Everytime
by karguo
Author's note/Disclaimers: Once upon a time, I wrote Xena fan fiction… well mostly uber-Xena fan fiction for those who understand what that means. A combination of real life and the way Xena ended kinda made me lose all the stories in my head.
However, in the past year or so, I've started getting more involved in the storyline that is Brittana on Glee and so have decided to re-work some of my old stories to fit and hopefully reach a new bunch of fellow fans of Brittana. Hopefully, this will also enable me to regain some of the stories what were in my head before.
Story is mine but I was inspired by the song of the same name by A1 (as well as another song called Fool Again by Westlife). I mean no copyright infringement. Also, same sex relationship/s alert. It's all very mild, no hint of R anywhere but if that ain't your cup of tea, don't drink it.
I don't own Glee or any of the characters on that show. If I do… there'll be a heck lot more of Brittana.
There will be a companion piece to this story that just needs a bit of re-editing and will be posted soon.
Fade in:
"Boss?" the young woman stood in front of her boss who was looked to be staring into deep space. She reached out a tentative hand, hating to have to disturb her employer but having no other choice. Her boss, the world famous singer-turned-director, Santana Lopez, had three important meetings today, the first of which was scheduled to begin in 10 minutes.
"Santana?" the executive assistant tried again to no avail. Even a gentle nudge on Santana's shoulder could not break the trance that the director was in. She sighed as she turned to leave the room, she'll just have to push those meetings back.
"I'm okay, Sugar," Santana was finally ready to face yet another day full of meetings in preparations for her now widely anticipated and expected biennial blockbuster movie, "What do I have on my schedule today?" she swung her high-backed leather chair from the great view of the city her window afforded her.
"Right, Darren and Jess are waiting in conference room one with the latest rewrites. I've scheduled Sam, your DOP for this movie, for after lunch. And your day will wrap up with a pre-production meeting with Quinn representing the studio and Angela. Blaine wants a short meeting with you whenever you think is most convenient, he did say it's pretty urgent. Your press hound, oops, sorry… press agent, Kurt, would also like a word with you. I think it's um…" Sugar finally took a breath at this point as she glanced up from her PDA at her raven-haired boss.
Whose eyebrow had gone up a notch at her assistant's uncharacteristic stumble. Sugar gave a sheepish grin as she continued in one big breath, "I think it has to do with today's news that ."
Santana's breath caught, as always, whenever any mention of her ex-lover was made, but she willed her voice to remain even, "What does Brittany's break up have got to do with me? After all, we broke up almost five years ago." Santana swivelled her chair back to face the window, not noticing the shrug Sugar had given her in reply.
"Guess I'll be having lunch with both of them today then, Sugar... lucky for me they'll love that a lot. Make the arrangements, will ya? And tell Darren and Jess to go through my latest revisions first, I'll be a while more."
"Sure thing, boss." Sugar replied, leaving quietly and closing the door behind her.
Santana Lopez had stunned the entertainment world almost five years ago when she announced her retirement from performing at the age of 26. She was at the peak of her popularity, at the very height of her success. But she was tired. Tired of the almost constant touring and fending off the constant temptations that came along with life on the road.
She was wrong though as temptations came in all shapes and forms and could be found any and everywhere. She had prided herself for never truly succumbing to any of the temptations that came her way via the form of all the various groupies that she encountered everywhere she went. She came very close once but Brittany was there to break things up before it went too far.
Brittany… the reason Santana had never needed anyone else was because she was in love with Brittany S. Pierce. The tall, willowy blonde with striking blue eyes and her had been together officially since high school but Santana had been in love with Brittany for most of her life.
Brittany had been with her through Santana's seemingly meteoric rise to fame, which made it all the sweeter for Santana. Brittany had been happy staying in the background at the start, choosing to choreograph any dance that the singer did and dancing in them as and when needed. But Brittany's natural talent and beauty could not remain in the background for very long, especially since Santana never hid their relationship with one another right from the start. The blonde started getting her own dancing and acting offers from everyone.
Santana could not have been happier for her lover. But Brittany's increasing fame led to all sorts of complications in their lives. One of which was, without her angel on the road with her, Santana could feel herself starting to develop a wandering eye much to her own dismay. But all that, Santana thought, would come to an end when she announced her retirement from the stage. Besides, she always wanted to be a director and tell others what to do, she reasoned to herself.
