This fic is connected to one of my older works, "We are alike, young Skywalker". English is still not my mother language, but I tried my best. As in the first fic, Revan is light sided female (she is only mentioned), and Exile is basically the canon, so also a light sided female.
Under the twisted, red lights of Malachor V., Ezra's fingers tightened around the Sith holocron. He knew he won't be alone for long... he had to reach the obelisk and activate the temple. Although he told Kanan to trust Maul, to believe what he was saying, he himself wasn't entirely sure about it. No. This was not true. He wasn't sure at all. Ezra lied about every good instinct, every good feeling regarding the zabrak. When he trusted Kanan, when they fought together as master and apprentice, he felt warm. Safe. Like nothing wrong could happen, because Kanan is there beside him, and he strongly hoped that it works both ways. Even if he can't give the sense of safety – which was quite logical, since he was only an apprentice – than, at least he can show his master some understanding, the feeling that he is not alone.
This warmth didn't come, when put his life in Maul's hands. Nothing like this came. Maul made him angry, slowly igniting the flames of hatred, and need for revenge, but it didn't make him feel warm. It made him feel like he was burning up from the inside. It was thrilling, but it wasn't pleasant. And it turned even worse when he was falling and the ex-sith caught him. It was like the burning would suddenly stop. Like all the flames would be gone in an instant, and leave him with only the cold darkness of fear. Even now, with the adrenalin running through his veins, he could remember that.
The reason he still asked Ahsoka and Kanan to trust Maul was the simple fact that he hated to be wrong. It would have been so humiliating to just surrender, to admit that he believed to the wrong person. He couldn't do it. Maybe... maybe his decision won't put anyone in danger. Maybe that cold, that lack of warmth was just his stupidity. After all, he was still just fifteen. A fifteen-year-old boy can be afraid sometimes for no reason. He wanted to believe that the Sith temple can solve everything, that it will give them the knowledge to defeat the Empire. He bit his lower lip, and took another step.
That was the moment, when he saw the woman. She was quite tall, and her figure was muscular – every part of her showed the strength and scars of a battle worn veteran. Her skin was a little tan, but not dark. Her hair was short, didn't even reach her shoulders, and dirty blonde. She wore a traditional jedi robe with a long cape, the hood fallen to her back, so her face wasn't covered. Her eyes played between the shades of blue and grey, and Ezra would have described their color as "hollow". He couldn't explain why he felt that, but the only thing that came to his mind when he looked at her was hollowness. She was just standing there, blocking the way, and didn't make a move. More like a statue than a living being. Ezra swallowed. He didn't have time to turn back, just because he saw someone who looked like a Jedi, but had an atmosphere around her which was not fitting to a Jedi at all. Maul was counting on him. No, that wasn't it. Not just Maul, everyone was counting on him. Who knows if they can deal with the Inquisitors? Maybe the Temple is the only way...
He activated his lightsaber. Just in case. He took the holocron in his left hand, and walked on. The woman can be anything, a vision, an illusion... he really saw some stuff in the last few months. He got closer and closer... and it seemed as time would turn slower and slower. With every step, the red and purple streaks of energy seemed to stop on the walls, never reaching the top of the tower. Ezra looked around, and nervously swallowed again. What is happening now? For a moment he couldn't control his thoughts, and wished for Kanan to be there with him. Typical. When the really crazy things happened, he could never be there...
Ezra slowly turned to face the mysterious stranger, scratched the top of his head, and spoke:
"Uh... Hello?" he wasn't sure, how to address her. "You know... I'm... like... kind of in hurry, and I'm not sure what's happening right now, and if it's you who does this..."
"Hello, Ezra." The answer, with the name immediately sobered the boy down. How? How could she... "Don't worry; I'm not going to hurt you. And I don't wish to make your mission harder."
"Well, you are doing it right now." Ezra pointed it out, and after realizing that he has nothing to fear, he even deactivated his lightsaber. "I mean the time trick is impressive, but..."
