Weight In Love

by KingdomFlameVIII

"My name is Roxas Jude, and I'm the fattest kid in the class." Theme challenge for Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day! So this was a challenge for someone who used to go by RoxasVIII on twitter. Anyway, I asked for a theme and they gave me obesity. Which I must admit, had I not been challenged so, I never would have tried writing something like this. Anyway, this random PG bout of fluff was brought to you by red bull.

FOREWARNING: I don't know a god damned thing about football. I don't follow it, I'm a little fuzzy on the object of the game, and I only watch it during the Super Bowl. I pick my favorite teams almost at random. Come to think of it, I'd like to follow football. I don't think I'm as enthusiastic about anything as my cousins are about that silly sport. I also like to scream 'OHHHHHHHHH!' at the top of my lungs when everyone else does it.

I'd spent my entire childhood watching miserably from the third step of my back porch as all the other kids excelled at backyard sports. Even at as early an age as four years old, which I believe is a time that no child should ever feel socially isolated, I had always been picked last when the neighborhood kids got together to play team tag.

My name is Roxas Jude, and I'm the fattest kid in my class.

And when I say class, I mean my whole class. My graduating class. In the second grade, it had taken me twenty-eight minutes to run the mile, which was damn near three times the fastest kid in the class. I'd grown up listening to and dealing with jeering laughter and name calling from everybody around me, from the fortunate, thin people that wouldn't understand until their late thirties.

I wasn't even the kind of fat that was lumpy. Like the kind that hung off, you know, and jiggled and stuff? I'd never been like that. All my weight was evenly distributed, but it had been there so long that it almost looked like it belonged. My arms and legs were smooth, without any stretch marks or cellulite marring the skin. I was healthy, too. That's what my dietician said. I'd never exactly restrained myself when I wanted sweets, but the thing was, I didn't actually like sweets that much. I liked celery.

Yet here I was, almost halfway through my senior year of high school. My hair is the same childish blonde I was born with, and I weight two hundred and twenty three pounds, making me the real life version of Dudley Dursely. Now, you might not thing two twenty three is that bad, for a guy, but then you have to take my height into account. At only five feet, six inches, I may not have been the heaviest student in my year, but I was definitely the widest. That roly poly four year old that lost tag every time had never been transformed by puberty. I've always been fat, I was born fat, and often I'm afraid that I always will be.

I supposed, all things considered, that I could have had it worse. At least I've got Sora and his friends. He was my much too nice, skinny kid brother, and he'd taken pity on me a long time ago.

He was actually my twin brother, fraternal, obviously. He likes to joke in kind spirit that I sucked all the fat out of him when we were in the womb, and he in turn sucked all the stupidity out of me. That may very well have been true, but after all the bullying I had to deal with in my childhood, I thought I'd much rather have been the stupid one. I hated seeing a thin, brunet version of myself leading the Blitzball team right through the championships, while I sat lamely in the bleachers with the friends I had by proxy.

Kairi, one of the aforementioned friends, was the most beautiful cheerleader the school had to offer. I could identify her somewhat, because we both knew what it was like to have people judge us based on our body type. Because she was the prettiest and the most agile, people accused her of being stupid (as several cheerleaders were, she admitted) and of sleeping around. None of these things were true about her, but despite all that, she still had a very kind heart.

Riku, Sora's other best friend, started playing varsity wrestling this year. He used to have really long, silvery hair, but the sport required him to cut it short. It was still pretty popular with the ladies, though. He said it was worth it, because he was really good at what he did. He wasn't exactly the best, but he was an asset to the team, no doubt.

The only sport I had even been even marginally good at was called Struggling, and that was also the only sport my school district decided to eliminate halfway through sophomore year. The object of struggling was to beat the shit out of your opponent with a foam bat. It was sort of like fencing, but without as specific a technique, and with bats instead of swords, obviously. Each round lasted a single minute, not including penalties, and whichever player the ref determined had more legal hits on the other was named winner.

I was fantastic at it, because nothing pleased me more than beating on cocky, thin people that had spent so many years bullying me. But the school must have picked up on rising crime rates and deduced that teaching kids how to hit people with bats wasn't exactly the best way to build character, because it was gone now.

Needless to say, I really hated gym class. In fact I hated it so much that, in junior year, I didn't take it at all. The people who were in charge of sorting out the schedules had accidentally given me a blank spot where gym was supposed to be, and I'd taken that as a golden opportunity to escape the wild cries of competition and the smell of sweaty locker rooms to my natural habitat—the library, where the only sound was silence and the only scent was that of the books.

Glorious as that year may have been, I was now paying the price for it. In my school, four gym credits were required to graduate, one for each year… normally. Which sticks me with the wonderful task of taking gym every single day, first class of the day, for not just a quarter, but an entire semester.

And it's not like I'm that one kid you hate because he just stands around, either. I really do try! I do my best as often as I can to just catch the damn ball or make it to first base without being tagged out. But neither my peers nor my metabolism have any sympathy for me. The kids on the opposing team laughed and used me to their advantage, and meanwhile the ones on my own team would bitch and yell about how much of a hindrance I am. The only one that actually encouraged me was the teacher, but that in itself was a very discouraging thought.