Unfortunately, on the set of her hard-fought directorial debut (and more than a little angry that Brittany had chosen to star in another movie), she caved in to the charming wiles of a supermodel whom she had cast as an extra. They were caught red-handed by none other than Quinn Fabray, who had decided to go by the set for a visit in her new role as a studio executive. Faced with the prospect of Brittany finding out from Quinn, Santana came clean.
The very next day, a tearful Brittany packed up and left. Unable to accept that she had been made a fool again. Santana understood why and watched as the other half of her life walked out. By the end of that week, Santana too had left, their house had become too painful a reminder for her to stay.
That was more than four years ago and in that time, Santana had firmly established herself in her new chosen career of directing and producing. She rarely gave any more interviews, and the few interviews that she granted were all about her movies and never about her personal life.
Brittany too, had excelled in the field of acting, winning accolades galore. News about her personal life though, were more forthcoming and her breakup with Jennifer Torres, a petite Latina golf player with long dark hair was openly her sixth in three years. The press were fixated with the fact that all of Brittany's girlfriends so far have been shorter than her with long dark hair and most had been Hispanic as well. Exactly the description of one almost reclusive former singer, now big-shot director. It was no wonder the press were eager for any sort of statement from Santana.
"Santana, do you want me to release a statement to the press?" the question drifted into Santana's unconscious thoughts and she finally acknowledged her press agent.
"No, no. There's no need for me to make any statements." She told her perpetually unfazed long-time press agent, Kurt, who would not have guessed that when he took on this role as Santana was beginning her rise to stardom that he would have to spend the best part of the last five years being essentially Santana's sole link to the mainstream press.
While Kurt handled Santana's press issues, Blaine handled pretty much everything else involving Santana. The two agents (and still lovers) along with their prized client were having lunch in Santana's massive private office. Santana hardly ever went anywhere else besides her new production offices and her new mansion. Especially now since studio executives would now come to her instead of her going to them begging for them to invest in her movies.
"Santana… I just got news that Brittany will be attending the benefit next month. The one where you've already promised to attend? Do you want me to cancel?" Blaine wanted to be sure.
The director frowned. Ever since their break up, Santana had avoided seeing Brittany anywhere, going so far as to decline invitations to any awards ceremonies that Brittany would be attending, like the Oscars, etc. Even the year when she was nominated because she didn't think she could bear to see the love of her life in the arms of another woman. And besides, she was still too ashamed of her actions to be able to see the blonde beauty face-to-face. Sighing deeply she said, "No, I can't cancel that. I gave Holly my word that I would make it." Pausing for a moment, she continued, "Besides, it's been almost five years… well, it would be five by the time the benefit rolls along, I'm sure… it'd be okay."
The two agents said nothing as Blaine noted that onto his calendar. "I'll make sure the two of you are seated in different tables, though knowing Holly, she might want to put the two of you together…" Holly Atwood was one of the last remaining old-style Hollywood icon who was one of the first to embrace Santana and Santana's relationship with Brittany right from the start, giving them an opening and a sense of legitimacy to the otherwise rather closed off society that is Hollywood.
Santana shook her head slightly, "I know you guys still think Brittany and I would get back together eventually, but…"
"You never fought to win her back, Santana…" Kurt's tone held a slight chiding tone as always when on the topic.
Santana lifted one hand to stop Kurt's predictable tirade, "I've heard it all before Kurt. I cheated. She left. End of story."
"Is it? Tell me you don't miss her… no, tell me you don't love her anymore and I'll lay off this topic." The press agent was relentless.
"I… I can't…" Santana whispered back, "Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. Every time I cry, I see her smile. And that will never change. But it also doesn't change the fact that I screwed up."
Blaine spoke up, "Then seek her forgiveness. Don't run away or avoid her any more. You may find out that she still cares a lot about you."
"Why would she? And how would you know?" Santana never dared to entertain such thoughts.
"Because every time I attend one of the many functions you avoid, she would ask me about you. And every time I tell her that you weren't going to show, I swear her eyes would look so down and dejected." The agent explained.
"Yeah," Kurt had made her way to Santana's side, placing one hand on her shoulder, "same for me. Every time I bump into Brittany in some fancy restaurant or function, she would ask me about you as well. So, please, make use of the benefit and just talk to her. Ask her for her forgiveness."
Santana lapsed into a thoughtful silence.
The day of the benefit drew near. Santana was being shown several suits that the various designing houses wanted her to wear. But she was more interested in what was on the huge, flat-screen TV in her office with one of the daily afternoon talkshows. What interested her was the fact that Brittany was going to be interviewed regarding her latest film today. Though she avoided the blonde in all face-to-face encounters, Santana could never stop watching her angel charm all the hosts that had her on their shows. Be it late night or daytime, or even the radio.