"When you are with me, it's like you would be in a vision, out of normal space and time. I think, I can make it all end, let you go, but... this place kept my memory strong. And the Force sent me to meet you for a reason."
Ezra tightened his grip on the holocron again, as he prepared to say that he really does not have the time to speak, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. He sighed in acceptance, and childishly sat down on the black stone of the Temple.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to speak. I mean I saw weirder things on Lothal..."
The woman laughed, and also sat down to face him. She reached to her belt, and took a lightsaber in her hands, then placed it on the floor beside her... Ezra's eyes widened. Of course, he already stated that she looked like a Jedi, but still...
"So you said, the Force sent you here to speak to me, but you don't seem like someone who is up for some chat." He said ironically. "Let's start with... who are you?" The woman looked in his eyes, and Ezra couldn't keep the eye contact. The hollowness. Again. Like her eyes would be dead, like she wouldn't have a soul to make them shine.
"History remembers me as the Exile." She answered.
Ezra got annoyed. "It's not a name."
"My name was long forgotten."
"I don't care; this is still not a name." He started to play with the hilt of his lightsaber in annoyance. "I could call myself 'Orphan', or 'Random-kid-from-Lothal-who-turned-to-Rebel', but I would still be Ezra Bridger. I'm sure it's interesting and important why you became Exile. But it's not your name."
A sad, but pleased smile played on the lips of the woman, who answered. "My name was Meetra Surik. A long time ago."
A wide grin appeared on the boy's face, like he would have forgotten, what is the situation. "Then I'm happy to meet you Meetra." He stopped, and waited for some reaction... for questions, like in a normal conversation, but silence remained. Then the realization dawned on him. "You have no questions about me" he stated. The Exile shook her head. "You know everything about me"; came the new statement. Meetra slowly answered.
"I know enough."
"Since... how long... are you dead?" Ezra wasn't sure, how to ask this. The woman already said that the Force sent her here. She was a Jedi. She said the place kept her memory strong. The boy remembered Kanan's words about death, about becoming one with the Force, and he already felt the presence of his parents, but he never thought he will meet a dead Jedi.
"Almost everything is forgotten about those times now. I died almost four thousand years from now in a place covered in darkness. But this temple, this world... this was my darkness. This was the place where I came to defeat my demons." She wasn't frustrated at all, she stayed absolutely calm. Ezra clung to her last sentences.
"Your demons?"
Meetra sighed, realizing, she will have to tell a story. "How much do you know about history?"
"Little. Stuff. I guess. I mean, I didn't care at all." Ezra suddenly felt stupid and uncomfortable. Who would have thought that he would need historical knowledge in the middle of a Sith Temple?
The Exile started to laugh again, with no bad intensions, not mocking him... just enjoying the situation. "I meant jedi history. But... let's narrow it down a little bit. How much do you know about the Mandalorian Wars?"
Ezra's face lightened up. "Kanan spoke to me a little about it. We couldn't talk much, because Sabine is mandalorian, and she has a soft spot for it. I never asked why, maybe because they were defeated by the Republic, but... yeah, I only know, that there was that big war, when the mandalorians came to the Galaxy, and the Republic held them back. I heard that there was one Jedi, who stood out, and had some crazy tactics that made them win the war. But that's all."
"So he left out most of the tale." Meetra sighed, like she would be thinking on how she will have to explain it shortly.
"How does it continue?" Ezra turned a little childish again, supporting his chin with his palms, looking at the Exile, who couldn't sit on the floor anymore. She stood up, and started walking in a little circle.
"Her name was Revan. The Jedi's, who won the war. She... fell to the dark side after that. She was one of the greatest Sith Lords of her times; she brought the Galaxy to its knees." Ezra swallowed, as she watched the dark clouds veil the face of Meetra. "And she returned to the Light in the end. She was gravely injured by her apprentice, and she lost most of her memories. The Jedi Order gave her a second chance. She defeated her apprentice, and saved the Galaxy. Hero to villain, villain to hero. An interesting, but sad life story. She was my commander."
