Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I own none of them, they are
other peoples, and I am just borrowing them. If they were mine I would
have made them all bow down Before Merry and his queen (me), and since they
are not doing this, they are obviously not mine. P.S. – These are Mr. JRR
Tolkeins, And Ms. JK Rowlings characters; it also includes 'catch phrases'
from their books.
FRODO BAGGINS AND THE EVIL EYE'S RING
Chapter one – Keeper Of The Secrets
"What do you mean I've been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" Frodo sputtered consulting the yellowy parchment he held "We await your owl, what does that mean?" Frodo asked no one in particular.
"He's not going" Boromir grunted.
"I'd like ter see a great muggle like yerself stop 'im, his names been on that list since he was born" Gandalf shot back.
"What's a muggle... and why precisely are you talking like that?" Frodo asked, confused.
"Shut it Frodo" Boromir replied quickly "He's not going, He's a hobbit, not a stupid wizard!"
"Hey!" Was Gandalf's clever retort.
"You knew?" said Frodo, selectively forgetting that Gandalf knew as well "You knew I'm a-a wizard?"
"Knew" Pippin shrieked suddenly "Knew, of coarse we knew, my sister's Aunt's Husband's Cousin's Neighbor's Uncle's Granddaughter's dog's brother's step mom's Owner's Daughter being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and she disappeared off to that school! Always returning over the summers her pockets stuffed with... um... magical stuff. I was one of the only 20 who saw her for what she really was – a Freak! Then she met that Baggins fellow at school and they got married and had you, and I knew you'd be just the same, just as abnomal, and then – if you please she went and got herself drowned and we got landed with you!
"Freak! Abnormal! He's a damn good wizard, or he will be once he's had some training!" Gandalf exploded. "He'll be the second most famous in his year, third tops! Why almost everybody will know his name"
"But why Gandalf," Frodo whined "why will a select few know my name?"
"Well, you know you're parents drowned, so at least they didn't give you some lame excuse for their misfortunate deaths." He mumbled glaring at the Fellowship "I'm not the best person to tell you this Frodo, Don't know everything about it me' self" he proclaimed.
"That's a first!" said a dry voice from the back of the group.
"As I was saying and evil wizard –"
"Who?" Frodo asked blankly.
"Well" Gandalf muttered "I don't usually say his name, but I suppose..." He finished trailing off "His name was – is Saruman, well he got a taste for power and went looking for more. He got it too, He bred himself an Army of Evil Humans and Uruk-hai – they disappeared when he did – Well he had almost enough power to bat Sauron, and weak as he was Sauron couldn't have that, so he pored some of his power into the most un-likely of sources, Frodo, He pored some of his power into you." Gandalf's voice quivered dramatically "That does not make you evil" he continued reading Frodo like a book. "Saruman couldn't be outdone, so he lured your parents into a boat and in the deepest part of the lake he stood up in their small boat causing it to tip, knowing full well that Hobbits cant swim. He went back to shore to get rid of you with a spell, but as soon as he cast the spell it rebounded upon him threefold, that spell gave you your... um... paleness" He finished lamely.
"So that's why I'm so pale" Frodo thought out-loud
"But what happened to him Gandalf" Legolas piped up.
"Good question, well no one really knows, some figure he's dead, others think he's still out there somewhere, biding his time powerless and alone, scary and soothing all rolled into one... Like chocolate." Gandalf replied willingly
"Chocolate isn't scary..." replied the dry voice
Frodo looked worried "don't be frightened Frodo I'll take you to Hogwarts where they'll teach you-"
"I told you he wasn't going!" Boromir said re-gathering his courage.
"And I told you that I'd like to see you stop him, he's going to be taught the finest arts under the best Headmaster EVER! Gandalf exclaimed."
"I'm not paying to have some CRACKPOT old FOOL teach him to pull a rabbit out of his hat"
"Never Ever Insult my BROTHER you incompetent human!" Gandalf screamed as he cursed Sam with a pig's tail. About the same time Frodo was screaming about having more worth in his eyelash than Boromir did in his whole body. Needless to say, Borimir lunged for Frodo.
Gandalf brushed Boromir off him grabbed his arm and in seconds they had disappeared.
"Hello" Aragorn said as he strode into camp with wild deer over his shoulders "Your king is back, and he has food! Where are Frodo and Gandalf, and why does Sam have a pigs- never mind, I don't care, but where are Frodo and Gandalf?" When he received no answer he screamed at the top of his lungs "Answer Your King!"
Gimli looked at him disdainfully and said "Last seen they were crawling up your ass because you're King."
"Oh, okay." He said, "Strange you think you'd feel something like that."
