So my friend dared me to write a Dave and Emily pregnancy One-shot, I don't usually right this pairing in fact this is only my third real fanfic but I hope you all enjoy it
Emily sat on the couch staring aimlessly at the wall she pondered smacking her head against something anything but she know that would just make things worst at least with Dave. She sighed as she looked at mudgie "Yeah you're real great company." Mudgie just lifted his head whined and went back to sleep "Great even the dogs bored."
Emily was bored actually bored didn't even begin to describe how she felt and there was only one person to blame for this boredness. Yes, only one person and his name was David freakin know-it-all Rossi. Oh, her husband thought he had the best intentions light bed rest for the next two weeks until there daughter debuted well she'd show him. Humph. Slouching deeper into the couch Emily groaned logically she knew it was her own fault too much stress working to hard but the hormonal side cursed the day David Rossi found out she was pregnant heck made her pregnant and he thought he knew what was best for her obviously not since she was in this position.
Of course it had all started as a normal day catching unsubs, teasing Reid and Morgan and then bam the next thing she knows she was in the hospital with a very irritable prissy grumpy you name it Rossi who had strictly banner her from leaving the house heck if he had his way she'd never leave the bed.
Now she was stuck in there house, more precisely stuck on there couch bored to tears. Letting out a sigh she picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.
"Rossi." His deep baritone voice filled the room
"You have forty minutes to get home before I leave and do something you won't like." Emily informed him
She heard Rossi chuckle "Why hello Dave how was your day." He mimicked her voice "My day's been great Tesora I'm packing up right now I told Hotch I was taking a half day." Rossi's voice went up another octave "Oh, honey you're the best. I know Cara"
"Shut up" Emily growled, "I'm bored, I own a gun, and I'm pregnant with your child none the less. You should be more sympathetic."
"Em, you've called me every hour on the hour for the past two weeks sympathetic went out the window when you threatened to castrate the male population with a spoon. But I'm feeling generous I'll be home in forty minutes."
She could see the self-satisfactory smirk over the phone. She may have been a little bored and she may have wanted others to suffer but really, there was only so much a person can do in this house before the get cabin fever.
"Promise, because I don't know how long I can put of cleaning something or worse." She was going to lose it honest to goodness if there wasn't some relief in the boredom department "and since we own spoons in this house I know exactly what to do with them if you're not home ASAP."
"Now, now no need to make threats to my manhood I'm heading to the car right now I'll be forty minutes maybe a little later depending on traffic."
"Use sirens."
"Do you want Hotch to kill me?" Rossi chortled, "How about I pick you up some Ice cream and steak to make up for any sins I've committed."
"Mmmmmm." Emily hummed, her newest craving had been steak and ice cream together she especially loved strawberry ice cream on top of her steak " you sure know how to sweet talk a girl"
"We'll I've had some practice" He Joked "I'm in the car I'll see you soon."
"K, love you." She laughed rubbing her swollen stomach.
"Love you too, stay out of trouble." He quipped before hanging up
"I'm nine months pregnant how much freaking trouble can I get in." Emily yelled into the phone, before realizing that all she heard was the dial tone. "Of course, fine be that way." She ranted "Trouble, seriously trouble come on. Who does he think he's talking to I'm not Reid I don't attract trouble!"
Emily threw the phone to the ground causing Mudgie to yelp and run out of the room. Sighing she pulled herself off the couch and attempted to pick it up. Growling she couldn't bend far enough to get it
"Fine be that way you'll just have to wait until Dave gets home before you get off the ground."
Mid rant Emily's stomach growled sighing she looked down "Well baby I guess since daddy's not going to be home any time soon to feed you mommy's going to whip herself something up."
Emily waddled towards the kitchen pondering what delicious snack she could make and clean up before her knight in tainted armor returned with her dinner.
"Hmm what do we want?" She opened the refrigerator and scanned "Hmmm homemade lasagna with frosting, nope, tiramisu with gravy and pickles, nope, hmmm baby what do you want." As she continued her scan she felt delight as the perfect snack came to mind "boiled eggs covered in chocolate sauce and peanut butter" she said and felt a swift kick at her kidney "I'll take that as a yes, plus how hard is it to boil eggs, I mean not even Morgan can mess this up."