Someone mentally stronger than I am might say that they don't let something as trivial as weight get them down, that they were optimistic no matter what, or that maybe they were privileged enough to know from firsthand experience that what was on the inside was what really counted.

I knew better than that. Who you were on the inside didn't count for shit, as long as you were beautiful. Life would always be a beauty contest. You don't see girls with sweet faces, nice bodies and luscious hair sitting by themselves at lunch. You do, sometimes, see ugly people at the pretty table, though.

Know why? I figured it out. It was because some kids were born pretty or thin, and then became fat and ugly. Or, some kids were born fat, ugly or just plain weird. Usually those kids stayed that way. Elementary kids didn't know social etiquette yet. They were like a group of animals. Anybody 'defective' or, for lack of a better word, different, was thrown out of the pack. That's how you can tell the difference between popular ugly people and lonely ugly people.

The popular ones, at least, had been pretty up to a certain point, and by that point, they'd been socially trained enough to at least keep the friends they already had. The others were never given that change. That's why they were so weird and hard to talk to. It sounds condescending to say, but to put it bluntly, they simply didn't know better.

I don't know if I was weird or not. All I knew was that I was at least lucky enough to have a brother that was nice enough to share his friends with me. But I was insecure, and I had a right to be. On top of having to waddle around all the time, I was also gay.

I'd never come out to anyone, of course, not even to Sora. How stupid do you think I am? It wasn't that I didn't trust Sora, it's just that his voice had a tendency to carry. And when voices carried, rumors started, and I really couldn't afford to give people even further a reason to harass me. I already have to change for gym in a private stall, I don't know what I'd do if every self-assured, overconfident douchebag in the class was suddenly given even the inkling of the idea that I was secretly lusting after them.

So, with my being short, fat, and uncoordinated, the worst week of the year came to pass when Mr. Xigbar announced that we were moving on from floor hockey on to basketball. Floor hockey, at least, let me take advantage of my large body mass in order to make a halfway decent goalie.

Basketball was the bane of my existence. I couldn't guard because of my height, I couldn't zip around the people guarding me, and I most certainly could not shoot. Not to save my life. But no matter how much I begged and pleaded, Mr. Xigbar absolutely would not excuse me from playing.

So I did what I could, which mainly included staying out of the way. Riku was on my team, thankfully, but so was Larxene, not thankfully. Larxene was what you called the queen bitch. Out of all the snotty, skinny, pretty people, she was the snottiest, the skinniest, and the prettiest. She even wore pink on Wednesdays.

Pence was on the team too. I didn't mind Pence, he weighed probably only twenty pounds less than me, give or take, except unlike me, he actually was of average height and he could play sports. But that was fine. Pence was tolerable.

The last player on the team was both a blessing and a curse to be around, and I wasn't sure which was more prominent in my mind. His name was Axel James, and he was everything I hated. He was over six feet tall, but I'd bet my life that I had at least a hundred pounds on him, he was so damn skinny. He could shoot three pointers with his eyes closed, and the worst part? He didn't even care. Half the time he stood around idly and did nothing, nothing but chat with the friends he had on opposing teams. I couldn't stand that. He had everything, talent, physique, everything I wanted, and he didn't even take advantage of it. I hated that.

But Jesus Christ, he was so damn sexy. I'm not even exaggerating when I say he had the perfect body. Gorgeous, ivory skin stretched over fine, lean muscles. He had a pointed jaw, a perfectly straight nose, and dark, smoldering green eyes that could make anybody swoon. As if to intentionally contrast the eyes, his hair was a deep, fiery crimson, and it flared out every which way. To add to the already dangerous look, he had two purple tattoos, one under each eye. He was the hottest damn thing I'd ever laid eyes on, and I'm embarrassed to say that I've always harbored a secret crush on him.

And believe me, did I hate myself for it. I, Roxas, who ought to know better than anyone that going by looks never got you anywhere, had been crushing from afar on this Axel character for over four years. He wasn't a bad guy, really. I've never heard him say anything bad about me, but that was going by what he said when I was within earshot, of course. But that was still a one-up on all the other assholes in this school.

For now, we weren't playing against the other teams, we were supposed to be figuring out each other's strengths.

"I don't have any strengths," I told them honestly.

Larxene snorted, which was to be expected, but Axel spoke up. "Nonsense. Everyone is good at something," which was not to be expected.

"Have you looked at me?" I half chuckled.

"Have you looked at Lexaeus?" he shot back, mimicking my doubting tone. Lexaeus was the star linebacker, and he was a monster, in both height and weight. Except he was made up of muscle weight, not fat. But Axel continued, "Listen, we're a team now, all right? That means we have to help each other. So we're gonna find something for you to do too, kay?"

Larxene scoffed again, and this time, I had to agree with her.

"It's just gym class," I said, crossing my arms.

