An Exercise in Futility
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"
Jack had been busy all day, in fact he had been busy for several days, but now General Hammond had finished the briefing that had included both himself, SG4 and several off world dignitaries he was going to find Daniel. Since their return from PX3 157 the archaeologist had been looking a little down. Well in fact he had been looking more than that, he hadn't been right since Janet Frasier had been killed. Jack was concerned about that and thought he needed to go have a word. Now all he had to do was actually find the errant Dr Jackson.
'Carter, where is Daniel?' Jack asked Sam after he had checked Daniel's office and the various other hide-aways where he might usually be found if he was wanting to to avoid people.
'Not seen him, Sir,' the Major said, not lifting her eyes from her work, wires and equipment covering the bench in front of her. 'I've been busy working with scientists and this doohickey SG4 brought back from PX3157,' she explained, 'General Hammond wants me to see if I can replicate it before the ambassadors return so I've not stepped out of my lab at all today.'
This wasn't going to get Jack anywhere.
oO0 0Oo
'Teal'c, have you seen Daniel?' he asked the Jaffa as he passed him in the corridor on the way to the commissary to get a cup of coffee which he desperately needed now.
'No, O'Neill, I have not,' was the answer he received, 'I have not in fact seen DanielJackson for some time and I am beginning to be concerned about this.' Teal'c was looking as grave as he usually did but Jack thought he could see signs of worry there too.
'Me too, Big Guy, me too,' he replied, 'when I find him I'll tell you. I could use your help on this one I think.'
'It has not been a good time for our friend recently and I am concerned about him as I said. I will be happy to assist you,' Teal'c said with a nod of his head and went on his way. He had a team of recruits in the gym for sparring practice and Jack couldn't really keep him from that.
oO0 0Oo
It was Sargent Siler who finally finally gave Jack the direction Daniel might have gone in. He pointed out that when he was working on a junction box on one of the upper levels he thought he'd seen the archaeologist going into the base archives.
'Thanks, Buddy,' the Colonel said and hurried to the elevator, hoping he wasn't too late.
oO0 0Oo
The door to Archive Four was half open but the room was inside dark. Only the light coming in from the corridor showed there was man in there. He was sitting on a packing case amongst the shelving and looking very alone. Daniel was hunched over in a position that denoted painful thought. Jack could his eyes flicking between the box cutter in his hand and the wrist that had been bared by pushing up his BDU jacket sleeve. Then he put the sleeve back down, sighed and sat up again.
'Daniel ...' Jack said taking no chances now and quickly moving into the room. There was a question in the way he used his friend's name and Daniel looked up at the sound of his voice.
'What's the matter, Jack?' the younger man asked. His voice and face were giving no sign that he had known Jack had been outside and seen what had just transpired. That was good.
'What are you doing?' Jack asked casually, sitting down opposite his friend, his back up against the end of a shelving unit and a meaningful look on his face.
'Why are you asking?' Daniel responded.
It was obviously going to be one of those conversations so Jack decided to cut to the chase.
'I've been looking for you all over the base,' he explained patiently, 'and now I've found you you're here in room full of dusty old artefacts with a box cutter for company. I may add you were looking at said item with serious intent,' he added, 'that's why I am asking, Buddy,' he said gently, 'you're worrying me. What's goin' on eh?'
'Nothing, Jack,' Daniel snapped back immediately in that voice which he most often used to tell someone to piss off and mind their own business. 'I just wanted some quiet, we've been overrun by those Pelagian officials for too long.'
'Yeah, I know, they got on my nerves too,' Jack said, they had been noisy and annoying and all over everything for four days now. 'That is not what I am talking about though, am I?' he added.
'Well, what are you talking about?' Daniel said a little huffily, giving his usual noli me tangere look. Jack realised that if he wasn't careful the younger man might get up and walk away which would not be helpful in the situation.
'Daniel,' Jack said hurt. He didn't have time for this but his pushing had borne fruit and suddenly he had seen something snap in his Archaeologist's eyes. Good, now they might be getting somewhere.
'All right Jack, you want to know what I was thinking about do you?' Daniel said, anger in his voice and his posture, which Jack could only just see in the half light, getting tighter. 'I'll tell you, its what its going to be or not going to be. Janet's death has made me think and I am tired and I just want to know what to do about it,' he said.
'What do you mean?' Jack said, worried by the tone Daniel was taking.
'Whether its nobler to suffer by staying on at the SGC and taking the knocks and the blows and watching my friends dying round me, Jack,' Daniel said hugging himself, 'or whether I should take action about it and do something about it.'
Jack didn't like the sound of that at all, 'What are you going to do, Daniel?' he asked, 'you know everything you know and love is here. Teal'c and Sam and me, we'd miss you if you quit.'