With her mind made up, she pulled out a saucepan filling it halfway full of water before placing two eggs into the pan. She turned on the burner before placing the pan and turning the timer on.
"Hmmm, ten minutes and then you and me baby will have the most delicious snack in the world." Emily rubbed her stomach. "But until then me and you are going to take a little cat nap."
Emily walked out of the kitchen and laid down onto the couch "I'll just close my eyes, being bored, getting mad at daddy and making our delicious snack is tiring." Those were her last words before she fell into a deep slumber all thoughts of eggs, peanut butter and chocolate forgotten.
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Emily woke to the sound of keys opening the front door and an "Emily I'm home" The first thing that registered was Dave was home the second the eggs. Pushing herself off the couch, she speed waddled towards the kitchen.
"I'm in the kitchen." She yelled
Suddenly the sound of a gunshot echoed through the house. Emily jumped into the air and watched in horror as one of her glorious boiled eggs exploded through the air hitting the cabinets and everything surrounding them.
"EMILY!" Rossi yelled as he ran into the kitchen stopping in front of her. "Emily are you okay, are you hurt." Rossi frantically asked her. After doing a once over he noticed the awe and horror on her face he following her gaze he saw the splattered form of burnt eggshells and egg all over the kitchen.
"I only wanted boiled eggs." Shock still evident in her voice, she couldn't believe it. It was like sci-fi movie, she didn't know eggs could do that.
Once his heart rate began, returning to normal Rossi couldn't help it he laughed as the tension left his shoulders only his Emily could cause an explosion out of eggs. "I thought I told you to stay out of trouble." He pulled her into a hug as tears began to flow out of her eyes.
"I know but even Morgan can make boiled eggs." She whined
"Yeah, I don't know how you pulled this one off." He kissed her forehead "But I'm sure Reid can tell us."
"Oh no, Heck no you aren't telling anybody about this." She smacked his arm "Heck no I have to live with these people. Not going to happen not on your best day."
Rossi chuckled "Alright, but so you know I reserve the right to use this as ammo."
"You would." She mumbled looking around she noticed a distinct lack of food "Where's my food."
"Well I was more concerned by the apparent gunshot and my wife and unborn child than steak and ice cream." Grinning he gave her a quick kiss.
"Well Mr. Rossi as you can see I'm alive and well and starving. Feed me." A pout formed on her face. She knew that he could never resist the pout.
"I'm going, no need for pouting Tesora, and no more explosions." However, her luck would fail as he started towards the doorway another explosion resounded through the kitchen once again causing Emily to jump.
As Rossi quickly turned, he noticed two things the look of shock and pain on Emily's face and the puddle of water at her feet.
"Dave, I think my water broke." She whispered her wide eyes may have been comical if there daughter wasn't about to be born. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This is not happening no, no, no."
Rossi ran to the stove kicking himself for not making sure it had been turned off. Once it was turned off, he turned to his now hysterical wife "Em, calm down, we've prepared for this." Carefully guiding her out of the kitchen towards the front door
"Really, you've prepared to go into labor from a freakin egg, really I must have missed that class please freakin update me!" She screeched leaning over to grab her stomach as a she felt contraction.
"Ok maybe not this exact scenario," he tried placating her "But we've prepared for our daughter coming, we both knew it was going to be soon, just breathe." He opened the door to his truck and helped her in.
"Don't tell me to breathe, oh crap this hurts, why don't they tell you how much it hurts." She gripped her stomach in pain "Just get me to the freakin hospital, if I don't get drugs soon you won't be getting any forever. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Once the contraction was over, he turned the car down the driveway before speeding down the road "I promise you'll get all the drugs you want okay, just think of the humor behind this story. Think of what we can tell our daughter."
Emily glared at him did he really suggest there was some form of humor in this "Really, please elaborate Dave because I would love to see the humor."
Smirking he looked at her "How many kids can say an exploding egg caused there birth."
Emily laughed he had a point this had all began from an exploding egg who would have thought.
Okay so I hope you all enjoyed this One-shot it took a different turn than I thought it would but in all honesty the egg exploding thing has happened to me not the labor but the exploding egg I got distracted and then boom talk about hilarious anyways I would really appreciate reviews they really help me know how my writing is and how I can improve even if it is to just say good job or you need a beta its appreciated Thanks
-Galadinzel