Axel shrugged and turned over to where Mr. Xigbar was drawing out the ball racked. "If you don't practice teamwork when it doesn't matter," he called over his shoulder, "what are you going to do in the real world when it isn't practice anymore?"

They all stared. "He's got a point you know, Rox," said Riku thoughtfully. "As long as you're on the team, you might as well at least attempt to make yourself useful. Like you said, it is only gym class."

I looked around at the others, unsure. Pence was nodding encouragingly at me, and Larxene had broken off from the group to go talk to her friends. Widening my scan, I could Axel bounding back toward us, a bright orange ball under one arm, and an armful of pink jerseys under the other. God, why pink?

Grimacing, I offered a weak, "Well, I can twirl a ball on my finger."

~o~

Axel was crazy, I swear he was. He didn't stick me on defense, like most people did. He actually gave me an offense position. Just because I happened to make one lousy little layup, it was now my job to stand "out of the way" until an opening came up under the hoop. Then, I was actually expected to catch and shoot. I told him he was crazy, and that it was just a lucky shot, but the bastard insisted that I was going to be their new "secret weapon."

I think he might've started to figure out where I was coming from when we had already played quarter court games with three different teams and I hadn't made a single shot. We'd only won a single game, and that was thanks to Larxene's aggressive playing style. But Axel stayed confident anyway, and just kept on using the same strategy. I'd been dying to ask who died and made him captain, but I was a little bit tongue tied. Despite all this, he was actually talking to me, and that was new.

Anyway, about halfway through our fourth game, a spot opened up. Which happened fairly often anyway, since most of the kids assumed I wasn't good for anything (and I openly agreed with them). The ball was passed to me. Surprisingly, I actually caught it and remembered to dribble, but this was where things got tricky. Now that I was in possession, everyone was focused on me; it was a race to see who could get the ball out of my hands fastest. One girl was way too close, I was going to have to duck away from her.

One part of my brain said "duck down," and the other, stupider half said "spin away," at the same time. The end result was a retarded twirly thing, but it opened up a pretty good opportunity to shoot, so I did. But I never got to see whether it made it or not, because Xaldin, the self appointed captain of the other team, had knocked me to the ground in a full body tackle. My head cracked against the floor, as I had no way of breaking my fall. Even with all the cushioning I had, that part hurt a lot.

Axel was the first to reach me. He sprinted right to my side, shouting stupidly, "Roxas, that was amazing! Are you okay?"

By the time I'd collected myself enough to give an answer, Mr. Xigbar had figured out what was going on. The sound of his whistle was horrendous. Even though he was standing a good ten feet away, it sounded like he was blowing it right in my ear.

"Xaldin! This is basketball, not football!" he shouted.

"It was an accident," Xaldin claimed, but even a moron could call out his lie from all the laughing and high fives coming from the other side. What a load of bullshit, I hated people like that. "It's not my fault tubby here has two left."

"Hey!" Axel shouted sharply. "Don't be an asshole. He had that shot in way before you were anywhere near him, and you know it." I did get it in? Really? Sweet. "Do you think you need to go to the nurse's office?" he asked me in a much nicer, quieter voice. I'd managed to sit up on my own, at least, but I could definitely use some ice.

So I nodded and said, "Yeah, that'd probably be good."

He gave me this adorable little smile and lifted his head back up so that he could address Mr. Xigbar. "Can you call a time out, coach? I'm gonna walk him down to the nurse's office."

The teacher immediately replied, "Yeah, of course. Let me write you a pass."

I really wanted to take this opportunity to ask again if I could be exempt from playing, but I hesitated for two reasons. One was because I really wanted to show off even if I had no skill whatsoever. Accidental slam dunks might not come by every day, but when they warrant the adjective 'amazing' from the guy you were crushing on, sometimes they could be worth it.

The second reason was because, well, I'm actually a little bit terrified of Mr. Xigbar. I mean, he seemed like an all right guy most of the time, and he could be pretty interesting, but at the same time, he really was scary. He had yellow eyes! So help me god, yellow eyes. Or eye, anyway. One of them was constantly sheathed inside a black eye patch. As if this were not unsettling enough, he was covered head to toe, at least what I've seen of him, in battle scars, the most prominent of which was slashed right across his cheek. Although he refuses to tell us the full story of how he got so badly injured, the general student population is aware that it involved a maincoon cat, a screwdriver, an ice cream truck, and paper clips.

Anyway, before I could even think of protesting, Axel was escorting me to the nurse. I was glad he wasn't the type to make me lean on him or anything, though he did ask if I was too dizzy. When I said no, he dropped it and let me walk on my own. It was so awkward, I had no idea what to say. Why was he even here, anyway? What's someone like him got to do with someone like me? This was unheard of. Why didn't he just get Riku to do it?

I was too busy thinking that it didn't even register to me that we'd made it to the nurse's office until the little old lady began to speak to me. Or us, as the case may have it.

"Hi boys. What seems to be the problem?" she asked politely. I was glad we got that one instead of the younger one. While the younger one was much nicer to look at, she was a bitch. I don't know how she'd ever come to be a nurse, because she never seemed to understand that kids actually did get sick sometimes.

