AN - So, this is my first foray into writing Castle fanfiction. I've been watching the show for a couple years and have recently browsed through some of the stories on this site. I have to say I was impressed with the number of stories and quality of the writing. Castle ff appears to have tons of great fans and writers, and I'm looking forward to reading and writing more.
Description - A relatively short one shot in the immediate aftermath of the season 5 finale, Watershed. No spoilers. This idea has been bugging me since about a week after the finale aired.
Disclaimer - I am not affiliated with Castle. I am simply borrowing the characters for my own amusement
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The lump in her throat - which had formed when he'd addressed her weakness of not letting people in and had increased in size when he said he wanted more - swelled violently at his next words.
"So, whatever happens, whatever you decide, Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"
His gaze was strong and clear, latching onto hers and not letting go. She sat, frozen on the swing, adrenaline pumping through her body as her mind struggled to catch up.
She had called him and asked him to meet her at their swings, full of both anxiety and determination to finally have the conversation she had been afraid to push for before. His expression when she arrived and his seeming inability to look her way, had tugged painfully at her heart. She had done that to him, to them, by keeping secrets; by keeping the interview from him in fear because they'd have to finally have the talk.
But here they were anyway, now forced into the talk. And it was worse this way, after a fight and subsequent silence, than it would have been had either pushed for this conversation sooner.
She hadn't known if she - if they - would be able to salvage what they had. The fight and the silence and his expression when she arrived at their swings had screamed at her that it was over. The old Beckett wanted to take the job and lick her wounds in DC. But the new Beckett, the part of her she had fought and clawed to develop in order to have more in her life had stood up to the old her. It pushed her to call him, to apologize, to fight for them. So, despite his expression and and his painful words, she had been determined to fight, to push, to make him understand how she felt and what she wanted; what they could have together.
He beat her to it. He was good with words, had this natural ability to express himself so clearly and so easily in a way that had often left her envious since the early days of their partnership. But even she, who had known him for his words years before their first meeting in person, was taken aback by how quickly and how earnestly he had gone from defeated to determined. From making her think he was done to proposing a future together.
And now he was kneeling before her, a ring in his hand, a future in his eyes and his words frozen between them.
And she was silent. Words weren't her strength. Not when she risked giving away pieces of herself. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. So many thoughts and emotions welled inside, but when she opened her mouth to tell them to him, she couldn't get them out. Never before had she envied his gift with words as she did right now.
Another moment passed. He continued to meet her eyes, but the determination in his eyes was gradually giving way to defeat. That was enough to move her. She may not be able to tell him how she felt, but she could show him.
Suddenly finding herself in action, she stood and twisted away from the swing, before dropping to her knees and wrapping her arms around his neck, heedless of his hands and what they were offering between them.
He was tense in her arms. She pressed her nose into the crook of his neck and hugged him tighter. He moved then, pulled his hands from between them and wrapped his arms around her. She pressed herself close to him and closed her eyes. "Castle..." She murmured into the skin of his neck. A good first word, she thought. Hopefully more would follow.
He released a ragged breath into her hair and his body relaxed just a bit.
She breathed in, the scent of expensive cologne and Castle giving her the strength to push onwards. Push for more; from herself and from them. "We need to talk."
She didn't realize how her words sounded until his body convulsed in her arms and he released a sob into her hair.
"No," she said softly, wanting him to understand, "No, Castle, I-"
But he pulled his hands away from her as if burned.
"No, Castle," she said again, but he didn't stop pulling away from her. In fact, his body tensed again at her words.
She reached for him, tried to follow him as he pulled away. She had to make him understand. She had to make this right, be better with his words, stop saying the word no.
"Stop," she found herself saying, somewhat demanding. It was enough to stop him before he got to his feet. She shuffled forward and cupped her hands around his jaw, forcing him to meet her eyes again. "I didn't mean no," she said, slowly and with as much openness as she could put in the statement. "I was trying to fix...I wanted to..." She trailed off and released a frustrated sigh. She took a breath and started again. "I want us to talk about us, Rick. We've never really done that. And I don't think either of us has ever really tried." She remembered asking him where they were going once, and she wasn't sure if his response was a brush off or an honest misunderstanding. She hadn't asked again. If she'd been determined, she would have asked again.
