Keeping Track Just To Show You Were Real
Journal Entry 1
I need to write down everything that happens now. I need to be able to look back on this and remember what I was feeling, so that when I see you again I can give you this journal to show you everything you missed about the village.
Journal Entry End 1
Journal Entry 3
I saw a picture of your family today. They're all so beautiful, they all look so happy except of course the oldest Uchiha son on the side with a smirk on his face. It always amazed me how much you and your brother looked alike. It was uncanny. When I looked at that picture I can see that for maybe a second you all were perfectly happy. Then everything was taken away. Your parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, your whole clan, and you saw it all.
What secrets lay behind your eyes I wonder? So much wisdom and intelligence, but you barely ever speak a word. Maybe things could've been different and you could've been happy and lived your life, the life you wanted. To be a powerful ninja, happy family, a smiling brother, and maybe even picnics in the parks with the whole clan. Things could've been so different if it weren't for that night.
I miss you…
Journal Entry End 3
Journal Entry 7
I walked passed your old compound today; it's a little run down. Hey, what if I fixed it up? Whenever I'm not at the hospital or on a mission? I could even get Naruto to help. Yea, I'll say it's a project I want to do to help around the village, that way he won't ask questions. I can have Naruto tear up the floors and put new wood in, and I could even get Sai to put in some new windows, then maybe I'll let him paint the frames. I could work out in the garden, plant new flowers and dig up the weeds. Yea I think I'll do that. I want you to come to something nice.
I miss you…
Journal Entry End 7
Journal Entry 12
I came back from a mission today. It wasn't anything special, just an escort mission, A-ranked. Some might say that's hard, but I've been on enough to be able to handle them with no problems.
I hope I'm making you proud by all the work I'm doing. I'm working very hard at the hospital and on the field, and of course on the compound. I don't want you to come back and think I didn't change from that 'Sasuke' fangirl. I would be morally disappointed in myself.
I still don't understand a lot of things, like way everything happened that night, the night of the massacre. I suppose I'll never fully understand, you're the only one who knows. I wish I could see you again. I'm trying very hard not to think about what could've been, and I'm thinking about what will happen. Like, you'll come home to me, we'll be like we used to when we were younger. You'll protect me from being called names, hah even though no one calls me names anymore, but still the point is I want that closeness
I love you
Journal Entry End 12
Journal Entry 19
Today was terrible. I can't believe everything that happened today. First I'm twenty minutes late to the hospital. Then after getting a scorching lecture from Tsunade, the emergency alert is going off re-questing Tsunade and I. I couldn't believe what happened. I was looking on the stretchers at who was lying there, and it was Neji Hyuuga. I mean, Neji of all people to get hurt on a mission is a rare sight, and even rarer to have him sent to the emergency. He was on a scouting mission with Lee and Tenten. Do you remember any of these people? Probably not.
I looked around and saw that Tenten and Lee were in the waiting room crying their eyes out. And the funny thing is, they weren't hurt at all, well not physically anyways. I asked them what happened, they told us they were ambushed my some Sound ninjas. Tenten couldn't take about the story anymore without falling apart. Lee told me that Neji fought off all the ninjas, and protected his teammates.
These Nins must've been something different. I wonder who they were.
After I healed Neji, I told him he had to stay here in the hospital for a month to a month in a half. He was pretty out of it from the morphine, but I knew he knew what I was saying. He didn't seem pleased with the results I gave him.
What are you doing tonight?
I love you.
Journal Entry End 19
Journal Entry 26
It's around 3:07 am right now. Probably wondering what I'm doing up so late? I just got off from the hospital at 2:50. I was supposed to get off at 1 but Neji's condition changed. It seems that one of the enemy ninjas attacked him with a weapon that had a poison on it. When I was leaving his monitoring starting flashing, he had a seizure. His body was moving faster then anything I've ever seen before, even you. His white eyes rolled to the top of his head, and his saliva starting coming out of his mouth, he lost control of his legs and started jerking them whichever way. I had to sedate him. When I took another sample of his blood, we found the poison. I can't believe they missed it.
