A/N: Hi! Um soo this idea came to me when I was watching the Sassy Gay friend videos on yutube and I started thinking and I thought 'Zero really needs a sassy gay friend,' and well this happened. This is not meant to offend anyone or be completely factual about the story. Zero is way out of character but if he stayed his cold indifferent self the story wouldn't have worked out as well. Anyways this fic is just for fun and to hopefully give you readers a good laugh, so hope you enjoy. Oh yeah and go check out the 'Sassy Gay friend' video's on you tune and you'll have a better idea of what I'm writing about.

Disclaimers: I DO NOT! Own the characters they belong to Matsuri Hino, and the creators of the sassy gay friend on you tube, the story idea doesn't even belong to me only the situation they are in. Anyways enjoy the story!

What Might have happened if Zero had a Sassy Gay friend

Meet Zero Kiryuu he is about to kill himself after drinking Yuuki Cross's blood. This fate could have been avoided if he had a sassy gay friend.

"I'm a monster," Zero growled pointing the bloody rose to the tip of his chin. His act was unforgivable, and what was worse was that that damn Kuran was there to save her from him. Cocking the gun, his index finger slowly reached for the trigger at the exact moment the door to his room flew open.

"What are you doing? What, what, what-are-you-doing!" Zero froze seeing a tall man in a black tightly fitted v-neck shirt with an orange scarf standing in the doorway pointing at him.

"I drank Yuuki's blood I'm a monster!"

"So you try to kill yourself? Kill yourself?" he repeated throwing his hands in the air in disbelief.

"Who the hell are you!" Zero spat, annoyed this man had the nerve to barge into his bedroom.

"That doesn't matter, what does matter is that you are trying to kill yourself!" he replied in a sassy manner.

"Why would you care? I'm just a beast in human form, there's no point to my existence," he mumbled looking at the gun resting in his hand.

"Okay one." the man begun. "I care because you are one hot piece of ass and to kill yourself would ruin the series because your looks attract a lot of the readers. And second, you need to cut the emo crap it is not flattering. I mean he-llo! That attitude is so last June, when black was the new pink. You need to smile more and whine less," he said waving his hand in the air. "You're going to have permanent frown lines, and time can't fix that."

"But I drank Yuuki's blood, she probably hates me now, is terrified of me!"

"Well did she say she hated or was afraid of you?" the man asked.

"W-well no but, I could see it in her eyes and-"

"O-oh!" the man sighed dramatically. "You could see it in her eyes could you! If I always made that excuse then I wouldn't have made the mistake I did last fall in Rio with the cute Spanish man who I thought, was giving me the look, but was really just checking out the Haute couture sweater behind me which was definitely not his cup of tea!" he said submissively.

"Who the hell are you to tell me-"

"We already had this discussion and really, all because of this you decide to kill yourself? What kind of a man are you? Let me tell you, not a very impressive one. I've met preschoolers with more guts."

"It doesn't matter anyways," Zero retorted. "Yuuki loves that bastard Kuran and not me!" he said wanting to end the conversation as well as his life.

"You know what Zero, this is a major spoiler for later in the story. But that ancient, sexy, yet pedophilic brunette vamp Kaname, is Yuuki's long lost relative in her brothers body. Now if that isn't a major red flag then I don't know what is. The only reason she doesn't get too close to you is because you push her away with that cold, bad boy attitude of yours."

"But I can't get too close because her blood-"

"Is so tempting I know, that is why you went all dracula on her ass. Now lets calm down for a second crazy, calm down. You're going to take a deep breath, stop being a pussy and drink the blood tablets, or find a nice innocent by standard who is unimportant to the story ark and drink their blood. And also Yuuki is a young, stupid, naïve girl who isn't really sure what love is. You are a good looking, smart young man who is a major love interest in the story. And let me let you in on a little secret. She leaves with Kuran in the future, but you can prevent that." The man said resting his hand on his hips. "Now, listen Zero Kiryuu and listen good. You love Yuuki Cross. I know it, you know it, Kaname knows it, the Zeki fans know it. But Yuuki doesn't, so if you would just tell her she might change her mind."

"You don't know that for sure," Zero replied actually stopping to think about what this man had to say.

"Well that may be true, but let me tell you this. In about five minutes, Yuuki is going to run into this room and check to see if you are okay. You, who is going to step away from the emo corner, is going to sweep her off her feet and tell her you love her."

"D-do you think that will work?" Zero asked with new found hope.

"I know so," the man smiled. "Now sit up, get rid of the gun because it can be a major turn off when used in the wrong moment, and do not push her away. Oh yeah and P.S this is the best your hair has ever been," he smiled pointing at Zero's hair.

"What?" Zero spat.

"What?" the man replied quickly. An awkward silence emitted the room until the sassy gay friend looked at his watch. "Yuuki will be here soon, what are you going to do again?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm going to tell her I love her and beat Kuran!"

"That's right you stupid bitch!" he smiled.

"What!" Zero asked again.

"Nothing," the man sung looking away softly mumbling to himself. "He's a stupid bitch." And then looking at Zero again. "Well I'm off, I have to go talk to Kaname about what he does in chapter 67," he waved. Right as the man walked out of Zero's room Yuuki came running past him calling Zero's name. "A job well done," the man smiled.

Umm haha so that's it! Hope you enjoyed it and I didn't waste you're time! Oh yeah and just remember this fic is just for fun! So if there are flamers out there I wouldn't look into writing a review cause I wont look too far into it! But if you did like it then let me know what you thought! Chow!