Chapter One

July 1st, 2011

I blearily opened my eyes as the alarm on my desk went off. At most I had gotten two hours of sleep; this lack of sleep had been going on for a month so it was starting to take its toll. Then I looked at the wizarding window that had been installed in my new room and saw that despite the fact that the sun was out, the sky was covered in dark, foreboding clouds that promised rain. The weather had been like this for a month and there was no sign of it stopping anytime soon. It was like some god could sense my melancholy and sought to make it worse. Not that I cared what that 'god' was doing, even though I doubted god even existed. I had decided a long time ago that even if there was a higher power out there in the eons I could care less. Why should I praise a god that constantly makes my life a living Hell?

A month had gone by since Ginny and I almost died in the chamber and I was still facing the after affects. At random times I would find myself fatigued at the littlest things or I would feel incredibly strong and nothing would tire me out. It felt like there were two opposing factions in my body battling for domination and if I had to guess I would say that the basilisk venom and the phoenix tears were battling. After a month however my bad days were getting fewer and far between and I could feel myself getting stronger than I ever was though the lack of sleep was wearing on my magical reserves.

I could remember that day like it was yesterday. The quidditch game getting cancelled, learning that a student had been taken into the chamber, sneaking out to tell the teachers what we knew, finding out that Ginny had been taken, coercing Lockhart to follow us, getting cut off from Ron and almost dying and rescuing Ginny. During that whole adventure the basilisk bite wasn't what hurt the most and almost dying was nowhere close. What hurt the most was I knew if I died no one would know the truth. No one would know that Ginny was innocent. I know how witches and wizards think and despite the message on the bathroom wall they would think Ginny was guilty and dying with the truth on my lips would hurt the most.

I know it's weird that I didn't fear death and that the basilisk bite wasn't that bad but living with the Dursleys had given me a really high pain tolerance and dying was a living hazard. I had almost died more times than I can count and that was before I came to Hogwarts. What haunted me was what Ginny had gone through and what would have happened had I died, it followed me everywhere, in my dreams and every moment I was awake, it was like I was being followed by a demonic entity that got a hard on seeing me suffer. And it didn't help that my nightmares kept bringing back repressed memories of my life at the Dursleys.

But what annoyed me even more is that people were still treating me as if I was a child. I honestly thought all those people were idiots. Ok, I know I'm only twelve about to turn thirteen so for all intense and purposes I am a child but if you can go through what I have in my life and still have a childhood then I feel sorry for kids that have a perfect life. If my childhood hadn't ended when I was sent to my 'relatives' it certainly ended when I killed a man with my bare hands at the end of my first year and the year after that just drove the stake further into my youth. And I was never given any counseling or any help getting over everything like common sense said I would need, no I had to work it out all on my own.

For the first two years Dumbledore just sent me back 'home' or prison as I liked to call it. He never gave me a reason why I needed to go back, just that it was necessary and some greater good shit. Save it, the greater good never did anyone any good, all that it did was get people killed. And did he honestly think I believed the regret he tried to show on his face, that look was totally fake. I can tell when people are pretending, because of the way Dursley's treated me I learned how to read facial expressions and if Dumbledore wasn't faking then I am a hippogriff.

I was furious at Dumbledore, for someone who was called the greatest wizard since Merlin he didn't seem to have that much control. The way I saw it he had practically given Voldemort a chance at the stone and had done nothing to stop the attacks last year leaving it up to eleven and twelve year olds to fix his mistakes.

However I tried to ignore it as much as I could and cover my hurt in other pursuits. Since I was stuck at the Dursleys I focused solely on my studies, I would owl order books from Flourish and Blotts and absorb the knowledge, then when I was done with that current batch of books I would order more. I also re-read all my books from first year and second year. It wasn't so much that I had slacked off my first two years, it was more I had learned that the exams at the end of the year count for eighty percent of your grade so I saw no reason to really try on my homework as long as I studied at the end of the year and so I only had a rudimentary knowledge of my first two years and I was determined to be at the top of my classes when I returned to Hogwarts. While studying I found that without the constant bickering of Ron and Hermione I was able to concentrate and learn more which I knew would made my grades steadily improve.

Despite this my depression was getting worse. I had even started to have suicidal thoughts, and I would lie on my bed every night listening to my heartbeat wondering how long it would be before I finally gave in to my dark thoughts. I couldn't sleep as every dream was plagued by images of death and destruction, I couldn't eat as my stomach clenched at the very thought of food, and I had to force myself to get up in the morning. I wouldn't be surprised if I was dead in a couple of weeks.

