Trying my hand at my first Digimon fic, for the otp I've adored since 02 aired. Kenkari means so much to me, it was one of the things that brought me happiness at one of the worst times in my life. Sadly, because this is a rarepair, there's not very much content for it, so I've decided to create some myself. This story has been building up in my head for forever and Tri gave me the final boost I needed to write it. I only hope I can do it justice.

Thank you so much to everyone reading! 3

The light glimmers against the water, the bright silver light giving way to gold as the sun rises over Odaiba. The chosen children's gaze is still collectively fixed on the place where Ordinemon - no, Meicoomon - fell in pieces and black feathers, never to resurface.

Hikari is fairly certain it's Takeru's hand she can feel on her back, but she refuses to acknowledge him. She can't, not with the image of Devimon trying to kill HolyAngemon only moments earlier still seared into her mind. The thought that her weakness which led to all this nearly added to his trauma was unbearable.

You're the one who gave us the chance to destroy this world!

She hears Meiko weeping softly at the loss of her best friend and hugs Nyaromon a little tighter, who returns the gesture with an affectionate purr. The guilt twists sharply in her stomach at the reality that Tailmon was freed from Ordinemon and Meicoomon wasn't. While she won't be sorry for the relief that flooded over her when she'd finally been able to retrieve Tailmon from the water, Hikari can't help but to despair at the injustice of it all.

The lump in her throat grows when she sees Taichi go to Meiko's side instead of hers. She knows rationally that it isn't fair to be upset at this; after all, it was Meiko who was suffering the most right now and needs comforting. But she can't help but feel like Taichi is still dead; the brother she knew really has died, and their inseparable bond with him. This boy before her is a stranger she barely knows.

Takeru moves to face her, but Hikari only looks down at the sand. The tears she hadn't had the luxury of shedding during all the fighting began to form in her eyes. She knows what he's going to say; that it isn't her fault this happened, that she's been used, that everything is okay now. But it isn't, and she can feel her hard-won light once again slipping away. The lapping water against the sand is becoming unnerving, and she swears she can hear it growing louder. After all of this, maybe it was better for everyone if she really did just disappear. "Hikari-chan -"

You're the one!

"Don't," she whimpers, tears threatening to fall, her throat squeezing in pain from holding it all in. "Please."

Takeru goes quiet, dropping his hand, clenching it powerlessly at his side and gritting his teeth. He has always known how to reach her, has always been able to reach her, but ever since that moment in the digital world... her eyes, usually so full of light and mirth, were now darkened in a way he'd never seen before, not even when they were in the dark ocean. He looks over at Taichi, who shakes his head as if to say "let her be."

Picking herself up off the ground, Hikari doesn't even bother to wipe away the sand clinging to her knees and skirt from where she'd been kneeling, instead turning on her heel and taking off at a run.

Takeru once again reaches out for her, but this time Taichi grabs his arm, stopping him. "Taichi-san? Are you just going to let her go?!"

Get better soon.

Taichi stares in the direction of where his sister ran off until she's out of sight. He remembers the day he came home by himself from the digital world with Koromon, only to leave Hikari alone, her hand desperately clutching at his as he rose into the air. There's a dull, painful ache in his chest as he finally wrenches his gaze away. "She doesn't want to talk to me right now, or any of us. We have to let her heal from all of this. We'll just make it worse if we interfere."

We have to let her heal, or her cold will only get worse.

"But -"

This time it's Yamato who stops him, who looks pointedly over at Taichi while putting his hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Sometimes the only way you can understand each other is through conflict. It's something she has to figure out for herself. She'll be all right. Tailmon is with her."

Takeru still isn't convinced but doesn't argue further. All that's left to him is hope, and he prays that his best friend will make it out of this, and that he doesn't lose her to the waves for good.

…

After wandering for what feels like hours, Hikari collapses on a bench, her legs giving out, lungs burning after giving into the hard cough that bubbles up. Her skin is still cold from being wet, and she shivers, hugging a worried Nyaromon to her chest. The building behind her is visibly cracked and destroyed from Ordinemon's rampage, and Hikari has to fight the urge to break down.

"Hikari, please don't push yourself so hard. You'll get sick again!"

Onii-chan, I'm sorry I didn't kick the ball very well.

Struggling to catch her breath, Hikari gives her partner a small smile, her face flushing with a low-grade fever. She pets her green fur reassuringly, despite the blush on her cheeks that betrays her physical state. Hikari couldn't let her worry in pain, not after everything she'd been put through. "It's fine. I'm just a little tired. We haven't had very much rest the past few days."

