So I was watching Epic, again, and I just couldn't stop laughing at Mub and Grub's faces at the mention of Chipmunks. I mean, come on, something had to have happened. Then my crazy mind got started and I couldn't stop (I mean, Nod turned up. I wasn't even planning for him to be in this story.) Anyway, go my pretties! Read!
Disclaimer: I do not own Epic, nor do I own anything else you recognise.
Battle for the Pond
It was the age-old argument. The one they were always going on about. Every single time they were visited, the Leafmen and flowers and insects and every other type of creature found them in an argument, and this was always it.
Well, almost always.
Ok, never mind. Let's change that – it was one of the age-old arguments. Because if we're honest, there are quite a lot of them.
The most obvious is 'which pod is the best.' This – quite reasonably, mind you – is always ongoing throughout the years due to the fact that pods grow at different rates and therefore the best one is not necessarily the same pod every day. They have a good time with that debate – there's not much to entertain yourself with when you're a guardian of things that don't move or talk after all.
Then there's the fact that Grub wants to be a Leafman. That does not need explaining because, well, come on – uniforms.
But the argument they were having today was much more complex than that and much more vitally important.
"I'm telling you, I just don't see the point," Mub was insisting. "I mean, it isn't like it's very solid. Any bird could crush right through it."
"A hummingbird would have difficulty," said Grub smugly.
"Oh yeah, congratulations," said Mub sarcastically, "The only bird that would have even the slightest difficulty harming you is the most friendly one!"
"Well, it's good protection against the rain," said Grub, scrambling to win the argument this time at least. "When it starts raining, I just hop inside and then BOOM! No more worrying about drops of water falling from the sky."
"Look around you," said Mub, gesturing wildly. "There are hundreds of large leaves. What do you think they're for?"
"They're there to help the plant collect sunlight so it can survive."
If Mub had a hand that could reach his own face…
"Plus, you have to scurry over there the second it starts raining. You could get caught out – those raindrops are viciously huge, as everybody knows, and you might not make it. Me, on the other hand… all I have to do is get in my shell."
"But without one I move so much faster than you. And I have more flexibility, if you know what I'm saying."
"That just makes you an easier meal."
"I still say it's completely useless," said Mub, "Because any bird that was even remotely interested in you could get inside and don't you even start telling me that it works as camouflage, because I've yet to see anything else that looks even remotely like your shell and birds have much better eyesight than I do."
"Wow, you're saying that someone has something better than you?" gasped Grub. "I must imprint this into my memory. I must not forget this moment… I doubt it will happen again."
"I – What? No! I was just—"
"Stating that birds have better eyesight than you?"
Mub was just about to reply with something very witty and most likely argument winning when the two noticed something very odd. It was akin to hair or fur on the back of a mammal's neck standing up, but as gastropods have no hair or fur the feeling is simply a slight tingling of slime.
But it let them know that something was wrong. Very wrong. And similar to what a mammal would do, the two of them very slowly began to turn around.
And then they screamed, although neither would admit it later.
Behind them was a monster. A terrifying creature with a head bigger than most, huge bulging cheeks that looked ready to swallow them whole and it was making the most awful sound, almost a high-pitched chattering.
It stared at them for a second. Mub froze, staring right back at it. He and Grub were currently on a lily pad, and he hoped that the creature was smart enough to know that the leaf wouldn't be able to hold the weight of something so very large as that monster.
He was hoping very hard.
But then the monster simply turned away and ran off.
Mub unfroze and looked next to him to see that Grub had hidden inside his shell. Coward.
"Hey Grub," he said, knocking on the shell with his eye like he would a door. "Grub, it's gone."
"Are you sure?" came a muffled voice.
"This is very clearly demonstrating that shells are a complete hindrance," said Mub, grinning. "How are you supposed to know whether the danger is gone? For all you know the bird could be waiting for you to come out."