Neji could be dead! He could be dead because of this little mistake! God! And Tenten! She would've fallen apart. I can't believe I let this happen! On my watch! I should've checked the blood sample myself. Especially since Neji is my comrade! I can't forgive myself for letting this happen!
How did I let this happen…?
I still miss you.
Journal Entry End 26
Journal Entry 33
Naruto woke me up at six this morning and I finally went to sleep at four. The idiot. He wanted me to go look at rings with him…so he could propose to Hinata. I have to admit, I was very, very angry when he first woke me up, but after his reason I let it slide.
The ring Naruto and I chose was gorgeous. Hinata will faint when he pulls out the ring, heck she'll probably faint when Naruto gets down on one knee. It's rather cute actually.
I remember when I used to think about you and me getting married. How you would get up early and go out a train, come home and have breakfast, take the kids to school, come home and spend time with me, pick the kids up from school, check to see if their were any missions you were needed on. God, I remember I used to think about that all the time. I'll let you in a little secret…I find myself still thinking about it sometimes, but then I quickly remember I shouldn't be thinking about you. It hurts a lot to think about you.
How…how could…never mind.
I miss you.
Journal Entry End 33
Journal Entry 51
I can't believe this! Tsunade has taken me off of missions! She says I'm becoming sloppy! How could she say that?! What is wrong with her?! God! What is wrong with everybody?! Everyone is looking at me differently, like they are giving me their pity! It couldn't be about you because they didn't know about us, they "us" even existed, but that was your idea too. To keep "us" a secret…
Were you that ashamed to be with me? Was I still so weak from when you saw me three years ago?! I don't remember you keeping "us" a secret when I spent one night with you after a mission. I don't remember you leaving me for you fight with your brother. I don't remember…no it's not that I don't remember, it's that I don't WANT to remember. If I allow myself to keep thinking about "us" I think I'll change into something else. It's tearing me apart.
And you're not even here to help me! I haven't seen you since the night we spent together. You've probably moved on, I mean you are an Uchiha, girls are probably swooning all over you, and they are all probably beautiful.
But still…how…how could you…
I still miss you.
Journal Entry End 51
Journal Entry 79
That's why it happened! How could you do that! How could you do that and leave?! God, I never wanted to believe the stories about you, but after the files I read, I couldn't believe it.
You should've said no! If you did you would be here with ME! Not out on you own, you'd be here with me! God, how could you do this to me?
I'll never forgive you. God, you've put me through so much pain, whenever I can finally stop thinking about you I'm ok, but then I think about you again. How can you do that? How can you keep popping into my head like that!
I just…
You betrayed EVERYONE! EVERYONE! Even me…
I don't think I can say I love you…
Journal Entry End 79
Journal Entry 103
As you can tell, my journal entries have been coming later and later. Well there is a simple explanation…
I'm trying not to write to you anymore. I've started taking up extra shifts at the hospital and accepting more missions, just so I don't have free time to write to you anymore.
At first this all started so I could let you know what you have been missing since you left. All the changes so that when you get back, you can understand how everything happened… but I have to realize after the years you've been gone, you're probably not coming back, you or your brother.
I want to hate you so much. You can't imagine it! I want to hate you with every fiber in my being, I want to find you and make you suffer the way I've suffered!
I loved you and you left.
I was your friend and you left.
I spent the night with you and you left.
I would've given you anything you asked for…but you still would've gone.
I told myself the reason I kept this journal was to show you what you'll be missing, the I found out the real reason why I kept it…was so I can remember that you really existed. That the Sakura I was existed with the Itachi you were. The people we become when we were with each other.
The woman I was so in love with you that she couldn't stand it. The man who you were…that would never let me out of your arms.
But I guess this is what time does to us…it makes us change
This will be my last journal entry, I can't write to you anymore. I have to let you go, if I don't I think I'll die.
Even though I want to hate you…I still find myself missing and loving you with all my heart.
Journal Entry End 103
Journal Entry Owner:
Sakura Haruno (Uchiha)
Written:(01-09-09)
~Renaissance