"Hey doc," Axel replied cheerfully. "Roxy bumped his head in gym class, could he get an ice pack?"

Roxy?! I nearly exploded. I don't even let my grandmother call me Roxy.

"Oh dear," the nurse cooed, scuttling over to the mini refrigerator kept in the room. "You sit right down, honey, and I'll fix one up for you straight away. Your names?"

We gave her our names and she quickly made a note of it on her clipboard before returning to her task. Several minutes later, a plastic baggy with some kind of frozen, gelatinous material was pushed onto by forehead underneath my bangs. While it did feel incredibly nice there after being in a hot gym for over an hour, that wasn't really where I'd been hurt. So I thanked the woman and picked up the pack myself, moving it to the back of my skull where the sharp, aching pain was centered.

The ice immediately numbed it and I was starting to feel a little bit better when the nurse asked, "Do you need a separate pass back to class, dear?" This question was aimed towards Axel.

"Coach told me to stay with him," Axel lied. Probably trying to stay out of class, after all, that's what I would have done, regardless of who I was with. Still. I would have preferred it if he just left. His insistence was only making me like him more, and I really didn't want to like him in the first place. I don't want to like anybody, to be perfectly honest. I don't think I could ever find myself comfortable in a relationship, not with my size.

But he didn't relent. He sat beside me the whole time when the nurse asked me what my eyesight was like, how my head felt, and to do basic functions like touching my finger to my nose. By the time she determined that I didn't have a concussion and sent us on our way (I was allowed to keep the ice), everyone in gym was probably changing back into normal clothes already.

"You don't talk much, do ya?" Axel asked, swinging his arms as he walked.

"I guess not?" I agreed, not knowing what else to say. "How 'bout them Steelers?"

He laughed out loud. I tried not to look too pleased with myself. "How about them?! Did you see yesterday's game? They totally annihilated the Eagles! Won me thirty bucks on my fantasy team."

"Ch'yeah well, who can't annihilate the Eagles?" I muttered. A second later I caught what I said and did a double take to make sure nobody else heard that. This school was made of ninety nine percent Eagles fans. Axel laughed again, a certain glee lacing his voice that only came about when you talked to crazy men about their football.

"I know, right? I'm Pittsburgh all the way."

We spent the entire walk back to the gym talking about our teams, and by the time we got there, I found that it was, indeed, time for everyone to be dismissed to the locker rooms to get changed. Figuring it was time to stop pushing my luck, I parted ways with Axel there and headed back to my usual stall to change.

Once safely in the confines of my little sanctuary, I breathed out a huff of exasperation and made a buttload of freakish expressions so as to silently convey all the things I was feeling. Embarrassment, on one hand, since I probably just made a giant fool of myself in more ways than one just now, just by being myself. The rest of my faces could be accounted for simply by looking at the basic fact of holy shit Axel was talking to me? What the hell is he talking to me for?

Once I was finished dressing and making myself look as… not sweaty… as I could, I left my stall only to be met with acid green orbs. I'm talking like, joker green here. Goddamn, when was he going to quit?

"Hey," said Axel brightly, like it had been a few years rather than minutes since he last saw me.

"Hi?" I replied, not even bothering to hide the question. Riku's bright aquamarine eyes were glittering curiously in our direction beneath a white veil of hair, but he tactfully said nothing and kept to tying his shoes. I knew he'd tell Sora though, and then Sora would be all over my ass like a rabid bunny on crack.

Axel cleared his throat theatrically. "Listen kid. Steeler fans are a fuckin' rarity in this school," he said. Though it was true, his voice carried more of a joking tone. In fact, with a little wishful thinking on my part, one could almost mistake it for flirtatious. "Me and a couple of my guys band together to watch the games on Sundays, and you are officially invited."

I stared, unsure of whether I'd heard him right. "You want me to come watch football… with your friends?"

"Yeah, why not?" he twittered jovially. "Even when our teams don't play, we sort of just pick sides at random just as an excuse to shout. It's a great time, really. There's pizza and fighting and if we get lucky, we might even witness Demyx getting drunk."

"Demyx Sullivan?" I asked, surprised.

Demyx wasn't the kind of person you'd expect to see someone like Axel with, either. Despite not owning a single black piece of clothing, he hung out at the emo table. Ironically, he was kind of a hipster (see what I did there?). He most definitely didn't stoop to carrying Invader Zim bags and Adventure Time merchandise, but he ran with that crowd nonetheless.

"Yeah. Why, you know him?" Axel asked. I shook my head. "Well you should. Get to know him, I mean. He's a fun guy. Anyway, here's the address. Show up if you want."

Just after he'd finished writing it on my hand, the bell rang, and I was finally able to get somewhere that didn't have Axel around so I could clear my head. I really could not think straight around that guy. So, anyway, that's just how I was inducted into my secret crush's social crowd, that I didn't know he had.

~o~

"He did what?!" Sora asked, his eyes bugged to the size of dinner plates.