"So you were a Sith, too?" The boy looked up.
"No. She was my commander in the Republic army. She was my friend, also. She had a very impressive personality. People trusted her, instinctively. When we reached the last battle of the Wars, we fought above this planet. Malachor V."
"The great battle between Jedi and Sith?" Ezra didn't even blink, as he recalled Ahsoka's words at their arrival.
"No, that wasn't it." The Exile didn't seem bothered by the fact that the boy is continuing to interrupt her. "That came long after that. In the last battle I activated a weapon, we created, which wiped out almost all life on this planet. Mandalorians, Republic soldiers, Jedi... all of them. You have been connected to others through the Force before, right?"
"Yes. Mostly to animals. At the beginning I could hardly communicate with a loth-cat, but now I'm really good at it."
"After a time, you will realize that you are not connected to specific people or specific animals. Or not only to them. You are a part of the Force. You are connected with everything. I learned this the hard way. When those people died, it was like thousands of voices would have screamed in my head. I felt their pain, as the explosions tore them apart. I felt their fear, that raw, cold fear..." Ezra felt his fingers go numb as he held the holocron. The raw, cold fear... "And after a time, I just couldn't take it. I begged to everything, to the Force itself to stop it. And when it ended, I was empty. Empty of the Force. I was like a wound, like I would have been ripped of my senses, all at once. The Jedi council exiled me for what I've done."
"That's why you gained that alias" added Ezra. He didn't mention, that now, he understood that strange, scary hollowness that was radiating from her eyes. Meetra nodded.
"But I didn't die. And I knew my fate will someday lead me back to this place. Revan saved the Galaxy, and then vanished again..."
"Wait, where did she go?"
"Most people only fight their own darkness, but Revan was different. After she fought hers, she continued trying to defeat everyone's. That killed her in the end."
"You know, sometimes, when you start to speak in this manner, you really remind me of Kanan" hissed Ezra.
"Our tale is sad, Ezra Bridger. You asked me about it, and I think I'm here to tell it to you. But this is not a story of the glorious hero, rising above everyone. Revan and I... we were all too human. We loved, we struggled and we lost. Revan's fight at the very end is hard and confusing. She was so alone, and so broken by that time... even I left her. I hope, you will never have to face more, than your own darkness, and you'll have to understand, how hard it is to fight other's." Ezra felt like he would have said something stupid, and even evil, when he made that little comment, so he looked on the floor, and muttered the next question.
"Then... let's get back to Malachor. I mean, what happened to you."
"The Jedi Order was almost destroyed. When Revan left, a catastrophe came. I was the last Jedi."
"Like Kanan? I knew you reminded me of him!" Ezra exclaimed, but soon he got lost in his thoughts, and then shook his head, correcting his statement. "You were not like Kanan. You were like Ahsoka. You weren't a Jedi anymore, but those who wanted to fight the Sith, still needed you."
Meetra's face give way to a sad smile. In those hollow eyes, sadness was darker and stronger than in any other, which was still full of life. Ezra didn't understand, what came to the Exile, what made her lose herself in this ancient sadness for some seconds... of course, he couldn't. He didn't know anything about Vader, he didn't know he was Anakin Skywalker. He didn't know, how much Ahsoka and Meetra resembled each other, how they both had a friend in the darkness. And as the sadness passed, once again, for the third time during this conversation that tore him out of time, he behaved like a child. He only cared about the story.
"What happened next?"
"I got a team." Meetra grinned. This almost seemed ridiculous on her face. "Much like yours. Outlaws, droids, a crazy pilot, a bounty hunter, a mandalorian... and I returned here. I trained them. When they reached this place, they were jedi. That was, when your battle came."
"You won, right?" Ezra needed to ask this. "Ahsoka said nobody won, but..."
"She was right." Meetra didn't seem to continue by herself, so Ezra asked a new question.
"Who was your enemy?" he felt the holocron burning his palm.
"Someone who was neither Sith, neither Jedi, but still was both. She was my last master. And you know, what is absurd in this?" Ezra didn't answer, but he knew it was a rhetorical question. "I killed her that day. Malachor once again turned into a place of murder. And still, she was one of the wisest people I've ever knew."
Ezra couldn't answer. He held the holocron, took some deep breaths before he could bring himself to ask the last question. He wasn't a stupid boy. The Exile wouldn't tell him a tale as long, and as dark as this, if it didn't have an important message. The question came out of his mouth as a trembling, quiet voice.
"Whose holocron is this?"
"Do I really need to answer?"
"You came to warn me, right? To not to use it! Because..."
"I don't want to tell you not to use it."
"What?" Ezra finally got up from the floor, to face the Exile. She was taller than him, so he had to look up... this was certainly humiliating. "What do you mean you won't...?"
Meetra sighed, and put her hand on the boys shoulder. "Ezra... you understood the tale, right?"
"Yes! Or..."
"It is about the cosmic rule, that when you begin your life, you know nothing of the role you will play. All the rules of the game are constantly changing, and as you try to accommodate to it, you take on new responsibilities, new faces. You make new decisions. No one can make those decisions for you. The Force guides you, and when you are absolutely lost, opens a new path. From the mistakes you made until you got lost, you can learn. And you can use the knowledge on the new path, so you won't get lost again."
"That means..."
"I won't tell you not to trust Maul. I won't tell you to trust him either. He may be the next step on your journey, or he may be an obstacle to hold you back. Perhaps, you will give in to the darkness, perhaps, you will stand up strong against it. It is a possibility that the holocron of Kreia, my master is holding the ultimate knowledge you need in your fight. There is also a chance that it will destroy you. Only one thing is sure, Ezra Bridger..."
"What is it?"
"When we meet again... many years from now, when your mind will melt into the Force, and you will be one with it, like I became a part of it a long time ago... you will carry the memories of a life, decisions and roles you can't even imagine now."
"But..." Ezra couldn't bring himself, to look in the eye of the Exile. Now, not because of the hollowness... he felt he gotten used to it. He would have made the eye contact, if it was only for that. But he knew... he felt that her eyes are no longer empty, no longer dead. He knew that Meetra's eyes would look like the sea after the storm. Full of strength, full of tales, full of life... He could have seen the Force which embraced her in the end, even after she ripped herself from it. "It would be easier, if you would just tell me what to do. Or what not to do" he muttered.
"It would be" agreed the Exile, and she moved her hand from Ezra's shoulder. The boy realized, that in one hand, he is still holding the holocron, and in the other, the lightsaber.
Meetra reached out, and her own saber soon floated to her hand. She put it on her belt... she didn't need it, no one wanted to fight.
Ezra still didn't move an inch, just stood from one foot to the other. He knew, that the Exile would soon leave him, the time would start again, and with the end of the vision, he would have to make his decision. I killed her that day. Still, she was one of the wisest people I've ever knew. As Meetra Surik covered her face with hood of the jedi cape, Ezra called out to her.
"Would you be the same?"
"If?"
"If you'd never known her." Ezra held up the holocron, to show what he was talking about. The Exile shook her head.
"No. I wouldn't be the same." Ezra slowly nodded, like he would understand now. He caught a last glimpse of a smile on Meetra's face as she faded into the air, as the fog rises in the light of the morning sun.
He had to run to reach the tower, but he wasn't sure. The holocron, Kreia, Maul... only he can make the decision. The red lights surrounded him, and for a moment, he felt like he could hear the voices of the last battle of Malachor. Then he thought he heard the Ghost crew. Hera's voice full of worries, Chopper's movements, Sabine's airbrush, Zeb's growl and Kanan's lectures. And as he took another step, he could only think on one question...
Guys... will you be there for me, when I'll make those many, many mistakes?
