C – Courage
"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose." Tom Krause.
It was the day that everything changed. It had started out like any other day, we were called into a meeting at the BAU, JJ had a case for us, it was urgent and we needed to travel there right away, next thing were on the plane taking us to Nevada. Case files were in front of us as we sat on the plane, women had gone missing in a small town, JJ briefed us. She sat beside me as I looked through the images of these women who had been tortured and dumped like garbage in the Nevada desert. Somehow no matter how much I tried to put these things into little compartments, the women and children were the cases that haunted me the most. And this was one of the most sickening examples I had seen. "Emily," JJ said pulling me out of dark thoughts, "Coffee?"
"Would love some" I replied. I watched her as she walked to the far end of the plane where the coffee was kept. I loved how her black slacks and that tight fitted mauve top hugged her curves. I looked away as she walked back towards me, hoping she hadn't noticed my attention.
When we arrived the natives weren't exactly welcoming... but like always we carried on, duty comes first, forget whether they actually want you there or not. I remember JJ getting ready to deal with the media, it was so hot, sticky, uncomfortably so, but JJ looked like she always did, absolutely flawless. She dealt with it so easily, and so swiftly. I had to stop myself from glancing over at her, it was starting to become a little obvious to me that I was looking at her with more than sisterly affection. And well, that just wasn't right, was it? We both worked together, at the BAU no less. I couldn't possibly have feelings of the romantic kind for one of my co-workers! But then again, you cant help who you fall in love with. And it was making me feel human.
It was our second day out in the field when it happened, we found out who our unsub was and a location, an old farmhouse outside of town, down some dusty old roads in the middle of nowhere USA! We were first on the scene, Morgan JJ and and I. We decided not to wait for the others, there wasn't time, the unsub had a victim in there, or so we presumed. We did the raid, checking all rooms, one by one, when we came to the last one that led onto the back of the yard. There he was, holding his victim in a vice grip with a gun to her head. Morgan was first with his weapon aimed at the unsubs head, he was telling him to put down his gun, but as with these kind of psychopaths, they rarely listen to what you want them to do. The woman was bruised and beaten, tears stained her face, it was obvious she had already been through hell, it was yet more horrors for me to compartmentalize.
JJ was behind me, and behind her suddenly was someone we didn't account for... another unsub. Before any of us could react he grabbed JJ and her gun flew to the ground. How the hell did we not know there were two of them? How could we get this so wrong? My heart was racing as I turned to see the maniac with a knife to JJs throat. Now he was calling the shots, screaming at us to put down our guns. Well it was us or them, call me reckless but I could see only one option I raised my gun as fast as I could and fired. A perfect shot to the temple. He fell to the floor and all I could think about was running to JJ and making sure she was okay. Of course JJ shrugged me off, "I'm fine" she said quietly brushing herself down. I could see where the knife had nicked her, luckily it was only a small wound. I turned around to see Morgan still trying to coax the unsub into giving up his weapon, it was at that moment that Hotch and Reid rushed in with the swat team. Finally the unsub dropped the gun and raised his hands.
JJ rushed towards the victim to help her. I joined JJ and we helped the woman outside to the await the medics. Our day was done. We got the bad guys. But each time, the bad guys take a tiny little piece of you with them. And this was no exception.
We had to stay at a small hotel that evening, flying home the next morning. I joined JJ in the hotel bar for drinks. We were so grateful for working air-con and a place to literally chill out. After the day we had, we needed it. A couple of beers later we were making our way to our shared room. Once we were in the privacy of four walls JJ brushed her hand through her long blonde hair and looked to me with those piercing blue eyes, "You saved my life today" she told me. I smiled a little, "Oh it was nothing, I'm sure you will save my ass one day too." JJ stepped closer to me and I could feel the heat rising, yes it was a warm evening, but this was way off the scale. I felt a bead of sweat on my brow as she looked at me, "Thank you" she said as she lent in and kissed me. At first it was to my cheek, but then we caught each others eyes for a second and somehow we were just drawn together and our lips met. And they met again more urgently. All that pent up emotion just came flooding out, the tension lifted, the sexual tension that had always been between us.
JJ pulled away and breathed deeply.
"I'm sorry" I said alarmed at what we had done, "I should not have done that." But deep in my heart I felt completely the opposite. I had waited years to do that. And now I had I wanted more. I wanted her more than ever. But I couldn't read JJ, she now had her back to me, I managed to get the courage within me to put my hand on her arm and pull her around to face me and that was when I saw her tears. "JJ" I said softly moving closer, she wasn't looking at me. "Look at me" I told her. She slowly drew her head upwards and looked into my eyes, "We can forget this ever happened okay?"
JJ shook her head, "No we cant" she finally spoke. My heart was thumping in my chest so hard, I waited for her to continue. Then she stepped towards me and gently touched my face with her hand and said... "I liked it."