"I told you, he asked me to come to his football Sunday party or some shit," I repeated, grunting as the bus went over a particularly nasty bump. As expected, the minute I sat down on the bus, Sora ambushed me with questions. And yes, even at eighteen years old, Sora and I both had to ride the bus, because our parents flat out refused to pay for a car. "And then he gave me the address," I finished, showing him.

Sora positively beamed. "Are you gonna go?"

"I dunno," I replied honestly. "Part of me is paranoid that he's sending me to some weird place to pull a prank on me in front of all the Perfect McPerfects. I don't see why else he would just invite me somewhere, just like that."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Gee, I don't know, maybe it's just because you're cool as hell? Roxas, seriously, I think you should go. It'll be good for you. Expand you social boundaries, and all that shit, you know? Time for the birdie to leave the nest and learn to make friends all on your own."

"What, you sick of having me around with yours?" I retorted.

"You know that's not what I meant," he sighed. "Look, I don't think I've ever even heard about Axel doing anything nasty to anyone. He's completely harmless. The only thing he's notorious for is making people fall in love with him. And let's face it," he laughed, "what are the odds of that happening?"

I forced a laugh. Not today. Another time, another place. "Ha ha, yeah. Zero."

Sora stared at me and, despite my efforts, I knew it was no use. "You know, you suck at lying to me. Forget making friends, first we need to teach you how to lie. How else are you going to get anywhere in life?"

I looked at my feet, still under the impression that there was no way to save myself. But apparently, if I'd jumped up and vehemently declared my straightness, he still would have believed me. If I were only a little smarter, he wouldn't have clasped his hand over his mouth, stunned, and shout, "Roxas, you dick! Why didn't you ever tell me?! You're g—"

"Dammit Sora, shut up!" I hissed, pressing my own hand atop his, effectively muffling that last, awful word. "Not here! Okay? Ugh, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you were gonna be obnoxious about it…"

"No, no, you don't understand!" he said, shaking his head frantically. "I am too."

That, I really wasn't expecting, especially since Sora's had a lot of girlfriends. He reels the in with that cute-as-a-puppy, nice guy attitude, and then he keeps them there by revealing a nice solid six pack that one only blitzball could give a person. "Y-you are? Well then don't you see? I can't go! I'd risk giving myself away. I know this is terrible of me, but I think he's so… sexy," I said in an undertone. "What about the off-chance of becoming actual friends? Do you know how hard it would be to constantly hang out with someone you know will never have feelings for you?"

"Yes I do!" Sora shot back, surprising me with his rage. "I know exactly what that feels like! I deal with it every single goddamn day, and it kills me inside, and even though I know he'll never be interested in me it's still worth every stupid second!"

Then it clicked. "Riku…" I muttered. "You like Riku."

"You betcha. And let me tell you, you have NO room for complaints mister. You know what a pain it is to go to all of his wrestling tournaments and watch him roll around, scantily clad, with hot guys? Not only is it heartbreaking because none of them are me, it's also ridiculously hot to watch. He's such a goddamn tease!" Sora ranted. How long had he been holding all that in, I had to wonder. "But it doesn't even matter, because I love him too much to consider living without him at all. So it you fall in love with Axel, oh fucking well. It builds character."

I looked around cautiously, surveying the area for any turned heads. Sora and I always sat in the back, and there weren't any kids within three rows of us, but one can never be too careful.

"I'm nervous," I admitted.

Sora laughed sardonically and turned to look out the window. "Good. Welcome to a life of normalcy."

~o~

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'd gotten clearance from my mom to take the car for the night. She'd even given me ten dollars to spend in her enthusiasm of me having a social life. I brought a trey of veggies and dip fro Stop and Shop, admittedly in fear that if I brought anything else, like chips or cookies or something, it'd give the wrong impression.

The game started at two. I was hoping one forty-five wasn't too early. I started counting house numbers as I pulled onto the street Axel had led me to, praying that this was legit and nobody was out to make fun of me. It seemed like a pretty nice neighborhood though, so at least I wasn't going to some shady apartment or like, a warehouse where people would jump me and leave me bleeding in the gutter. Damn, I think I watch to many crime shows. As the numbers started getting closer, I wished again for the umpteenth time that Sora was with me, but he refused to come.

My fears were slightly dissipated when I saw four boys horsing around in one certain front yard; one of them bearing that unmistakable red hair. I couldn't help but notice that one of them also had pink hair. God, I hoped that wasn't Axel's boyfriend. If Axel had a boyfriend this would just not fly.

As soon as they noticed me, I distinctly heard Axel shout, 'hooray!' and they all waited for me. Feeling a hundred times better, I cut the ignition and got out, bringing the tray with me.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to bring food or whatever," I explained quickly.

"Those two usually do," said Axel reassuringly, pointing to Demyx and another boy that I didn't recognize. "Come on in, I'll show you where to put it."

