Just So you Know JXC, a mortal instruments fanfic

JXC Song fic. This is my 2nd attempt at SongFic.
The time for this SongFic is based on a fanfic by wishin-my-eyes-were-topez . .net/s/4817527/1/The_Distance_a_Heart_Can_Travel -- READ THIS 1ST

"Just So You Know" Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

She had an idea of why that was. She was pretty sure Jace was behind it. When he was around she felt so unsettled and self- conscious, but also so much more grounded. The world always seemed clearer in comparison to the murky mess of disguise and lies about her feelings for Jace.

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

She wanted him to know how badly she wished she could be with him. Sometimes she wanted him to just kidnap her and take them away. Anything so they could be together. She wished they would just accept the challenge that their relationship presented them. And yet she was sure she would never let him do that.

Every time they were together the feeling inside of her, the want, the need grew stronger. She tried not to think about it. She never let herself look at him for too long. Never let imagine herself trying to draw him. She knew he didn't feel the same way. He had made that much clear at Taki's.

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

"Jace I-" Clary started

"No, wait just listen, what I said at Taki's, Clary it wasn-"

"Jace, don't please. I... I should go." she said her stomach clenching uncomfortably at his words and she turned toward the door and took a step though it felt impossible.

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

"Clary" Jace whispered he had quickly crossed the room and was holding her arm.

Clary felt as though everywhere his hand was touching her bare arm was on fire. She glanced up at his face not sure what to expect. She saw anguish and some other emotion in his eyes. They seemed darker in the dim light from the window.

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

"Clary I have to say this, I lied, it was wrong, but everything seems wrong now." Jace said quietly, almost as though he were confessing, "I know you feel the same way deep inside. It doesn't matter if you won't believe it yourself. This, us, that's what matters. It's all that matters to me right now. "

"Jace, it's not that I don't want to, I lied too. But it's so much more complicated."

"Don't you? What would we do? What could we do? Keep it a secret? How long do you think that would last?" Clary asked exasperated.

"I just can't lose you. You are the only thing that makes sense anymore." Jace said staring at the floor."Just let yourself feel what you feel for once."

Then he bent his head down to hers, resting his forehead against hers. She felt her eyes flutter shut as she gave in to the intoxication of his closeness. He pulled back just an inch and moved his face to her neck.

"Clary, just let go, let this happen" he whispered as he rubbed his nose along her neck.

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

he found herself craving the feeling of being with him. The feeling of knowing everything she had believed in was being unraveled with each passing second she spent with him. And yet she was sure she would never willingly give up what they had. It made her feel so strong, so alive.

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now

"The Lightwoods and I will be leaving tomorrow morning, I need to know that you won't try to follow us."

Jace heard the bed groan softly and her nearly silent footsteps as she walked to the armchair. He was still looking at the note when he saw her reach the chair. He sensed more than saw her hand that reached out to touch him. He dodged her hand and slipped around her out of the chair. He knew if he was ever going to leave, and that he must, he couldn't let her touch him.

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

She drew back as he moved away from her as though she was scared of him. He could see the hurt in her eyes. He knew that he could use the hurt to drive her away, to make it easier to say goodbye. It was easy to say goodbye to someone you hated, and nearly impossible to do the same to someone you loved. But even as he thought it he knew he wouldn't be able to do it, not to her.

"You have to keep control over everything here. Think about all the people here that need you. Luke, Simon, your mother."

"Our mother" she corrected him.

"Clary... promise me" he pleaded

"Jace, I- I can't..." she muttered, but the look on his face drew her up short, she paused staring at him. He could almost see in her eyes the moment she surrendered. "I promise" she vowed

"Thank you" he sighed, "and hey, don't worry about me." he added trying to lighten the mood of the room.

Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
Just so you know

She moved closer to him again, and this time he didn't shrink away. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her. He wasn't used to her making the advances; he had always felt like he was dragging her through the relationship. She cupped his face with her small hand and knowing what she wanted he bent down and kissed her. It was a kiss like none of the others, because it would be their last.