Despite her best efforts to appear unshaken, Hikari continues to cough, and Nyaromon begins to headbutt her forcefully, not having it. "Hikari, you're not okay! I know something's wrong! Please just go to the hospital! You're scaring me! I don't want to lose you again!"

This sobers Hikari immediately, her frail smile faltering. With one hand she continues to cradle Nyaromon, and the other clutches at her skirt, her fingers straining at the fabric. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

"Hikari..." Nyaromon whispers. She knows better than to tell Hikari what happened wasn't her doing; not only would it not make her partner feel better, it was liable to make her blame herself more. So instead she settles for making sure Hikari takes care of herself physically. "Please at least get yourself checked out. There's a hospital right over there," she mumbles, trying not to fall asleep and failing, energy wearing thin, the stress of the Ordinemon incident having sapped all of her strength.

Hikari turns to look across the street at where Nyaromon is referring to. It's the same place she'd woken up in after Homeostasis took control of her and had found Himekawa waiting for her. She didn't particularly feel like dealing with anyone right now, especially not wanting to bother the doctors during an emergency, but she also doesn't want to cause Nyaromon any further pain or worry. She's about to go in when she feels a buzzing in her skirt pocket; it's a text from her brother. An uncontrollable part of her is hopeful that maybe he'll say something and everything will go back to the way it was and they'll be happy and get through it as usual. But her heart falls when it only says, "Miyako and the others are in the hospital if you want to see them."

Of course, she wants to see them, but it still hurts that's all he has to say to her. Flipping her phone shut more roughly than she means to, she walks through the automatic glass doors and over to the information desk, where nurses and doctors are rushing past. "Can I help you?" the woman asks, and Hikari is flustered and taken aback at her harsh, rushed tone.

"Yes... I'm looking for some friends of mine who were hurt in the attack... I was wondering if you could tell me where they are?"

The nurse asks her for a name, but Hikari hesitates. Throughout everything that's happened, they had only given their friends a passing thought and had too easily accepted Himekawa's insistence they were fine. She badly wants to know they're okay, but at the same time, she isn't sure she's ready to face them.

She could go see Daisuke, who would likely be the same as Takeru, trying to cheer her up and not allowing her to blame herself, when he was the one sitting in a hospital bed, hurt. She could see Miyako, who'd once rescued her from the darkness and had become like a sister to her, only to stumble on her words because she'd let the other girl down by giving into the darkness again. How could she possibly look them in the eyes?

"Uhm, actually, I think I'll come back later. I think they might still be in surgery, I - I'm early," she lies, hastily backing away from the desk before the nurse can respond. "Thank you for your help!" Hikari shouts before rushing back down the hallway.

But before she can make it to the elevator, Hikari finds herself tripping and falling on the crutch of a boy in front of her. Their foreheads smack into each other, and Hikari yelps, nearly colliding with the ground and almost dropping Nyaromon who is miraculously still in a deep sleep. But before she can fall completely, the boy's hand shoots out and grabs her wrist, keeping her clumsily upright, while the crutch crashes to the ground with a loud, metallic clatter. She blushes and squeezes her eyes shut, embarrassed.

"Please excuse me! I'm so sorry -" she begins, panicking, but stares in shock when she finally opens her eyes to see her unwitting victim.

It's an honor to meet you. The one who refused Homeostasis' prophecy and cornered their own brother!

"I – Ichijouji-kun," she says breathlessly, her face turning pale. Last time she'd seen his face, it had been the darkened Gennai using his form. She swallows hard, nausea creeping up her throat in acidic ripples, her breath coming out in shallow, trembling gasps.

The ill-omened goddess, summoner of destruction!

Hikari tries to shake it off; it isn't the real Ken at that moment, she has to remind herself. He'd just startled her, that's all. She hadn't expected any of them to be awake yet, much less out of bed, but she supposed Ken would come to faster than the others because of the abilities of his dark spore.

"Hikari-san," he asks, concerned at her wide, terrified eyes, pale face and soaked clothes, her body trembling uncontrollably. "Are you all right?"

She stands there, frozen, feeling foolish that he's worried about her when he looks like he does. His forehead is wrapped in bandages, his skin is covered in scrapes and bruises, his usually vibrant blue eyes dull and lined with dark circles. His long, black hair is matted with blood and dirt, and he's favoring his right leg, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Guilt twists in her stomach.

"I..." she begins, but swallows the words instead. Anything she said right now would be meaningless platitudes. She's never talked to Ken alone before, the most they'd ever spoken was in the dark ocean under the least pleasant of circumstances, and even then, Miyako was there. What can she say?