I had stayed at the Dursleys for a couple of weeks before it was announced that my uncle's sister was coming to stay for a while. As soon as Uncle Vernon said that I simply stood up and walked up the stairs to figure out how I was going to get away. There was no way in hell I was going to remain in that place while she was there. The problem was I had nowhere else to go and no way to get there. As I was thinking of my problems an idea kept popping up in my head of where I could go. It was perfect, I would be able to practice magic, I would never have to return to the Dursleys and no one would find me while I was there. Of course I would have a problem once school started again but I would worry about that later. Now that I had the place the problem was getting there, a lot of impossible ideas were running through my mind until my brain latched on to a feasible one.

I remembered that elf I had freed and how he thanked me and then saved me from his former master. I thought that maybe he would be willing to help me again. He seemed in awe of me the couple times we met and I thought maybe my fame was of use after all. Praying to any non-existent gods out there I called out Dobby's name and he promptly appeared and asked what I needed after a lot of gushing on his part. After I outlined my plan he readily agreed and when I was done packing we left for my new house for the next couple of months.

When we were finally done cleaning up the area and building it into a proper house we found books and scrolls on old magic and other valuable items and the domain was built exactly to my specifications. My new house was awesome thanks to the help of Dobby. I had plenty of room to practice, which I could now do since I was at Hogwarts, and since my magic had stopped fluctuating for long periods of time I found myself getting stronger and stronger. But learning new magic was tougher then it normally would be since I didn't have any real people to practice with. When we were done my new home, formerly the chamber of secrets was a flat with stairs leading out of the room, it took all night but by the time dawn came around we were finished.

The room had a library that was larger and had more books than the Hogwarts library and it was clearly more organized, there is a directory sitting on a desk that shows all the books I have, what subject, how many books I had in that subject and in what aisle they were in. Organizing the books took a lot of time and whereas the rest of the chamber took all day and night that part took days. All the books were copies of the books in Hogwarts library and from Slytherin's personal library although all Slytherin books would have to be translated from Latin to English. There was also a computer for further research, of course the computer couldn't run on electricity and knowing I just didn't have the power quite yet to perform the spell I had Dobby place a spell on the computer to make it run on magic and the room was covered by the same spell. The shelves were made from mahogany and had a rich, deep brown color and the room had comfortable looking arm chairs and a sofa.

My bedroom was painted red and had pictures of my parents and friends along with some quidditch posters and some posters of my favorite muggle bands like The Devil Wears Prada and Megadeth, and off to the side was a bathroom that would have rivaled the most expensive hotel suite.

There was a full gym with up-to-date work out equipment in case I ever felt like working out; weight lifting wouldn't happen for a couple years as I knew I was way too young for that. The room had the same spell the computer had on it to work on magic. In the left corner was a treadmill along with multiple strength and conditioning machines and in the right there were multiple weight machines, in the middle of the room was an Olympic style pool with a track around it and a rope course with chin-up bars off to the side. Finally there was a small library filled with books about human anatomy. This room was excellent and I knew that when I finally felt up to it the room would serve its purpose.

Then there was dueling room with reinforced walls so that the magic used in the room wouldn't collapse or damage the room. The room had training dummies that you could train yourself against. The dummies had ten modes set from Hogwarts students all the way to Dumbledore and Voldemort level with each level being able to shoot a wide range of curses, of course they couldn't actually fire any spells besides the coloring charm and the spells had a corresponding color. The room also had a small library that had books on dueling, the dark arts, and defense against the dark arts. The books on the dark arts were because I knew that I would need to know what I was fighting against.

The second to last room was a potions lab. This room was in my flat for no other reason than spite. I knew that with all of these books at my beck and call I could become really good at potions and I was determined to show up anyone that ever doubted me and that included Snape. There was no way that Snape would ever be able to criticize me ever again. Sure he could continue to insult me but it just wouldn't faze me anymore because I knew I was better than him. I knew it would be years before I became a potions master and so for a while he would still be better than me but still you have to start somewhere.