"But by that logic the bird could not have simply broken the shell open, and I would have survived the initial attack," said Grub, sticking an eye out of his shell and looking around. Then, satisfied that the danger had gone, he emerged completely.
"I still say it's useless," said Mub. "I've survived this long, after all, and I don't have one."
"But for all you know I could live longer than you," added Grub.
"Not if you want to be a Leafman," exclaimed Mub, "Honestly, do you know how often they die?"
"But that would have nothing to do with whether or not I had a shell," said Grub. "If anything it would give me more protection."
"I would still say it'd be a hindrance," said Mub gleefully. "When danger appears your instinctual response is to hide in your shell, right? What would happen if you did that while on a hummingbird?"
"I can retain the suctioning qualities of my skin while in my shell," sniffed Grub.
"Yeah, but the amount of skin in contact with the bird would be dramatically reduced. Plus, those saddles are really smooth and slippery. Very difficult to stick on to."
"I would ask for a different kind of saddle," said Grub.
"Uniforms!" exclaimed Mub triumphantly.
"But I'm sure that if I just explained—"
"Explained what? That the moment you face something dangerous you would hide rather than help out your comrades? Yeah, I'm sure that would go down very well."
This time it was Grub's reply that was cut off, but by that chattering noise rather than a funny feeling. The two glanced up from their argument to see that the creature was back. Only this time it looked a little different.
"Oh," said Mub, squinting at it. "It's a chipmunk. Didn't recognise it with its face all puffed up."
"Uh, Mub," said Grub, his eyes widening as the chipmunk moved towards the water's edge.
"It must be scrounging for food to take to its burrow," Mub was continuing. "You know, they're really lucky that they get to sleep all winter rather than having to stay up in the rain looking after pods."
"Mub!"
"I mean yeah, it's an honor and all to be the ones that keep the future of the forest alive, but why do we need to keep the pods moist when it's raining? That's just illogical."
"Seriously, Mub, look."
"…and they only guard this place when the Queen is coming, don't they realise that we and the pods are just as important?"
"MUB!"
"Why can't those Leafmen realise what amazing and important work we do and give us a holiday or something? I mean, obviously they wouldn't do such a great job as us but if they could just watch for a few days so we can take a nap…. Maybe they could give us a pay rise…"
Grub, realising that Mub was not going to shut up any time soon knew he must take matters into his own hands. He wasn't as afraid as before, now that they knew it was a chipmunk and not some horrible monster that would eat them on sight. Chipmunks ate nuts and grains and berries and things like that, not snails. Right? He would be completely fine.
Besides, Mub had been right about one thing – if he wants to be a Leafman, Grub will have to show some more courage.
Settling into his newfound determination, Grub slowly made his way off the lily pad and over onto the dry ground where the chipmunk was leaning over the water, poking at some pods with a paw.
"Hey!" called Grub. "You there! Listen to me, please. Those are not food, you understand me? Not food. Please leave them alone!"
The chipmunk did not respond. It simply kept poking at the pods. Maybe it was deaf?
Grub moved a little closer and noticed that its fur was a little greyer than you'd normally see on a chipmunk, especially around its nose. Its eyes looked the slightest bit misty and it was missing toe on one of its back legs. In summary, the thing looked old. Back in the day creatures didn't get to look like this, but these days Stomper interference and littering had lowered the number of predators while the Leafmen fought to keep feral cats and the like out of the forest. Also, Queen Tara was such a great Queen that the Boggans were being forced further away and all manner of animals and plants were prospering. As a result, everyone was living longer, with the Leafmen as the exception – some sacrifices must be made to keep everything so perfect.
But back on topic, the chipmunk was old. So maybe it hadn't heard Grub. Well, that was okay, then, as it meant it was not some wild creature that did not care for the forest. Grub would just have to go a little closer. So he did.
"Please listen," he said, raising his voice. "Those pods are the future of the forest! If they get eaten we'll all die, especially since the solstice and the full moon are not too far away, so there'll be not enough time to grow new ones! Please, please don't eat them, I'm sure you can find enough food elsewhere!"