That she almost got her partner permanently killed and inflicted unimaginable suffering on her? That she'd become so weak that she'd dark evolved her? That she had to watch her brother die in front of her and almost destroyed not one, but two worlds because of it?

Collapsing under the weight of her despair, Hikari can no longer hold her grief at bay and lets out a strangled sob, tears running down her cheeks, and wetting Nyaromon's bright green fur. She buries her face in her free arm, her sobs growing louder, fully expecting the ocean to sweep her away at any moment, the whispers of darkness getting louder, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. She can't muster up care at how she must look; she only wishes still to disappear. Maybe then, none of this would've happened. She's about to leave when she feels an arm come around her, pulling her close. Her eyes widen and her head snaps up when Ken wraps the blanket around her and pulls her into an embrace.

Ken sets his other crutch carefully on the chair, wrapping both arms around her, softening. Whatever happened that caused her this much pain was really bad, but he doesn't pry. Her tears are disconcerting to him; he doesn't know her well, but he's always admired her from afar, ever since that day they'd been lost in the forest and she'd come for him, stood with him and supported him. He'd never been able to tell her so, but he'd come to see her as a kindred spirit of sorts. He doesn't know how or why, but he knows she suffers from the same darkness he does; but she never gives in, even when she wants to. She's so strong, and she has no idea. He'd give anything to be that strong.

As long as we want to go back, and someone wants us back, we'll be able to get out of this world.

"It's okay, you can cry. It can't reach you here. You're safe."

Stunned, Hikari stands motionless, eyes still wide as she carefully absorbs Ken's words. His voice was soft and kind and calming, one hand laid gently on her back, the other on her hair. The tension drains out of her, her eyes fluttering shut in gratitude. Tears begin falling even harder, while her free hand clutches desperately at Ken's pajama shirt. He simply holds her, and she's silently grateful that he doesn't push her into saying anything.

They stand like this for several minutes, Hikari spilling her sorrow onto Ken's shoulder. The bright light from the morning sun bathes them in gold, the tall windows in the hallway allowing for their illumination. His warmth, Nyaromon's warmth, and the sun's warmth have a calming effect and her cries fade into quiet. "Thank you," she murmurs into his shirt. "I really needed that..."

Eventually, she pulls away, rubbing at her face with the back of her hand. Her face dawns a small, sheepish smile when she sees how much she'd wet his clothes with her tears and soaked uniform. "I'm so sorry, I can get you new clothes -"

Ken shakes his head, smiling back in kind to reassure her. "It's fine, it'll dry. Mama is here too, she brought stuff from home I can wear."

Bending down to pick up his dropped crutch, Hikari hands it to him before tucking a stray tuft of hair behind her ear. "Uhm... did you want some company? I don't really feel like going home... I can't be around him right now," she trailed off, shifting on her feet uncomfortably, fighting to keep her positive feelings.

Ken tilts his head, blinking at her in surprise. "Taichi-san?"

Hikari looks out the window absently. "Yeah... things aren't really great with us right now. I feel like I don't even know him anymore."

My brother hates me because I'm not a good boy. Because I'm the worst kind of person.

Ken goes silent, humming in understanding. He remembers translucent colorful bubbles dancing on the breeze, his big brother beaming proudly next to him. It's something only he can do, Osamu can't, his bubbles burst because he's unkind to them. The glass full of soapy water becomes a digivice in his hand, and in the next moment it's on the floor, his hand stinging in pain, soapy bubble water spilled all over the ground, his heart struggling to reconcile his seemingly two different brothers in his mind. "I know the feeling."

Hikari turns back in surprise, remembering the image of Ken's brother in the picture frame on his desk. With the quiet way Ken had regarded him, she wouldn't have guessed. "You and your brother also?"

Ken nods, picking up his other crutch from the chair, wincing from the effort. Hikari is startled, jumping forward to lend him support before he falls. He grips her arm gratefully. "Maybe you should rest, you don't seem well enough yet," she says, voice tinged with worry.

"No, it's all right. I promised Leafmon and Chibimon a crepe. They're pretty restless, and if I don't feed them, Chibimon might turn into a zombie eat us instead," he jokes, but winces when Hikari looks at the ground miserably; the scar of Ordinemon still too new. Ken clears his throat, trying to change the subject, though he doesn't know what he said wrong. "Sorry. I've been around Daisuke too long."

This elicits a giggle from Hikari, and Ken is relieved to see her happier, even if only briefly. Wiping at her eyes again, Hikari looked past him down the hall, worry crept into her eyes. "Daisuke-kun... Miyako-chan...Iori-kun...are they all right? What happened?"

