Um...Hi...uh...I don't really know how I'm supposed to begin this...book...thing...so I'm just going to begin. My name is...bah! What the hell do you care about my name? You're just hear for the stories of my life, or you're here because you care about me. If that is the reason, I salute you. If not, well I hope a Frost Troll rips your legs off and lets you bleed out nice and slow while he eats them right in front of you. Or you could live in the lap of luxury, your choice.
Oh, haha, that reminds of a funny story actually where I was...uh...agh...what the hell, I haven't even began the actual book...novel...memoir...whatever the fuck this is. I don't want to start telling stories before you even get to know me. Well it's not like you care about that too, but everyone has a different state of mind, a different point of view to put it into words for someone who's reading this crap to understand. Hell! Maybe I'll even write in print just to make you feel like an ass! Bahaha...that would be joyous.
You see what I'm talking about, I'm making fun of the reader of this, why are you still reading this if I've insulted you?!
Oh...so you're still reading...well this is awkward, I might as well just continue with what I'm going to say, or tell. Oh! I just remembered this remarkable story from when I lived in Whiterun. Haha, it's actually quite a long story...maybe I should dedicate a full chapter or part of this... "book" to it. That would give you some laughs...haha, just thinking about it makes me chuckle.
Huh, oh right, I forgot I was righting every single one of my thoughts on the paper...I forgot what to say, eh. I might as well move onto the stories, but first! That one story I was chuckling about earlier is actually where I'm going to begin...