disclaimer : kingdom hearts owns me, i dont own kingdom hearts. Sue someone with money, puhlease
summary : unwillingly felt, unwantedly real [soriku + akuroku wannabee] he wanted to hate them both, cause he loved them so damn honestly
authors notes : ...angst for one pairing, fluff for the other... I think i miss the simple win-win situations i used to love...
Fortress
He doesn't remember when it started, nor how. All the knows is this feeling (feeling?!?) was what he always dreamt it would be.
But it was wrong, so wrong...
He was feeling it at the wrong time, for the wrong person, and he was absolutely certain (with all the hope he could muster) that it wasn't even his feeling at all.
Unwillingly felt, unwantedly real. He couldn't deny it, not when he'd gone without anything for so long, but stars he tried!
This wasn't meant for him, wasn't wanted by him. And all it made him think was that deep-dark guilt that this leaked emotion would have been wonderful, if he could have shared it with Axel.
Axel...
He'd tried so hard, suffered so many frustrations when it all meant nothing in the end, when Roxas couldn't pretend those three words back.
And Roxas dealt so many blows of his darker, realer, subconcious. So many pains he wished he were alive enough to cry out.
Now all he did was cry.
Sob and scream inside his fortress (prison) that should have eaten him alive but hadn't.
It kept him there. Feeling for the first time. Letting and making him hurt in the thousand ways he'd almost imagined heartache would feel like, when you actually had a heart.
He saw through Sora's dreams, heard through Sora's thoughts. Hurt and ached those thousand ways when he felt and loved with Sora's heart.
And Riku...
Roxas hated him, because he had to love him.
He wanted him gone again, so Sora would't keep loving as easily as he breathed. As freely as he laughed now.
He couldn't stand him near, not with Sora's love hitting him like bullets, aimed straight for his (oh stars, did he really have a !-) heart.
But he couldn't make Sora make him leave.
No matter the whispers Roxas made into thoughts, no matter the memories he twisted into nightmares.
Sora had a heart of light, of forgiveness, of honesty - all for a boy who he loved with every inch of his soul, and Roxas hated it.
His soul screamed so many kinds of sorrow the day Sora shyly stole the lips he wanted.
Eagerly threw it out there, all or nothing, no matter what Roxas made him fear.
Brave, innoscent Sora.
Roxas would love to be able to hate either, instead he was made to love them both.
And Axel...
Roxas would bear it all if he got to see Axel one last time.
With a heart (Sora's heart) beating in his chest, he knew without a doubt he could tell Axel, 'I love you,'...
But now, all he could do was listen in agony laced with an adoration he didn't want, as Sora said it...
And had it said back...
(...)