Daniel laughed softly, 'Oh I'm not thinking of handing my notice in, not at all,' he said, 'before you so cleverly interrupted me there I was actually thinking of ending it. As Shakespeare says; my own quietus make. If only it was as easy as going to sleep and not waking up. It would be nice. I've done it so many times before but I never get any peace in doing it.'
'Daniel,' Jack said worried.
'No, Jack,' Daniel said putting his hand out, 'let me finish. As I was saying, I might like to be able to die properly, not have someone or something resurrect me like they do with regular monotony. I'm not worried about Hell or the afterlife, we know there are no gods and I wish it were that simple. There's the problem of Oma getting in the way though. She's dead set on her mission of ascending as many individuals as possible and I think she's got me marked out so she'll not let me rest in peace. I can't go through that again,' he said his face all scrunched up in pain, 'once was more than enough for me because I know I can't not interfere if I am left with no choice not to. I couldn't do it when you were captured by Ba'al and I couldn't do it when Anubis threatened Abydos ...' his voice failed him and he looked across at his friend.
'It's okay to feel pissed off about that, Daniel,' Jack said reassuringly, 'I would have done too. I feel for what you had to go through. For all the talking up your Oma gave the glowy experience from what you say it was all too much of the powerless and hanging about watching your friends suffer stuff for my liking.'
'Yeah,' Daniel replied, getting with the program now and letting it all out in a rant, this was good. 'And how have we put up with what we've had to suffer since we joined the program at the SGC, Jack?' he said. 'We've felt every whip and piece of scorn the galaxy and its inhabitants can throw at us,' he ticked his thoughts off on his fingers as he went; 'seen the oppression the Gou'ald has spread, been prevented from doing things to help because of an off world government's pride or because we couldn't 'interfere', lost the ones we love and care for too many times, had Kinsey and his legal teams messing with our intentions ...' he threw Jack a look and shook his head. 'If it was as easy as killing myself, putting an end to all, Jack,' he said waving his hand around the room... 'there are enough knives and weapons in this room full of alien artefacts to do the job properly. Hell, even the simple box cutter you found me with would do, its basic but its efficient enough ...'
Daniel's head went down onto his folded arms and Jack scooted across the floor when he heard the first snuffles and saw his friend's shoulders start to shake. 'I would have done it Jack,' Daniel insisted, 'but then I thought about it and I lost the nerve. Thus conscience does make cowards of us all ...' he said.
Jack got up moved himself onto the box where Daniel was sitting. Now his friend had let go of his anger and started crying he had hope that things would turn out better. 'Yeah, you could have done that but I for one am glad you didn't,' he said, 'and so will Teal'c and Sam be when they hear about this. We care about you Daniel, I know its been hard on you, losing Janet so soon after being descended but you shouldn't go hiding in storage rooms when you feel bad. You should come and find someone to talk to.'
'I'm sorry Jack,' Daniel said turning into his friend's hug and burying his head in his shoulder. 'It all hit me at once. I know I should have come and found you but you were dealing with those Pelagians.'
'Its okay, Daniel, I was too wrapped up with 'em too. What d'ya say we blow this joint and go and get some pie at the commissary? Teal'c was asking after you and we can drag Carter out of her lab too, because of those damned Pelagians she's been working all day without a break.'
Daniel sniffed and sat up rubbing his face on his sleeve. 'I'd like that, Jack,' he said simply, 'let's go.'
Jack nodded and helped Daniel to his feet, throwing his arm round his friend's shoulder as they walked to the elevator. Things were going to be okay.
FINIS
Author's Notes: Oh help. I am at home after a day having a gale force wind induced asthma attack and full of antihistamines and inhalers. Last night my friend magnavox was giving me spoilers for the second Stargate movie and saying that Michael Shanks was saying what was going to happen to Daniel was going to take him to a very dark place indeed.
I replied that that was ok as Mr S is capable of doing that sort of acting having done Hamlet at Stratford in his time, oh and how I wished (I keep saying this) SOMEONE SOMEWHERE had at least a clip or two of that performance on-line. Then I said actually, knowing the play intimately (I was chopping up an .avi file of another Hamlet into the soliloquies for our English lecturer too while saying this) and having done the watching round I have of MS's back catalogue I could pretty much work out how he would play it. Well ... maybe not, but certainly how Daniel would do it - with much arm folding, hand waving and head on folded arms. I was even explaining some of the famous speeches in Stargate terms (like how at the end he goes to the fight with Laertes with the same attitude as Daniel to his death from radiation) and especially the 'To be or not to be' speech ... and then I wondered just what would happen if Daniel did come out with such comments ...
What you see is the result - a rant about people dying and Oma messing with Daniel which I have wanted to do for a while after seeing what happened to our poor Archaeologist. The original speech Shakespeare wrote is out there on the net if you want to compare it with what I wrote. It so proves Shakespeare's genius that you can put his ideas into a modern SciFi character's mouth. Not sure what it says about me putting it there though ...
Enjoy!