Shades of Blue
As seven ticks to eight o'clock,
He rumbles down the stairs,
Mother's cooking in her kitchen, father is in his chair
Nothing hurts worse then knowing that the love of your life has abandoned you. I remember the day Jasper left. He had brought me home after my birthday party at the Cullen's house. I could see anger in his normally calm eyes. He wasn't angry with me, but angry with Rosalie. You see Rosalie was in a very bad mood for some unknown reason and decided to take a snap at me. I thought Jasper was going to kill her. Jasper looks at me, the anger replaced with nothing. He was hiding his emotions. Jasper took a deep unnecessary breath before speaking. "It's over Lenore." I stared at him in shock. "W-what d-do you mean Jasper?" Jasper looked at the ground. "We can't be together anymore Lenore. You're a human and I'm…I'm a Vampire. You'll grow old and I don't want to have to watch you die." I could feel my heart shattering with every word. What I didn't know was that Jasper's heart was also shattering. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as Jasper spoke again. "Move on Lenore. Marry a nice human boy, have kids, grow old, and forget all about me." I looked up at Jasper as more tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'll never be able to forget you Jasper. Please don't leave me. Don't abandon me as well." I saw pain flicker in Jasper's beautiful eyes, but it quickly disappears. Jasper sighed softly. "It's for your own good. Goodbye Lenore." I watched as Jasper turned from me, got in his car and drove away, never stopping, never looking back. Everything after that was a bit blurry. I remember waking up in Sam Uley's arms as he carried me out of the forest, and being looked over by a doctor, other then that everything is a huge blur.
The headline on the front page reads "the sun's coming out today",
Shining down in perfect streaks, it's anywhere USA.
For almost two months I lived like a zombie, though I wouldn't really call that living, more like just existing. I worried everyone, which in turned made me even sadder. No matter what I did, I couldn't get Jasper out of my head or out of my heart. I didn't leave my house for days on end. Eventually, I started to be able to blend back into the world around me. I wasn't healed, but the hole where my heart should have been stopped ripping open. I was able to go to school without breaking down, I was able to sleep at night without seeing his face and I was able to eat. I knew that my life wasn't going to get better and that I would ever move on, but at least I could now pretend to be a normal human being, well as normal as a girl with a giant hole in her heart could be. My grades slowly started to get better, and I was even hanging out with my old friends, but nothing I did felt right. Nothing I did was right because everything I did reminded me of him. It's sad, I can't even say his name, I can't even think his name without the hole aching so bad that I end up hurting myself. I knew something needed to change once I started hearing his voice in my head. I needed something to distract me from my pain so I started going to La Push and hanging out with Paul and the pack.
With eyes wide open,
The sky is always a thousand shades of blue.
Probably broken, lost and lonely,
We're all just shades of you.
Paul and I became very close, practically inseparable. During the weekends Paul would spend the night at my house and during the week I would go to his. Paul knew everything about what happened. He knew how badly I was hurt and he knew that I could never be fixed but that didn't stop him from spending every moment he could with me. The more time I spent with Paul, the more I grew to love him, not the same love I had for…him, but a different kind of love. I knew Paul loved me and he would do anything for me. I knew I shouldn't have lead Paul on, and it wasn't like I was trying to, it's just that I couldn't survive without him. I had become addicted to Paul and the distraction he provided me. I became addicted to the way I felt when I would fall asleep in his arms and the way he would make me laugh. Don't get me wrong, what I felt for Paul was nothing like what I felt for….him. Paul loved me, maybe more then…Jasper ever did. I couldn't help but flinch as I thought his name. Maybe I should just be with Paul and try to love him, but that wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fare to Paul, he deserved someone who could love him, someone who could give him all of their heart which was something I could never do.
Can't you hear the school bells singing?
Hurry, don't be late.
Wandering the crowded hallways,
Searching for his place.
