The coffee moment, without the moment

A/N: I'm not even a N/J fan, but somehow torturing Matt Ryan was too irresistible. Which probably makes me an evil old hag.

Will probably be rendered AU by tomorrow night's episode (excited about the new season peeps? I am!), but yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own City Homicide (channel 7 does), or Dare Iced Coffee (Kirin Holdings does – lame fic name, i know).

Please R&R.

Having handed his application of transfer to the Drugs squad to Commander Waverley, Matt went in search of Jennifer.

He had come to accept, somewhat bitterly, that he wasn't made out to be a Sergeant, or at the very least, not Sergeant of what had once been his own squad. On deciding to step down, he had felt a heady rush of relief, as the stress which had been building inside him for the past few months drained away. Only when he had let it all go did he realise the toll it had taken on him.

Transferring to Drugs also opened the door for other opportunities, those of a personal nature. Jennifer Mapplethorpe. It all began and ended with her, really. Being with Emma had held him back initially, but now – well, if he was no longer part of Homicide, he was free to have a relationship with her, without having to ask her to compromise between the job and him. He smiled a little. She might not be interested at all, she might shoot him down immediately, but damn it all, she was worth the risk. He had nothing to lose by asking her.

He found her hard at work at her desk.

"You wanna grab a coffee Jen?"

"I can't Matt, I've got a lot of work-" she began, then broke off. He had turned up at her door the previous evening with a bottle of wine, clearly wanting to talk, and she knew the job was taking a lot out of him. "Actually, you know what? Let's go."

He smiled at her, and grabbing her coat, they headed for the coffee shop.

Sitting at one of the cafe tables 10 minutes later, steaming cups of coffee before them – Matt's a cappuccino, Jen's a soy latte - Matt felt extremely felt ill at ease, his work jacket uncomfortably hot, his tie too tight, and his mouth much too dry. He had no idea how to begin. He took a gulp of coffee, feeling the liquid burn down his throat, much too hot. He was all but ready to throw the towel in when Jennifer, as always Jennifer, provided the impetus he needed.

"So how are things, Matt?" She asked, a sympathetic smile on her lips.

Matt gave a heavy sigh. "Well, it depends how you look at it. I handed my letter of resignation as Sergeant to Waverley today."

Jennifer looked visibly shocked. "You're standing down?"

"It can't have been that unexpected Jen..."

"No, it is...I," she blinked. "What did Waverley say?"

"Oh nothing, she just wished me luck at Drugs, I've asked to be transferred over there." He blurted it out, regretting it immediately as Jennifer stared at him in shock, the hurt plainly written across her face.

"You're leaving? Why!"

Matt laughed softly, bitterly, staring into the dregs of his coffee cup. "It's stupid really. I couldn't make it as Sergeant, and coming back into this team...I don't know, it's humiliating, it's my pride I guess. Like I said, it's stupid."

"Not stupid," Jennifer said comfortingly. "But are you sure? I mean, it's us – you, me, Dunnie, Nick, Allie, Rhys."

"I know, I think it'll be easier," he said, and then gathering his courage, he ploughed on. "Besides, I'd been thinking of a change of scene even before I got the promotion.

"Oh?"

"Jennifer, what do you say you and me, we-" he flushed red, cleared his throat and continued. "What do you say to grabbing dinner together, tonight?"

"Oh I can't do tonight Matt," Jen said guardedly, Nick on her mind.

"Or any other night," he quickly interjected. "Just you and me, alone." He gazed straight at her, trying to hold her gaze, the blood pounding in his temples, his palms sweaty. It never ceased to amaze him that while he could stare down hardened criminals on a daily basis, Jennifer Mapplethorpe had the power to turn him into a trembling mess. Jennifer returned his gaze questioningly, a look of confusion on her face.

Past the point of no return, he carried on. "I just wondered, since I won't be working in Homicide anymore, it'll be easier for us, this way neither of us will have to decide between the job or each other. If you're interested that is," he said stumblingly, breaking off as he realised he was almost begging.

He watched as understanding settled in. Saw her eyes widen a little. "Oh Matt," she whispered, looking distinctly uncomfortable, and he thought perhaps a little guilty? She cleared her throat. "Matt, I'm seeing someone," she said.

Matt felt his stomach drop. "Oh. Oh, I didn't know that, who are you seeing?" He tried to smile, but it came out rather wobbly.

Jennifer looked at him uneasily. "Matt-" she began.

"Hey it's alright. Why didn't you tell us, you sly dog? Who is it?" He tried for a jocular tone, trying to smile reassuringly at her.

She looked at him almost pleadingly, begging for an escape. The silence between them lengthened. The last thing Jennifer wanted to do was tell him who her boyfriend was.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he said quickly, "of course it's none of my business who you're seeing."

He had given her a way of evading the issue, but she knew he would find out soon enough, and knew it was better coming from her. She owed him that much. "It's Nick," she said, unable to meet his eyes.

He jerked back in his seat as though he had been slapped. "Nick?"

"Matt, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, there's nothing to apologise about" he said hurriedly, completely mortified and wanting nothing more than to be swallowed by the proverbial hole in the ground. He'd made a complete and utter fool of himself.

"I'm sorry Matt , we haven't told anyone yet, but we were going to"

"No, that's, well, that's great! Congratulations, that's great." He looked at her for a moment then laughed, a laugh so forced it made her heart bleed. "No, that's great."

He stood up suddenly, desperate to avoid the pity in her eyes. "Well, Wolfie wanted to see me, so I'd better head over there...and you'd better umm..." he trailed off.

"Yeah," she said softly, and with an awkward smile, they parted.

Matt had no real need to see Senior Sergeant Wolfe that day, and so he spent the rest of the afternoon drinking in a lonely bar somewhere.