Her attention was being increasingly distracted as Brittany's appearance neared, Sugar discretely shooed the representatives from the designers out of the office before quietly closing the door behind her, leaving her boss to watch the interview in peace.
The interview began with the usual, run-of-the-mill, ie boring, questions for the first five minutes before the host asked Brittany (who looked as lovely as ever) this, "Your former lover, Santana Lopez, will be casting for her next movie shortly, rumours are that you are on top of the studios list for the starring role in it. How do you feel about that?"
For the first time Brittany looked slightly flustered but recovered very quickly. She chuckled, "I remember a time when the studios had control over Santana's movies but they don't have any say in that now. So, it wouldn't be up to the studios to tell Santana what to do… and 'sides, I think she's done very well on her own, making her own decisions, hasn't she?"
"Yes, yes she has. But what a dream combination that would be!"
Brittany shrugged slightly, "I don't think we'd ever know…" her tone was so low that Santana had to strain her ears to listen to her reply. There was a short uncomfortable silence as Brittany's reluctance to answer any more similar questions shone through and the host tried to adapt as quickly as she could.
"So, what happened between you and Jennifer Torres?"
"She isn't who my heart misses." Brittany answered simply, "There's only one my heart needs and longs for… Jennifer Torres isn't the one." At the last sentence, Brittany looked straight into the camera, sparkling blue eyes seemingly right into her former lover's heart. Santana swallowed hard and quickly tuned out the rest of the show where the host was busy thanking Brittany for her appearance.
Santana stood up and paced to the large window that made up almost one entire wall of her office. She stared at the general direction where she knew the talkshow was being filmed. Silence reigned for long moments before she took her mobile phone out and dialled a number from memory.
"Holly, it's Santana. How would you like a surprise segment for your benefit?"
It was the night of the benefit. Santana was restless, no one knew of what she had planned, except for Holly. She had not even told her agents, both of whom were accompanying her to the benefit. She had asked Kurt to pick her an outfit from what the designing houses had sent over for her and her always fashionable agent's choice was a very smart, gunmetal gray, double-breasted suit.
"Santana? The limo's waiting outside…" Kurt was the one elected to get Santana. The director nodded absently, straightening her already neatly pressed suit, she took a deep breath and readied herself for what was to her an abyss.
The limo ride was a blur. So was the obligatory red carpet outside the huge tent where the benefit was to be held. Santana smiled automatically and shook whosever hands that were shoved in front of her to shake. She avoided the microphones as was now her custom, leaving them for Kurt and Blaine to deal with.
Her insides were shaking as she entered the tent, almost immediately spotting her ex-lover standing in the middle of a rather big group of their old friends as well as her current acting peers, laughing and sipping on a wine glass. Just like Brittany to command the centre of attention at any party, Santana thought fondly.
"Why don't you go over there?" Kurt urged his old friend whose eyes held a most tender and longing look. To stress his point, the press agent gently nudged Santana closer to Brittany, all the while willing that the blonde actress would look up.
Santana resisted the urge. She had a plan and she was going to follow it. She shook her head violently, "No." she said, rather harshly, "Kurt, don't."
The press agent lifted both his hands in the air, rolling his eyes at the same time while Santana quickly escaped to the opposite direction where Brittany and her present company were in. Kurt looked at Blaine, and then across to Quinn, Puck, Tina and Mike who were amongst the group near Brittany in resignation. All he got were identical shrugs from the quartet.
Sighing, Kurt turned to glance at Brittany and found himself caught by the eyes of his other old friend. Blue eyes that showed deep regret and sadness. I'll talk to her, Kurt mouthed to the actress. Brittany nodded once before concentrating back on the various conversations going on around her.
Santana and Brittany were to be seated at different tables for the dinner after all, much to the disappointment of the various 'conspirators'. Quinn and Puck were studio executives, while Tina and Mike were Brittany's assistants/managers. Tina, in particular, thought she had confirmed with Holly that she was going to seat the two ex-lovers together.
The old friends threw constant glances at one another, each trying to subtly manoeuvre their friends towards one another. But it was in vain for both Santana and Brittany seemed to have an innate sense of where the other is and would be as far away as is physically possible. Other than the near encounter at the entrance, it was proving to be impossible to get them close to one another.
Dinner started, it was to be followed by a several 'live' performances by various singers, all eager to lend their voices to this worthy cause. Santana could barely taste her meal, her eyes, almost on their own accord, constantly looking over at Brittany's table. But every time Brittany seemed to acknowledge Santana's gaze and glance towards her, the director would quickly look away nervously.