A/N – I am SO sorry about the spelling mistakes, I just sat down and typed that at school when I was supposed to be writing an English essay, let's just say I suffer from selective writers block.
FRODO BAGGINS AND THE EVIL EYE'S RING
Chapter one – Keeper Of The Secrets
"What do you mean I've been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" Frodo sputtered consulting the yellowy parchment he held "We await your owl, what does that mean?" Frodo asked no one in particular.
"He's not going" Boromir grunted.
"I'd like ter see a great muggle like yerself stop 'im, his names been on that list since he was born" Gandalf shot back.
"What's a muggle... and why precisely are you talking like that?" Frodo asked, confused.
"Shut it Frodo" Boromir replied quickly "He's not going, He's a hobbit, not a stupid wizard!"
"Hey!" Was Gandalf's clever retort.
"You knew?" said Frodo, selectively forgetting that Gandalf knew as well "You knew I'm a-a wizard?"
"Knew" Pippin shrieked suddenly "Knew, of coarse we knew, my sister's Aunt's Husband's Cousin's Neighbor's Uncle's Granddaughter's dog's brother's step mom's Owner's Daughter being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and she disappeared off to that school! Always returning over the summers her pockets stuffed with... um... magical stuff. I was one of the only 20 who saw her for what she really was – a Freak! Then she met that Baggins fellow at school and they got married and had you, and I knew you'd be just the same, just as abnomal, and then – if you please she went and got herself drowned and we got landed with you!
"Freak! Abnormal! He's a damn good wizard, or he will be once he's had some training!" Gandalf exploded. "He'll be the second most famous in his year, third tops! Why almost everybody will know his name"
"But why Gandalf," Frodo whined "why will a select few know my name?"
"Well, you know you're parents drowned, so at least they didn't give you some lame excuse for their misfortunate deaths." He mumbled glaring at the Fellowship "I'm not the best person to tell you this Frodo, Don't know everything about it me' self" he proclaimed.
"That's a first!" said a dry voice from the back of the group.
"As I was saying and evil wizard –"
"Who?" Frodo asked blankly.
"Well" Gandalf muttered "I don't usually say his name, but I suppose..." He finished trailing off "His name was – is Saruman, well he got a taste for power and went looking for more. He got it too, He bred himself an Army of Evil Humans and Uruk-hai – they disappeared when he did – Well he had almost enough power to bat Sauron, and weak as he was Sauron couldn't have that, so he pored some of his power into the most un-likely of sources, Frodo, He pored some of his power into you." Gandalf's voice quivered dramatically "That does not make you evil" he continued reading Frodo like a book. "Saruman couldn't be outdone, so he lured your parents into a boat and in the deepest part of the lake he stood up in their small boat causing it to tip, knowing full well that Hobbits cant swim. He went back to shore to get rid of you with a spell, but as soon as he cast the spell it rebounded upon him threefold, that spell gave you your... um... paleness" He finished lamely.
"So that's why I'm so pale" Frodo thought out-loud
"But what happened to him Gandalf" Legolas piped up.
"Good question, well no one really knows, some figure he's dead, others think he's still out there somewhere, biding his time powerless and alone, scary and soothing all rolled into one... Like chocolate." Gandalf replied willingly
"Chocolate isn't scary..." replied the dry voice
Frodo looked worried "don't be frightened Frodo I'll take you to Hogwarts where they'll teach you-"
"I told you he wasn't going!" Boromir said re-gathering his courage.
"And I told you that I'd like to see you stop him, he's going to be taught the finest arts under the best Headmaster EVER! Gandalf exclaimed."
"I'm not paying to have some CRACKPOT old FOOL teach him to pull a rabbit out of his hat"
"Never Ever Insult my BROTHER you incompetent human!" Gandalf screamed as he cursed Sam with a pig's tail. About the same time Frodo was screaming about having more worth in his eyelash than Boromir did in his whole body. Needless to say, Borimir lunged for Frodo.
Gandalf brushed Boromir off him grabbed his arm and in seconds they had disappeared.
"Hello" Aragorn said as he strode into camp with wild deer over his shoulders "Your king is back, and he has food! Where are Frodo and Gandalf, and why does Sam have a pigs- never mind, I don't care, but where are Frodo and Gandalf?" When he received no answer he screamed at the top of his lungs "Answer Your King!"
Gimli looked at him disdainfully and said "Last seen they were crawling up your ass because you're King."
"Oh, okay." He said, "Strange you think you'd feel something like that."
A/N – I am SO sorry about the spelling mistakes, I just sat down and typed that at school when I was supposed to be writing an English essay, let's just say I suffer from selective writers block.