Goodbye
By: I'm-Reading
Spoilers: Season 6
Pairing: Lois/Oliver
Summary: Lois deals with her breakup with Oliver
He was beautiful. He was the perfect man, and yet he had many flaws. He had broken her heart and then he had healed it with a single word from his lips. He knew just what to say and yet he was so often speechless. And she loved him, oh gods did she love him. More than anyone she had given him heart. She'd never of guessed, never imagined that she could love anyone like she loved him.
But this moment, this moment broke her heart more that anything. Before he could even say a word she had known that this was goodbye. That he was going to do a disappearing act and this time he wouldn't come back.
She denied it; he did love her after all. She at least knew that. He was the one man she had loved totally and completely. She had fallen in love with his many quirks. His romance and his handsome features were to be plastered all over her heart.
He drew her into his arms and he held her gently and firmly and it might as well have been his hands crushing her heart, breaking it into a thousand fractions. He kissed her tenderly and she could do nothing more than kiss him back.
"This is it," he said tenderly, running his hand along the length of her jaw her skin tingling pleasantly from his touch, "this is the moment I'll regret for the rest of my life."
"Then stay," she wanted to scream.
She wanted so much to kiss him and push him up against the wall and tell him to stay. Command him to stay with her. Tell him that he couldn't abandon her. Tell him not to break her heart. Make him stay with her. But all she could do was stare up at him with tears in her eyes.
He stared at her too, his eyes the eyes of a puppy dog begging her forgiveness. But she couldn't forgive him this. She'd forgiven him so many times. She'd forgiven him for all the disappearances for all the lies .She'd loved him enough that she'd wanted to get past it that she wanted to savor all the good moments in their relationship. But this, this she couldn't ever forgive and she was sure he could see the betrayal in her eyes.
His hands remained on her hips unwilling to let her go and as Lois looked deeply in his eyes, she knew that she'd have to be the one to walk away. For all of Oliver's talk that he was walking away he wasn't willing to. She knew that she might be able to make him stay, if she begged with him. If she got on her knees and pleaded. If she kissed him long and hard and remained in the safety of his arms. But she couldn't because she knew that what she had right at that moment would be all she would ever have with Oliver. However much she loved him, however much she wanted to stay unless he told her the truth, he would always be running from her. And she had her fair share of heartbreak for her life. She needed something solid and comforting and however much it broke her heart it meant that she was going to have to walk away.
She disentangled herself from his arms and his arms fell limp to his side. She turned from him and she immediately wished for the safety of his arms, it would be much better than the empty feeling at the bottom of her stomach. She dragged her bag into the elevator letting the stifled sobs heave their way up as she choked on them. Clutching herself as if trying to hold herself together.
The elevator jolted as it hit the ground level she dragged her bags out wiping her eyes with the edge of her sleeve and heaved her bag into her carg slamming the trunk and moving to the driver's seat. She slumped into it breathing in the familiar smell and her previous calm seemed to evaporate and the tears resurfaced.
Pull yourself together, girl she thought you're stronger than this. Don't get beat up over someone as stupid as Oliver Queen.
She nodded to herself resolutely and started the engine and started the long drive back to Smallville letting her mind wander to other things. It didn't last long, of course. Her thoughts of course had to return to Oliver. She thought back to the moment that she had first met him. Unconsciously she let a fond smile cross her face.
The poor boy, he had no clue what had just happened to him. How had be gone from the poor courier to the rich brat and then to the man of her dreams? She still remembered the expression on her face when she'd given him a tip and slammed the door on his face.
And that day, that dance. The gentle teasing, the easy banter that neither of them really meant, the almost kiss, the bottle cap she'd found spinning around the arrow that remained imbedded in the wall. Why had he done it? She'd thought of that question all night long. Pondered the self-satisfied smirk. She liked to think that perhaps he'd done it because he thought that she wasn't something to be won. How gallant, how very Oliver.
Her mind flowed from one memory of him to the next and she was in a trance as she opened the door and walked into the Talon mechanically walking up the stairs unlocking the door and collapsing onto the bed. She didn't really notice that she was crying until she heard the racking sobs coming from her own body.
She had never cried like this for anyone else. But then again she hadn't loved anyone like she loved Oliver. She cried and cried and she thought of every moment they'd ever shared. Every kiss, every word, every expression on his face, every touch of his hands, she remembered and cherished. She saw his face from a thousand different angles and then she locked them all away in a forbidden part of her heart and she wiped her eyes of the tears and stood from her bed. She fixed herself a cup of tea letting the steam waft across her tear stained face.
She heard the door open and close and heard the click of heels as Chloe came to stand beside her, sittting on the stool next to hers.
"Lois," she said gently, "Shouldn't you be relaxing on the beach somewhere far away with our favorite billionare."
"Oliver-"she winced at the name- "had a change in plans and couldn't come. He's leaving Metropolis."
Chloe winced along with her and leaned to embrace her. Lois slipped off the stool out of her grip, forcing a smile onto her face.
"It's not like it really matters. Plenty of guys have dumped me before; it's not that much of a change."
But she was lying. And it showed in the deep pain in her gut. She sighed deeply and moved to the sink dumping her full cup of tea into, the steam disappearing down the drain. She turned her head upward meeting the curious and concerned gaze of her cousin.
"Relax, Chloe," she said trying to force some vibrancy into her tone, "I'm gonna live."
She really hoped so. And at that moment she knew she was really saying goodbye. Goodbye to Oliver, goodbye to love, goodbye to romance, she wasn't going to let it break her heart one more time. Goodbye, she thought fondly, I'll always love you.