"I thought...When I showed up and you looked so...I didn't expect you to..." She shook her head. "I thought I'd have to fight for you."
She must have said something right because his eyes softened and his body relaxed before her. Still kneeling, he sat back on his ankles, no longer prepared to pull away from her. Kate moved forward and mirrored his position, her knees bumping against his.
"You were going to fight for me?"
Hands still cupping his jaw, she leaned in and kissed him. "I was," she whispered against his lips before pulling away. "I messed up, Castle, I know that. It's not that I didn't want to tell you about the job, but I was afraid that if I told you we'd have to talk. So I didn't tell you, because I thought the chance of getting the job was so low that it wouldn't matter."
"Would have told me if you got the job? If I hadn't found the boarding pass, I mean."
She nodded. "Yes. In fact," she paused and bit down on her lower lip. "I, uh..."
"You got the job," he said evenly, much more statement than question.
Again, she nodded, "I got the call this afternoon. Then I called you. Well, actually I had a suspect in the box I had to interrogate, then I called you. But yes, I got the job."
"Okay," he said, then he shocked her by smiling. "Congratulations."
"I have to tell them yes or no by lunch time tomorrow."
"Is there really a question about accepting it?"
"I want the job," she told him, "But I also want this."
"You can have this. We can have this. In DC."
"I can't ask you to move for me, Castle, you have a life here."
"So do you. But we can build a new life together. I was mad before, when I found the boarding pass, but now I've had time to think about it. I can write anywhere, Kate. I'll need to be in New York regularly to meet with Black Pawn and see Alexis, but I can spend most of my time in DC with you. We can make this job work, if that's what you want."
"I didn't expect this," she found herself saying.
"What, you didn't expect to get the job?" He scoffed. "Do you ever listen to me?" He asked, though his tone was light. "Of course, you were going to get the job. You're amazing, Kate. I say that all the time. And people see that. I see that. Every day." He paused for effect. "And I want to see that every day for the rest of my life."
She pressed closer, leaning her forehead against his chin, needing a moment. His hands found her lower back and rested there, offering support and patience.
This was it. He was it. Her one and done. It was time to demolish the last cinderblocks left of the foundation of her wall.
"We need to talk," she said again, pulling back enough to meet his eyes and sliding her hands down to rest on his shoulders at the base of his neck. "We need to talk about our past and what's happening now and what we want for our future."
He nodded. "Okay."
"And it's not going to be a short talk. We've both made mistakes and we need to figure out a way to avoid them in the future. And we need to talk about what we each want out of the future - what to do about this job offer, where we live, marriage...kids. Everything."
"We can do that. I want to do that, too."
"Good," she kissed him softly, before pulling back ever so slightly and breathing, "Yes," against his lips.
There was a moment of delay, then he pulled back to meet her eyes. "Yes?" He asked, sounding suspiciously like he was afraid to believe she was answering the question he thought she was.
She allowed the beaming smile fighting for expression take over her lips. "Yes, Rick, I'll marry you."
"You will?" He sounded shocked, but the look in his eyes told her he couldn't believe this was happening to him.
"Yes," she said again, laughing now. "You're pretty amazing, too, and I want to experience that - this - for the rest of my life as well."
He closed the distance between them and captured her lips in a searing kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed as close as she could get to the man that would one day be her husband. And when they finally had to come up for air, she didn't allow any space to build between them. She pressed her cheek to his, closed her eyes and breathed.
After several moments, the sounds of the city around them gradually began to filter into Kate's awareness. She reluctantly pulled back.
Castle met her eyes and smiled warmly. "Shall we find a more private place for this conversation we need to have?"
She shifted her weight to stand. "How about we find a more private place to celebrate, then we have this conversation."