By now Grub was quite close, close enough for the chipmunk to hear. Now, as this chipmunk was losing its senses, it had learned to react the second it heard something. So when it heard Grub yelling at it, it spun around very quickly and bared its teeth.
Grub let out a squeak and hid inside his shell. And no, he wasn't proving Mub right – he wasn't scared, just startled. That was all. Honestly.
Then the next thing he knew the ground had disappeared from beneath him as the chipmunk lifted him up, and then suddenly his shell was being knocked against something hard, probably a rock.
Ha, thought Grub past the horrid headache he now had, I hope Mub is watching this, as I just won the argument. He was wrong. This would have been a whole lot worse if I didn't have a shell.
Unfortunately, Mub was wrong about something else. He had said that snail shells don't work as camouflage, as even he couldn't see how it could resemble anything other than, well, a snail shell. But he hadn't been counting on half-blind chipmunks looking for nuts to store in its burrow.
When something came into contact with the bit of Grub's skin that wasn't covered by his shell, Grub was a little confused. He hadn't felt like he had been going down, he felt like he'd been going up. And he was fairly certain the chipmunk had been standing on grass, so why would he be somewhere muddy? Well, the surface didn't quite feel like mud, but it was the closest thing. Hard mud that was still slimy on the top.
He supposed it was possible that the chipmunk had moved.
Remembering to be cautious, Grub pushed one of his eyes out of his shell so that he could see where he was. But he couldn't. The place was dark and moist, and there was a weird rushing sound like a fast-moving river or pulsating water. Then suddenly a small crack opened up and the whole floor vibrated as a horrible noise erupted from wherever he was.
A horrible, ear-splitting noise that sounded strangely like the noise the chipmunk had been making, only amplified about a thousand times.
Grub was still shaking long after the vibrations stopped.
Because that small crack of light had allowed him to see where he was, and suddenly everything made sense.
The noise had been the chipmunk. The vibrating was making the noise, not the other way around.
The rushing sound was blood.
The slippery surface was flesh.
And the light had been let in when the chipmunk had opened its mouth.
Needless to say Grub's eye disappeared back into his shell very quickly.
Luckily for him, Grub's wish had been answered and Mub had seen the entire thing. Unfortunately, he had no idea of what to do. There wasn't exactly a handbook for what to do when your fellow gastropod gets stuck in the mouth of chipmunk.
It would have been different if Grub had been eaten by a bird, because then he would be gone. Just gone. But this… Grub was still alive in there. He was stuck in that damn shell inside the chipmunk's mouth, and the damn thing was still wandering around the edge of the pond looking for more food to fill it's other cheek with.
What would happen if it decided to have a drink? Would Grub drown?
Mub didn't want to find out.
So he too slowly began to make his way to the edge of the pond.
"Hey, buddy!" he yelled, "Look, that's my friend you just ate. Not very smart, clearly, but he's still an okay guy. So… would you mind spitting him back out?"
No response.
"Seriously, I'm only trying to look out for you here. Who knows where he's been? He could be diseased!"
This time the chipmunk heard and gave Mub the same treatment he had Grub. But since Mub didn't have a shell to hide in he simply froze up, and then the mammal turned away. The chipmunk wasn't really interested in the slug. He was looking for nuts and grains to store in his burrow.
Mub decided to try another tactic.
"Grub!" he yelled. "Hey, Grub, can you hear me, man?"
"Mm mere!" came Grub's muffled voice.
"Great!" exclaimed Mub. "Listen, you need to come out of your shell!"
"—oo 'ying ta 'ill me?" came the reply.
"You have to trust me, it's the best way," called Mub. "Honestly, I'm trying to save you! You have to face your fear!"
Now, as stated before, the chipmunk wasn't particularly interested in a slug that was being just a little bit noisier than usual. But when that slug slaps its leg with an eye and bites onto one of its remaining toes, a chipmunk tends to notice and respond in a negative way.
