Useful Intel: This was originally supposed to be a role-play starter but my friend told me I should make an account and upload it here to continue the story. I'm new to writing fanfiction but my goal in life is to be a writer, so I thought I might as well. This is my first ever Mass Effect fanfiction as I'm pretty new to the fandom, but I have other Dragon Age ones that I might upload somewhere else. I've had no formal training at all in the area of writing, not even much from school. So please be gentle. Oh, also this is a Shenko story. No smut.

Chapter One: Conflicting Emotions.

Commander Sage Alexandria Shepard already had enough problems on her hands without "Major" Kaidan Alenko's obvious doubt that her ties with Cerberus were completely cut. She knew the truth, and that's all that matters, as she had told herself many times over. The thought that he didn't trust her hurt, almost as much as the incident on Horizon. The wound from that encounter was still fresh in her heart, and the way things were playing out here today the wound was only going to fester some one of the first and only times she had seen him since she had been stripped of the Normandy and under tight surveillance or "grounded" as Anderson had oh so delicately put it, they were butting heads. About Cerberus, about the woman she "used" to be as Kaidan said, and about their relationship, or what was left of it.

Liara had remarked earlier that Kaidan- or "The Major" as she properly addressed him, had become very capable. She was right, he had matured and become a lot more capable since he had last been under her command, he seemed more independent, more determined and above all.. Cold. Sage mused over the thought, perhaps "Cold" was not the best way to describe his current behavior it traveled along the lines of "hard" more than anything. She remembered when she first met him on the Normandy, back when it was just an SR-1, he reminded her of a lost puppy with the way he was always trailing after her, seeking her knowledge and eventually what was hidden beneath her armor. Now he didn't trail after her, instead he walked four steps in front of her with his head held high in cool confidence. Despite her feelings of hurt and betrayal, she admired Kaidan for maturing so much within a short time, and earning three promotions within less than three years. It was obvious to anyone who knew him, or who looked at this records that he pushed himself after her death, continuously working and seemingly never having time for personal matters.

Her heart cried for him, for it was her fault that he had been such a mess after her death. While she was grounded she became curious about her death, curious enough that she had searched the extranet for vids about it. They held a lavish funeral for her, and everybody who served on the old Normandy was there, including Admiral Hackett and Anderson. But as the video went on she focused more on Kaidan, who looked like he was nearly about to collapse in anguish as he began to read Alfred, Lord Tennyson's Crossing the bar. His words, laced with pain and what almost seemed liked despair had been burned into Sage's memory.

"Sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar, when I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep, too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep, turns again - home.

Twilight and evening bell, and after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell, when I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place, the flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face, when I have crossed the bar."

Kaidan crumbled as he read the last words, he fell to his knees and cried out in anguish. It broke her heart to hear his cry, it was then that she had glimpsed what her death had did to him, and what had caused the incident at Horizon. And yet she was still hurt, she was still unforgiving towards him because of it. She wanted for him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, what she really wanted was for them to get past Horizon, her death and the fact that she worked for Cerberus. When this mission was over and the data on this Prothean device was recovered, she would talk to Kaidan, and try to keep her temper that was getting shorter by the minute with his attitude in check. Her stubbornness and pride were her biggest downfalls, and she was determined not to let them inter fear with her talk to Kaidan, despite everything she felt earlier on, and still feels just a little bit of.

No sooner had she decided on her course of action regarding her and Kaidan, they had found out that Dr Eva, who had come to the Mars facility only a month ago, had been behind the Cerberus attack. And who had also, stolen and erased most of the data for the device. The chase had begun as soon as Kaidan had found her erasing the data in a hidden terminal. She had given quite a chase since then, Kaidan and Liara lagged a good seven paces behind Sage as she chased the doctor to the landing pad ad one end of the facility. When she had seen the doctor climbing into a Cerberus escape shuttle she swore under her breath, she fired in hopeless attempts to bring the shuttle down before practically screaming for the Normandy- or anybody really to stop the doctor and damn Cerberus.

Like an answer to her prayers, Lieutenant James Vega had said he'd handle it, and boy did he handle it. He had crashed their Alliance shuttle into the Cerberus one as it was just taking off, the Cerberus one was completely and utterly rendered unusable but their shuttle also suffered some heavy damages. She signaled James to land and all too soon things quickly spun out of control. Doctor Eva had emerged from the shuttle, not as a human but as a mec or android, whatever the hell it was. Kaidan had pushed Liara aside and fired at the unholy being but she managed to grab him and lift him by his helmet. She had pleaded with the synthetic to let him go but she only paused briefly to confirm what Sage suspected as orders before slamming Kaidan numerous times into the broken vehicle.

The world felt like it was in slow motion as she watched Kaidan fall to the ground she stood there momentarily stunned at what had happened. It couldn't end like this, not for Kaidan. Not for them. She fired her gun rapidly at the thing that had hurt Kaidan. Her eyes were clouded with anger as she fired, after countless misses she finally had a hit, sending the monster to the ground. Sage re-holstered her gun clumsily and ran to Kaidan, hearing herself numbly ordering James to get that thing into the Normandy as it landed behind them. She suppressed tears as she kept calling his name over Kaidan's limp body, begging that he would wake up. She fought the stinging sensation in her eyes and lifted Kaidan around her shoulders, she paused for a few seconds to collect herself and made her way towards the Normandy.

He was going to be alright damn it. She would make sure of that.