The last room was a recording studio with my guitars lined up and my drums in the corner, with a microphone in the middle. I had this room because music had always been a release for me. Even though the Dursleys never let me listen to music on my own, Dudley always blasted his music and I would always lose myself in the rhythm and sound of it. A lot of the stuff my cousin listened to was just plain disgusting like N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys but he occasionally listened to bands like Megadeth and Pantera and I would also sneak off to listen to music at record stores. If I were to have a fantasy band it would be Bruce Dickinson as vocalist, Dave Mustaine and Synyster Gates as guitarists and Lars Ulrich as drummer.

After we had finished making my new house (I didn't really do much because I didn't know the spells), I had Dobby take a lot of money out of my vault and sneak off to a music store where I had him buy a drum set and a wide selection of guitars and had them shrunk. As soon as Dobby returned I started learning how to play the instruments, I knew it would take years for me to be okay and a lot more for me to be great and even then I would never be close to Dave Mustaine or Lars Ulrich, but then again who was, I mean those guys are absolute gods. So the recording studio was so that I could vent my feelings and relax. Although I knew that learning to play was going to have to take a back seat while I was concentrating on my studies.

Waking up from my memories I finally sat up and grabbed a pen and notebook from the desk by my bed and started writing my feelings out. I had found that it really helped and I liked to write songs from my feelings and today I felt like I was going to really need it. My notebook was a combination diary, song book, and sketchpad. This was one of the many notebooks I had from when I first started writing in one when I was six and was filled with activities from this year. I had charmed this one to never run out of paper and had transferred everything from my previous notebooks to the one I was using now. Inside the books was my life story complete to this point with various songs and drawings/paintings. Most of my songs and drawings were very dark and morbid and people would be shocked at what they would find inside of the book.

For example the song I wrote today was called "I Won't See You Tonight" and quite frankly was about suicide. These songs seemed to be the only thing I could write anymore and proved that even though people think I'm never fazed by almost dying all the time all those adventures had affected my personality drastically.

But today I was going to change everything and make my own path in life. After a month of internal reflection and outside observation had led to some startling revelations that I could no longer try to look over. A month of analyzing everything made me realize that I could no longer sit back and be fate's punching bag; it was time fate got a taste of his own medicine. It was time to be proactive and stop things before they happened.

I wasn't stupid, I knew Voldemort was out there plotting his return and when he did he was going to come after me but I didn't plan on dying that easily. I knew I was going to need some intense training to ever be up to Voldemort's level but before I did know that I needed to know who I could trust. I feared what I would find out as I already had misgivings but I needed to know or I wouldn't get anywhere, and even after all that I knew I would need help getting past my suicidal tendencies.

However the most important thing to do right now would be to take a shower, the stench must be overwhelming. I had been so depressed that I had skived personal hygiene. I had to admit I was slightly germ phobic it wasn't debilitating or anything but I did have an issue with messes. If I'd gained one thing from the Dursleys it was that I couldn't stand anything out of place or messy, I had barely survived Ron's room. Everything had to be in order and clean or it would start to irritate me, so the fact that I had slipped this much was disgusting. It was for this reason and this reason only that I hadn't degraded to cutting myself or hurting myself in anyway. The mess would just annoy me and I didn't have the energy to do it.

I grabbed my iPod and left for the shower, the iPod was a surprise to me because of how I got it and because electronics weren't supposed to work around magic, I wasn't complaining though. I always loved music and was annoyed I couldn't listen to it at Hogwarts and this had given me easy access to my music. I remembered how I got the music player and it still shocks me.

FLASHBACK

I had left my dorm a couple of days after the chamber incident totally pissed off and didn't care where I was headed. Everyone wanted to know what happened in the chamber and I was sick and tired of it. These same people had hated me for the past year and now they wanted back on my good side, they thought everything was going to go back to normal as if it never happened. The thing is I just couldn't go back to who I was before the chamber, I had almost died and I was now a totally different person, I was more cautious and suspicious and I would jump at the smallest of noises. Madame Pomfrey said I have post-traumatic-stress-disorder and the littlest of things could bring back flashbacks. The fact that everyone wanted to talk to me about it was annoying, the only person I wanted to talk to was Ginny but she was constantly surrounded by her brothers as if they thought they could make up for ignoring her but no matter what they did it would never be enough. I could understand if she forgave Ron as he did go with me to save her but her other brothers didn't even try and when Ginny was going to tell someone Percy turned her away because he assumed what she had to say was about him. But right now that wasn't my worry; my worry was escaping so I could get at least a couple of minutes of peace.

