A/N: Wheee! Another random oneshot by moi. Reviews make the Review Monster happy. (Review Monster being me.) I'm like the cookie monster, except for reviews. Feed the monster…
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, blah blah blah.
Zelos had been content standing alone, staring off into space. Then a certain red-clad swordsman had for some reason felt the need to come up and stand next to him. The next words out of his mouth were not ones he'd've expected to hear.
"Hey Zelos. Who would win in a fight, the Professor or Colette?
"Kratos."
"That's not an option."
"Hmm…then I'd have to say Colette."
"Are you kidding? The Professor could kick her butt."
"No way, Lloyd. She doesn't even have any attack spells."
"Other than Ray and Photon, you mean."
"Yeah, well…Colette has Judgment. Photon doesn't even begin to compare to that."
"Yeah, but the Professor doesn't need spells to kick people's butts. You should have seen her in Asgard. It was scary."
"Maybe. But she's not exactly an up front fighter, you know."
"Whatever."
They fell silent for a moment.
"Me or Sheena?" Zelos asked finally.
"Huh?"
"Who would win? Me or Sheena?"
"Sheena. Hands down."
"You could have at least thought about it."
"I didn't have to. She's terrifying when she's mad. That's why I'm smart enough to not piss her off."
"Yeah. It's like the one smart thing you've ever done."
"Hey!"
"I think I'd win."
Lloyd looked amused at that. "Oh yeah? Why?"
"Well, look at our weapons. Me: sword. Her: pieces of paper."
"Yeah, but they're pieces of paper with charms on them."
"Pictures."
"They're called charms."
"I'd still win. Besides, I can heal."
"Not when she's summoning or Pyre Sealing you. Besides, how many times has she beat the crap out of you?"
"Hmph."
Another silence.
"Okay, then, the brat or Raine?"
"Genis. He'd Indignation her right away. She'd be fried."
"But he might not be able to concentrate if she's smacking the crap out of him."
"Yeah, but Genis has a lot of concentration. He can even concentrate on homework!"
"Bud, that's just sad."
"Shut up. It's even, okay?"
"Okay, fine."
They turned to study the rest of the group.
"Regal or Presea?" Lloyd asked.
"Even."
"That's anticlimactic."
"Who cares? Me or Kratos?"
"Dad," Lloyd said immediately. "There's no way you'd survive three seconds with him."
"I have most of the same skills as him!"
"Yeah, except for Judgment and…"
"Okay, okay. Then…you or me?"
"Me. Duh."
"What! No way! I'd win! You'd never be able to win against me super sexy attacks!"
"What super sexy attacks? Besides, a Sword Rain or two, and you'd be—"
"I can heal!"
"But it's hard to heal when you're getting stabbed to death!"
"I have agility!"
"You're slow. I'd slaughter you."
"Would not!"
"Would too!"
"Would not!"
"Would too!"
"Would not!"
"Would too!"
"Would—"
"LLOYD! ZELOS!" Raine snarled. "DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK?"
"Uh oh."
"Raine!" Zelos called. "We're having a very meaningful conversation here!"
Sheena burst out laughing. "You guys? Don't make me laugh!"
"Lloyd!" Raine snapped. "How did the Ancient War start?"
"I…uh…um…uh…"
"No one knows," Presea stated coolly.
"Correct."
"Hey, no fair. That was a trick question."
"Next question, Lloyd. Are you ready? I hope you've been studying."
"Uhh…"
"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN!"
Lloyd slinked off towards the Professor and sat down, defeated.
"ZELOS! YOU TOO!"
"What? But I—"
"NOW!!"
Zelos sat.
"Who would win in a fight?" Lloyd muttered. "Kratos or the Professor?"
"Bud, Raine beats everyone."
"STOP TALKING AND STUDY!"
"Yeah," Lloyd agreed after a moment. "You're right."