Second Chameron fic! I heard "Just Give Me a Reason" for the first time right around when i reached season 6 of House. I thought of Cameron and Chase immediately and of course, I needed to write this! I've been working with it for a few weeks and I'm not 100% satisfied, but I think this is about as good as it's going to get. No matter what I may think of it, I hope you all enjoy!
A/N: Slightly AU, as Cameron has stuck around longer after the Dibala case...also season 6 spoilers, just in case anyone is like me and newer to the fandom.
Disclaimer: No, of course I do not own House. If I did, the Chameron storyline would have had a very very different ending. It belongs to David Shore! Also, the fic is inspired by "Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk and Nate Ruess. i do not own that either.
Enjoy!
To any outsider, Allison Cameron and Robert Chase would appear to be the perfect couple. They were newlyweds, only married for a few months. Therefore, it could be assumed that the novelty of their relationship had yet to wear off. They were young and one could only imagine that their future was looking bright. They seemed to be incredibly in love. However, away from the prying eyes of co-workers at the hospital, things were not how they appeared. Ever since the Dibala case, Cameron and Chase were becoming more and more distant from each other. Chase couldn't shake his guilt over the dictator's death and found that he was distancing himself from Allison because of it. In turn, she was beginning to worry that he was having an affair or something of that nature. If nothing else, it suddenly felt that their entire marriage had been a mistake. After all, there was a part of her that was just waiting for one of them to screw things up.
Chase knew that, at some point, he was going to have to face his wife in regards to what he did. All Allison knew at this point was that Dibala had died. She did not know that Chase had killed the man. He knew that if he didn't tell her, she would become suspicious about where he seemed to be every night. She would accuse him of being unfaithful, a fight would ensue, and when he had no solid excuse regarding his nightly absences, she would undoubtedly leave. That was something that he could not deal with. He'd gone through too much in order for the two of them to come as far as they had; the thought of all of that crashing down was something that he simply would not be able to handle. He thought back to the first time that the two of them had met. He would admit that he was attracted to her from the moment he'd first seen her in the differential room. At the time, she certainly wasn't the typical bombshell beauty, but there was just something about her. Maybe it was her passion for her work, her intelligence… to this day, Chase really couldn't even say. God knows that he certainly hadn't acted like he felt this way at first. However, she was like a thief, stealing his heart at a completely unexpected time.
He'd been even more shocked when, a year later, she had come to him with the offer of a no-commitment, no strings attached sexual relationship. While he couldn't complain about the sex, Chase always found himself wanting more. Every Tuesday, he'd remind her that he liked her, but she made it clear she wasn't looking for anything beyond sex. Chase probably would have spared himself a lot of pain that year if he had broken off their dysfunctional "relationship", but no. She'd stolen his heart and he was her willing victim, agreeing to whatever terms she laid down in regards to the nature of their relationship. He was over the moon when she finally decided that she too was ready to take the next step. As much as the young doctor didn't want to get too ahead of himself, he couldn't help but imagine a wonderful life with Allison.
Chase would have thought that if he could tell anyone the things that had been consuming his mind lately, it would be his own wife. Allison was the one person who he had been willing to show the uglier parts of his life. Chase very clearly recalled a night during which he and Allison had been discussing their future plans and the possibility of children someday. He had told her that he didn't think that he really wanted children...well, it was so much that he didn't want children, it was more that he didn't believe he should have children. His wife was quite surprised, seeing as he was always so good with younger patients and seemed as though he would be a wonderful father. At that moment, he found himself telling Allison all about his dysfunctional childhood. About his mother's alcoholism, about his father's exit from his life, and the way he'd been forced to grow up much too quickly. He told Allison that he didn't want them to end up like his family, have his children live through what he had. After pouring his heart out to her, she understood his fears, but she told him that there was no way that was going to happen. He would be a great dad whenever the time came for them. Allison was able to fix all of the not-so-pretty things, or at least make them a little more bearable. For God's sake, that was just another reason why he needed to tell her about this.
He stumbled into their home sometime in the middle of the night. Chase couldn't say for sure what time it was. Upon entering their bedroom, he could see that Allison had already gone to sleep. The doctor shouldn't have been surprised; he was well aware that it was late. He shed his work clothes, changing into sweats and an old t-shirt. Afterwards, he climbed into bed next to his wife, gently kissing her cheek. When he did so, he heard her muttering in her sleep, something he had grown accustomed to. He could decipher what sounded to be terms of endearment towards someone, things that he had not heard her say to him in ages. In fact, ever since the Dibala case had closed, the doctor couldn't remember the last time that he'd heard anything of that sort. Chase couldn't help but wonder if he was even the person she was speaking to in her sleep anymore. It wouldn't surprise him if he weren't. He had to wonder if she'd finally had enough of him, something he'd been secretly dreading since day one.