Once inside, Axel sat us down in a cheerful, well-decorated living room and introduced all of his friends. "This is Marluxia," he said, pointing to the guy with pink hair. "I would make a gay joke, but he's looking at me like he's ready to kill me, so for my own safety, I should probably tell you not to be fooled by the pink. It's only like that because he lost a bet with me." Marluxia huffed, looking deeply unimpressed.

"What was the bet?" I asked, grinning.

"On whether those two were going to get together or not," Axel explained pointing at Demyx and the other kid, who had become lost in their own little world on the couch and blatantly ignoring us. "As you can see by Marly's lack of roots and this disgusting sight, they're still in their honeymoon phase."

"And you bet against it?" I asked Marluxia. He nodded with a sour expression. "No offense, but that a bit dumb of you. Unless you put a time limit on the bet, it'd be impossible for Axel to really lose, wouldn't it?"

Marluxia's face fell open as Axel cracked up in laughter. "You're not supposed to tell him that, Rox! Now he'll never fall for it again."

"Oops," I laughed.

The pinkette growled and tackled Axel, which only added to the boisterous laughter coming from the redhead. Soon, they were both cackling with glee, rolling around on the rug and trying to pin each other. I had to look away, understanding Sora's own frustration immediately.

While they were at that, Demyx's boyfriend talked to me for the first time. He had weird hair, too. It was a grayish blue color, a color I could only assume was the washed-out version of cheap blue dye. It was shiny and straight and he wore it in front of his face. It became immediately clear to me now why Demyx sat around at the emo table.

"Hello," he greeted in a deeper voice than I'd expected. "My name is Zexion."

"And I'm Demyx!" Demyx threw in cheerfully. He was so different than Zexion. I mean, he wore his hair in a mullet! I didn't know what they saw in each other, but then again, we'd only just met.

I didn't feel it was my place to ask, so I just said, "Hey, I'm Roxas." I gestured to the boys fighting on the floor. "Are they always like this?"

Zexion looked like he was going to answer, but Demyx cut him off. "Oh yeah, if they don't go at it at least once a day, it's not a party."

My stomach sank. "When you say 'go at it,' you don't mean—"

"Noo, don't be silly," Demyx said, his voice still quite lively. "Marly's been fucking Larxene for the past two months." He must have noticed me cringe at her name, because he added, "Don't worry. Axel doesn't let her come here, at least, not on Sundays, cause she's mean to Zexy… since then this became a no girls zone!"

No girls, huh… I wondered. That still begged the question: did Axel like girls? I'd told myself so many times to just not ask, not wonder, to let it go, but the nagging question lingered in the back of my mind like an unyielding parasite. But I didn't dare ask. I just smiled and replied, "Oh good. I can't fucking stand Larxene."

"Are you all talking shit on my girlfriend again?" Marluxia asked, shaking his hair around. Apparently he and Axel had finished their brawl, and though they looked rather ruffled, neither appeared to have taken any real damage.

"She makes it so easy for us," Zexion replied silkily. "She's like a PMSing Barbie doll, permanently."

Marluxia didn't seem fazed. "Be that as it may, she's still a hell of an awesome lay."

"Okay, we're gonna put the game on now," Axel said quickly. "Last thing we need to here is another story about your trysts behind the bleachers or something."

"First of all, you asked, and second, it wasn't the bleachers, it was the soundbox in the auditorium!" Marluxia argued hotly.

"Ten bucks and a blow says they start brawling again," I barely heard Demyx mutter to Zexion.

"You're on."

~o~

I don't know how, but by some miraculous happenstance, I'd managed to pick up a whole new set of friends. During school, Axel BS'd around with all the cool kids and Marluxia BS'd around with the drama kids and I hung out with my friends. But on every Sunday, it was like we became new people. We met up for football and acted like we'd known each other for years. I still haven't figured out what possessed Axel to filter down into the misfits like me and Zexion and Demyx, but since it would have been pretty awkward to ask, I kept my mouth shut.

Then it came. Superbowl Sunday. We'd been planning for it all week. Our team had made it (A/N yeah, yeah, I know, it was the Niners and the Ravens. Just let me dream. Fan fiction is still fiction.) which led to some extreme gloating amongst our peers. They were going up against New England. It was a tough call for me, because New England was generally who I rooted for at home. But for the sake of the rest of my buddies, I remained loyal to the Steelers and agreed to pick up a bunch of themed plates and stuff.

I found it odd that, before that night, I'd never met Axel's parents before. I don't know whether they worked, or just stayed out of the way for their son's sake. Regardless, I was pleasantly surprised to walk from my dad's car directly into the arms of Axel's expecting mother.

"Hello dear!" she said excitedly, "You must be Roxas! I've heard all about you. You can go ahead into the living room, the boys are all waiting for you."

"Hang on, I brought snacks—"

"I'll get them, don't worry about it," she said sweetly, patting me in the other direction. "You go help yourself to some punch."

It was very easy to see where Axel gets his good looks from. The woman looked like a short, older, female version of Axel. She had the same impossibly red hair, and the same lovely green eyes. Her features were slightly softer, and she only stood a few inches taller than me, but she was undoubtedly Axel's mom.

