Souls And Bread
A FAKE Fanfiction
I don't own Ryo, Dee, JJ, Drake, or anything else mentioned, but I DO own this story. .
Warnings: GAY ROMANCE. like it or leave.
enjoy!
Ryo shuffled in to the precinct exactly six and a half minutes later than usual, with bags under his eyes and a dirty shirt on. Bikky had been out late last night, and Ryo could never sleep until he heard the boy sneak in after curfew.
He was greeted with an overflow of flowers and candies and boxes. Looking around, a bit confused, Ryo discovered that the source of it all was Dee's desk. The majority of the gifts were signed, "Ever yours, JJ."
He was missing something…he had to be.
"Hullo, partner!" Dee slapped Ryo's shoulder and collapsed into his chair, after removing a bouquet of orchids from the seat. "You know what today is?"
"Happy birthday, Dee!!" A bluish mass threw itself around Dee from behind.
"Did you get my flowers?!"
"Every last one, JJ. By the way, how'd you get my home address?"
"It's great what files will tell you nowadays, huh? Did you like them?"
Before there was any chance of Dee losing his temper, Ryo beckoned Drake to drag his partner away. Drake instantly understood. He'd probably spent long enough with the man to know what was going on. Hell, he'd probably heard nothing but, "Dee-sempai!" all week long.
"Happy birthday, Dee," Ryo finally said when everything settled down.
Dee smiled. "Thanks, Ryo."
Ryo hadn't meant to forget. Thank God, he'd actually bought his card early and left it in his desk. He fished it out and, while Dee was off getting coffee, slipped it over.
He'd left Dee's present at home, but surely that could wait a few hours.
Those few hours went quickly, with both of them pouring over a new string of robberies probably connected to a gang. Dee complained the entire time of the inevitable backache that came with paper-pushing.
The shift was done, however, in time for a (very) late lunch. Ryo still felt guilty about forgetting today (Dee had been reminding him for weeks, after all) so he accepted when Dee asked him out to eat.
The restaurant they went to was nice, nothing fancy but enough to wear good slacks to. Enough for candlelight.
Enough, then, to put Ryo on edge. Dee had promised an innocent meal, but this was beginning to look like a date.
Especially when Dee pulled his seat out for him, and then let his fingers linger on Ryo's back before sitting down himself.
Only three seconds into dinner (the walk there had made it too late to be lunch anymore), Ryo was ready to run. Dee could tell, too. "Relax, Babe. No one's going to bite you."
"Except you."
Dee shrugged. "Depends. Would you like that?"
"Dee!"
"Just asking."
They managed to order their meal and even nearly finish it before Ryo began panicking. Dee had managed to behave himself for about that long before a leg slunk across the table to rest against Ryo's.
"So do I get a birthday kiss?"
Ryo's second-to-last bite of a rather scrumptious chicken parmesan froze three inches above the plate. His mouth had already been open. It stayed that way.
"Dee, I-I don't…think-"
"You don't have to, babe. It's just a kiss." That was the second time tonight Dee had called him babe.
"It's never just a kiss." He always wanted to get laid. What Ryo was really scared of, though, was an ever-nagging voice in his head that he was beginning to believe – one that said Dee wanted much, much more than sex from him. That Dee wanted his heart, too.
Ryo's emotional barriers went into overdrive at that thought.
"It could be, if you wanted it to."
"But it's never enough with you, Dee! I know you want more than that!"
Whoops. Dee misread those words. It was obvious by the way his expression suddenly became calculatedly blank.
"Will you ever think that I want more out of you than to get into your pants?! That's not it, Ryo!"
"Dee – I didn't mean – !"
Of course he didn't. Ryo might not know it yet, but he couldn't intentionally hurt his partner, ever.
But it didn't matter, because Dee opened his wallet, slapped a few bills on the table, and left.
The night was both dark and cold, but Dee didn't really care in the moment. New York would be his metallic park. He felt like running; why not?
Why not, indeed?
Dee knew better than to push Ryo past that barrier. It was just hard when the damn barrier kept changing places! If Dee stole a kiss on a late night stakeout, that was one thing – it could be as hot and passionate as either of them wanted and Ryo could give as good as he got. But God forbid Dee wanted to have a peaceful dinner with the man he loved on his birthday – hell no, that was breaking the rules!
