He's a walking contradiction, a child and a man, ruthless and innocent by turns. He says I'm inside his head but thinks I know nothing about him. He knows I've put everything on the line but still he believes I've forgotten.
I haven't forgotten. I remember far more than he gives me credit for, even now, when I've finally shown him my hand. I haven't forgotten Maes Hughes, or Ishbal, or Leore. I'm doing what I can, which isn't much, despite what he calls my god complex.
He thinks I've forgotten him, that I don't know anymore why he does the things he does. I don't, always, but I trust him. I believe in him, because I need to believe.
Which is fine, now, but for the longest time, it seemed nicely ironic. I thought he hated me. I could live with that, because I deserved his hatred, for using him, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth.
Recently, though, I figured out that he's never truly hated me, even if he thought he did, too. Instead, he resented the fact that he couldn't make me underestimate him. I have too much hope wrapped up in that small frame and innocent face to ever forget what he's capable of, and though he didn't know why, he knew that I saw him, really saw him. The resentment was a child's reaction. When he grew up, when he quit hiding, the animosity stopped. I think more people will see him as I do from now on.
My thoughts turn to him more frequently than ever, because, like him, I use guilt as my motivation, and he's all I have left to be guilty about. Ishbal, Hughes, Leore, my debts to them are paid. I can give all of them vengeance. I can give them Edward Elric.
I can trust him with those things now, those concerns. I could never quite bring myself to lay them at the feet of a child, but I saw Edward since Leore, and something happened, there or elsewhere, that made him a man. If I die now, it will be with the knowledge that I have given the world the best I had to offer.
I only have one fear. Well, one concern, really. It's something I've always known, something we all know, but not something I've ever really thought about until now. I know Ed can and will do great things. But the world isn't perfect, and sometimes what we expect isn't what we get. I stopped knowing what to expect from Edward a long time ago. What will I get, then? Ed's reliable, in his way, but there's always that other aspect of him, the loose cannon. I hope and pray that he can keep himself in check long enough to do what he has to do.
I'm counting on him, you see. I know that there was a time when he'd piss and moan and whine and cry but then he'd do something about it. That got him into his troubles in the first place. It also made him a hero. He seems to be over the whining but I'm counting on him to keep doing something about it.
Not that he wants to. Never think that Edward Elric set out to save the world. He'd be selfish if he could. He'd find a way to put himself and his brother back to normal and say to hell with the rest of us if his heart would let him. But it won't. He's not at peace with that fact but as long as he keeps helping people against his better judgment, nobody but him will care.
He will save us all before it's over. He'll find out who's behind the homunculi and stop them. He will save the day, just as he always does. I'm not worried about that. I don't know what will happen when I face Bradley. I do know that I'll live or die knowing that Ed is only one who can save this country. And he will save it, whether he likes it or not.