Months past and it was spring break. It was a beautiful warm day and sadly Paul had to be on watch so I decided to wander around the forest behind my house. After hours of wandering, I came upon a clearing and instantly the hole in my chest began to rip open again. I had accidentally stumbled upon the spot where…Jasper first told me he loved me. I fell to the ground, my arms wrapped tightly around my torso as I desperately tired to keep myself from falling a part. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and my body was violently shaking. I couldn't stop a small sob from escaping my lips as Jasper's voice filled my head. 'I'm sorry Lenore. I never meant to hurt you. Please forget me.' And just as quickly as it came, it was gone and I was left to my pain. After what felt like hours I was able to calm down and pull myself back together. I was going to leave when a deep voice with a slight accent stopped me. "Hello again beautiful." I spun around to find Laurent leaning against a tree. I took a deep breathe and spoke. "Hello Laurent. What are you doing here?" A smirk spread over Laurent's pale pink lips. "I came to find you. You see Victoria isn't very happy with you and your mate so she sent me to try and find you." There is a moment of silence before I spoke. "Jasper and I aren't together Laurent. Harming me will have no effect on him." Laurent frowns softly. "I'm sorry to hear that. She is still going to kill you. It's a good thing I found you first my dear." I sigh softly. "How so?" Laurent moved so he was right in front of me. He cupped my cheek softly. "Victoria would make your death slow and painful, I will make it quick and painless." Laurent moves so his mouth is hovering over my neck. Suddenly loud growls could be heard through out the forest as seven large wolves stepped into the clearing. I smile softly as I see Paul snarl at Laurent. Suddenly that sweet voice with a southern drawl filled my head. 'Run Lenore!' I did as the voice told me. I ran and ran till I was safely in my house.
The writing on the chalk board reads,
"Who will be king this year?"
And even though he raised his hand,
No one knows he's there.
Laurent was dead. The pack had killed him. Victoria had begun to map out Forks and tried to find ways to get to me. I was never alone, one of the boys was with me at all times, even when I went to school. Sam would circle the school making sure I was safe. I felt horrible again. I was putting the pack's life in danger. I don't think I could have lived with myself if one of the boys had gotten hurt, they had become the family I wanted, the family I used have. I missed them all so much and just thinking about them hurt. I rarely ever let myself think of them, but when I did I tried to think of how happy they had all been. How Carlisle had said he loved my as a daughter, how Esme told me she wished I was her daughter, how Emmett always picked on me, how Edward was always so protective of me, and how Alice had told me I was going to be her sister one day. Alice was wrong though, I would never be her sister, I would never be Carlisle's and Esme's daughter. I would never see the Cullens ever again and with that thought the pain begain again. The whole in my heart begain to slowly rip open again and this time there was no stopping.
With arms wide open,
His life's becoming a thousand shades of blue,
Probably broken, lost and lonely,
We're all just shades of you.
I hated myself. Seth had been hurt because of me. Seth and I were at my house watching movies and waiting for Paul to come over when Victoria had decided to take a chance and tried to attack me. Seth was hurt, nothing life threatening, but he would forever have that scar on his chest. I hated myself for putting the pack's life in danger. The hole was hurting again and I couldn't take the pain anymore. I couldn't take the fear, the longing, and the heart ach anymore. I didn't want to live anymore, not without Jasper. I realized not that long ago that Jasper had become my only reason for living. He made me feel alive and now that he is gone I feel empty. After thinking long and hard about my decisions I come to a conclusion. Everyone's life would be a lot better without me around.
There's no escaping where he's going,
A thousand shades of blue.
Probably hopeless, don't you notice?
We're all just shades of you.
After making my decision, I get out of my bed and walk over to my desk where I pull a piece of paper and a pen out. I write a note for Paul then read it over.
"Dear Paul,
I feel terrible for all of the trouble I have caused for the pack and for you. I never meant to hurt anyone. I want to thank you for being there for me, you have been such an amazing friend. I am so sorry Paul, but I can't keep going on without him. Please forgive me for being weak. I love you Paul. Goodbye.
Love Always,
Lenore."