The man was going to drive him crazy.
Dee hated passive-aggressive. He wanted to know what the people around him felt. It seemed like the more he learned about Ryo, the more the man remained a mystery.
Dee was good at reading people. As an ex-pickpocket and conman, it wasn't hard to do. When Ryo froze up he always seemed afraid or ashamed.
Dee wasn't sure which would be worse: The love of his life could be afraid of loving anyone, or could only be afraid of him, or could be ashamed of letting himself into the entire situation in the first place.
Why could life never give him one single break?
He'd realized a few months ago just how head-over-heals he was for his blonde partner. He'd been over at Ryo's apartment and Bikky came home with a black aye and blood-crusted lip. Ryo hadn't asked questions; he had just taken him inside, cleaned his face, and made an ice-pack. This child had only lived with him for a few months, yet he was still so tender with him.
As soon as Bikky realized that Dee was sitting in the corner, he'd thrown a fit, and that ruined the touching moment. But the moment had happened, and that was when Dee knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ryo McLean.
Ryo, it seemed, just wasn't going to cooperate.
Dee tried to be as honest as possible, did everything he could to convey his feelings – half the time he couldn't even get a reaction out of the man! If Ryo really didn't want him, really disliked the idea that much, Dee just wished he would say something.
Because he knew, if Ryo kept stringing him along, he'd follow the hope until it broke him inside. He didn't want to, but – God!
Even as pissed off as he was, Dee still couldn't wait to see Ryo in the morning at work. Assuming both of them showed up after disrupting that entire restaurant.
Did Ryo really not see that Dee had feelings for him? Did he not believe that Dee was in love with him? Was he dense, or in denial? Both?
Dee just wanted to ask a damn question without the man freezing up on him!
Well, about a million questions. But he'd probably get distracted by those lips, even Dee could readily admit that. The longer he was Ryo's partner, the more distracted he became by the man's … everything.
Goddamnit, why couldn't he just stay angry?!
Dee stalked into his apartment building, intending to drink himself to sleep on his day-bed couch and not shave in the morning, just to piss off the whole fucking world.
The elevators were both broken on the same night.
Did God find out that it was Dee's birthday or something? That's sure what it felt like. Sure, it was only six flights of stairs, but Dee had just sprinted who-knew-how-many miles for no good reason.
Well, for the only good reason. It could be seen either way.
To say he was cussing by the time he got to his apartment would have been an understatement. He was home hours later than he'd meant to be – that is, if things with Ryo hadn't worked out, which he hadn't expected them to, but hey – and he'd get four, five hours of sleep tonight tops by now.
He wanted to skip work. Oh, we wanted to skip work so bad. But not only would that mean missing out on Ryo, but – oh, no – Dee was starting to suspect that the Chief's plan was working. A bit of Ryo's good-guy-ed-ness was actually rubbing off. Dee might be getting responsible. God forbid.
"Screw responsible. I'm getting drunk," Dee declared to the empty stairwell. He opened turned into the hallway, digging through his jacket's pockets for his key ring.
He came to his door and stopped. There was a post-it note stuck on at eye level that read,
Happy Birthday.
-R
There was also an arrow pointing down. Dee's eyes followed it to a small, neatly wrapped box with a bow on top. Another sticky note read, "Open before coming inside."
Dee didn't really give a shit, but why not. He ripped open the box at its seams. Out came a wooden box with black lettering printed on one side.
It was a bottle of wine imported from Europe. The same kind they had during their "vacation" in England. Dee had told Ryo at the time that it was his favorite – Ryo had remembered.
Dee refused to tear up, but he almost wanted to. Damn his romantic heart.
When the wrapping paper fluttered to the ground, a note glided out of it. Dee picked it up. The outside read, "Read before opening door."
"If you insist," Dee said. He unfolded the lined paper to an ink-smeared page. Leaning against the wall, he started reading.
Dee.
I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.
You scare the shit out of me sometimes, you know. This thing between us… I'm afraid of losing myself in it.