Then, just as dessert was being served, Santana suddenly felt a once familiar presence shortly before a hand rested gently on her shoulder. "Hi San." Her angel's voice was like food to a starving person.
The director hurriedly rose from her seat, not noticing that in her nervous haste she dropped her fork on the floor. "Britt… Brittany…" her eyes dropped to stare at the floor.
Gentle hands lifted her chin towards the owner's face, "Been a while… got a feeling that you have been avoiding me…" Long fingers trailed down a cheek.
"No… well, not... not completely…" Santana could feel herself moving her face towards a touch she had craved and deprived herself for so long.
Brittany moved closer, to whisper into Santana's ears, "How can I forgive when I haven't been asked?" Hands dropping, she turned and walked back to her table.
Santana turned back towards her dinner companions who were all trying their best to seem like they hadn't been staring. She sighed deeply and ran her fingers thru her long raven locks, that action had always seemed to calm her. Making an internal decision, Santana looked at her friends, "Excuse me…" before heading towards the backstage in a very brisk walk. Leaving everyone else on her table with their mouths slightly open and completely bewildered.
"Wha…?" Blaine was the only one who managed any kind of response. But before anyone else could say anymore, the lights dimmed, signalling the start of the performances of the evening.
Holly's voice came through the strategically placed speakers, "Welcome one and all to tonight's benefit. I would like to thank everyone for their contributions and I hope you will enjoy this next part of the night. And I have to say this will be a night none of you will forget in a hurry. Because, we have a surprise performance tonight! Ladies and gentlemen, she stunned the world when she announced her retirement four years ago only to become the world's number one director."
Kurt, Blaine, Quinn, Puck, Tina and Mike's collective jaws dropped. A quick glance over to Brittany also showed the surprise written all over the actress' face.
"So, for ONE night only. ONE performance, ONE song… ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez!"
The applause and cheering that greeted the raising curtains was deafening to say the least. Santana could not remember any other times where she was more nervous than she was now. She waited for the cheers to die down a little before signalling to her makeshift band to start the opening of her song.
"Lately, I'm not who I used to be… Someone's come and taken me where I don't wanna go… If I knew exactly what I have to do, in order to be there for you when you were feeling low…"
Santana kept her dark eyes only on Brittany's blue ones, never wavering and slowly blocking everything and everyone else in the huge tent out.
"And all the things we ever wanted, were once yours and mine… Now, I know we can revive it, all the love we left…"
Santana couldn't believe her ears the first time she heard the song over the radio, it seemed to describe everything she wanted to say to her angel, especially the chorus,
"Everytime I kiss, I feel your lips… And everytime I cry, I see your smile… And everytime I close my eyes, I realize that everytime I hold your hand in mine, the sweetest thing my heart could ever find… And I have never felt this way… Since the day I gave your love away…"
Santana could see Brittany starting to tear up,
"Save me, I've fallen from my destiny… You and I were meant to be, I've thrown it all away… Now you're gone, it's time for me to carry on… But baby, I just can't go on without you by my side…"
That was so true that it half-scared Santana when she first realized it. She really couldn't and didn't want to go on without Brittany by her side. She could only hope that her angel felt the same way still.
"And all the things we ever wanted, were once yours and mine… Now, I know we can revive it, all the love we left… Everytime I kiss, I feel your lips… And everytime I cry, I see your smile… And everytime I close my eyes, I realize that everytime I hold your hand in mine, the sweetest thing my heart could ever find… And I have never felt this way… Since the day I gave your love away…"
She had accepted Brittany's decision to leave, never once thinking that perhaps Brittany just wanted some time alone, to think. So, she never looked the blonde up, to grovel or even to ask for forgiveness. She now regretted that. Now, more than anything else in the world, she wanted a second chance.
"We can survive it… All the pain we feel inside… You relied on me and now I've let you down… Now, I promise you forever, I will be the best I can… Now, I know we can revive it, all the love we left…"
Santana had made her way towards the front of the stage, as close as she could to Brittany's table. And as she was singing the chorus for the final time, she knelt down. Almost right in front of the actress.
"Everytime I kiss, I feel your lips… And everytime I cry, I see your smile… And everytime I close my eyes, I realize that everytime I hold your hand in mine, the sweetest thing my heart could ever find… And I have never felt this way… Since the day I gave your love away…"
"Forgive me, my angel." Santana looked straight into Brittany's eyes.
Fade out: