Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead.
A/N: Requested by the awesome deedouble17 at Tumblr:
Rick and Michonne are married and have added kids to the Grimes family but there's always that lingering crazy in Rick that Michonne has to keep check of from time to time.
I didn't want to go deep into all-out crazy Rick but wanted to show how sometimes when someone has their mental health issues under control, there are small triggers that can cause certain things to resurface.
"You're twenty-five minutes late," Rick said in an irritated tone as Michonne and the children came through the door.
"What was takin' so long? I was goin' crazy here wonderin' if you and the kids were okay."
"Well, hello to you too, sweetheart," Michonne offered sarcastically.
Rick got up from where he was sitting on the sofa and took Serenity from her mother's arms while Nelson ran in and hugged Rick around the legs. He kissed his daughter then handed her back to Michonne before scooping his son up and swinging him around. Judith tried to get past Rick while carrying a small bag of supplies, but Rick caught her in his grasp and kissed the top of her head.
"Daddy, it's okay. We're home now," she said softly; vaguely recognizing the frantic look that sometimes came over her father.
Rick ruffled her hair and then kissed his wife's cheek before he offered an apologetic smile.
Michonne placed the baby down in her portable crib and turned to face Rick.
"Sorry," he whispered as he moved closer to her. "Sometimes my mind just goes into overdrive with worry."
"I know, you don't have to stress whenever we're a little late; and you know I don't like it when you time me, Rick. It's domineering. We're a team, remember?"
Rick nodded.
"Sorry," he said once more. "You're right; we are a team."
They had been living in the Alexandria Safe-Zone for around five years; Rick and Michonne had been together for the majority of that time and married for three years. They had found safety, a second chance and, after a rocky start with those who would try to hurt them and Rick's mental health issues, they were finally where they wanted to be and what they wanted to be; a solid family unit in a relatively safe place.
Though Rick's mind was now much more stable than it had been for some time, he occasionally relapsed and became manic, erratic and irrational. The relapses mainly occurred when he was feeling inadequate at protecting his family; if the community sustained a loss, Rick went into overprotective mode of his immediate family, and it was then difficult to reason with him as the paranoia set in.
The only person, it seemed, who could talk Rick down and get him to a calm state was Michonne. When she had told him, "I'm still with you", all those years ago, she meant it wholeheartedly. She stayed with him at the height of his insanity; she never judged him or shied away. Michonne always faced any problems head on, and what was going on with Rick was no different. She understood him at a deeper level and was always patient with him where appropriate. She was, however, not above kicking his ass if the need did arise and Rick appreciated her either way.
One of the residents of the Safe-Zone had been attacked by a stray walker that had breached the perimeter less than a week ago, and Rick was not letting Michonne and the children out of his sight; it was not that he did not trust in her to protect them, but he was thinking irrationally. He had the practically under house arrest.
It had actually taken a lot for Rick to accept the fact that Michonne was pregnant to him in the first place; his tortured mind kept reliving how he had lost Lori. He did not think he could do that again. Then, once he considered how dangerous their world was and how Michonne had lost André and how he felt when he thought he had lost Judith, he worried himself sick thinking about the safety of their unborn child. After their son was born, he was somewhat better; and then their daughter came along and the same old feelings came back. He was though, with Michonne's support, dealing with keeping things under control. For now, having control of his microcosm of a world which his family represented made him feel like his life was in order and the chaos stayed away.
Presently, Michonne had convinced him to let them go to the community pantry to get some items of food that they needed as both she and the children were feeling somewhat smothered. Michonne agreed that they should remain indoors until the damaged area of the wall was repaired where the walker had gained entry, but that had occurred two days prior and Rick had still been insistent on them remaining in the safety of the Grimes family home. He was not even allowing the kids to go out into their back yard to play. The children were becoming fidgety and so was Michonne; she told Rick to relax and read a book for a while until she, Judith, Nelson and baby Serenity returned with what they needed; she said they would only take a half hour as they would visit with Carl at his place while they were out. He hesitantly agreed to let them out of the house, but was keeping an eye on the time.
Now, he felt the weight of concern lift from his shoulders as his wife and children returned. He locked the front door and followed Michonne into the kitchen. She looked at him, taking in his features; the visible concern was etched across his face; she could tell he really had been trying to keep it together. Being the leader everyone looks to as well as a father of four at the end of the world is no easy feat.
"You okay?" she asked, worried that he was feeling 'under the weather'.
"Yeah, just tired," he answered without looking at her.
"Hey," she said as she stopped packing items away and stepped towards Rick. "Talk to me if you need to."
She then wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. Rick gripped her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm just thinkin' about everyone we've lost…"
"Rick…"
"No, it's okay. I'm okay; sometimes I just feel so guilty about us being here and bein' able to live. I know it's unreasonable and there's nothin' I can do; but still, when I get worked up over worryin' about you and the kids, it's like a gateway is opened to all the shit that plays on my mind and everything just comes back to me. What do they say, when it rains it pours?"
Michonne rubbed his arm and kissed his cheek.
"And I'm so tired," Rick said sadly.
Michonne felt a lump form in her throat.
"I'm sorry it gets hard for you," she whispered. "But we have to live our lives, Rick. We have to be resilient and push on. If not for ourselves, then for the kids."
"Yeah, I know," he replied. "And I will."
…..
That night as the darkness descended over the earth, a different kind of darkness enveloped Rick's mind while he slept; violent nightmares ripped through his psyche. The screams of those who had been lost to him tore through his dreams; the faces of people he would never again lay eyes upon, twisting in agony and fear, flashed vividly in his mind's eye. He then saw Michonne and she looked afraid; she was being torn apart just like everyone else he had known. She was covered in blood and her cries pierced his very soul.
He woke from the bad dream with sweat drenching his shaken body; gasping for air and reaching for Michonne. She had been listening to him mumbling the names of those who were long gone and she heard him call for her; she had tried to remain steady even though his body jerked violently while he tossed and turned. His hand found hers and she then drew him nearer; she rested his head on her breast as she stroked his damp hair comfortingly. Rick's breathing slowed as he listened to her heartbeat.
She is alive, he thought; I can feel her and hear her and she is real. She is with me.
They lay in silence until Rick could collect his thoughts and slow his pulse; Michonne knew he would need some time to settle his nerves after his sleep had been invaded by horrors. She had been there with him before and she was still with him now.
A/N: Was going to be a one-shot but I'm going to explore this further; sorry it's a bit dark.
More to come!