You just wanted today to be special. I ruined that. I' m sorry.
I'm scared of this. I've never been with a man before, and truthfully, I've never wanted a man before like I want you. I've never wanted anyone like I want you.
Dee's heart was pounding in his ears.
I've been afraid to fall in love ever since my parents died. I didn't want to open myself up to that kind of pain again.
But today made me realize… that hurting you hurts a lot worse. That living without you would be the worst kind of pain.
I kept trying to avoid it but I fell in love with you anyway, Dee Laytner.
I'm sorry it took me so long to realize.
I'm sorry I hurt you so much in the process.
I want to make it up to you.
So… if you still want me…If you still want me ... (the first time he wrote it, he crossed it out.)
I'm yours. I always will be.
And if you still want that birthday kiss, I'll see what I can do.
I understand if I took too long, or made too many mistakes, or hurt you too bad or whatever… if you don't want this, if you just want to move on, I'll live with that.
If you don't want me anymore… shit. If that's it, call my cell before you come in, okay?
But if you still do…just come inside.
I love you.
Ryo.
Dee was on his knees by now. He couldn't feel himself breathing. The tears from before were more than spilling over now. Ryo loved him.
Ryo loved him.
"YES!" he slammed a fist into the air, and pumped it, and jumped, and whooped, and almost broke the wine bottle. And loved it.
He reread the note. Then, he did it again. Then, he just read every time that Ryo had written "I love you."
Five full minutes passed before he came out of his shock enough to realize that he wanted to be inside his apartment right now.
His hand was shaking when he pulled out the key.
Every light was out in Dee's apartment but the dim one next to the entry door. He couldn't see into his living room; he could barely see the kitchen around him and cityscape window beyond that.
But he could see enough. Everything was candlelit. His leaden legs stepped forward into the flickering light, his eyes searching for Ryo. His Ryo.
There was so much adrenaline in him right now that Dee wasn't sure how he was remaining steady. Then, Dee realized that he probably wasn't steady at all. His whole body was trembling.
This could be a dream. Maybe he got hit by a bus. That would make this a dream, or heaven.
Maybe God liked him a little after all.
"Ryo?" He whispered. Then, he spotted him.
Ryo was lying in the bed under the window. Candles surrounded him on every end-table Dee owned, dragged to that one spot, and some on the floor. He was half-covered by a blanket and his head rested on two pillows. A red stick-on bow sat in the middle of his naked chest.
Dee wanted to laugh. He couldn't quite remember how yet.
Ryo was fast asleep. His eyes were closed, his breaths soft. Dee had probably stayed out longer than expected – the clock on the wall read 2:43. He'd left their dinner around five – God, had it been that long?
Oh well. He had needed the time to think, and suspected that Ryo had, as well. He knelt beside the sleeping figure and took one of Ryo's hands in his own. He knew that Ryo was instantly awake because his breathing got deeper and faster, but his eyes took a few moments to crack.
When they did, they were the most beautiful thing Dee had ever seen. Every candle's light reflected out of them, like tiny stars.
"Of course I want you, you dolt," Dee whispered. "It's always been you. Just you."
Ryo smiled, albeit sleepily. Dee kissed him, running a hand down his lover's bare side. He stopped high enough up to respect the barriers he was used to, but then Ryo's hand found his and drug it lower.
Heaven. This had to be heaven.
"I was afraid you wouldn't. I'm glad you do." The hand was leading him lower – dear Lord, that's what Ryo's hip felt like – and his leg, too! He wasn't wearing anything under that blanket!
"It took me a long time to come around. I had a lot of stuff to sort through, but I know now… that I love you Dee.
"Happy birthday."
"Thanks, babe." Dee smiled, and kissed him.
And kissed him again. He gently climbed up on the bed with Ryo, on top of Ryo, touching him everywhere at once.
"Love you too, Ryo."
Ryo had a glint in his eye that Dee had never seen before – or was it the candlelight?
"Show me."
Dee felt no qualms about that one. In fact, what both of them were feeling might be described by Dee's romantic heart as 'magic.'
It turned out to be a pretty good birthday, after all.