Grub had been wrong, because while chipmunks do prefer nuts and grain, they will still very happily eat a slug or a snail or two. There's no harm in varying your diet after all.
Still inside the chipmunk's mouth, Grub noticed the sudden downward movement as the creature lunged for his friend. He also heard the scream as the chipmunk opened its mouth to chatter at the slug angrily. And then he knew what he had to do.
If he wanted to be a Leafman, he had to learn how to be brave. He had to learn how to stand up for himself and not just hide in his shell every time something bad happened. This time at least, Mub had been right – he had to face his fear.
So in one almighty burst Grub followed his friend's advice and pushed his way out of his shell.
Outside the Casa Del Chipmunk, Mub froze in confusion as the creature suddenly stopped its pursuit of him and started to splutter, having found its mouth suddenly full of a slimy pile of something. Then it spat out its horrible mouthful and Grub fell onto the floor.
This was great, because it meant that Grub was free.
However, it also meant that the chipmunk was very, very angry.
It chattered at them menacingly, and then reached down to grab onto Grub's shell once again.
"Oh no you don't," growled Mub, sliding forward. Normally he would run – erm, slide away very quickly. But this situation was desperate.
His advance distracted the chipmunk who turned to him once again, forcing Mub to do a quick one-eighty and head back down towards the water. Grub, finally recovering, managed to get upright just in time to see the chipmunk place a paw on Mub's tail.
"That's not good," he muttered, watching as Mub was lifted into the air. Then he began to charge as quickly as a snail possibly could, breaking all records previously set in Stomper elementary school snail races. He darted to the back of the creature and then latched his many teeth onto its tail.
The chipmunk then jerked in pain – although it was more likely shock – and dropped Mub who landed on his head, squishing his eyestalks. It might have been hailed a great victory had the chipmunk not then begun spinning in circles in an attempt to reach the snail, spinning said snail around in circles also.
"Help!" Grub yelped as he spun past Mub.
Unfortunately this meant he opened his mouth, and he was catapulted a considerable distance and into the middle of the pond.
"Grub!" yelled Mub. He found himself once again racing across lily pads to save his friend, and made it just in time to grab onto his eyestalks. With an almighty heave he managed to pull Grub out of the water, and then they both sat there panting for a second.
"That was not a pleasant experience," said Grub.
"I would imagine not," said Mub. They both looked up to see that the chipmunk was stumbling around dizzily, unable to stay in a straight line. After a couple of seconds, it fell into the water, crushing one of the pods.
"That's not good," said Grub. Then the two of them got up and moved across the pond again.
"At this rate I'm going to loose my belly," groaned Mub. "Such a shame – I've worked hard for this sleek roundness!"
Grub did not comment. He was focused. He was going to stop the chipmunk from destroying pods. He was going to get the credit and the adoration. The Leafmen would have to accept him then!
He was half way to the edge when he heard a voice from above.
"What's going on here?"
The two gastropods glanced up to see a bright green hummingbird, ridden by a Leafman. He looked young, probably still training, with long-ish floppy brown hair escaping from under his helmet and shining brown eyes.
He did not wait for them to respond.
"Looks like you could use a hand," he exclaimed. "Or perhaps two."
With that, he leapt down from his bird and stood in front of the still flailing chipmunk.
"You look a little confused," he said, frowning. "What're you doing in the water?"
"He's dizzy from spinning," called Grub, trying to prove to this Leafman that he was incredibly useful and a great guy to have around. "I got his tail and he spun in circles."
"Awesome," said the Leafman, "Bet that was fun. Stupid… but fun. How about I try?"
As Grub still hurried forward to get his chance and Mub hung back a little so he didn't have to do the work, the Leafman reached forward and grabbed the chipmunk's tail with both hands. He then started to drag it out of the water and away from the precious pods.
He managed to get a couple of inches (which, considering his size is quite a distance) but it didn't last long. Jolted back into his senses from the sudden tug on his rear, the chipmunk dug his claws into the soft ground and began dragging himself in the opposite direction, pulling the Leafman with him.
Spotting his chance, Grub ran to the Leafman, wrapped his eyestalks around his waist and then suctioned himself onto the ground. It was the perfect plan, even if it did feel like Grub's brain was being ripped out of his body. But then, the fact that it completely freaked out the poor Leafman causing him to let go of the tail kind of sent the scales tipping in the opposite direction.
Then add in the fact that the sudden lack of resistance sent the chipmunk sprawling into yet another set of pods and it was most definitely a Very Bad Plan.
Shame. It might have worked if he'd given the Leafman some warning. That was one thing Grub made sure to point out to Mub later.
But they had more important things on their mind at that moment. The chipmunk was turning around, unintentionally catching yet another pod and pulling it out as it did so, eyeing up the three defenders and chattering even more angrily than before.
"Oh man," groaned the Leafman. "I've got this feeling that this isn't going to end well."
"Uh, me too," said Mub.
"Come on guys, we need to stay positive!" exclaimed Grub, hoping for the Leafman's approval.
All he received was a disbelieving look and raised eyebrows.
"I mean, yeah, we're all going to die. And so is the forest," he muttered.
"Anyway," said the Leafman, "We need to get that thing out of the water and away from the pods."
"Gee, well done genius," said Mub.
"How?" asked Grub.
"I'll think of something," he said. Then paused as the chipmunk started to run towards them. "On second thoughts, no need. Run!"
The three of them scampered up the bank and away from the water, the chipmunk close on their heels. When they were away from the water, the Leafman suddenly jumped upwards, doing a flip in mid-air and landing on the chipmunks' back.
"I'm so going to learn how to do that," sighed Grub enviously.
"Never mind the fact that snails can't jump," muttered Mub.
The Leafman leaned forward and grabbed the fur on the nape of the chipmunk's neck, pulling it back sharply. This caused the chipmunk to squeal in pain and skid to a halt, and the Leafman had to hold on tightly to stop himself from being flung forward. Then he wrapped his arms around the chipmunk's neck.
His plan was to hold on until the chipmunk passed out, and then drag the thing to a different pond. But his arms were not quite long enough to encircle the entire neck, so holding on was very difficult. It still might have worked, though, if the chipmunk had not decided to roll over, leaving the poor boy splattered in the mud.
"I thought Leafmen traveled in groups," said Mub, leaning over mud-caked guy. "How come you came alone?"
"I fly faster than the others," he muttered, pushing the slug away disgustedly and sitting back up.
"Uh, guys, a little help here!" called Grub, who was, once again, back in the grasp of the chipmunk.
"This is impossible!" growled Mub, flicking some of the mud with his rear end. "How are we supposed to fight a chipmunk who seems dead set on this particular pond! I've never even seen him here before! Who is he to think he can just barge in here—"
"Maybe he was forced to move because of Stompers, and doesn't want to have to move again?" asked the Leafman.
"That is a pretty smart thought," said Mub.
"I know. I get them sometimes. But right now I think we should be helping out your friend."
"Right."
The chipmunk was now grasping the edge of Grub's shell with one paw, and using the other in an attempt to pry the snail out of it. Grub had not hidden inside though, realising that if he did he would just be smashed against a rock again, only harder this time.
"He's going to get eaten!" exclaimed Mub, "Only for real this time!"
"No he isn't," growled the Leafman, darting forward again. But his armor was caked with mud making it difficult to move, and that's without even mentioning the mud on the ground hindering his ability to walk.
Mub didn't have the same problem and could have just slid across the surface of it, but he was frozen in place once more, captivated and horrified by the scene of the chipmunk attempting to pry his friend out of his shell so that he could eat him. He couldn't move, his body was completely still. It was defence mechanism; he couldn't control it.
