said softly.
"So I guess my search is over," he said and Mitchie's eyes widened realizing she was the girl he'd been searching for.
"I guess that depends on who you're looking for, I'm Mitchie Torres, the cook's daughter," Mitchie said holding out her hand.
"I'm Shane," he replied grasping her hand. She noticed he'd purposefully left his last name off and couldn't help the smile that graced her face. "You up for a canoe ride later? We have a lot to talk about," he stated and she nodded.
"I wouldn't miss it," she replied and he grinned.
After Final Jam Jam Session was over Shane got dragged away by his band mates to do interviews and Mitchie was talking to her friends when someone called her name. She turned to see all three Connect 3 boys staring at her. "Mitchie, Caitlyn, come over here!" Shane called and Mitchie and Caitlyn smiled at their friends and walked over. Mitchie blushed when she realized the press was still there.
"Whatcha need?" she asked and Shane grinned.
"They want to talk to you about how amazing it's going to be to record with The Shane Gray," Shane said and Mitchie rolled her eyes.
"It's going to be terrible with an ego like that," She joked and he pouted. "I'm just kidding Shane," she comforted and he smiled at her telling her silently that he knew she was joking.
"Miss Torres, Miss Gellar, How does it feel to win Final Jam?" One report asked and both girls grinned but Caitlyn answered.
"I've been going to Camp Rock since as soon as I was eligible to get in and this is the first time I've even had a chance to win so it's exciting."
"And you Miss Torres?"
"It feels surreal. I can't believe I actually won. I really didn't expect to," Mitchie answered truthfully.
"With a voice like that are you kidding me? You could sing the phone book and make it amazing," Shane said and Mitchie flushed but shot him a look that said 'drop it and I'll explain later'.
"You sure know how to compliment a girl Shane, phone book really?" Nate joked having seen the look Mitchie gave Shane.
"So what do expect to happen next?" another report asked. The girls exchanged a glance before shrugging.
"I guess we do the song with Shane and then I go back to being a junior in High School," Mitchie answered for them and Caitlyn nodded.
"Or you become really famous like us," Jason added and the other four teens turned to look at him. "What? It could happen," he said shrugging.
"Thanks for your questions we'll see you all back in LA," Nate said ending the interview. The gang headed away from the interviews and towards the girls' friends but Shane dragged Mitchie away before they reached them.
"What are you doing Shane?" she asked and he grinned at her.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten about our canoe date already?" he asked and she blushed at his use of the word date.
"Of course not, why on earth would I forget something like that?" she answered honestly.
"Because you secretly hate me because I'm a jerk who wouldn't let you explain why you lied?" Shane answered and Mitchie shook her head.
"You had every right to be angry. I shouldn't have lied and it was bound to fall apart eventually," Mitchie stated and Shane shook his head.
"I yelled at you for lying when I do it all the time. I was pretending to be someone who really wasn't me because I hated my life why should I yell at you for doing something like that," Shane said as they reached the dock. Mitchie didn't answer as she put on her life preserver and helped flip over the canoe. The two were silent until they got onto the lake and were going in circles again.
"We're still not doing this right," she commented and he laughed.
"Circles are more fun," he replied.
"Mmhmm sure Popstar whatever you say," she muttered and he glared at her.
"Rockstar," he corrected and she laughed. He couldn't help but laugh along. Her laughter was contagious. After a few minutes the two calmed down and Shane knew it was time to ask what he'd been wondering for days. "Why'd you lie Mitchie?"
Mitchie sighed and looked out over the water. "Because I was sick of being invisible," she whispered. Shane frowned but didn't say anything and let her continue. "Cause at home that's what I am. I have one friend and everyone ignores me unless they're making fun of me and my friend. I swear most of the people in the school including my teachers probably wouldn't even remember who I was," Mitchie paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. "Then I came here and I wanted it to be different for once. Then Tess acted like I was dirt under her shoe when she found out that my dad owns a hardware store and the lie just slipped out," Mitchie explained before turning back to him. "I never meant to lie to you. You just heard the lie from other people and when we were out on our first canoe ride I almost corrected you but then you said it was nice that someone else got it and I couldn't make myself do it. I like you Shane, not Shane Gray the Popstar but Shane the really cool guy with a great sense of humor and a down to earth personality. I could care less about Shane Gray. In fact I've been known to say that I thought he was a jerk who needed to get over himself." Shane smiled at that.
"That's nice to hear Mitch, there's not many people care that much about Shane. I think the only other people who do are my brothers, my parents and Uncle Brown. Everyone else wants Shane Gray," Shane said and Mitchie grabbed his hand.
"They don't know what they're missing," she told him and he grinned at her.
"And the people in your school don't know what they're missing. You might think you're invisible but lately you're all that I can see. Even when I was mad at you I couldn't help but notice you cause you're amazing. And after we record our song together you definitely won't be invisible anymore," he told her and she grinned at him.
"Yeah I'll be known as the girl who recorded with The Shane Gray," she teased and he just smiled at her.
"Or you'll be known as a superstar who just happens to be dating Shane Gray," he said and her eyes widened. Did he just say what I think he said?
"Dating Shane Gray?" she echoed and Shane started to panic.
"That is if you really want to. I completely understand if you don't-"Shane started to ramble so Mitchie shut him up by leaning over and placing her lips on his. Shane froze for a moment before kissing her back. It was everything either of them ever imagined and more.
"I would love to date you Shane," she told him as they parted.
"So I think it's safe to say you don't hate yourself for loving me?" he asked teasingly and she just giggled and leaned into kiss him again. "I'll take that as a no." he mumbled against her lips before losing himself in the kisses again.
A/N: and voila a one-shot that's been floating around in my head for awhile. Whatcha guys think? Review please!
Oh and the songs in the story are "I Hate Myself For Losing You" By Kelly Clarkson and "This Is Me" By Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas