Title: Toothpaste
Genre: Comedy/Romance
Status: Complete/ONESHOT.
Pairing: Sakura x Sasuke
Rating: T (contains Contains explicit language)
Summary: AU/Non-Massacre. If gluing his teeth did not count as a high level prank; he was Orochimaru's best friend. And he wasn't. The blond whisker-cheeked best friend of his wasn't helping an inch.
Onyx eyes hardened and narrowed into a glare as tiny giggles started erupting from the blond woman standing in front of him, in an attempt to turn her silent. However, the action only served to make the hazel eyed Hokage burst into roars of laughter that nearly shook the walls of the office.
The ANBU captain could do nothing, except stand there silently with his arms crossed over his well toned chest. Even if he had something to say, he couldn't.
"Uchiha, really now..." Tsunade sighed as she stared at him, a large Cheshire grin on her face. "I thought you were a high class ANBU."
He kept silent, just staring at her impatiently and waiting for her to stop talking and help him with his predicament. But it seemed that the 5th Hokage had no plans to quit her mocking any time soon.
"How could you not know someone did something to your toothpaste? It is in your house, your bathroom. I doubt Itachi would have done this."
By now, he would be making rude remarks and scowling at her. Alas, all he could do was scowl.
"How on earth did you glue your teeth together, Sasuke?"
Watching him pinch the bridge of his nose, Tsunade felt slightly sorry for the boy thought mostly, she was enjoying this thoroughly. It served him right for always acting as if a stick was up his ass 24/7. Hopefully this should teach him a lesson about disrespecting his elders.
She briefly wondered why Naruto would do such a thing as to pour superglue into his toothpaste. She knew he was an incorrigible prankster but not of this high caliber. Only a sheer genius would be able to get into the Uchiha household, let alone creep into his bedroom unnoticed.
Silently then, she came to a conclusion that it probably wasn't Naruto. There was no way he could sneak into the Uchiha compounds. His brash attitude was alone enough for everyone to agree that Naruto was unfit for spying and so, it was always a hassle to take him along on missions that specially required it.
But then who else would attempt at such a thing? She knew Sai was extremely talented in the art of surveillance and yet, he was not one to mess with Uchiha. His first encounter with Sasuke had not gone well and the artist preferred to keep his tongue to himself lest the tempered Uchiha might cut it off.
Perhaps it was their sensei? Unlikely, as she reasoned with herself. The copy Nin would rather be reading Jiraya's perverted novels than go ahead with ridiculous acts as this.
"Um…Tsunade Sama…?" She blinked and looked up to Shizune who sported a nervous look on her face, directed in towards where one of the famous members of team 7 stood. She turned her head around to see him holding scroll which he had messily written on;
PRY MY TEETH APART…NOW.
The activated Sharingan and the slight baring of his joined pearly whites combined with this were all too much, and she started roaring again while an exasperated Sasuke looked on.
The door slammed open then, in an all too familiar fashion accompanied with a loud greeting and Uchiha with the hairstyle resembling a duck's rear end cursed the heavens for this ridiculous situation.
"OI TEME! WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE-" The Kyuubi host started but stopped as he saw the sign which his best friend was holding up. Though Sasuke quickly hid it behind his back, glaring holes into his head with his Sharingan, Naruto saw it and was most confused.
Squinting, he turned to Tsunade for an explanation.
"Someone glued his teeth together with super glue…in his toothpaste." The Gondaime said quietly, despite the Uchiha's warning glare.
"Dobe shut the fuck up before I punch your teeth in." Sasuke hissed as they finally walked out of the hospital two hours later.
Naruto hardly reacted to his best friend's threat and continued laughing. "You…someone…glued…your teeth…" He choked between the howls, clutching his stomach while tears were beginning to show signs of appearing in his sapphire eyes.
Sasuke was going to find and kill the person who dared to mess with him. Who did they think they were, to be messing with a high rank ANBU as him? Honestly, that person was either very clever or very foolish to have executed this out.
If it weren't Naruto, Sai or Kakashi as the Hokage pointed out then it has to be someone from his clan. But who on earth could be so vile, so evil, cunning and masterminded to pull a preposterous prank as this? Who could posses the skill, the high intelligence to have thought of-?
The raven haired ANBU promptly stuttered to an abrupt halt as he began to get a glimpse of who may have just carried it out.
Surprised at his best friend's suddenly angered looking face, the nine tails Jinchuuriki reckoned that he may have figured out who had, cleverly glued his teeth together.
As he expected, the Uchiha, now with his Sharingan flashing once more turned around and started marching towards his clans' compound.
"Ne, ne…so you have finally figured it out?!" Naruto asked as he followed the ANBU, never once wearing the grin off his face.
"Yeah," Sasuke uttered quietly, the tomoes starting to spin in his anger. "We are paying a certain someone a visit."
Uchiha Shisui was playing shogei with his best friend while enjoying a relaxing cup of green tea along with sticks of Hanami dango on the veranda, when he was unexpectedly assaulted by the latter's younger brother.
Being an ANBU captain of high competence, as well as being a grand master of the Body Flicker Technique –hence the name Shunshin No Shisui— he managed to avoid and block the anger fueled punches and kicks of the younger ranked ANBU, namely Sasuke.
Though he deemed this was a good sparring…he still had no idea as to why this kid was trying to assault him. Also…Itachi was devouring his share of dango.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU BRAT?!" He yelled as a kunai whizzed by his ear, slicing a few strings of his unkempt, messy –yet undeniably adorable looking as he saw it himself— hair.
Sasuke answered by taking out several senbon kunai and glaring harder. If he was trying to look like a fearless and powerful Shinobi…all Shisui saw was a puffing tomato with a tuft of black hair that had a striking resemblance to a duck's ass.
"MY HAIR DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A DUCK'S ASS YOU BASTARD!" Shisui blinked as the younger Uchiha roared, turning even redder in the face.
"Oh…" He grinned sheepishly as he bought up a finger to scratch his cheek. "I said that out loud? By the way, are you supposed to be using that foul language? You are just seventeen-"
"DIE!"
Meanwhile, Itachi was watching on with a highly amused look on his face while munching away on Shisui's dango. Being a kind person as he was, he offered a stick to Naruto who accepted it, whilst never taking his eyes off the amazing display of skills before him.
"May I ask why Sasuke is trying to attack Shisui?"
"Uhm…well…" Naruto squinted before turning to the older Uchiha (who he saw as a kinder Uchiha than Sasuke who also possessed more emotional display) and sighed. "Someone glued his teeth in the morning."
Itachi stared back at his face blankly and no words were exchanged between the two until they heard Shisui's rather loud scream followed by a large explosion.
"Well it couldn't have been Shisui." He sighed as he turned his eyes back to the battle where he saw that Sasuke had finally managed to get his hands on the older Uchiha and was effectively choking his air supply off.
"EH? But he plays a lot of pranks on people with me-"
"Shisui just returned from a three day long mission. I doubt he entered Konoha at an earlier date." They both turned as a familiar female voice made its appearance behind them.
"S-Sakura Chan…?" Naruto stood up to face his pink haired teammate who seemed to have materialized out of nowhere.
"Yeah," She grinned as she stepped forward, glancing at Itachi. "Hello Itachi Kun."
"Hello Sakura," He smiled back as he held out a dango stick. "Would you like some? They are your favorite."
"Thank you Itachi Kun, I was feeling rather hungry." Naruto squinted at the familiarity between them before shaking his head and taking hold of both her shoulders.
"Sakura Chan, do you know who glued Sasuke teme's teeth together?" He asked with all seriousness. Sakura swatted him off as she finished off the stick of flavored dumplings.
"Who do you think?"
Cocking his head to one side, Naruto squinted at his childhood crush, scrunching his nose up as he thought hard about the possible people.
"Well, I didn't do it. Sai couldn't have done it. Kakashi sensei couldn't have done it. Ero Sennin is out of Konoha. I don't know anyone else who might have done it except…" The pinkette grinned as she saw realization begin to dawn on the Kyuubi containers face.
"IT WAS YOU AFTER ALL TTEBYO!" He pointed at Itachi who stared back up at him blankly before cracking an amused smile.
"I definitely assisted the person…however I was not the one who thought it out."
"BUT WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING?! THE ONLY SMART PERSON I KNOW IS SHIKAMARU TTEBYO!"
As that sentence left Naruto's mouth, he found himself pummeled to the ground by a familiar iron fist.
"You idiot…" Sakura growled. "WHO THE HELL IS STANDING HERE EH?!"
"Sakura Chan is standing…" Naruto choked out as he stood back up, rubbing the large bump on his head.
"So who do you think carried the plan out?"
"That's what! Itachi Senpai, please tell me ttebyo!"
The ANBU captain spared a look at the pleading face of the Kyuubi host before changing his gaze back at the team's voice of reason.
"Naruto Kun…she's standing right there, behind you." He said quietly, pointing towards the fuming girl.
Before the piece of valuable information could be registered in his quite thick and slow mind, the master of the body flicker technique bolted inside the house and behind the teenager, trying to hide himself from the insane younger Uchiha teammate of hers.
"Sakura Chan, please help me! Knock some sense into him! He's gone nuts I say, nuts! Going on about some prank or something through the whole time he was assaulting me!" He blabbered before glaring at his so called best friend.
The medic Nin only snorted softly as she watched her emotionally constipated teammate start marching his way towards them. "Move out of the way Sakura." He hissed.
"No. Why are you attacking poor Shisui?" She asked, staring back at him without wavering. Hell, she had dealt scarier eyes then that and having been his teammate for four years, she knew him quite well.
"He glued my teeth together by pouring super glue into my toothpaste." He accused, pointing at the older Shinobi.
At this new piece of information, the ANBU captain broke out into fits of loud laughter which of, Naruto soon joined in as well. Dumbstruck, Sasuke stared at his brother's best friends' actions and wondering why he was laughing now.
"Silly Sasuke, I just returned from a mission." He declared as he grabbed the last stick of dango away from Itachi's hands, to which the latter glared slightly. "Whoever glued your teeth together, I congratulate him."
"You mean…you didn't do it?"
"No Sasuke, I was on a mission."
"Then…who…"
"HONESTLY!" Sakura finally snapped, glaring at him. "IS IT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT? ARE NARUTO, SAI AND SENSEI THE ONLY ONES IN OUR TEAM BESIDES YOU?!"
"You mean…"
"…Yes Sasuke. I glued your teeth together."
Sakura glued his teeth together. The all so serious Sakura, the one he could not have expected to execute out such a plan had pulled a prank on him-
"Cheer up Sasuke kun!" She giggled as she squeezed his cheeks, effectively cutting his thoughts off. "What, you never expected your ex fangirl to do something like this? Don't worry about it, there's more to come in the future."
"You..."
"May I add that Itachi Kun helped?" She winked as she turned to the older brother who merely waved with a smile. "And..."
He blinked as her voice lowered to a whisper and she leaned in towards his ear. "Your brother and I are engaged. Expect our marriage in two weeks. Dear Sasu-Chan."
And with that, she walked off with Itachi beside her, leaving the younger ANBU staring after her in shock with the palest face she had seen on anyone. Perhaps even surpassed Sai's unhealthy complexion.
As soon as they exited the room, they heard a loud thump and the pinkette couldn't help the giggle that escaped from her lips.
"Are we going to tell him that today is April's first?" She smiled at Itachi's question and shook her head, staring up at him with her sparkling apple green eyes.
"No, I say let him figure it out. Serves him right for acting like a prick all the time." She shrugged.
...Yes, I edited the fic. Somehow, the ItaSaku pairing did not seem the least right. -nods- So I made it into a SakuSasu oneshot instead. I apologize. However, I hope you enjoy this new version? -sweatdrop-
Review if you like this fic!