The Leafman was struggling. He knew that if this chipmunk was not stopped, it would continue to forage around the pond and as a result put the pods in danger. It was his duty as Leafman to protect the forest, so he must stop the chipmunk at all costs. He was also not going to let the snail die, not on his watch. So he continued to struggle forward, pushing his way through the mud and forcing his arms and legs to move despite the stiffness of his armour.
He was almost there, only a couple of inches away. His armour had loosened due to his movements but the chipmunk was starting to get frustrated and aggressive; if he did not move now, the snail was going to get—
And then a rock fell from the sky and landed on the chipmunk's head. It wasn't enough force to knock the thing out, but it hurt like hell and chipmunk quickly dropped the snail and raced away, leaving Grub groaning in pain on the floor.
Mub glanced up to the sky to see four hummingbirds, a Leafman astride each one.
"Uh oh," groaned the still-muddy Leafman on the ground. "Now I'm in trouble."
"Nod!" yelled one of the riders, perching his bird and then jumping to the ground. When he stood up, Mub realised he was Ronin, the head of the Leafmen. "Where is your group?"
"Actually—"
"Have you seen the destruction back at the pond? At almost half a dozen pods have been crushed entirely, and yet another half dozen – at least – have been injured. Do you not think it could have been dealt with a little better?"
"The rest of my group would not have gotten here in time, I fly faster than them!"
"And when you saw what happening, did you think to call for help before provoking the creature even more?"
"Well—"
"I thought not."
"Hey, I just helped to save the huge majority of the pods, and the lives of these snails—"
"Hey, I'm a slug!" interjected Mub.
"—don't you think I deserve a 'thanks' at least?"
"Had you done this in a more appropriate and efficient manner, yes. But as you didn't, and because I suspect that you had a hand in at least one of the damage done to the pods—"
"Are you accusing me of—"
"I understand that you meant no harm," said Ronin. "If I did not you would be facing a much harsher punishment."
"Punishment?" gasped Nod.
"You will be placed on the cleaning roster for a week in the palace at Moonhaven. Be glad it isn't any worse."
"A whole week?" groaned Nod. "Great."
"Glad you think so. Now that the chipmunk has been taken care of, I believe we have better things to be doing. Nod, you will stay with our group for the rest of our patrol, and you will then report to me when we return to Moonhaven. Is that clear?"
"What is the point in reporting to you if I have just come back from a patrol with—"
"I said; is that clear?"
"Yes sir," sighed Nod. He put on a show of looking ashamed, but anyone could see that the defiant glint was still in his eye. Ronin let it go, though, knowing they'd be there for several hours otherwise.
"All right then," he called. "Mount up!"
The small torrent of wind created from the wings of the five hummingbirds rushed through the small area, causing Grub to stop groaning and get up quickly.
"Oh, wait!" he called. "I never had the time to… Oh, damn. They're gone. I'll never catch a break."
"You know, if you didn't have a shell the chipmunk wouldn't have spent such a long time trying to get you out of it and then you would have been able to talk to the Leafmen," said Mub, starting back towards the pond.
"Yeah, but if I didn't have a shell he would have just eaten me straight away," Grub pointed out. "As it is, I'm just a little bit… no, really sore, but I'll take that over being eaten any day. And now I can legitimately say I know what that feels like."
"But it was your shell that got you into that mess in the first place," argued Mub. "If you didn't have one he would have completely ignored you!"
"And then he would have destroyed more pods before that Leafman could have come and helped us."
"Bah. I had it under control. Me and my shell-less backside could have taken out that furry little menace if I'd had the chance, and I would have done too if you hadn't have been inside its mouth—"
"I still uphold that the shell saved my life."
"I still uphold that it got you into the situation in the first place."
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
And so the argument continued well after the two friends had returned to their lily pad and began tending to the pods, almost as if nothing had happened. But something had, something they would never forget. And as a result, they would always harbor a healthy and very rational fear of chipmunks.
I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave me a review so you can tell me what you thought!