I take a deep breath and place the note on the kitchen table. I walk over to a drawer in the kitchen and pull out a bottle of sleeping pills. With another deep breath I open the bottle and pour a few pills out of the bottle then down the pills. I leave the open bottle on the counter and walk back upstairs and into the bathroom. I walk over to the deep bath tub and turn the water, watching as the water begins to fill up. Once the tub is completely filled up, I turn the water of and slip into the tub, not bothering to take my knee length, white nightgown off. I can feel the pills kicking in as my eyes slowly close and I feel myself slipping deeper into the water. Before I know it everything goes black and I can't breathe.
He let the water run too deep,
Then he just slowly slipped on in,
And when he finds the nerve to breathe,
All they say is no one saw it coming.
I run as fast as I can, praying I make it in time. As soon as Alice told me she saw Lenore dying, I left for Forks. I never thought leaving Lenore would affect her this much. She seemed to being doing so much better the last time I checked in on her, what could have caused such a dramatic change. As soon as I see Lenore's house I push myself faster. I run into the house and am greeted by Lenore's sweet scent and water. The house is silent, I can't even hear Lenore's heart. I run upstairs and into the bathroom where I find Lenore in the tube. I lift Lenore's limp body out of the water and lay her down on the floor. I clear the water from her lungs, but I can still barely hear her hart. She looks so fragile. I never should have left Lenore, I never should have broken her heart. She suffered for six months because of me. I knew how fragile she was, and I should have known what abandoning her would have done. I was no better then her parents. I realize now that I can't live without her. Before I can even stop myself, I lean down and sink my fangs into Lenore's soft cold neck.
Hear the sirens, the cops arriving,
A thousand shades of blue.
But it's hopeless, no one noticed,
We're all just shades of you.
It has been over a week since Lenore's disappearance and I miss her with all my heart. I am out on patrol when suddenly the scent of a leech burns my nostrils. I crouch down and growl as I see a beautiful vampire with long curly brown hair steps in front of me. Her warm butterscotch eyes watch my every move as she stands before me. Her soft sweet voice fills the silent forest. "Hello Pauly." I stare at Lenore in shock. I disappear behind a tree and change back into my human form and pull on a pair of pants before standing in front of Lenore. Lenore moves toward me and I flinch away. I instantly regret it as I see pain fill Lenore eyes. Lenore drops her hand and looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry Pauly." I look at Lenore sadly. "Why? Why did you do it Lenore?" Lenore sighs softly and runs her fingers through her soft hair. "I didn't I have a choice Pauly. I-I tried to kill myself. If it wasn't for Jasper, I'd be dead." I look at Lenore sadly. My best friend is now my enemy. It's all my fault, if I had been there for her none of this would have happened. Suddenly I feel a pair of cold arms wrap around my waist. I lift my head to find Lenore hugging me, her face buried in my chest. I slowly wrap my arms around Lenore's small frame. She looks up at me. "I'm so sorry Paul. I never meant to cause you any pain." I gently stroke Lenore's soft, pale, cold cheek. "It's ok Lenore, I just wish I could have been what you needed." Lenore reaches up and gently brushes the tears from my cheeks. "Oh Pauly. You were the greatest best friend a girl could ever have, it's just that I needed Jasper. I love him Paul, more then I thought I could ever love someone." I look down at Lenore and see pure bliss shining brightly in her golden eyes. I haven't seen her this happy in a very long time. Suddenly Jasper steps out from behind a tree. I hold Lenore protectively to me as Jasper smiles softly at her. "It's time to go Lenore." Lenore nods then looks back up at me. She places her cold hands on my cheeks and leans up, pressing her soft cold lips against mine. I hold Lenore close and her kiss her back. After a minute, Lenore pulls away from me. She touches my cheek and smiles at me sadly. "Goodbye Paul." I kiss Lenore's hand then let her go. "Goodbye Lenore." I watch sadly as Lenore walks away with the love of her life, never to see her again.
With eyes wide open, they found him floating,
A thousand shades of blue.
There's no escaping where he's going,
We're all just shades of you.