Ok, so this is a little bit of something to coincide with the promo for 1x23, which I won't even attempt to try to spell the title!
If you haven't seen it then you should! OMG! So obviously, this will contain a few spoilers - but only what is in the promo, and the pilot - the rest is from Steve's pov.
I wrote this in about an hour so it probably doesn't make much sense, but sometimes things come to you and it won't leave you alone!
Hope it's ok…
How do I feel?
God, I hate hospitals! Always have, always will!
But this time, it's not just anyone in here – it's my partner…my best friend…when did that happen? When did the brash, obstinate, stubborn, tie wearing Jersey native become my best friend?
Probably around the time he clocked me one not long after I had met him. He still insists to this day that I got him shot! Did I?
But then he killed my suspect – and he expected me to be grateful – well I wasn't so it didn't end pretty – decent left hook though.
But somehow, he wormed his way into my life. I can't honestly imagine what I'd do without him at least being on the other end of a phone.
He rants, he raves – usually at me, but only, I've come to realise, because he's scared or worried for me. It used to annoy me but now it makes me smile. God, how I wish I could hear him ranting now. I wish I could hear anything now other than the machines beeping, telling me he's still alive.
A bust gone bad. The place was wired…it blew as soon as we opened the doors. We went in together, as always. It wasn't until we got outside that we realised that Danny wasn't with us. I heard a cough…then another. I saw him go down. I remembered my stomach tightening, "I can't breathe."
I tried to be calm. I'm a SEAL – super SEAL to be exact, I'm trained not to lose it – but I was so close to losing it when Danny's colour was leeching from his skin, his breaths coming out in pained pants.
SARIN! The s.o.b had used chemical weapons and now my friend was suffering.
The doctors have said that they've given him everything they could – it's up to him now. That was a damn sight better than when he'd first got there and the doctors were saying that they didn't know how long he'd got left.
I've had to leave his room. The incessant noise of the machines was giving me a headache. Chin and Kono have arrived and are sitting with him. God, I feel…I don't know how I feel. I'm not supposed to feel – not like this. I'm scared, worried, fearful, frustrated, helpless, angry…so damn angry – can one person really feel all those emotions? They are so foreign to me – it's making me nauseous!
Suddenly, Chin is in front of me. His face void of expression and emotion. I feel my stomach tighten again. It's becoming a familiar feeling. He doesn't say anything; he just motions for me to follow him, "Chin?" I hear myself say, "Tell me what's going on…" I sound desperate, even to myself.
Then he stops outside Danny's room. I can't hear anything. It hits me like a semi hitting a brick wall – there is no sound drifting out from under the door. No…
I find myself grabbing Chin's arm in desperation. He looks shocked, and then gives me a slight smile.
He slowly opened the door as I steeled myself for whatever laid behind it. I walked in on legs that didn't want to cooperate, my eyes lowered to the floor. I didn't want to see the flat line on the monitor…I just couldn't…
"Least you can do is look at me Steven!"
So now tell me how do I feel?
Read it back a couple of times and not sure it makes much sense – oh well. Sorry if I got any terminology wrong – I'm in the UK so not always familiar with the American way of things, so please forgive me!
Anyway this episode looks amazing and I can't wait to see it (and the finale, although I don't want anything to change).
Thoughts?