Chase could only hope that Cameron would give him any kind of reason to keep working to preserve their relationship. She didn't seem to want to put any more effort into things; it was as if she was beginning to check out. He decided it didn't matter how small a sign she gave, he just wanted to know that this marriage wasn't becoming a one-way street. Sure, he knew that she had some issues in her past that seemed to be throwing curveballs at their relationship as well. There was the fact that it seemed Cameron had never properly grieved for her first husband. He had heard her saying his name while she was sleeping on more than one occasion, much more frequently in the past couple of weeks. In fact, Chase realized that she seemingly stopped dreaming about her first husband ever since they'd been married…up until now. Then there were the times Chase questioned what had gone on between Cameron and House and if there were any lingering feelings about that whole mess that had occurred years earlier. Of course, Chase realized that Allison wasn't the only one in the relationship with a less-than-stellar romantic history. He'd seen his share of failed relationships in his childhood, leading him to spend much of college and med school having short flings, nothing serious. They were both somewhat broken in that sense…no, "broken" wasn't a good word. They were just bent. That was fixable; with a little work, Chase was convinced that they could learn how to make their relationship work. They just had to, seeing as he really couldn't imagine his life without Allie.
Cameron found herself at home, another late night spent sitting and waiting up for Chase. This was something that she found herself doing more and more often over the course of the past couple of weeks. She didn't understand why he never seemed to want to be at home anymore. The first few nights after the Dibala case wrapped, Cameron had let it go. Despite the fact that he never wanted to talk about it, it was obvious that something had happened that had deeply affected her husband. However, it was getting to the point where he seemed to be coming home late every single night. Cameron couldn't deny the fact that she was becoming a little suspicious about where her husband kept disappearing.
The woman couldn't fathom why Chase suddenly began acting this way. Where was this cold, distant behavior coming from? Was he cheating? If so, where in the world did that come from? As far as Cameron was aware, they had everything. They were young newlyweds; she'd thought they were in love. They both had promising careers, though both were to the point where they were certainly thinking about children. In fact, they'd even started looking at houses and were trying to get out of the condo. The way she looked at it, they had so much to look forward to; they had everything going for them.
Of course, she couldn't help but question if she was doing something wrong, something to push Chase away. As she thought back to the past few weeks though, all she'd done was try to be there for Chase through what was clearly a very rough case. Afterwards, she'd tried figuring out why he was so distant. She wanted to get to the bottom of this! However, Chase had wanted nothing to do with it. The way she saw things, whatever problems he saw all seemed to be in his head. Everything had just been going so well prior to a few weeks ago. And yet…this whole situation was still happening. Cameron found it hard to want to put forth much effort in getting him to talk to her anymore about anything. What was the point if he was just going to shoot her down? It just didn't seem worth it.
In addition to Chase's increasing absence at home, Cameron had to think that something traumatic had happened to him right around the time that the Dibala case wrapped up. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of night after Chase had finally come home. From the way he was tossing and turning in his sleep, it was quite obvious to Cameron that her husband was having nightmares. At first, she hadn't worried too much. What's one bad dream, right? However, after about a week or so, it had gotten to the point in which Chase's movements in his sleep would wake her. She would try to calm him down, though nothing short of waking him up seemed to work. Of course, whenever she mentioned the dreams to Chase in hopes that he'd open up to her, he would always say that he didn't remember the dreams. There was no point in talking about them if he couldn't remember. Another thing she'd noticed about Chase's sleeping patterns in the last few weeks was the fact that he even seemed to keep his distance from her while they were in bed. Typically, whenever Chase would come to bed with her, she would always find herself in his arms when she woke up. She didn't always necessarily remember ending up in that position either; it was as if they just slept better that way, unconsciously. It was sad, but cold sheets were something that Cameron had gotten used to. Sometimes she would find herself in an empty bed, empty sheets to left of her. Other times, Chase would be beside her, but there was a seemingly huge stretch of sheets between them. Cameron just wished she could get her husband to tell her why he seemed to be avoiding her. She knew they both had their issues, but they could work through them, could come out of this rut that they were in stronger than ever. They weren't completely broken people; they were just somewhat bent.
Despite both of their hopes, it didn't seem like things were going to improve. Cameron couldn't get Chase to open up to her about what was going on, which just seemed to drive the two of them apart even further. She kept a strong front most of the time. No one needed to know about how much her husband's recent behavior had been hurting her. However, as Cameron spent more and more evenings at home in their empty condo, she'd find herself shedding tears over everything, sometimes until she fell asleep. She would not give up on him though. She was good at fixing things…at fixing people. At least that's what she'd always believed. She would fix this for them.
