Okay, so this is a present for my friend Alba, a YAOI crazy fangirl (OMG) and lover of weird pairings. I wrote it in english because she is in London at the moment, so she will have to get used. First yaoi ever, so don't be bad.
I miss you, Alba!
Not meant for me
Do you think that I hate the rain? I don't hate it. I actually enjoy it, to some point. You know, it's boring around here, there's really nothing to do. So, sometimes I decide just to annoy Zangetsu.
The old bastard has himself in a pedestal, literally.
He isn't the kind of..."person" who get annoyed by silly shit, but silly shit is hard to take after a while.
-Oi! Zangetsu! -I scream, to the top of my lungs -come here, I have a few questions to ask you!
Usually, the old piece of shit ignores me to the point that I wanna see his fucking face bleeding under me, and hit him again and again until he screams. But for some reason, I can't. I thought that this was going to be a battle of dominance for the power. But you are crazy as hell if you think it's like that day after day. We use to ignore each other, for the sake of the king's mental health.
Specially him, of course.
But this time was going to be different. The man looked at me from the distance and started to walk towards me. A maniac smile crept to my face before I could hide it.
-Did you call me?
As cold as always. He hit my nerves.
-Well, ya see, I'm bored. So I was thinking that we could do something together, just to pass the time.
He arched an eyebrow.
-Why is that you want to do anything with me? -he asked me, in his cold tone.
-Don't know, told ya, just bored.
-And what do you have in mind?
I really had a lot of things in mind. Ask him fucking silly questions, like how babies are made, how do the green green grass smell and things like that. But he would start ignoring me again, and I didn't want to ruin the moment.
-What is love? -I suddenly asked him. It wasn't the first thing that went through my head, it had been in my mind for a couple of days.
-Love?
-Yeah, I mean, humans talk about love as if it was something that everyone have for himself or herself, but then they give it to the others. Sometimes they cry for that shit, and there are times when they smile, hit walls, and blame the others. Just for the sake of love. Why? Why the hell do they share love, if it's gonna be so painful for them?
-Love is not always painful -the man responded. He was actually giving conversation. I just couldn't be more full of myself.
-The fuck it isn't. When someone think that he can't be more happy, then love dies. Suddenly. Fast -and that was really what I thought. Love was an impulse, just like everything else in the human being, except reason.
-You are not talking about love there. Love is not an impulse -he said, as if he could read my mind -love is a feeling, a feeling that develops with time. Love is not immediate, love is slow, like a flower that blossoms. But you, hollow, will never understand such things, you will never love. But don't worry, because it's like that how it's supposed to be. It's not a game, it's not fast, is not instinct. It's more human than you will never be.
Something like rage awoke inside me, and I didn't know why. Why should I care? The only human that concerned me was my king, the only piece of existence that concerned me was my king. But of course, I didn't love my king, nor did he.
We were a parasite, and a host, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I felt like a child who couldn't get his lollypop, but I decided to ignore it. After all, I didn't have much feelings, so why care anyway?
-And sex? What's the difference between them? -I asked.
-You described sex just five minutes ago. Something that humans can do for fun, by instinct, an impulse. But that is just sometimes. Other times, humans do it to demonstrate their love for each other, so...
-So you could say sex is a kind of love?
-Sex is a way of love. There are many other ways to demonstrate your love for a person than sex.
I went silent. I think Zangetsu started to worry about my long silence because he was looking at me from the corners of his eyes, waiting for me to say a brutality and go away with it. But that never came, because I was deep in thought, thinking about the next question I was going to ask Zangetsu. I liked when we talked, it killed time and boredom, and he knew a little about everything. Just like an old fucking wise man.
-And what is the difference between "sex love" and "love sex"? -I asked, not knowing how to express it like I was thinking it.
-"Sex love", as you call it, it's only for fun. "Love sex" it's for love, because you are sure that you are doing it with the right person and want to take that step, even if you are wrong. You feel it.
The old man really looked like a fucking psychologist! But I couldn't stop listening him. After all, he was older, and wiser. Rain poured from the sky, soaking our bodies, bur freeing my mind.
I kind of felt good when it rained. I felt the rain wash a little of my insanity. It could be because my king was off. Zangetsu was by my side, we were sitting at thee top of a building and we weren´t talking at all. Why was I giving so much importance to love? Why did it matter to me? Soon, I would forget about it, wouldn't I? After all, I was like a child, asking things just to get an explanation that I didn't really understand. Because I couldn't understand, could I?
-Zangetsu -the man looked at me, expecting some outburst- I want you to show me the difference between them.
-What -replied the old man, with an amused expression.
-Show me,I wanna have fun, ya know. Do me hard, and do me slow.
In a moment, I was sitting on Zangetsu's lap, waiting for him to answer me. I was starting to really get impatient about this crap.
-I can't -he said finally.
-You can't? What the fuck do ya mean by that? Of course you can!
-I can't make love to you, even if I wanted, because obviously, I don't love you. And I can't fuck you neither, I think you know exactly why not.
-No, I don't know. Tell me...- I said, my face starting to get closer to his, and my arms entwined behind his neck.
-Because...you are a hollow. What would be the difference between love and lust for you? You don't love.
-We will see about that...- I said, pressing my lips against his. He tensed, but relaxed after a moment. That was a good thing after all, wasn't it? I licked his lower lip, asking for entrance. I finally got what I wanted, and my tongue started to play with his. We parted for air after a while. I had never kissed anyone, of course, I was a fucking hollow! But it felt kind of hot, and something started to tingle inside my stomach.
-Zangetsu... lest's do something together...-I kissed him again, tongue included. He didn't complain, so I moaned into the kiss. I started to take off the long coat that he always wore. His muscled abdomen was soaked from the rain, so was I. I didn't care at te moment. I just wanted to...to...feel? But I couldn't...
-Ah! Fuck...-I started to moan louder when Zangetsu started liking my neck, sucking at some points. I pressed my white hands into his strong chest. So now the old fucker was responding? He returned to my lips, and kissed me again, with fierce passion, something that I would have never expected of him. He was the reason, after all. Then he moved his lips near my ear, and he whispered:
-This, hollow, is lust -he said, sucking on my earlobe and making me gasp and then moan.
He suddenly got up, making me fall to the wet floor, and started walking away.
-Zangetsu! Oi! Where the fuck are you going?
-Away -he responded. Well, fuck Mr. Obvious.
-You still have to show me this love crap! -I shouted.
Zangetsu suddenly stopped. He turned his head a little, so I could see some of his face behind his messed mane. Then, he spoke.
-I have already showed you love, hollow. A lot of times. But like I said, you will never understand. You will never care. Because love, hollow, isn't meant for you.
The he walked away, leaving me under the rain. Love was meant for me. Love was meant for everyone.
But not everyone is meant for love.