Set in the season seven finale, Derek's thoughts as he pouts in the woods. Because yes, with what Meredith did she almost destroyed both their careers and Derek really has a right to be mad, but I think it was about something else entirely.
He knows it's irrational, he wanted the trial to buy them more time and now he's sulking in the woods instead of being by her side, but she doesn't get it. She doesn't get that every time she doesn't know where her keys are or she doesn't remember what day of the week it is, his heart stops and he wonders how long they'll have together or if they have already run out of time. It makes him regret every fight they ever had, every moment they spent apart, that he just wants to curl up with her in bed for the rest of their lives pretending to world outside doesn't exist. Sometimes, the fear paralyses him, it's not something he can protect her from and now she took away is only chance to try.
So it doesn't make sense that he is ignoring her phone calls, but he can't talk to her right now. He gets it, why she did what she did, he should have known she'd get too involved with Richard and Adele, and her compassion makes him love her even more, it's something he always admired about her, it's what allowed her to forgive him time and time again, but right now he wants to shake her and scream at her that she traded Adele's happiness for theirs. He loves Meredith so much, but he hates her some right now too, because chances are, that someday in the future, Zola will have to go through the same thing Meredith had to go through, watch her mother deteriorate, forget her child, forget her life. Yes, Zola will not be alone, she will have him and when, if the time comes, she will know that Meredith loved her with all she had. Someday in the future, chances are, is wife, his Meredith won't remember him. He will have to watch her slowly loose who she is, who they were, he promised to remind her every day, and he will until the end of time, but he needed this trial to work because he needs forever with her and knowing they tried everything will hopefully makes it a bit easier when, if the time comes. He knows it won't, not if Meredith would suffer her mothers fate, but he can't sit idle by and wait for what the future might bring. He needs to try and protect her.
He didn't mean to say Meredith would be a bad Mom, she's an amazing mother and he can't imagine anyone else to raise children with. He will have to apologize for it later. Her selflessness in manipulating that trial, it's something he wants her to teach their daughter. Not to that extreme, but compassion and selflessness are admirable qualities he wants his daughter to have too. That moment, though, he just couldn't help it. All he could see was the price of her selflessness. The trial would end. She hadn't thought of their future, of what it would mean for her, for him, for their baby.
His head is a mess and he wants to go home and make love to his wife because somehow everything is always a lot clearer when she's in his arms, but he needs to be mad for sometime longer too because of her actions, now there will be a time where she's his wife, but not. He doesn't know how to handle that she was willing to sacrifice their future when he's so desperate trying to give it to them. He doesn't know how to forgive her for this.
Let me know what you think. I need some motivation, because "Never Know" is being a b**** to write.