I was shocked when I entered the living room. Every surface that could be covered in snacks, was covered in snacks. There was hardly enough room on the couch, loveseat, and ploof chairs for us to all sit down. Demyx and Zexion were sprawled over the couch, with four or five bags of chips at their feet. Marluxia had taken the chair, which left me with nowhere else to sit but with Axel on the loveseat.

Axel was the absolute worst tease on the face of this earth, I've concluded. He wasn't even trying to be, I don't think. Just the littlest things, like the way the right corner of his lip twitches up when he smiles, or the way he breathes when he and Marluxia wrestled, ugh, he just drove me crazy!

I avoided talking to him first because I hated the idea of making myself seem overeager or too interested. So instead, I turned to Marluxia and I meant to say hello, but then I noticed the hair, and my words sort of got away from me. "Holy shit, Marls, what happened? Did you lose another bet?"

The boy's hair, which he had grown past his shoulders in the time that I'd known him, was not the dull, washed out pinkish blonde with dark roots that I was used to seeing. He had redyed it, pink again. Except this time, it was more of a mauve-ish color, almost brown but not quite. It… really suited him, actually, despite its oddity.

"No," he said, shrugging. Larxene likes it pink. I don't. So I found a happy medium. I think it depletes my level of douchebaggery at least a little. And I swear, if I hear any of you say it looks gay one more time, I'm not opposed to a fight."

"Not in the living room!" Axel's mom called, poking her head in. "You'll make a mess with all the food. Go into the family room or something."

I sniggered. "Ch—no need. I'll just sit on him and he'll be done for the night."

"Hell yeah! On second thought, let's make it a whole pig pile!" said Demyx. "I hate to break it to you Rox, but you're losing mad weight. If you want enough power to crush Marluxia, you're gonna need our help."

Losing weight? Really? I don't think I've ever lost weight in my life. I've been the same since ninth grade, but before that, I'd only ever gotten bigger. And he hates to break it to me? Since when is losing weight a bad thing? I always hated when everyone's favorite character in movies was the fat one, because that's not how it worked in real life. So, what? Was it part of my character now? Was I not even me unless I was carting around all this weight? Maybe I'm thinking too much into it.

"Yeah Marly, think you can take all of us?" Axel challenged, a mischievous little glint twinkling in his eyes. From what I understood, Axel had known Marluxia longer than any of us, and even though I knew and well understood that, I still felt a small pang of jealously every time I observed the closeness.

"With one hand behind my back," Marluxia said sweetly, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head.

Like most banter amongst the two did, the issue vanished on the spot as all the pre-game programs ended and the dramatic music and fireworks announced the beginning of the game. Silence fell in the room, we could even hear Axel's parents' TV about a second behind ours, in the other room.

Not much at all happened by the time the first of the commercials came on. At that point, Demyx and Zexion started the snacking craze. We all loaded our plates with all manner of delicious, unhealthy food, including but not limited to: potato skins, chips, dip, baked things, and my new personal favorite: jalepenos stuffed with cream cheese and cheddar, wrapped in bacon, courtesy of Demyx. I filled my plate somewhat regretfully. If I really was losing weight, I didn't want to hinder myself by gaining it back tonight. I made sure not to grab more food than any of the others, because the only thing worse than looking like a fatty was acting like a fatty. Sora told me all the time that I was the only one that actually cared, but still.

I'm not gonna lie. I really want to be normal, if for no other reason so Axel will like me. I know it's wrong to try to change yourself to please somebody else, but I bet whoever wrote that proverb didn't have very much wrong with them in the first place. Yes, I'd prefer if someone liked me for me, but I'm not stupid. No matter what kind of a person you are, you see appearances first. Anybody who says otherwise is lying. After all, nobody talks to the dirty, disheveled old man with the ragged clothes, what if he's a psycho? Because it's impossible for a 21 year old, blonde burlesque queen to be a psycho.

But like always, I hid my insecurities and focused on the game. We were almost completely through the first quarter now and nobody even scored yet. That didn't stop Marluxia from getting on his hands and knees and mumbling nonsensical words towards the screen, of course. To the rest of us, now that we were fed and the excitement had faded, it was like any other game. Demyx and Zexion were completely intertwined again, speaking softly to one another, so Axel and I made conversation.

"S'gonna be weird next Sunday. I don't know what I'm going to do with the day," I laughed casually, hiding just how concerned I was about losing this nice little thing we were having.

"I know," Axel agreed, "It's always depressing hanging around in an empty house when I'm so used to having people here."

I didn't know what to say to that, so we stayed quiet in a semi awkward silence as I chewed my lip, silently trying to think of a way to insinuate that I wanted to keep hanging out, without making myself sound clingy.

All of a sudden, Axel slapped on a heartwarming Cheshire grin. "So. What are you doing this Saturday?"

I recognized the voice he used as his play flirt voice. He used it on everyone, and I hated it. "Why?" I shot back, smirking.

"Answer the question," he countered.

"Tell me why you're asking first," I challenged, leaning forward to stare him down.