On Chase's end of things, he found himself completely unable to open up to Cameron about anything. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her about his recent emotional turmoil. In fact, he really wished that he could tell her. However, he just could not bring himself to do it. He couldn't help but think about what his wife would say if he told her that he had actually been responsible for a man's death. It wasn't even a mistake that had caused the man to die. Knowing Allison, she wouldn't be able to overlook his actions, despite the fact that the man had been a dictator bent on killing thousands of people. He wanted to fix things between them, he truly did. In his mind, the only way to accomplish this was to get over what had happened by somehow justifying his actions to himself. Then he could make up something to tell Cameron in regards to where he was going all the time and why he was suddenly having nightmares every night. Things would then return to normal, they just had to. He couldn't think of any other way that he would be able to fix this.
It was a Sunday evening and neither Chase nor Cameron was scheduled to work. They had no plans for the day, meaning that they were stuck at home with a load of tension hanging in the air. The two doctors were sitting in their living room, both wrapped up in their own tasks. Cameron had some paperwork that she'd needed to bring home with her, while Chase was absorbed in the latest medical journals. It was painfully obvious that the two were only concentrating on whatever they were doing because they didn't want to address the elephant in the room that was their currently dysfunctional relationship. Finally, Cameron couldn't take it anymore and broke the silence.
"Alright, we can't just sit here and pretend we don't have anything that we need to talk about."
"And what would that be?" Chase asked her, appearing to be too focused on what he was reading to be bothered with anything else.
"Well, we can't just ignore the fact that things haven't exactly been great between us the past few weeks. I mean, we hardly talk anymore, you never come home after work, and I know that you have bad dreams about something every single night. It's been since the Dibala case was wrapped…Robert, did something happen while you were working that case?"
"Allison, don't you think I would have told you if something had happened?" Chase became instantly defensive. "And those dreams? I've told you, I couldn't tell you what they're about. I don't ever remember what happened once I've woken up."
"I can tell you're holding something in," she was doing her best not to get angry, but her patience was at its end. "Why won't you just tell me?"
"There's nothing to tell," Chase said under his breath. It was after this response that Cameron simply couldn't handle anymore of his avoidance.
"Rob, I also know that you've been going to the bars every night after work. I can smell the alcohol and smoke on you when you come into bed! Will you please just tell me what the hell has been going on with you?"
"If I tell you that I'm still recovering from the Dibala case, will you stop asking me if something is wrong?" Chase resigned, hoping to end this conversation as fast as possible.
"Well, what exactly happened when you were working that case? There's no way that you would still be upset about it if something monumental hadn't happened. We worked that case over a month ago!"
"Being obligated to treat a dictator because they simply happened to be near your hospital can really have an effect on you," he responded with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Upon seeing the look on his wife's face, Chase realized that everything he was saying to her was simply causing more hurt. He sighed, composing himself.
"Allison, I'm just trying to sort through some things that happened after you left the case. I know you want to help, but really, it's nothing you would be able to help out with. I swear to you, I'll work through all of this soon."
"I want to leave it alone, I really do. I just…can't ignore that fact that you're never around and that you seem completely disinterested in this marriage lately. I'm sure it would be easier to work through whatever issues we're having if you were ever home." Chase's only response was a sigh, followed by silence. He knew that she was right. However, when he was home, he felt as though he was just seconds away from everything falling apart for good. At that moment, Chase was having thoughts and worries that he usually saved for the bar after work. One look at his face told Cameron this.
"Honey, I can guarantee you that things are not as bad as they might seem," she said quietly as she looked towards her husband. Chase looked at her, not sure what to say. He wasn't going to tell her about what he'd actually done while working on that case; it simply wasn't going to happen. He knew he had to say something though.
"Well…ok, we can talk before we go to bed. Is that alright?"
"Yeah, of course," Allison smiled. Finally! He was going to open up to her! Of course, Chase did not actually plan on telling her the entire truth. The two of them would not be going to bed for a few hours, giving the doctor time to rework the facts. There were certainly parts of the case that he could tell her about, but he didn't dare tell her everything. He wanted to convince himself that in time he'd be able to come clean to Cameron, but he knew that he was kidding himself. This was as clean as things were going to come.
While Cameron was happy that Chase had finally decided to talk to her, there was a nagging part of her mind that knew he wasn't going to tell her the entire truth. She wanted to believe he would, but after knowing him for five years, she realized that would be naïve. After all, everybody lies, even if it was a lie of omission. Unfortunately, things had gotten to the point where Cameron would take whatever he was willing to give.
So, that evening, the couple would sit down to the their first real dinner in ages, settle down on the couch and watch some TV (though neither of them would be paying much attention), and then they would retire to their bedroom. They would talk about things, though they would both realize that there were some significant details missing. It was a start though. Their relationship wasn't completely broken, but it was pretty badly bent. The couple could only hope that, in time, they would both learn to make their relationship work again.
Well, there ya go! Hope you guys enjoyed it! :) Thanks for reading and remember, I love reviews!
~Burton's Disney Princess~