What I really needed right now was my music, right now I just wanted to listen and lose myself in the music. I didn't want to think about everything that had gone wrong in my life. I didn't have the energy to play right now I just wanted to let the music take me away and soothe my soul.

Not paying attention to where I was walking I found myself on the seventh floor and was just pacing back and forth wishing I had a way to listen to music when I noticed a door that hadn't been their earlier. I opened the door and walked in and felt a huge letdown, there was a single light shining down on a small desk with what looked like an iPod lying on the surface with a note by it. I walked up to the desk, picked up the letter and started reading.

Dear User,

The object you hold is called an iPod; it is a way to listen to music while on the go. This particular iPod is powered by magic so you don't have to worry about it malfunctioning. This is a highly advanced iPod; as soon as you touch it the iPod will instantly recognize your favorite musicians/bands and add them to your library and add to it when they have new releases as well as make updates when you like another musician/band. We hope you find endless hours of enjoyment with your iPod.

"Wow, this is amazing," I thought as I put on the headphones, asked for Apocalyptica and relaxed.

Now I had something that would make it easy to listen to my music without fear of reprisal and something that gave me a way to get my mind off of all the shit in my life.

END FLASHBACK

I walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror and at first I jumped at what I saw, but then I was disgusted that I let myself deteriorate like this. My face was sunken in and my eyes had dark, heavy bags under them, I was extremely thin, I mean I had always been skinny, years of malnourishment had made me incapable of gaining a good amount of weight, but this was ridiculous, it wasn't as bad as the Holocaust survivors but it was getting there. I was glad that I had snuck into the hospital wing and stole a restorative draught a couple of days ago that would heal my body from all the abuse of the past year.

My hair was long, unkempt, and limp, almost dead looking, and to my utter horror and antipathy I had white spots. I wasn't disgusted at the color as much as I was at how dead it looked. The color didn't bother me that much because with all the stress I had gone through in my life it was no surprise that I was going prematurely white. The real problem was the dead looking way my hair looked.

The length of my hair was fine if not a little too short, as a kid I had always wanted my hair long, not only to rebel against my relatives but because all my favorite band members had long hair and I thought it looked cool, but this dead looking hair would have to go. Quite frankly with my shaggy clothes and hair I looked like I was following the grunge trend and I hated the music and style of that movement, it had ruined many a good band. I did like the long hair but I didn't want it growing over my eyes.

Thinking I needed a haircut, I looked for a pair of scissors or a knife but couldn't find any. Because of this I had a conundrum, if there weren't any scissors or knives how was I going to cut my hair? Then I thought back to my earlier life with the Dursley's and remembered how one day Petunia had given me a really bad haircut. My head was shaved except for a small patch that covered my scar, I had been mortified and I was scared of the reaction my classmates would have, but the next day all my hair was back. I now knew that it was my magic that had done that so I wondered if I could control the hair on my body.

I concentrated really hard and a miniscule amount of hair disappeared, disheartened I continued until about an hour later I had control of all the hair on my body. I liked my hair that was down to my shoulders but saw that it was still messy and thought that if I made it longer maybe it wouldn't be as messy so I concentrated again and grew it to the middle of my back and nodded, satisfied because it wasn't nearly as messy. After that I gave it a sleek but not greasy look that looked natural and not gelled. I was definitely not going for the Snape look (bloody git), again with the personal hygiene, my hair always had to be washed or it would annoy me. But I also didn't want a Malfoy look; I could only imagine how long it took Malfoy to get that look. It takes forever to get your hair to the perfection you want, then it leaves a mess, and then it takes even longer to get it out of the hair, not to mention that you look like an arrogant prick with your hair gelled.

After washing my hair I combed it so it looked neat and not all over the place and then had it grow naturally to the sides so it wouldn't fall in my eyes. Then I turned the white spots back to black and changed the tips of my hair to red. I knew it was an emo hairstyle but who cared I liked I and why knock it if it looks good.

Now that I knew I could control my hair I wondered if I could control my whole body. I was tired of looking small and scrawny, and wanted to look like I felt I should. I thought that I wanted to be taller than Ron as I was tired of him gloating about it; it was getting really annoying. It was like it was his only claim to fame; I mean gain some confidence. Also it would be cool to match Dumbledore's height; he was used to people having to look up to him and he wouldn't be able to do that to me if I were the same height but I knew that wouldn't be possible at this time because I was only thirteen and it would be weird if I was 6'3.

