Chapter 1 Revised Love is All That Remains 14

Tara's Story

Chapter 1 Love is all that remains

Jax Teller was making out with a slutty looking blonde in a too short skirt and a cleavage baring top against a locker—my locker. Later that day, I'd learn his name. Still later, I'd learn that he would always have a weakness for slutty looking blondes.

I was about to ask them to move when he became aware of me and pulled the girl over a few inches, so I could open my locker. I had a top locker. It was the only thing I had to feel thankful for on my first day at Charming High School.

Less than a week ago, my aunt had dumped me at my father's house in a small town in northern California named Charming. I found nothing about it charming. No malls, no fast food places, no movie theaters. Charmless would have been a more fitting name.

When I was five, my mother told my father, she didn't love him, she had never loved him and she was divorcing him. My father packed up and returned to Charming to live with the grandparents I'd only seen in pictures.

My aunt Penny moved in with my mom and me when I was about six. She got a divorce from her husband too. For the first couple of years, she wasn't around much. She waitressed and went to culinary school.

My whole world changed again when I was nine. My mother sat me down and told me she was dying from lung cancer. She told me my aunt would take care of me. She had the kind of cancer that attacks non-smokers. She lived for less than a year.

No mention was made of my father. In the four years since their divorce, he'd sent me one birthday card and talked to me twice on the phone. I felt like he'd divorced me.

After my mom's death, we remained in Chicago until my aunt finished culinary school. She began to get sous chef jobs. Each new job brought a move and a new school for me. In the six years since my mother's death, I'd been in ten different schools.

My life had just returned to normal from our last move when my aunt met Henri a pastry chef from France. Aunt Penny told me he was her "soul mate" and the first and only great love of her life. I was expecting a handsome, charming man. He was short, plump and bald. I couldn't find anything special about him. He wasn't the first man she'd dated since her divorce. I figured their romance would follow her usual pattern. They would date for about six months and break up somewhere between month seven and month nine. It turned out she was serious about this "soul mate" stuff.

Together, they hatched a scheme to go to Antarctica for two years as private chefs for some research scientists studying climate change. Their jobs paid very high wages due to the undesirable nature of living in Antarctica. At the end of their two years, they would have enough money to open a French bistro. They had already started to plan its menu.

My aunt told me that when you find love, you have to do everything you can to keep it. She said you have to follow your dreams. I guess her dreams no longer included a fifteen year old niece.

I overheard her call to my father. She gave him no choice. She told him she and my mother had raised me without a penny of support from him and it was now time for him to get to know his daughter. That's how I came to live in Charming.

Despite changing schools so often, I never felt comfortable on that first day in a new school. It was bad enough dealing with one teacher and one class as an elementary school student, but it was torture with five classes and five teachers in high school.

It was biology that literally brought Jax and me together. After the teacher Mr. Ragwell reviewed and signed my paperwork, he introduced me to the class and specifically to Jax Teller.

"Bad news, Mr. Teller," Mr. Ragwell said smiling.

"Call me Jax," Jax said interrupting.

The class laughed and I later learned this was a running joke between the teacher and Jax.

"I'm going to have to break up your lab threesome."

Jax was sitting between two girls, one a blonde and the other a redhead.

"Ima, take the seat next to Ann. The two of you are lab partners. Tara, take her seat next to Jax. The two of you are now lab partners."

Mr. Ragwell's classroom didn't have desks. There were three long tables running the width of the room. Ima, the blonde girl, pushed her lips out in a pout as she moved over to the empty seat at the end of the second row. I dumped my backpack on the floor and sat down.

I would soon discover that Ima was one of the most hated girls in school because her favorite activity was stealing boyfriends. Once she broke up the couple, she would dump the guy and move on to the next. She was all about the thrill of the chase and the rush of the catch.

She chased after Jax during high school and, when I returned to Charming ten years later, she was still chasing him.

"I'm Jax," he said with a wide grin.

His voice had a slightly husky note in it that sent an excited shiver through me.

Even at fifteen, Jax Teller was pretty spectacular. He was tall, with white blonde hair a few inches above his shoulders, sky blue eyes and a lethally seductive smile. It would be a rare high school girl who would not fall drooling at his feet.

I was that rare girl. I'd seen his type many times in many schools. He thought he was God's gift to girls and he could have any girl he wanted. Once he got the girl, he'd grow bored and move on to the next one who caught his eye. Despite his history, every girl thought she would be special enough to tame him and keep him. I wasn't that foolish. I was so confident I could keep him out of my heart, I should have realized I was setting myself up for a fall.

"I know." I said. I was trying to be cool and, at the time, I thought I succeeded. "I heard."

"So you're a smart girl, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, instantly defensive.

"Just that you look like a smart girl."

"Thanks a lot." Telling a teenage girl that she looked smart was only a small step above calling her ugly.

"I didn't mean that in a bad way. I could really use a smart lab partner."

"I'm smart."

He rewarded me with a smile and then we both turned our attention to Mr. Ragwell's lecture on something I no longer remembered.

Over the next few days, it seemed like I saw Jax in every corner or out of the way place making out with a variety of girls. He liked to spread his attentions out and didn't seem to have a regular make-out partner.

On Friday, we began that popular lab assignment of dissecting a frog. I had already done this at my former high school, so this was an easy lab for me. My skill pleased Jax. He liked that I wasn't afraid to cut into the frog. I even overheard him bragging to another student that I was the best lab partner in the whole class. I didn't tell him of my previous experience with frogs because I liked having his respect.