Ken nodded, face turning serious. "We should talk somewhere private."

Uneasy, Hikari follows Ken to a large waiting area, procuring several strawberry crepes from the vending machine there. He went to pick them up, but before he could, Hikari reached for them, saving him the effort. "You don't have to do everything yourself you know, I can help you," she says, half teasing, half serious while she holds the pastries up. When he doesn't respond at all, dread settles into a knot in her stomach.

He leads her outside into the garden, a peaceful quiet spot, a bench overlooking a lily pond. The silence between them is palpable, the lapping of the pond fountain making them subconsciously huddle together. Whatever he has to say is clearly painful, and Hikari returns his kindness in not pushing him to talk about it. There's only one thing she's ever seen him this disturbed by, and she can't imagine the amount of pain he's in. She feels him begin to tremble against her, so she takes his hand in her own. "Whatever happened, you're not alone anymore. We're not going to leave you."

Ken looks over at her in shock, blinking wide-eyed. He doesn't move away, instead holding her in return, grateful for the warmth of her touch. Her gesture of support finally gives him the courage to relive the hell of the past few days. "We were contacted by Gennai-san a few days ago, and he informed us that we needed to come to the digital world immediately, that it was an emergency. There were distortions appearing in the digital world and we needed to prevent it before they swallowed the real world."

Looking up at the sky, Ken swallows hard, the breeze gently tousling his black hair, his grip on her hand tightening with the flood of memories. "But it was a trap. When we got there, we were confronted by a man that looked like Gennai, but he was dressed in all black and had clearly gone rogue. That's when he offered me the choice."

At this, Hikari set Nyaromon gently in her lap, wrapping her other arm around his chest and shoulders, feeling him take a sharp, jagged breath. "He told me... I could offer myself, and return to being the Kaiser, and I would rule over Ygdrasil's new world and have control of Libra, because I have the spore inside me, and because deep down I was still one of them. Why would I go on protecting the world, when it had never offered me anything but pain and loss, and would again? He told me the others would be spared. He told me it didn't matter if I refused. Whether I wanted it or not, I would be helping to bring the world back to darkness, so I might as well give in. When I refused again..."

Horrified, Hikari wanted to cry for her friend. Not only had the enemy dug up the trauma Ken had worked so hard to recover and redeem himself from, but he'd done it just for the sake of being cruel – there was no way any of them would have been spared. And to top it off, he'd tried to force Ken into a situation of hurting everyone again, just like he'd done to Meicoomon.

"Daisuke and Miyako were angry and told him off. We jogressed, but that was exactly what he wanted. The infection spread, and he gained control of Imperialdramon. He got Aquilamon and Ankylomon too. Without you and Takeru-san, we were helpless, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway, the infection spread too fast."

Burying her face in his shoulder, Hikari is lost for words. She feels awful and runs a what if list in her head about all the things they should have done instead of leaving their friends to suffer. Of course, they hadn't meant to but... it was hard not to think of all the things they could have and should have done differently. Would Meicoomon still be alive? Would her relationship with her brother not have been destroyed? Would their friends have not ended up in the hospital on the verge of death? He doesn't mean to hurt her, but hearing it out loud is like a knife to the heart.

"He stole our partners and then... the last thing I remember is Alphamon's attack and Gennai's laugh before waking up here."

Hikari drops her arm, though she still grips his hand with a protective solidarity. She has no idea what to say, but she won't let him hurt alone. So she says the only thing she can think to at a time like this.

We can't erase our past, but we can get over it.

"I'm really proud of you, for not letting him win. You've come so far, and you deserve to be happy."

A blush lights up his face, and he manages a smile to himself. Somehow, no matter what precarious situation they're in, she always makes him feel better.

"I wish I were as strong as you."

Ken's head snaps up at her admission, her echo of his earlier thoughts paralyzing him. "What are you talking about? You're the strongest person I know!"

Hikari's hair falls in her face, casting it in shadow, her eyes squeezing shut to fight back another wave of tears. She pulls the blanket tightly around her, as if trying to shield herself from an enemy she can't see.

"Ichijouji-kun... when you were..." she trailed off, swallowing the words mid-sentence.

She so badly needs to ask him, but can't quite bring herself to do it. What she needs to ask would only open his wounds further, and it was wildly inappropriate given that this was the most intimate they'd ever been. She doesn't feel she has the right.

"I... I dark evolved Tailmon," she whimpers, burying her face in her hands.