However I did want to be at the average height for my age if not an inch or to taller, but not too tall for the simple fact that being too tall would get to be a pain and I didn't want to have to bend my back down a lot because that would cause back problems in the future. I remembered Hagrid telling me my dad was tall when he thirteen since he was five foot nine and my mum was five foot six, so I thought that the right height for me would be right between those numbers. I concentrated really hard on transforming, it took about an hour but I finally got the hang of it and shot up to five foot seven; this was perfect, I was taller than Ron by two inches. Being tall was a good thing but it didn't do me any good if I didn't have the body to go with it so I thought about what would be the average weight for a five foot seven male and proportioned myself accordingly.

Now I was five foot seven and weighed one hundred forty pounds. When this was done I gave myself a muscular build, of course I couldn't give myself huge muscles or anything as that wouldn't be natural but I did make myself look like I had eaten healthy food my whole life and exercised daily. With my new height and build I still weighed one hundred forty pounds but I didn't look like a puny runt. I knew this wasn't a quick fix, I would still have to work out so my stamina would match up with my new body, but still, I finally I had the body I wanted.

However there were my glasses to contend with. If I was going to have any chance of defeating Voldemort then they needed to go, they were a liability that I couldn't afford. I could just imagine them falling off in a middle of a duel and me being killed because I couldn't see. Now knowing that I was a full blown metamorphic I concentrated really hard on my eyes and after a couple of minutes they were completely healed, I now had perfect eyesight. When that was done I removed the dark circles and bags from underneath my eyes and gave my face a nice, healthy, filled out look. Then I gave my body a nice rich tan, a real tan not like those fake people that get the spray on tans but like I actually used tanning oil and let the sun tan me. When that was done I took out the stolen potion and downed it in one gulp and watched as I grew another inch and gained ten more pounds and topped off at one hundred fifty pounds.

Thinking about something I ran back to my room, picked up a couple of drawings and ran back to the bathroom. Looking at the first picture I saw a design that I had drawn to honor my parents. The top of the design had the saying diligo nunquam coma or love never leaves in Latin and was written in old time English cursive. Below the writing had a picture of a broken heart with the names of my parents inside the heart.

I had always liked to draw, my mind was very creative and I needed a way to express my creative side and that showed in my lyrics and things I drew. When I had drawn this picture I was thinking of all the people I knew loved me no matter what but now I was thinking I could use it as a way to permanently honor my parents. Thinking of the picture and getting a clear view of it in my mind I recreated the picture on my body as a tattoo which encompassed my left pectoral while the writing went along my clavicle.

Then I took out the next picture which was a phoenix flying over a battle scene while vultures feed on the bodies of the dead. I did the same thing with the other tattoo except this one covered the whole of my left arm. Finally I took out the last picture which was of a female gouging her eyes out while a black heart hung out of her chest dripping blood and Satan laughing in the background and this tattoo covered my right arm from the shoulder to the elbow. I had more drawings in my sketchpad but I was done in the way of tattoos, three was enough.

Now that I was done with the tattoos I wasn't sure how I had done it. As far as I knew people with metamorphic abilities could only control body shape, form or function and tattoos need ink to make, something that is not in the human body. Putting it at the back of my mind for now and resolving to think on it later I took out the last picture which had two drawings on it. The first drawing was a lion stepping on the head of a snake as the snake bite the heel of the lion. The second drawing was of a phoenix pecking out the eyes of a basilisk. Conjuring some silver I shaped it into two small gauges and put the designs on both gauges. Then I shaped my ears so that the gauges would fit and placed the gauges in the holes in my ears.

Looking into the mirror I nodded, I was satisfied. If one were to look at me they probably wouldn't even recognize me. I now looked like I was at least fifteen and I looked like a professional athlete, and in my own opinion I looked rather dashing, I looked like a new person and felt like one too. Although I knew with my tattoos and earrings people would think I was a freak but what else is new.

Smiling, I turned on my iPod, and put on Asking Alexandria. Listening to Ben Bruce scream about ripping the tongue out of god's face (something I admit I've fantasized about, although I'm not satanic or anything, if anything I'm agnostic) in the song Morte et Dabo, I went into the shower and took a very long one content in the knowledge that I was a new man and no one was going to force me to do anything anymore.