School had been over for a couple of hours. I was walking around my neighborhood tugging at my much hated hair. After my aunt told me that she and Henri were going to Antarctica, she gave me some money and dropped me off at the mall. She thought a little retail therapy would improve my attitude. In some insane teenage impulse, I went to the first hair salon I found and had my long beautiful brown hair hacked off so it was barely chin length. I thought this would spite my aunt somehow when all I'd achieved was making myself look as ugly as possible. When my aunt saw me, all she said was that at least it would grow out.

"Hey, new girl," Jax called.

He had just rounded the corner on his bike—the self-powered kind.

I ignored him. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Jax Teller. And it really irritated me that he didn't know my name.

"Hey, new girl," he called louder this time.

I walked faster trying to get away.

"Hey," he called yet again.

"You don't even know my name," I said. I kept walking determined to get away from him.

"Of course I do. It's Tara Knowles. I just like calling you new girl."

He stopped his bike on the sidewalk a few feet in front of me blocking my way.

"What's wrong?"

I thought my face was calm, giving no clue to my inner turmoil. I must have failed because Jax noticed something was wrong and got down off his bike.

"Just family stuff."

He shook his head.

"There's more to it than that. You can tell me, Tara. I won't tell anyone."

I had misjudged him. He might enjoy making out with random girls, but he did have a compassionate side to him.

Normally, I keep my feelings to myself especially with someone I don't know. This wasn't a normal time for me.

"I just found out my Aunt Penny is dead. She raised me after my mom died when I was nine." I tugged at my hair and then I blurted out, "I can't feel anything." I hadn't meant to say it but the words slipped out with no effort on my brain's part to stop them.

I'd just revealed to Jax that I was a horrible, cold, unfeeling person. I expected to see revulsion or disgust on his face. Instead, he just looked concerned.

"When I was a little kid, I fell out of a tree. I didn't feel a thing for a few seconds. I had the wind knocked out of me. I think that's what's happening to you. The shock is just so painful you can't deal with it. The numbness will wear off."

"Maybe," I said.

"How is your dad taking it?"

"He doesn't care. My aunt was my mother's sister. He's my only living relative that I know of anyway, so he's stuck with me. I don't think he's happy about that."

"Do you have any friends nearby?"

"No and I don't even have my father. He left right after he told me. He sings with some pop/rock 80's cover band. He won't be back until late Sunday afternoon."

"Why didn't he take you with him?"

"The guys travel and stay in this RV and there's no room for me."

"Are you going to be OK?"

"Sure," I said. I even managed a smile.

"I'll walk you home."

"I only live four houses down in the yellow house over there," I said pointing to the house. "I just needed to get out of the house for a few minutes."

"OK. Sorry, I gotta go. I have to mow the lawn before dinner."

"Thanks for listening. Bye, Jax." I turned around and returned to the house.

I took a shower, washed my hair and put on a knee length dark green sweat shirt and black leggings. I curled up on the couch and mindlessly watched TV still too numb to feel.

I was startled around 8 o'clock when the doorbell rang. Both my mom and my aunt had drilled into my head from an early age that you never open the door to someone you don't know. I didn't know anyone in Charming so I stayed on the sofa.

Next, I heard loud pounding at the door. I was scared. I didn't know if I should call the police or hide.

"Tara, it's me, Jax. Let me in."

I hesitated.

"I can hear the TV so I know you're in there. Let me in," Jax demanded.

I opened the door. He pushed past me carrying a large backpack. I automatically shut and locked the door behind him.

"What's wrong? Are you running away from home?"

He laughed as if I'd said the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Not yet. It's probably a good idea though."

He dumped his backpack on the kitchen table. He turned to face me and, for once, the good humored expression on his face was gone. For the first time since I met him five days ago, he looked serious.

"I kept thinking about you being all alone all weekend. It's not right. You should have someone with you. That's where I come in."

I was stunned. He barely knew me. Yet here he was planning to stay with me all weekend so I wouldn't be alone.

"That's so kind," I said quietly. "I really can . . ."

"Take care of yourself," he finished my sentence exactly as I would. "I know you can take care of yourself, but this isn't a regular time in your life. You've lost the last person in your life that you loved. The impact of that's going to hit you. You need someone when that happens. I'm not trying to get into your pants or anything. That's not why I'm here."

"I know I'm not your type," I said. What I really meant was that I knew I wasn't attractive enough for him.

What little self-esteem I had was wiped out by the short haircut. I never realized that I used my hair as a shield from the world. I felt naked without long hair.

Jax came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Of course, you're my type. You're a girl."

"You really don't have to do this. I'll be OK."

I had been raised to be independent and take care of myself. I don't know how many times my mother and my aunt told me that I couldn't depend on anyone to take care of me. I was told only weak people needed people.

I think that always being told that I had to take care of myself because no one else would do it made me feel worthless rather than empowered. I felt undeserving of his or anyone else's help.

Standing in front of me with his hands on my shoulder, this virtual stranger wanted to stay with me and help me through this difficult time. This was something that my mother or my aunt would never do for me or for anyone else.

"I know that you are a strong girl. You would rather drown than call for a lifeguard. You'll help someone without a second thought, but you won't ask for help for yourself. You can take care of yourself, but I'm staying. I'm taking care of you, not because I feel sorry for you. I'm taking care of you because you deserve to have someone look after you."

I was scared to take his help. I was scared to be weak. And more than anything, I was scared of letting him or anyone else get close.

"Jax . . ."

He dropped his hands from my shoulders. He brushed my cheek lightly with his fingers.

"I'm going to make this easy for you," he said softly. "You have two choices—you can call the cops and have them cuff and drag me away because that's the only way I'm leaving or you can just say "thank you". What's it going to be?"

Next Up Tara's decision and Tara reveals what she was really doing when Jax rang her doorbell.