"Maybe I'm interested," he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah? How interested?" I replied, keeping it cool on the outside, but freaking out internally. This was nothing new, I always freaked out when he was too close to me or he used his flirty voice.

"Interested enough to ask you to change your plans."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"How come?" we were almost nose to nose now; I had to constantly remind myself to not lose myself in his eyes. They were gorgeously captivating, and, to my surprise, not consistent with his smirk or his demeanor. They looked at me like… like they were seeing something precious.

Then I noticed it. He had raised the crook of his first finger to rest beneath my chin. The second I noticed it, he confidently raised it, inching my face up higher. I wasn't hiding anything now. I knew he could see all the fear, the wonder, the uncertainty, and most definitely, the hope.

"Because…" he said quietly, "I like you way too much to let you just walk away."

When his lips closed over mine, he may have had his eyes shut, but I kept mine wide open, because I there was no way I was going to miss this. I needed to see this to believe it was happening. If this was a fantasy, none of my senses betrayed that. I could see his beautiful face, so close to mine, with his eyes still shut in bliss. I couldn't see his lips of course, but I could feel them caressing mine softly. His scent was all around me. Sweet, but carrying a very distinct air of masculine.

Just as I was getting over the shock enough to deepen the kiss, trying to go for a taste, we were surprised apart by a disgruntled shout of, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" from Marluxia, followed by several other indignant cries from the couple on the couch and from the room Axel's parents were in.

It wasn't until I actually checked the TV screen that I realized they weren't yelling at us, but at Dwyer, who by some unfortunate mishap had lost his footing a sad 10 yards away from the end zone. As they replayed it over and over, Axel and I exchanged looks and laughed a little bit. I could see he was kind of giddy and nervous too. I found it totally adorable.

But the rest of the night left me a little confused, because after that, he left no sign that it even happened. He didn't say anything, or try anything, or even act like there was anything out of the ordinary. And since I was me, that left me with a cubic fuckton of questions. Did he think it was a mistake? Was he repulsed by me? I wouldn't blame him if he was, but… well, I really hoped he wasn't.

During the last quarter, I excused myself to the bathroom, both to take a pee and also to take a minute to reboot. It was getting pretty late, I could use a splash in the face of some nice, cold water.

When I was done doing my business, I washed my face, and it wasn't until after I'd wiped it with a face cloth that I finally forced myself to look into the mirror. As a general rule, I tried to avoid mirrors, I'm sure you could imagine why.

Tonight, I didn't even recognize myself. I mean, I was still pretty big, but I was like, I don't know, square. As opposed to round. I wasn't much larger round the middle than the rest of me. I looked down to check my legs and—holy fuck! I can see my feet! Demyx wasn't kidding, I was really losing weight. I think this might be unhealthy, actually. My t-shirt hung over my belly without being rounded off by the skin, but then one must remember that I was leaned slightly over to look down at that point.

When I looked back at my reflection, I saw something I'd never seen before. The thin person inside me. I could envision someone smaller stepping right out of me, a thinner face melting away bigger one. I wasn't there yet, but I was on my way. That person in there… is that what Axel saw in me? If I could look like that one day, I'd never have self-esteem issues again.

Feeling considerably better about myself than I had in years, I left, ready to go back out there and cheer my team on to the end.

We lost.

Oh well, everything was fun while it lasted. I felt a terribly bittersweet feeling rise up in my throat. I can't really describe it as anything other than wistful. As we started cleaning up and getting ready to leave, I found myself wondering more and more just what I was going to do without this constant sense of companionship. Not only with Axel, but the others as well. Zexion was in my third block class, but otherwise I didn't see much of any of them.

Zexion and Demyx left first, and Marluxia, apparently, was staying the night. He went upstairs to get changed, which left just Axel and me standing awkwardly in the kitchen.

"I should probably get going," I said, trying to pass off my unhappiness as tired.

"Yeah…" he agreed, rubbing his eyes.

I was turning to walk out the door, and he was turning around to head upstairs, when I just burst out with, "Hey, Axel."

"Yeah?" he said quickly, whirling around at an obnoxious pace. He was nervous. Cool.

"What happens now?" I asked before I could chicken out.

He laughed happily, dropping his face into his hands. "Well, gee, Rox, generally when I kiss someone it's because I want them to go away forever and never see them again, but since you're such a special little cookie, I'd rather you, I don't know, be my boyfriend? Yeah, that'd be good."

"Um, oh my god, wow. I mean yeah! Yeah, I'll be your boyfriend! Holy crap, I'm all kinds of flustered right now, seriously," I blabbed with a nervous chuckle.

After a wide smile of his own, Axel came up to me in confident strides and kissed me again, nothing held back. This time I was ready for it, and I kissed him back. He was the first to deepen it, and I gladly let him. He tasted like sherbet, from the punch I assumed. When his hands found my waist, I relaxed into him, rather than tensing up like I normally did when anyone touched me. Axel wasn't concerned about how big or small I was. He liked me for me.

"You know," he said, pausing to cover my mouth with little pecks. "Hockey season starts next week."