Stray Dog Divided by Two?
Rating: PG-13/T
Genre: Humor
Summary: Crack all the way. Oh God! Those are Chase's aliens!
Author's Note: … I have nothing to say in my defense. The scenario popped into my head and wouldn't go away.
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or Rule of Rose. House belongs to FOX, and Rule of Rose belongs to Atlus.
-
Well. This was certainly a vivid dream.
Of course, this is what they generally say happens to drug users, but House wasn't aware that Vicodin could produce anything quite this realistic.
Another appropriate word would be 'disturbing'.
Maybe it was the silent halls.
Maybe it was the eerily old-fashioned décor.
Maybe it was the little, wrinkly-white-skinned monster-things that were currently sweeping the floor.
The jury was still out. Personally, he was going with the décor.
"What are they?"
Oh, and Wilson was there too. What would this hell be without him? He was the dull, wet-blanket that could put out the flames.
House drew in a sharp breath, a horrified gasp, and gave his best friend an expression of complete terror. "Oh God! Those are Chase's aliens!"
Wilson gave House a flat look.
Unfortunately, at House's rather loud and alarmed (pffft, right) declaration, each of the little wrinkly monster things (About eight in total), each turned towards the pair (one rather stupid-looking one didn't get the message quite as quickly and kept on sweeping).
And then, all at once, they raised their brooms above their heads and started to hobble at the pair, warbling out some sort of deranged war-cry.
They were kind of slow, so at first all House and Wilson did was stare. Wilson pointed numbly to one of the little monsters, whose heads barely reached their- House and Wilson's- waists. This particular creature was dragging his right leg.
"That one looks like you."
House's eyes narrowed at the oncologist. "You bitch."
WHACK.
"OW!" House hopped backwards, swinging his cane wildly at the monsters and trying to fend off their brooms. Upon reaching their destination, the monsters had swung back the brooms- batter up!- and started whacking the two doctors legs and waists with the hard broom handles.
The monsters were stronger than they looked.
Fortunately, that was when Alice from Wonderland- All grown up, complete with a short dress and a nice rack (Not the biggest, but it would do)- came charging (Well, cringing) in, a baseball bat in hand. She proceeded to beat the little monsters to death with it, wincing and whimpering all the way as their skulls cracked and their dark blood stained the green carpet of the hall.
When the slaughter of the little monster-alien things had been completed, she turned to the two men, still wincing, and adopted the stance of a girl who constantly thought that someone was going to deck her. Even though she was facing a pair of doctors, one a cripple, and she had a bat.
Well, wasn't that just ducky.
"Hello there," Wilson said politely, taking the same tone of voice that he usually reserved for the terminally-ill children in his care. "Who are you?"
"Xena, Warrior Princess. With a Louisville-slugger. You hit anybody's headlights with that thing lately?"
The girl blinked, eyes wide and expression one of confusion.
"Well, since you seem so eager to know, I'm Dr. Gregory House. And this is Dr. James Wilson, the biggest ethics-loon on the eastern seaboard."
He blinked at the girl's oddly horrified expression.
"Gregory… Wilson?"
House and Wilson exchanged brief looks. Wilson was still trying to process that line, and was therefore unable to stop House from speaking.
"Okay, okay, watch carefully:" House said, pointing a finger at his chest. "Me Greg." He said it slowly, and then pointed to Wilson. "He Wilson." He began to twitch his finger back and forth. "Greg. Wilson. Greg. Wilson. There is a difference." He made a face. "A big difference."
It was, at that moment, that another girl- maybe twelve or thirteen years-old- came into view some few feet behind the first. Over her shoulder was slung a burlap sack, which was dripping a syrupy red substance from all points. Her face, and the rather large axe in her free hand, was also covered in red.
She turned, saw the adults, and narrowed her pale blue eyes. "Who the hell are you?"
At that moment, a small, pudgy creature with a pig's head and a sweater went charging across the intersection of the halls, right behind the new girl. It was squealing loudly. A moment later, two small boys with wooden swords came after it, screaming war cries at the top of their lungs.
Wilson blinked.
House tilted his head back and shouted, "Okay! I'm ready to wake up now!"
-
I actually realized this a while ago. I had already played Rule of Rose, and I was starting to get heavily into House, and one day it just occurred to me: OMG! GREGORY WILSON! I IS SHOCKED!
So yeah. I was hoping to eventually do a crossover-story with that as a plot. I was initially going to do something serious, but then decided against it. Crack is the way to go when it comes to two fandoms that have only a name-pun in common.