His eyes twinkled as he followed her lead. "I don't know, Beckett, this conversation is pretty important..."
"So is celebrating our...engagement," she only hesitated a moment before the unfamiliar word rolled over her tongue. She stood and brushed sand off her pants.
"That's true," he agreed after pretending to think about it. "Oh, and after we have this conversation, we can talk about planning our wedding. And honeymoon." He stood with a grimace of pain from having knelt on his bad knee for so long.
She stepped into him and pressed a short kiss to his lips. "I'm going to say now that we should avoid a ski vacation for our honeymoon."
"Ha ha," he answered good naturedly.
"I just don't think spending half our honeymoon in the hospital would be a good idea."
"It doesn't matter where we go," he bantered back, "We'll just spend most of it in bed anyway."
She shrugged. "A valid point."
He kissed her, and when he pulled away, she turned, expecting for them to leave the swings. He stopped her though, the fingers of his left hand grasping at hers.
"One more thing before we go," he said, glancing down at their joined hands.
For a moment she didn't understand, and then he opened his right hand to reveal the ring. Her ring. She had forgotten, hadn't thought about it since she had dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around him. But it had been in his hand for this entire conversation.
It hit her then, just how much this all meant. He wanted to marry her. Her knew her better than anyone else ever had. Had fought and clawed to know her. Knew her faults and her weaknesses, had been hurt by her in the past. And still he wanted her forever. Still he was prepared to change his life for her. To move to a new city. To commit now, before any of the details had been figured out.
He dropped her hand to pick the ring off of his palm and hold it between them between the thumb and index finger of his left hand. His right hand reached for her left. "Can I?"
Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded.
He tenderly grasped her hand and rubbed his thumb reverently across the back of her ring finger before sliding the ring into place.
Together, they stared down at her newly adorned hand. From the hitch in his breathing, she was pretty sure he was processing all the changes just as she was.
Without pulling her hand from his, she bent her fingers, testing the weight of the ring and its feel. "Wow," she murmured.
He looked up, his eyes hopeful as they met hers. "You like it?"
She nodded. "It's beautiful."
"Does it fit?" He asked, uncertainty filling his expression.
She played with the fit, slid the ring up and met some resistance at her proximal knuckle, but not too much. "It feels like it fits."
"I can have it re-sized if you need. Or exchange it if you don't like it." The uncertainty wasn't going away. He looked like he had expected a problem, for her not to like it.
"I like it," she told him.
"And you don't have to wear it if you don't want." His hands hovered over hers, as if he was afraid to touch. "I knew you wouldn't necessarily want to wear a ring, but I wanted you to have it no matter what, but if you don't want it-"
"Rick, stop talking," she said. Now was another time to say the right thing, to use her words to put him at ease. To tell him he had done the right thing. She didn't do that enough; not as much as this compassionate man who too often hid his own needs deserved. "I want it. You gave it to me, and I'm wearing it and I'm not letting you take it back." She playfully held her hand away from him as if protecting it. "I don't know if it'll be practical to wear at work, but I'll wear it outside of work. I want to wear it outside of work."
His eyes lit up at her words. "You really like it?"
"I love it." She returned her hand to his, before adding the cliché she knew he'd approve of, "And I love you."
The tension left his body and he smiled at her in that way that made her heart tug in her chest. Yes, he definitely approved. "I love you, too, Kate."
She threaded the fingers of her left hand through his right so they could both feel the ring and tugged him with her as they walked away from their swings. "Did you drive here?"
"No, I walked."
She pulled her car keys from her pocket. "Good, so we can drive home together." She paused before adding, "I don't really want to be away from you right now."
He beamed at her comment, making the embarrassment of the admission worth it, knowing he needed her to join him in being mushy sometimes. But her knew her too, and knew she needed him to keep things light sometimes. "Can I drive?" he asked playfully.
She scoffed. "No."
He made a show of sighing. "I give you a ring and still you don't let me drive. I'm destined for the passenger seat forever aren't I?"
She smirked. "Always, Castle. Always."